Huntsman by Cambria Hebert
30
Virginia
I knewhim before I knew him.
When you first meet a person, you get an unspoken sense of them. Be it the vibes they naturally radiate, the aura blooming around them, or simply an instinct down in your gut. This first impression is often influenced afterward by the way they dress, speak, and behave. And often, people are fooled.
Actions indeed speak louder than words.
But vibes never lie.
I’d known Earth for roughly five years now. We spent holidays, birthdays, and more random family visits together than I could count. He was grumpy, short-spoken, and intimidating. He always wore leather or black, always needed a haircut, and was always a breath away from yelling at someone. Except for a certain snorty dog he saved from being euthanized at an overfilled shelter in the ghetto.
He also opened up his home to my brother when he was essentially living on the streets and stealing money to make sure I had care. Neo was in a murky place all those years ago. He tried to hide it from me of course, but as I mentioned, vibes never lie. I could only imagine what it was like to bury our parents, pack up their home, and sell everything off all alone while the only other survivor of a crash he blamed himself for lay paralyzed in a hospital.
He went from a sixteen-year-old kid with a date at the movies to the instant guardian of his newly disabled little sister. All his personal dreams and goals vanished as though they were never even there, but I knew he felt the gaping hole they left behind.
When social services tried to take us, he put up a huge fight and somehow kept us together. I didn’t even know all the details of how he managed because he would never tell me, and I’d been too weak back then to argue. Later, when I was stronger, it didn’t seem to matter anymore.
I do know it got easier for him when he met Earth. When Earth brought him to his apartment and gave him a home. I knew there were months when Neo couldn’t pay rent, but Earth let him stay anyway.
Earth was undoubtedly a grouchy, mean-tempered man. But he also invited three lonely misfits into his one-bedroom apartment in the ghetto and made them a family. A family I was a part of.
All of them were criminals. All of them did what they had to in order to survive. But criminals weren’t all they were.
They were my brothers. My family.
They brought me candy and magazines when they came to visit. Made me laugh with dumb jokes, played cards and video games but didn’t just let me win. Never once did any of them act like I wasn’t good enough because I couldn’t walk.
So yes. I could forgive Earth for the things I didn’t know about him because of all the things I did know.
My mom used to say, You don’t have to like someone to love them.
She was right.
I didn’t like that part of Earth, but I didn’t have to like every part of him to love him.
And I did love him.
I tried gallantly to keep my eyes open. Sleep seemed such a waste of time. The excitement and curiosity I felt with Earth were so refreshing to my normally repetitive and boring days. My mind spun with so many questions, so many things I longed to know.
So many feelings to experience.
Alas, sleep was like a seductive siren coaxing me under with the strength of Earth’s warm body, the feel of his skin beneath my cheek, and the lullaby of his beating heart. His soft, rumbly promise to stay with me through the night wrapped me in the most comfortable blanket of safety I hadn’t realized I lacked.
Oddly, the confession of his savage behavior did not scare me in the least. In fact, it reassured me more, and so I tumbled into slumber, knowing it didn’t matter where I landed because he would be there too.
Unfortunately, I did not wake with the same sort of gentle lulling.
“I told you to go home!” The exclamation cut right through my sleep, but it was the stiffening body and quick way it moved that had my eyes shooting open.
It wasn’t alarm I felt, though. It was the loss of his heat and closeness.
“Don’t you knock?” Earth ground out, no trace of sleep in his voice at all.
Lying on my side, my back was to the room, so I glanced over my shoulder where my sleep-hazy eyes met with the wall of his back, which was tight with tension.
The way he was planted in front of me like a shield made my stomach flip.
“What the hell do I need to knock for?” Emogen sassed.
“Because this ain’t your room. Because she could have been undressed—”
Emogen made a scoffing sound. “She ain’t got nothing I haven’t seen before.”
The muscles in his back, which had started to relax, rippled anew, and a low, ferocious growl filled the room. My stomach flipped again.
Earth took a menacing step forward toward my best friend. “The fuck did you just say?”
“You better watch your mouth,” Emogen warned, her deep eyes narrowing.
I made a small sound. “Earth.”
He spun, eyes landing on me and morphing into something much softer. I loved the possessive way his eyes roamed me. I loved how he seemed to measure every inch to make sure I was unharmed.
