Endless Love by Bianca Borell
Chapter Fifteen
BRIA
I style my hair in soft curls and apply light makeup—just a dab of foundation, some blush, and mascara. There’s no point in putting lipstick on, Damien would eat it off my lips right away.
Glowing skin, and beaming face reflect back from the mirror. I step inside the dressing room where I find my man—sex on legs—in a tight, black V-neck shirt, some dark blue fitted jeans, and barefoot. I raise on my tiptoes and weave my hands through his hair, arranging it in a sexy mess. My gesture reminds me of another time, and he smiles at me as if thinking the same thing, love stretching between us. I’m the one he grew up with and shared his heart, dreams, secrets, plans, and now life. No one could ever have what he gave me a long time ago. I jump in his arms as he catches me, caging me in protectively.
“I love you so much, Damien.”
He kisses me and holds me, letting his gentleness answer for him. After I wriggle from his hold, I pick up a dark blue set of underwear and decide on an oversized sweatshirt, a pair of ripped jeans, and some loafers. With his appreciative looks I feel beautiful. By now, I believe I could wear a sack, and he would find it appealing. I chuckle at the image. We grip our suitcases, and when I glance at my watch, we rush out of the condo.
We reach the jet, where everyone is inside waiting for us, and we apologize for the delay.
Damien clicks my seat belt on me as Filip and Alex roll their eyes at us. Sophia giggles, while Sarah stares from us to them. I find it sweet and raise my head and kiss him fully on the lips. Alex groans, Filip gestures that he will throw up, Sophia raises her thumbs at us, and Sarah suppresses a smile.
My eyes land on my parents and Quinn engrossed in a conversation, getting along well.
With the jet chasing the horizon, Damien leans in to kiss me, then unbuckles and heads back to where his parents sit on the plush couch and takes a seat next to them. Their relationship overcame the strain of what he did, and relief courses through me as my future in-laws gaze at him with adoration. I am glad they put it behind as I know Damien would forever feel guilty to have played with their trust.
Filip plops on the vacant seat next to me, and I cuddle myself to him.
I take a deep breath and inhale the familiar scent of my brother, a combination of woody notes and his natural scent. Sophia leans into Alex’s embrace while he wraps his arm tenderly over her shoulders, closing his eyes for a second, and his grip on her tightens. As a bystander, I see clearly the caring, need, and fear, enveloping them in a bubble of their own. My Alex has some demons I don’t know about, and my heart aches. I had years in which I could have fought off every one and chased them away, but I stubbornly held onto my own instead.
My brother senses my turmoil, and it’s surreal the recognition of our connection. I touch his deep frown away and lean in.
“I’m okay. How can I not be? It’s just I worry, what do you think?” I ask and lift my chin in their direction. Two fingers dig in his cheek as he tilts his head to the side, studying them.
“Nothing stays buried, sis. Let’s see what happens. They have tangled around each other to forget someone else. You tell me, does it ever last?” His words shock me.
“Filip?”
“They seem fine. Stop worrying,” he says and dismisses me.
Filip, the secret keeper, and brilliant with his ability to observe others. My brother has mastered it to perfection.
“I can’t.”
“You always differed from everyone else. Light surrounds you and draws people to you. You were always in your own league, and one can never un-love you. Take Damien, for example. The devastation of his life without you shoved him into a darkness where I would never want to go.”
This veiled confession startles me.
“Is this the reason you won’t let anyone else in?” He shrugs.
“I like to be in control. What happened demanded something from all of us. We changed, one more than the other, in more or less obvious ways, but it made us into the people we are today. Better or not, it is what it is.”
“You’re afraid you won’t like the person you would become facing another loss or change.”
He nods and glances at me, a mix of apology and hurt. It’s his way of saying he doesn’t blame me, but how can I not feel guilty when my brother clings to never opening himself to love. I have to try at least to make him understand there’s more.
“It’s your life. Whatever you decide works for you, I’ll support but . . .” I pause, and he shifts toward me as I get all his attention and continue, “It was love, in the beginning, and in the end. It was all about being vulnerable enough, being stupidly open enough for another to enter your heart without apology, without an invitation. We live, we breathe, but when we’re in love, we truly are alive. We become fireworks, loud and colorful, and it’s worth it.” I end and catch Damien’s eyes on me, shining bright, illuminating me from within.
Filip asks, “Is it, Bria?” and I sway my face to him.
His voice holds the weight of the world in it. It’s a mix of curiosity and wonder.
“It’s a roller-coaster of emotions from the most sublime to the most catastrophic. Love is enough to make me want to come back to life. Nothing else, just love.” He taps his thigh with his finger, his eyes wandering from Damien to me, and his lips twitch into a half-smile.
“Whatever you and Damien have ranges from euphoric to toxic. I don’t know how the two of you pull it off, but it works in your world. The way you look at each other, the way the air shifts when you interact, but I also see the scars, sis, the ones you both acknowledge but stubbornly try to laser away. It’s the latter that has my attention.”
“Or maybe you just haven’t found your match, but, Filip, no one can escape love. It finds you, it finds us all, eventually,” I counter and prop my elbow on the armrest, and his hands ball into fists.
“There was someone,” he says, and I bend further into him, my curiosity piqued.
“And?”
“And nothing.”
I huff, losing some of my patience. “If you want it or not, love doesn’t ask for permission.”
“Are we done discussing my love life?” I shake my head and lean back into my seat.
“Infuriating man.”
“Already missing me, baby?”
Leave it to Damien to salvage a tension-filled moment, and my hands reach out in invitation. He pulls me into his arms and takes my seat as I sit in his lap. Everything else disappears, leaving me in the place where nothing bad reaches me. He flicks a strand of my hair to expose my neck and places a tender kiss on my sensitive skin. Filip elbows Damien, and I bury my face in the crook of his neck.
“Boundaries, ever heard of them?” Amusement laces his words, and Damien tightens his embrace.
“I can’t control it. I love her, man.”
“Come on,” says Alex, and I snap my head in his direction.
“You too?”
He nods in understanding toward my brother.
“I saw that.” I lean toward him, squinting, and he raises his hands, amusement transforming his features.
“You caught me, happy?”
“Have I said you’re still my favorite couple in the world today?” Sophia chimes in, and Damien frowns at her.
“Not recently.”
“Well, you are. Can you imagine the kids they’ll make?”
Sophia says and her eyes widen, mouthing an “I’m sorry” to me. Still, it feels like a punch knocking the air out of my lungs. Damien goes rigid behind me. And the worst part just starts.
“Alex, I’ll win the title of the best uncle. Don’t even try.”
“We’ll see.”
He grins. They continue their verbal attack as I plead for my eyes to remain dry. I have to put an end to it. I force a smile and say in a cheerful tone, “Hey, let us marry first.”
They drop it, and Sarah and our mothers shoot off their wedding suggestions. Is it my charade that broke through the haze, or they sense the heavy tension that settles in, but from one moment to the next, they change the topic.
Damien’s grip loosens, and I breathe again. He lets an almost inaudible thank you out, and I nod, shaking. I don’t trust my voice. Instead, I let the silence smooth the tattered edges of my bleeding heart. Sleep finds me, and I give into its lulling seduction, either to forget or to gain strength. Not that it matters, I need a reprieve.
