When Life Happened by Jewel E. Ann

Chapter Thirty-Six

“So this is where you do your thing?” Parker inspected Levi’s office filled with a fairly sparse desk, computer, drafting table, and his favorite designs tacked to the walls. They weren’t in fancy frames, just randomly pinned here and there. It made them feel more personal and less showy.

He liked having Parker in his life. The big question remained: how would he keep her? Levi also liked how she feathered her fingers over things like she needed to feel her surroundings as much as she needed to see them. More than anything, he liked how she familiarized herself with his body using the same touch that left him caught between wanting to fuck her senseless and curl into a ball purring like a cat.

“Yes. I do my thing in here. I like the view.” He nodded to the window and the sprawling city of Scottsdale.

She studied his designs on the wall. He studied her, shaking a proverbial head at how she managed to flip his world upside down. He knew it the moment he opened the bedroom door after the funeral and saw her holding his mom, stroking the hair of a woman she’d met only that day.

Raw humanity. It’s not something one acquires over time. It’s who they are to the deepest depths of their soul from the moment they take their first breath. That’s what Levi’s life was missing. Until Parker.

“I took your dog for a walk, unpacked your suitcase, sorted your clothes into machine wash and dry-clean only. If you tell me where to take them, I can do that for you too. And what about groceries? I can shop for you. Is there anything you won’t eat? Allergies? Must-haves?”

“Why did you unpack my suitcase? And sort my dirty clothes?”

She turned to him, arms crossed over her chest. “Earning my keep until I find a job. I did that sort of stuff for Sabrina. I’m freakishly good at it. Efficiency is my middle name.”

Levi leaned back in his chair, lacing his fingers behind his head. “Parker Efficiency Cruse. Interesting.”

She rolled her eyes. “Might as well be.”

“Why?” He chuckled. “What is your middle name?”

“Joy.”

He bit his lips together. “That’s … uplifting.”

“I think my mom lost a lot of blood during labor. It’s the only explanation for giving identical twins names that both start with the same letter and vomiting the middle names Joy and Faith.”

“Piper Faith?”

“Yup. So out with it. What’s your middle name?”

“Joseph after my dad.”

“Well, that’s lackluster.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he was wearing Levi’s Jeans that day too.”

Parker giggled. “Shut up.”

“I can’t have you doing my laundry and grocery shopping. That doesn’t feel right.”

“Well, I’m not going to let you give me shelter and food without doing something to contribute.”

“You are. My original offer still stands. I’ll pay you to be a person in my life. You name the price.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What does that mean? Tell me what a day as ‘being the person in your life’ might look like? I still can’t wrap my head around it.”

Levi shrugged. “You’ve been doing it since we left Iowa. You’re great at it! A total natural.”

“I haven’t been doing anything.”

“You’ve shared meals with me. Traveled with me. Conversed with me. Walked the dog with me.”

“Had sex with you.”

“Nope. I’m not going to pay you for that. Not a line I’m willing to cross. That you do for free or not at all.”

“You’re paying me to be a companion?”

“Sure.”

“You have Rags. He’s your companion.”

“He sucks at carrying on a conversation. We don’t agree on politics or religion.”

Levi enjoyed watching her try to remain serious but fail miserably as she turned her back to him to hide her grin. “I’m going to turn my résumé into as many television and radio stations as possible. The market has to be much larger here than in Des Moines.”

“Larger? Yes. Easier? No.”

“Are you trying to discourage me?”

“Nope. Just doing my thing … spewing out shit that a better man would have the ability to not say. Maybe you should go shopping or something before I get any more real today. This is exactly why I can’t talk about the serious stuff with Rags. I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’d probably start marking his territory all over my condo.”

“You’re scared.” She plopped down in his office chair, propping up her bare feet on his desk as he swiveled toward her on the stool at his drafting table. “You’re scared I’m going to ask you more questions. Probe you for honest answers. You’re afraid of offending me, pissing me off. Aren’t you?”

“Afraid? No. That word doesn’t begin to cover it. Scared shitless comes closer, but even it feels too mild.”

“What are my chances of getting a job around here in my preferred field?”

“Parker …”

“Tell me. If I didn’t want your honesty, I wouldn’t have asked.”

Releasing a heavy sigh, Levi rubbed his temples. “With no experience?”

