Endless Love by Bianca Borell
Chapter Thirty-Six
BRIA
Everything stops, time freezes, while I succumb to the pain rooting itself inside me and I wrap my hands around myself. My voice shakes and cracks when I ask through sniffles. “How bad?”
His silence is all the answer I need. My world tears apart, and not even paradise can protect me from the painful hell unleashing in my heart. On my knees with sand digging into my skin, I shatter. Anguished screams come out my burning throat.
“Baby, please calm down. It’s not good for you.”
“You don’t understand, Damien. I can’t . . . I can’t lose him . . . I can’t.”
Damien picks me up in his arms since I am paralyzed to the spot. Everything hurts.
“Have you eaten?”
Is he crazy?“I’m not hungry.”
“Bria, baby, I know you hurt, but let me take care of you. Whatever happens, we’re in this together. Together, remember?”
I can’t say or do anything else, so I nod. He feeds and dresses me. Then packs our luggage between firing orders into his phone and at the people rushing in and out. I’m too deep in my mind to hear what he says, can’t distinguish who’s who, my vision just blurry.
I have no idea what I’d have done without him while I sob seated on the edge of the bed.
My movements turn robotic, and my mouth clamps shut, not allowing me to let any words out. It must be shock.
I don’t remember the helicopter flight or embarking the plane. My body turns frigid, and Damien drags a hand down his face with worry etched in his eyes. Locked inside my grief, I can’t offer or receive any comfort.
“Seeing you like this and being unable to help you is pure torture. What can I do?” he asks, crouching down, taking my hands in his, holding me together.
“You can’t do anything, baby. Only if Quinn is all right, will I be okay again.”
“But, Bria . . .”
“Don’t, Damien. Please, I can’t . . . I can’t . . . I can’t . . .”
I cry, covering my face with my hands as Damien rocks me in his arms.
“I don’t know how, but I’ll make it better.”
I rest my head on his shoulder, crying myself to sleep only to wake up in tears. The pain slices me. I have to be there, beside him.
We land, and I’m both relieved and dreading what is to come next.
***
The hospital, even one of the best and exclusive in the world, still smells like sickness and antiseptic. It’s a place where wonders are born, hopes gutted, and the end and the beginning of life are interlinked. I loathe it with every cell of my being. It reminds me of my fight for survival.
Shivers run down my spine awakened by the memory, but this time, it’s not about me, and it hurts worse. A feeling of helplessness overwhelms me. In the face of much stronger forces, we’re nothing, just pathetic little creatures with an expiration date.
In the beginning, as in the end, we are all the same, weak and afraid of where the next step will guide us to the big unknown. Damien supports my limp body as we trudge toward Quinn’s room.
We round the corner, and I break once again, spotting Alex’s head in his hands, his torso hunched over.
My heart splits over our mutual pain. Damien releases me as I collapse on the seat beside him. Alex lifts his chin, the pain in his eyes spearing me open. His arms wrap around me and we cry out our sorrow. I wish I could make the world stop in its tracks.
Alex held me together when I needed him, and now it’s my turn. I have to be strong for him. I lay his head on my lap and stroke his hair, attempting to calm us both. With blurry eyes, I catch a bundle of dark hair, and puffy blue eyes in my vision, holding two cups of coffee. Both Damien and Sophia let us fall apart, knowing there’s nothing they can do to help.
“Alex?”
“Hmm?”
“Is Dad asleep?” He looks at me, the pain reflected in them unmistakable, I swallow a gulp.
“The doctors gave him something to sleep, but it’s bad,” he says. His head drops, and I infuse some determination in my voice.
“He’ll make it. He has to, he can’t leave us alone.” He lifts his chin, and two drowning-in-pain eyes stare up at me.
“The doctor said he began feeling worse months ago. He always does this. Can you save him again?”
This one question and pain slices through me, cutting me deep, and my breath hitches. I search for Damien, who senses my inner turmoil and rushes to me. He clasps my shoulder, giving me strength.
“What about surgery?”
Alex’s pain mutes him, and Sophia answers.
“They said his heart won’t survive the stress of another surgery.”
“What does this mean? Are they going to let him die?”
It’s a rhetorical question, and when the implications of what I ask hits me, we both break all over again. Damien steps in front of me, talking to Alex and me like a parent would talk to a scared child, full of love and understanding.