It was unnecessary and ridiculous, but it still made my heart flutter.
I reached an arm across the mattress, still feeling his body heat on the sheets where he’d lain. He came back instantly, resting a knee on the bed and leaning over me. “Hey there, sprite.” His voice was gravelly and low, just for me. “You need a lock on that door.”
“What do I need a lock for when I have you?”
He grunted, eyes dipping toward my mouth to linger there.
“You sleep okay?” he asked, using a finger to brush the hair off my cheek.
“Better than okay,” I whispered.
The intensity of his stare increased.
“I wasn’t on my side when I fell asleep,” I observed, recalling how I’d been draped across his chest.
“I moved us. Are you uncomfortable?” A look of concern draped over his Asian features, and he nudged back, ready to move me.
“How could I be uncomfortable with you beside me?”
He paused, eyes lifting back to mine.
Emogen cleared her throat extra loud. “Did y’all forget you weren’t alone? And this ain’t some Motel 6 where we welcome random guests. We have rules here, and sleepovers are a no-go.”
“You think I’m gonna let my girl sleep here alone with some rabid beast down the hall?”
“He’s not—” Emogen stopped whatever she was about to say and leaned around him to raise an eyebrow at me. “Your girl?”
I giggled.
“Mine. Now get out,” Earth intoned.
Emogen wasn’t one to be bossed around, and it was far too early to listen to them bicker.
“Could we maybe have a few minutes?” I asked her sweetly.
Her eyes rounded, and a look of exasperation clouded her face.
“Please?”
“Girl, you’re lucky I love you, because if it was anyone else sneaking a man up in here, I’d already be hauling him out by his ears!”
“Just try me.” Earth challenged.
Pushing into a sitting position, I called out for him again.
He was there, the mattress dipping under his weight, all his attention on me.
“Fine.” Emogen allowed. “But if anyone else catches you, you’re on your own.”
Earth made a sound, acknowledging her words. “Shut the door on your way out.”
Emogen did, muttering the whole way.
“I’m gonna hear about that from her.” I scolded him.
His face darkened. “I don’t like people having such easy access to this room.”
I shrugged. “It’s always been that way.”
“I don’t like it,” he repeated.
“Help me stretch?” I requested, holding out my arms and wiggling my fingers.
When he took hold of me, I leaned back, using him as an anchor to help stretch out some of my upper body. When I released him to lean forward to stretch my legs, he watched quietly.
“Do you do this every morning?”
I nodded, face still near my knees. “I’m usually in the same position all night every night. It causes my muscles to get sore and tense.”
He didn’t say anything, but I felt his quiet, so I unfolded to smile. “But I’m not as cramped up this morning because someone adjusted me in the middle of the night.”
“Consider it done.”
I paused, glancing up. “What?”
“I’ll adjust you every night from now on.”
“Every night?” I echoed as a tingling sensation tickled my stomach.
“Mmm.” He slid closer. His hand curled around the back of my neck, pad of his thumb brushing over that very sensitive spot he’d discovered last night.
Shivers of awareness prickled my skin as our lips met gently, and I found myself waking all over again, this time in a much more pleasant way.
Warmth bloomed through my limbs, spreading down my arms and up to the tips of my ears. Lips nudging, he coaxed mine apart, tangling our tongues together as his fingers did the same in my hair.
The kiss was lazy, and I explored the expanse of his bare chest with my palms, rubbing over him, curling around his back, and trying to draw him closer.
All at once, he moved, still kissing as he crawled up the bed, kneeling on his knees with my legs between them. The second my fingers slipped beneath the gapping waistband of his jeans, he pulled away.
I made a disappointed sound, and he smiled.
It completely distracted me. “You have a beautiful smile.”
Surprise and then something akin to embarrassment flashed through his eyes. “You trying to sweet-talk me for more kisses?”
“Is it working?” I was hopeful.
“No.”
I pouted, and he climbed off the bed. I noticed the way he reached in front of him slightly, adjusting himself before turning back to the bed.
My eyes dropped right to the front of his jeans.
“Stop it.”
Biting my lip, I looked up. “You don’t like it?”