“Yes.”

“Without having a prominent connection to someone with pull?”

“Yes.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face and mumbled his answer.

“What? I couldn’t understand you.”

His hands flopped to his lap. “Zero.”

Eyes wide, she nodded once. “I see.”

“I have connections. I can get you—”

“No. I don’t want—”

“My help. I figured.”

“You think I should take your help?”

“Parker, let’s not do this.” He fisted his shaky hands. He’d had this kind of conversation too many times before. It always signaled the beginning of the end.

She dropped her feet to the floor and leaned forward. “I want to do this. I want to have a conversation with you about finding a job. A real job. Not a hired companion job with no actual responsibility.”

“Yes!”

She flinched.

Levi cringed. “I’m sorry. That is the truth. I don’t want to have this talk with you, but if you want to, knowing I could say things you don’t want to hear, then I have no choice. Yes … I think you should accept my help. Not because we’re sharing a bed, just because it’s smart. In a perfect world, every résumé would stand a chance. But that’s not our world. Your résumé will sit at the bottom of a pile and die. Even if it had twenty years of experience on it. The only way anyone in the industry will even read your name at the top is if someone tells them to read it. Fair? No. Life? Ab-so-fucking-lutely.

“I can’t guarantee you a job. But with no experience, there’s no way anyone will give you an interview even if they looked at your résumé. What I can get you is an interview. Then you’ll have to sell the hell out of yourself. You’ll have to give an Oscar-winning performance and make them see something worthy of taking a chance on. That’s on you. We’re all just looking for a chance to prove ourselves in life. I can’t prove you to anyone, especially since we’re sharing a bed. But I can get you a chance.”

“It would still feel like I’m sleeping my way to the top.”

Levi chuckled. “The top? Newsflash, you wouldn’t be starting at the top. Even if you win the job lottery, it will be an entry-level position fetching coffee for some peon that’s been there two years longer than you. Nobody’s going to put you on live television tomorrow. Experience, that’s what you need.”

“And fetching coffee is what kind of experience?”

“It’s character building.”

Her jaw dropped. “Oh, so I don’t have character?”

“You have the best character. But they don’t know it. They want to see it for themselves. Patience. Hard work. Dedication. Coffee. Cream. Sugar. Pick up said peon’s dry cleaning. Shouldn’t be an issue, you already offered to do it for me.” Levi smirked. He should not have done it, but he found her sexy as hell when she balled her hands and gritted her teeth.

“You’re making fun of me. I see your stupid little smirk!” She stormed out of the room.

Any other man would have gone after her and made amends by lying through his teeth. Levi envied that man. He had no choice but to wait for her to come to him … or leave. That part made him ill to his stomach.

*

Parker spent therest of the day exploring the Waterfront district, dipping in and out of boutiques for refuge from the relentless heat and grabbing iced cappuccinos at three different café’s over the course of the afternoon. She checked her phone like a baby monitor, but Levi never tried calling or texting her. Day two in Arizona seemed premature for their first fight.

By five she headed back to the condo with no clue what she would say to him. Rags greeted her at the door and so did the aroma of Italian herbs, soft music in the background, and pans clanking in the kitchen.

“You cook?”

Owning every inch of his dark jeans and cornflower blue tee hugging his sculpted torso, Levi glanced over his shoulder. “Sometimes.” He gave her the once-over with apprehension on his face as he stirred a red sauce in a copper pan.

“I’m sorry I walked out earlier. It was immature of me.” She moved behind him, pressing her chest against his back as her arms wrapped around his waist.

He stiffened.

“But I’m not sorry I pushed you to be honest with me. I needed to hear it. I just haven’t decided what I’m going to do with it yet.”

“Where did you go?” His voice was cold.

She eased back from him, feeling like she’d crossed an invisible line he didn’t invite her to cross. “Just walked around the shops. Drank too much coffee. Gasped at the prices of expensive shit I’ll never be able to afford.”

He kept stirring the sauce.

“Are you mad?”

Levi shook his head. “Don’t ask if you don’t want to—”

“I get it, Levi! I’m asking because I want to know.”