“Alex, I’m incredibly sorry for both of you, but I have to think of Bria. This stress is not good for her, please.”
“Baby, I respect your suffering, but I’ll find a doctor, and when I come back, just take what he gives you.”
“No. They’ll make me sleepy.”
Alex pats my hand and says, “Damien is right. I can’t worry about you right now too.”
Minutes turn to hours, but as if we feel Quinn is awake, we both jump up and storm into the room. His face edges on ghostly pale, but his lips curve into a smile at us. I take the right side of his bed and Alex the left. I have a déjà vu from years ago. Not enough time has passed to witness such a scene again.
“Bria, shouldn’t you be enjoying your honeymoon? Who called you?” he questions, and Alex tilts his head to avoid his gaze. I bite my lower lip to hide my distress.
“What about you think of yourself for once? I’m where I want to be, beside you and Alex. We’ll find someone to fix this like you found someone for me. Everything will be all right.”
“Sweetie . . .” It’s the tone of his voice, the acceptance of his situation lacing his words, and I sob.
“No, you can’t give up, please don’t do this. I’m not ready.” He grips my hand, and I squeeze his.
“But you’ll never be. No one is ever ready. You’ll have each other.”
Alex and I exchange a look, admitting we have, if we’re lucky, maybe a few more days with him.
“Why do you do this to us? It’s not fair.”
“Bria, please.”
“You keep telling us goodbye . . . it’s not fair,” I mumble, and he sighs.
“Sweetie . . .”
I rush out of the room. I can’t control my hurt and my tears for him. Outside, I collide with a broad chest that offers me a modicum of comfort.
***
The presence of someone else appears in the corner of my eye. I lift my gaze from Damien’s chest to brown and warm eyes protected under thick glasses.
“I’m Dr. Russel. I have been treating Mr. Quinn these last months.”
“Then save him,” I beg.
“I’m deeply sorry I can’t do anything more.”
“How much time do we have with him?” I ask and fist Damien’s shirt.
“Hard to say.” At his answer, hope spikes up.
“So, there’s a chance?”
“I’m sorry,” he says before changing the subject. “I am here for you, actually. Your husband informed me of your heart condition. Could you come with me for a check, please?”
My hopes deflate as I trudge into a white and sterile room as the doctor checks my heart and my blood pressure.
“Mrs. du Sky, your blood pressure is too high, and the EKG is worrisome. I want to keep you under observation. Your heart is still recovering, and every stressful situation is bad for you.”
The doctor finishes consulting with me, and Damien sucks all the air in the room as he stiffens like a board.
“What do you suggest I do then, doctor, keep pretending my dad isn’t dying?”
My harsh words ignite some sympathy in him.
“I’m sorry for what’s happening, but your health is important too. Please take this sedative and medication. I’ll be back to check on you once they take effect.”
I want to disagree, but my dear husband, sensing my rebellion long before I’m even aware, answers for me.
“Yes, of course, whatever helps my wife.”
The doctor excuses himself, and I eye Damien, jaw set, determination written in the steel of his eyes.
“You’re my priority. You. Do you hear me? I’ll fight you if I must.”
I swallow the medicine, and a short while later my heart returns to a more regular beat.
***
Quinn falls asleep again, and all four of us leave the hospital agreeing to come back in a few hours. I am tired, but I toss and turn in the bed, not finding sleep. My mind doesn’t allow me the luxury of a break.
Damien strokes my back lightly, trying his best to comfort me.
“You have to sleep, baby.”
“I can’t.”
He lets out a defeated groan, but I know what would help. I need something to shake me alive again, something to stitch me back together.
“Damien?” I turn to face him, and his eyes shine with pure love.
“Yes, baby?”
“I need you,” I whisper, the night enveloping us whole as he gathers me in his arms and rocks me.
“I’m right here. What do you need?”
“You,” I say, and trace the valley of his chest.
“You have me. I’ll never leave you.”
“Love me, that is what I need.”
Damien’s forehead creases, not quite understanding if I mean what I say.
“Make me forget for a while, take me somewhere else.”
My pleas fuel him as he kisses me gently, allowing me the time to change my mind if I need to, but it’s unnecessary. His lips bring my body to life. He enters me, and everything feels right again.
It is only Damien and me, in our bubble, creating sparks with our touches and fire with our bodies. Afterward, I succumb to a much needed sleep.