“I like it too much, but there’s no lock on the door, and that fire-breathing nurse is probably still pacing the hall.”
He was clearly going to be salty about the no-lock situation forever.
“Emogen is my best friend. Be nice to her.”
He made a face.
I made one back.
“Earth?” He must have heard the hesitation in my voice because, when he replied, he was gentle.
“What, sprite?”
“I have to pee.”
He was there instantly, slipping his arms under my body and lifting me like I weighed nothing at all. His strides were quick into the bathroom, but then he halted in the center to look at me questioningly.
“Now what?”
“I just need my wheelchair.”
“You don’t need that. You have me.”
My face burned at what he implied, and I ducked into his chest. “I won’t do that in front of you!”
“Why the hell not?” he demanded.
“It’s embarrassing!”
“Why would you be embarrassed in front of me?”
“Earth,” I whined.
Carrying me to my chair, he placed me in easily, then pushed me back into the bathroom. “Please tell me there’s a lock on this door.”
My lips folded inward.
Incredulous, he parted his lips. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
“If there is an accident or I fall, they need to be able to get to me immediately.”
Worry transformed his face. “Is this room not safe enough? What kind of place is this?” he insisted. “I’m not leaving. Just do what you need to do in front of me.” He crossed his arms over his chest.
“You are so dramatic,” I muttered. “This place is perfectly safe. It’s handicap-accessible. But accidents still happen.”
He made a face, still unmoving.
“If you don’t go, I’ll pee myself, and then I’ll cry.”
His arms dropped. “I’ll wait outside.”
Finally alone in the bathroom, I blew out a breath and grabbed an intermittent catheter. I went almost on autopilot, doing what I needed to do and emptying my bladder. After disposing of it, I washed my hands at the sink and quickly brushed my teeth.
A glance in the mirror made me draw up short. My eyes were bright, cheeks pink, and there was just this… glow. Was this what happiness looked like? But I’d been happy before, hadn’t I?
Love.
This is what love looked like.
There was a swift knock on the door. “Sprite?”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m fine. I’ll be right there.”
Before leaving the bathroom, I applied some lip balm and grabbed my brush. The second I appeared, he appraised me like he was looking for injury.
“I go to the bathroom every day.” I admonished.
“You made it in time?” he asked, still concerned. “That didn’t happen again, did it?”
Realization dawned on me. The last time he’d seen me when I had to go to the bathroom, I’d been pretty much on the verge of some sort of bodily panic attack.
I held out my hand, and he entwined our fingers instantly, sinking down in front of me. “I guess that scared you last time, huh?”
“I didn’t like it.”
Seeing a worried Earth was new for me. Why is he so cute like this? I smiled. “I’m fine, okay? That doesn’t happen very often at all.”
He nodded. “Is that why she came in here earlier? Does she usually help you in the morning?”
I nodded. “Emogen helps me get up and moving. Sometimes she helps me stretch or massages any muscle cramps or spasms I might have.” His eyes widened. I squeezed his hand. “I didn’t have any this morning, probably because you moved me in the night.”
“I’ll do it every night,” he vowed.
I smiled. I should have told him he didn’t have to, but really, I kinda liked he wanted to.
“But after that, she usually goes on with all her other duties. I’m pretty self-reliant. I can do my morning routine myself.”
“What else do you need to do?”
I ducked my face, shy.
Using our clasped hands, he pushed my chin up so I was looking at him once more. “I want to know everything,” he murmured, voice soft. “I want to know all about you and your daily life. The pretty parts are so easy to see, but I want the not so pretty too. I want to know your challenges, and I want to know how I can make them easier.”
“And if you can’t make them easier?” I asked, feeling emotion welling tightly in my chest.
“Then I’ll just be proud of you for doing the hard stuff.”
I sniffled. “Being with someone like me… it’s not easy.”
“You think I’m an easy guy?”
I giggled. “But I’m embarrassed,” I confessed. “If you knew some of the things I had to do, I might not be as pretty to you.”
“Oh, sweetheart,” he murmured, chest coming up against my knees as he moved closer. His hands delved into my hair, the pads of his fingers massaging against my scalp. I liked that when he touched my lower body, he always seemed to touch higher too so I was never missing the feel of his touch.
And his touch was incredible. So much so that my eyes fluttered closed.
