Swipe for a Cosmo by Megan Wade
Jade
Iwant to cover up. Or at the very least, I want to block out every bit of light so it’s pitch black and Kellen can’t see the body I look at in the mirror and lament. It’s too big, too round, too floppy, too…much. My life has been filled with love and hate directed toward the skin I’m in. On my good days, I can look at myself with acceptance, knowing that this is just me, just the way I am and have been for the vast majority of my life. But then I have those days where all I want to do is shy away from the mirror, hide myself under a pile of fabric and wish away the excess. I berate myself for ‘falling off the wagon’ even though I know that dieting and getting my body into a ‘society acceptable’ shape and size made me nothing but miserable. I’m happier when I’m bigger. But at the same time, I’m ashamed of my size. And I wish I was stronger than that voice in my head. I wish I could stand here with Kellen’s heat-filled eyes on me and feel as sexy as he seems to think I am. Even bigger than that, I wish I could stand here and believe that look he’s giving me, coupled with the words he speaks and the obvious arousal of his body could erase all those years of doubt and turn me into the sexy goddess of self-love in an instant. Guess I’m still a work in self-love progress.
“Am I pushing you too hard, sweetheart?” Kellen rumbles, shifting closer to take both of my hands in his, like he knows that if he doesn’t, I’m about to hide myself away from him again.
“No…I mean, yes. I mean, no!” I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I swallow down hard. “I’m just nervous.”
When I open my eyes again, there’s nothing but concern and empathy in his. “Nervous about what? Being here with me? Or sex in general?”
I bite the inside of my lip. “All of it. This whole night has been kind of surreal. And now…I’m naked in front of a man I just met and…”
“We can stop, baby.” His hand goes to my head, gently brushing his fingers through my hair soothingly. “I only want this if you’re one hundred percent OK with it. Otherwise, we wait.”
Shaking my head, I knit my brows together, confusion reigning supreme in my mind right now. “No. I don’t want that. I want to keep going. I really do. I just…I guess I just need to understand why.”
His eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. “Why?”
“Yeah. Like, why me? You’re… Oh my god, Kellen, you have to know how gorgeous and hot you are. You’re the kind of guy who can click and have any girl he wants. What on god’s green earth possessed you to choose the biggest girl in the room?”
His brows lower and tighten as his other hand lifts to join the other, cupping me on either side of my face. “Because my heart told me to,” he whispers, looking so deep into my eyes that it’s like he can see my soul. “You walked into the bar, and all of a sudden, my heart kicked up a beat. Like finally, it figured out what its reason for being was. And the longer I looked at you, the more I felt sure—you were sent here for me. And for what it’s worth, Jade, I happen to think big is beautiful. And I thanked my lucky stars that the one woman my soul picked up and took notice of was built with curves like yours, because I swear to you, I could come just from looking at you. I’m rock hard and desperate to explore your body, over and over and over again. And I won’t have you doubtin’ for a minute that I’d wish for anything less than you are right now. To me, you’re absolutely fucking perfect. So I’m gonna ask you to lift that gorgeous chin of yours, take a deep breath and walk right across the room to that door over my left shoulder. I’m gonna follow on behind you with my dick in my hand, pleasuring myself while I watch your ass move. And when you get inside that room, I want you on your back, legs wide open, so I can get a good look at how wet I make you. How does that sound?” He tilts his head to the side, a sexy, amused glint in his eye as he watches me gape in surprise at the bluntness of his answer.
My insecurities are no match for a massive, muscular beast of a man who’s telling me—no, commanding me—to get into his bedroom and spread my legs. I’m nothing but a puddle of wanting jelly, and when I finally find my words, the only ones I have match the nodding movement of my head. “Yeah…uh…that sounds…erm…really good,” I manage, loving the way his smirk turns into a sultry grin.
“Then get movin’, sweetheart, before I come all over the floor instead of inside you.”
