Rebellion of a Kingdom by G.N. Wright
Chapter 15
JACE
The pain is paralyzing. I’m not bleeding, at least not on the outside. No, my affliction is purely psychological. Grief, it’s a fickle fucking emotion, can creep up on you at any time and take over your fucking life. I was getting better, or better at handling it, hiding it. Yet now, I am drowning again with no air in sight.
The day I met Marcus everything changed for me. I had forgotten the feeling of friendship, trust, family. Rachel left a hole in my heart so fucking deep that I thought nothing would ever matter again. I tried to fill it will alcohol, weed, fucking coke, but all that did was numb it for a while. Until numb was all I was. Marcus rescued me from a deathly fate that we don’t admit to. Not out loud anyway.
Now, that feeling of pure helplessness is back. I feel lost, weak, completely fucking useless. The fact that I can still feel anything at all is the worst bit. I don’t want to, would give anything not to. I just want to turn off every fucking emotion in my body and exist as nothing.
I think about the weeks running up to Rachel's death. She was different, running with an older crowd of girls, out of the trailer a lot, acting strange. Nothing like the big sister I had grown up with. I remember one night in particular, a couple of days before her body was found. She came back to the trailer crying, mascara running down her cheeks and her hair and clothes disheveled. Our asshole parents weren’t home, they never fucking were, so the only person to comfort her was me. She hugged me so tight that night, told me that Black Hallows was an extremely dangerous place and that one day she would get us out of here. Three days later, she was dead.
The day I was pulled out of school by the principal and told there had been an accident, was the worst day of my life. An accident, a fucking accident. That was a funny way to describe a murder. Rachel's body was found out in the woods by a pair of hikers. She was naked, beaten, and bloodied. I barely had time to register what happened to her before I was being hauled off into the foster system.
My parents didn’t even give a fuck about Rachel’s death, so they didn’t care about me leaving. One day, I was barely surviving them with Rachel by my side, and the next, I was in a home full of strangers with a box of stuff. Some of it Rachel’s. I only had a notebook, a blanket she stole for us and a strip of pictures from a photobooth. Inside the notebook were words I will never forget.
Jace,
If you are reading this then I’m sorry I didn’t protect us better. I tried. I really did but I didn't stand a chance against them. This town is a dark place and I hope you escape it. Go live your dreams somewhere else.
I love you always bud,
Rachel xoxo
PS. Don’t trust the Donovan’s.
I didn’t know much about the Donovan’s, at that point. I was just a poor kid from a trailer park. I didn’t think anything of them until Marcus moved into the home, I was in. He was very vocal about his vendetta against them and hearing their name brought back the memories of the note. I listened to what he had to say, learnt what I could, and then we started making money together. A couple of well-timed stake outs and a few bribes allowed me to piece together what happened to my sister. The day I met Elle; I saw the same look in her eyes that I had seen in Rachel’s. Cold, distant, determined. It was like I was drawn to her, like I knew her from another life. We bonded immediately and that only grew the more I learned about her.
It’s how I know she won’t come back to us, not without her daughter. Maybe not at all. Maybe I will lose them both like I lost Rachel, and that pain will be unbearable.
I snort another line at the thought. I don’t even know where I am or how long I have been here. I’m outside, I know that at least, except the world looks weird, on its side. Nothing where it should be. I wish I could just end this feeling. Maybe coke isn’t the vice I need. Maybe I should pump some heroin, that always seemed to do the trick for my parents.
I try to focus on something, anything that isn’t this awful feeling inside. My vision is blurry as a dark angel wanders towards me. Maybe death has finally come to put me out of my misery.
Jace.
The black-haired siren calls out to me. It’s angelic and laced with the offer of peace, but they aren’t within reach. Not to someone like me. I am not worthy of such gifts.
Jace.
I smile as the voice pierces my bones offering me slight comfort. Maybe death is the right choice, maybe I have nothing left to offer this life anymore. I am nothing but a reckless and damaged playboy with too many vices. I couldn’t protect my sister; couldn’t protect my best friend's girl and I couldn’t protect Cassie.
Jace.
This time, it isn't just the angel's voice that touches me. This time, I feel their grip on my shoulder, it’s so life-like. I reach my hand out to clasp theirs and smile at the silkiness of it. The afterlife is going to be good for me. The slap comes out of nowhere.
I groan drunkenly, “I didn’t think angels would hit so hard.”
“Jesus’ effing Christ. Conrad, you’re a mess.” An annoyed, tired tone hits my ear.
“Does that mean I won’t be accepted into heaven?” I wonder aloud.
Two small hands grip my face and drag it to theirs, “What the hell are you on?” A fraction of recognition flows through me.
“Taylor?” I grumble in questioning.