“You will always be the most beautiful to me. Beautiful despite an ugly world. Nothing you could do will ever change that.”
I swallowed heavily and then took a breath. “I have to do a saline enema to, you know… clean out my bowels.”
“Still beautiful,” he whispered.
My head lifted, eyes searching his.
He smiled.
His smile was borderline devastating to me.
“I have to take medication to help relax my bladder so I don’t pee myself. And I also take medication in the evenings to help with the other thing I just mentioned.”
“It’s okay, sweetheart.”
“And you know how I mentioned that my insides still worked? Like all my, ah, girl parts?”
He nodded, encouraging me. Some of the tightness in my chest loosened.
“Well, I still get my monthly cycle. Sometimes I make a mess on myself.”
“Hmm.”
“But not often!” I hurried to add. “I’m usually really good about it. But sometimes if it comes before it’s supposed to, I can’t always tell right away.”
“Does that mean you can get pregnant?”
My eyes went wide. I stared at him, unblinking.
“Well, don’t you think I should know?”
Heat curled beneath my skin at the sudden image of my belly swollen with his baby. I’d never in a million years thought I’d ever think about being a mother.
“Yes.” The word rushed out breathy. “I can get pregnant.”
He frowned. “Wouldn’t that be dangerous?”
“No. I could actually carry a healthy baby to term.”
His eyes slipped to my middle. “You want kids?”
“I never thought about it,” I admitted. “I always just assumed it wouldn’t happen.”
“I’m not father material.”
“I think you’d be a wonderful father.”
“I have poison in my veins, and they would have it in theirs too.” His voice was hard and sort of angry. But it all seemed to be directed inward.
“Okay,” I said easily.
He seemed surprised. “Okay?”
I nodded.
He jumped to his feet, paced away, then turned. “How can you just give up a family so easily like that? And for me!”
Is he mad I agreed with him? “I’m not giving anything up if I have you.”
There was a heavy thud when his knees hit the floor in front of me.
“Earth!” I worried. The floor was hard!
His arms stretched around my waist, drawing me away from the back of my chair, hugging my middle tight as his head fell into my lap.
Neo did something similar not long ago, but this was entirely different. Neo’s emotions had been heavy and sad. He was a brother seeking solace.
But Earth. Earth was fierce and near desperate, holding on to me as if he dared anyone or anything to try and rip me away. His body was rigid, his hold tight. Underneath it all was an unmistakable softness, a wielding of his usually hardened heart.
“Salanghae,” he whispered, fingers curling into my back.
Time stopped. Everything did. How powerful he was to be able to suspend me in a place where all that existed was just me and that single whispered word.
Perhaps he thought I wouldn’t be able to hear him. Perhaps he figured if I did, I wouldn’t understand.
Oh, but I did. I understood the Korean he spoke, not just with my brain but with my heart.
I love you.
My voice was trembling when I found my way back, my heart so overfull that I could scarcely speak. “E-Earth?”
He pushed a little closer, his inky black hair rubbing against my stomach, and being able to feel that as well as see it made it even better.
Suddenly, his head lifted, eyes so shiny that I would have been able to see my reflection if they weren’t also bottomless. He looked at me like I was all he saw—no—like I was all that existed and I was all he needed to survive.
Unable to breathe, I stared back at him, unblinking, my arms gripping his biceps.
“Don’t ever be embarrassed. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, could ever take away what I feel for you. What you are to me.”
It took a moment, but my lungs finally shuddered, and I was able to draw in a breath.
Still transfixed by the galaxy of his stare, I said, “All of this because I agreed not to have kids?”
“No,” he rasped, voice ragged and hoarse. “Because you picked me.”
My lungs were burning again. Collapsing without oxygen, but I couldn’t seem to care. Tears welled up behind my eyes, forcing wetness into the corners.
“Of course I did,” I told him, pushing the hair back from his forehead. “Salanghae.”
His pupils blew wide, and his nostrils flared. He surged to his feet, pulling me along with him, holding me high so my feet floated over the floor.
A girl doesn’t need legs to fly.
The room seemed to implode the second our lips met, my body lowering just enough to meld against his as we kissed endlessly while the meaning of that whispered word created a bubble around us.
I love you.