He flipped off the gas and tossed the wooden spoon on the counter. Sauce splattered everywhere, then he turned. “Yes! I’m pissed off because I can’t handle this shit. Waiting for the answer all fucking day long. I had work to do, but I couldn’t focus on anything or draw with my goddamn hands shaking so much!” He held out his shaky hands. Then he fisted them to make them stop.

That familiar pain returned to Parker’s chest as tears filled her eyes. “Answer to what?” she whispered.

“The usual question. Are you leaving?”

“What?”

“Are you leaving? They all leave. They prod over and over until I spill my guts and then they leave. Who stays with a prick who can’t censor a fucking thing? If you’re going to leave, then go. But don’t leave your shit here and leave me in goddamn limbo all day wondering when you’re coming back—if you’re coming back—or if I’m just going to get a call.” He grunted a laugh as he raked his fingers through his hair. “Or my favorite … sending the friend to pick up all your belongings. Just…” his voice cracked “…tell me if you’re leaving.”

“I’m not those other women.”

“You pushed me like you wanted to know what I really thought, but nobody wants to know—”

Parker shoved his chest forcing him to back into the stove. “Now, I’m pushing you! Just so we’re clear on that.” She glared at him. “And if I ask you something, it’s because I want to know what you really think. That makes me somebody, not nobody. If I don’t like what you have to say, then I might leave to process it more, lick my wounds, and soothe my ego, but I will come back. If you don’t want me here, then put my stuff in the hallway. Otherwise, I’m staying. Got it?”

Levi’s jaw pulsed as he blinked at her, hands balled. “You unpacked my suitcase, but not yours. I don’t think you believe you’re staying.”

Parker rolled her eyes, turned, and stomped toward her bedroom. Levi followed her, keeping a safe distance. She lugged her suitcase into his room and around the corner to his deep closet. Without any sort of discrimination, she removed the contents of the first two drawers she opened and shoved all of it into one—the bottom drawer. Then she filled the two empty drawers with her undergarments, shorts, and jeans. With one quick swipe, she pushed his neatly-spaced hanging clothes to the far side of the closet. In under two minutes, she had her shirts and dresses hung and perfectly spaced as his had been. A few pairs of shoes on the lower rack and her suitcase was empty.

With a long sigh, she turned to Levi blocking the entrance, thumbs in his pockets, a smirk hidden behind his twisted lips.

“I just marked my space. Don’t invade it or there will be consequences. I’m. Not. Leaving.”

“I love you,” he whispered.

Whoosh!

Levi stole her moment.

“Don’t say that.”

He shrugged. “Okay, but it doesn’t change anything. The sky is blue, water is wet, and the Earth is round, whether I say it aloud or not.”

“You haven’t known me long enough to love me.” Her voice shook because the last time someone loved her … he died. And he professed his love in a closet too. Closets were bad luck. Very bad luck.

Levi took a step closer. “You love me too.”

The deafening pulse in her ears drowned out all other noise. “You’re hungover from the sex.”

He grinned. “True. But that’s not why I love you.”

“It is. It’s desire. A very powerful thing. It’s instinctual. Physical. Carnal. And when it wants its way, your brain shuts down …” Gus’s words poured from her trembling lips. “You say things you don’t mean.”

“I’m not afraid of not having sex with you again. I’m afraid of not seeing you smile when you think no one’s looking. I’m afraid of not hearing you hum while you’re doing mundane things like tying your shoes. I’m afraid of never seeing you hug my mom again or sleep next to Rags. I’m afraid of you leaving before I can figure out why you would risk your life for convenience store donuts in the middle of the night.”

He took the final step separating them. “And for the record … I never say things I don’t mean. You know that. So fuck desire. I just want the girl for all the reasons every idiot before me failed to see.”

Parker composed her speech in her head, piecing together the words that she would use when she told her family why she would not be returning to Iowa. It started with, “Levi is like …” but Levi was not like anything or anyone. Levi was Levi—an entity all of his own, a phenomenon.

She was tired of crying. The past month had been an emotional marathon. Swallowing back the lump in her throat, she jabbed her thumb toward her hanging clothes. “I’m serious. That’s my space. If I see your fancy shirts drifting toward my thread-bare sundresses, I’m going to lose my shit.”

He hooked his index finger around hers and led her toward the kitchen. “Told ya.”

“Told me what?”

“You love me too.”

Yes. She loved him—so very much.