“Yeah, it’s me. What the hell are you doing out in the park in the middle of the night?” she scolds me in accusation, as she takes in the empty bottle of whiskey on the floor beside me, the stubbed-out joints and the discarded bag of coke. Empty bag.
I try and fail to stand as I slur back, “Fucking dancing how about you?”
“I was running,” she replies simply.
“From who?” I slick my gaze around, determined to find her tormentor.
“No one,” she frowns. “I run recreationally, like when I’m stressed and shit.” She shrugs like that is a totally normal explanation for why she is out. Who the fuck runs for fun?
I snort, “Sounds terrible.”
“It’s about as bad as getting high in the park alone.” Her scold is slightly playful, and it warms me on the inside. It’s a feeling I want to grab onto and never let go.
“Touché,” I say with a smile, lighting up another joint.
“Is everything okay?” She gives the mean eyes to the joint in my hand as she talks to me.
“Fucking peachy!” I snap.
“Why aren’t you answering your phone?” She points to it, and when I look down, sure enough, I watch a call that I didn’t hear go off, and then the phone lights up with twenty missed calls and eleven text messages. My keepers no doubt trying to bribe me into another waste of time bullshit mission. I ditched my tracker and turned the location app on my phone off, before I started my little pity party.
She huffs at my response and when the phone starts ringing again, I actually hear it this time, she snatches it off the ground before I can protest.
“Hello,” she snaps in irritation, “Marcus?” She listens for a second and then adds, “It’s Taylor, yeah he’s here.” She looks around and then back at me, “we are in Riverside park, yeah by the bike course.” She continues to listen to whatever the fuck he is saying before she finally replies, “Yeah sure, see you soon.”
“They’re coming to get you,” she says matter of factly.
“Great,” I drag out sarcastically. I can’t wait for whatever fucking lecture I am going to get.
I finish the joint before snorting the final line of coke I had lined up. Even a hot girl in yoga pants won’t change how I fucking feel right now. God, I bet Donovan would fucking love her, tear her apart until she was begging and bleeding. The thought turns my stomach. I jump up and grip her wrist tightly.
“Ow,” she cries out at my tight grip, but I don’t relent, I can’t. She has to know exactly what kind of fucking town we live in.
“Promise me you will be safe, that you won’t let them take you!” I plead with her, trying to use every ounce of convincing I possess.
“Let who take me?” She tries to pull her arm back, but I don’t let up.
“The Devil and his disciples, you’re just their type.” I release her wrist and she pulls it back, rubbing it with her other arm, as I start to pace.
“It just got all fucked up. I finally found a family, a place where I felt loved and at home and now it's been taken from me again.” I stop in front of her and her eyes lock with mine, “I just want it back Taylor. Why does everyone always leave me?” Her eyes soften at my words.
She reaches out and palms my cheek and I close my eyes at her soft touch, “No one is leaving you, Jace. You have amazing friends and even me, I’m your friend too.”
I drop my head and pull her into my arms, just needing to be close to someone. Just to feel a little less alone in this fucked up world. Her arms come up around my waist, she can barely reach. We stay embraced like that until headlights break the moment.
When I look up, I see Marcus storming towards us, with Linc not far behind him. He doesn’t stop until he is right in front of me and grips my jaw in his fist. “Fucking high as a kite,” he sneers, but I can still see the relief in his eyes.
“Hello to you too.” I toss back.
He is so angry right now, “Hello? Fucking hello? Do you not think we have enough fucking shit going on right now without me having to be out looking for you too!” He yells in my face, and then shakes his head in disappointment.
“What’s going on here?” Taylor asks and I can see her trying to work out what the hell is happening.
Marcus ignores her as he sighs and grabs the back of my neck, “Don’t fucking do this man, I’ve lost enough, we’ve lost enough. We can’t lose each other, not now. Not with so much on the fucking line. Lock it down, okay?” His voice is serious, but I can practically feel the pleading in his words, his desperation.
I want to answer him, to tell him I’m sorry and that it won’t happen again, but I can’t. I am many things, lost, broken, wild, but I’m not a liar. I don’t say anything.
I don’t need to look at Lincoln to know he is wearing that same impenetrable mask as always. Cold and ruthless through and through. If you didn’t know him well, you would think nothing affects him. But you’d be wrong. He looks at me and then to Taylor.
He sighs gesturing to the SUV, “Come on, Taylor. We will drive you home.”
I feel her look at me, as Marcus and I continue to burn our stares into one another. I know he’s right, but he also knows why I am in such a state. He finally shakes his head one last time and stalks back to the car, getting inside and slamming the door.
Taylor slips her hand in mine and I finally break my gaze and look down at her. “Come on, Conrad. Time to go.” She says it casually and with a small smile, but it feels like so much more. It feels like everything I needed to hear at this moment. That's the last thing I remember before I pass out.