When Life Happened by Jewel E. Ann
Chapter Forty-Three
Tramping, Taylor Swift, and hours of endless yard work kept Parker from dying a little more every day. Two weeks without Levi. She had a Levi calendar with X’s on it. On January 1, she would throw away the calendar and declare the end of her Levi detox. That was about four months away.
The phone call gutted her, but he needed it, and she understood that. Parker wanted to take his pain, and she took as much as she could without dying beneath the weight of it.
“We’re grilling out in a little bit. You should come over.” Piper handed Parker a cold bottled water as Parker pulled off her leather work gloves.
She was looking forward to fewer weeds in another month. “Not yet.” Parker sucked down half of the water.
“I hate that we live in a house that holds such terrible memories for you. I really wish I would have known or that you would have spoken up before we bought it. We could sell it and we would. If that’s what it will take.”
Parker had helped them move, but every room held some significant memory of Gus. As much as she tried to ignore it, she couldn’t breathe in that house. Every memory of Gus sparked a memory of Levi. Pain compounded by more pain.
She agreed to find temporary work until Piper had the baby, and if at that point the past still haunted her, she would move and look for work elsewhere.
“It’s a great house. It really is. And you’ll be glad Mom and Dad are so close when this baby comes and you feel overwhelmed, especially since Caleb travels so much. It’s a smart choice.”
“I don’t care how smart you think it is. I just care about you.”
Parker had her sister back. It meant everything. Maybe that’s why Gus came into her life. Maybe he was a lesson, an experience she needed—and nothing more. But that didn’t explain Levi. Parker worried her heart would never make sense of Levi’s role in her life.
“Thank you for your concern, truly. But … I’m going to be fine. Eventually. Right?”
Piper nodded with little reassurance on her face. “I suppose. Have you heard from Levi?”
“Not since he called me to vent. We’re done. It was pretty final.”
“Why didn’t you tell him? You know he thinks you slept with Gus.”
“It was an affair. The lack of actual intercourse doesn’t change that.”
“It might in his mind.”
“Well, it shouldn’t. And … it’s none of his business. I never asked how Caleb kissed you and where and how he touched you. He cheated on me, that was all I deserved to know. The second he kissed you, he was no longer mine. Levi can think I lied to him if it makes it easier to hate me, but he can never say I cheated on him. I didn’t even know him then.”
Piper bit her lips, her eyes squinting. “Humans are so …”
“Human. Imperfect. Judgmental. Scared. Insecure. Easily disappointed. Delusional. Impulsive.”
Tugging on Parker’s ponytail, Piper grinned. “Yes, but also … kind. Loving. Forgiving. Heroic. Truthful. Noble. Humble. Resilient.”
Parker looked over at their house. “I’ll come for dinner.”
“You don’t have to—”
“No. I do. I’ll shower and be over in an hour.”
Piper gave Parker’s short ponytail one last tug. “You’re a good person, Parker Joy.”
“Thanks, Piper Faith.”
*
Dinner was bearableand what she needed. One slow breath at a time, Parker survived the close proximity to all the memories. A few times she even caught herself laughing at part of the conversation and forgetting about everything but the people who surrounded her.
After the final dish was washed and Piper found her spot on the sofa with her feet on Caleb’s lap, Parker said goodnight. When she walked past Old Blue, she opened the door. It protested, and she grinned. Fifteen minutes and a slow drive later, she put it into park just outside of the cemetery. To her surprise, it didn’t backfire when she shut it off.
The horizon was getting ready to put the sun to bed, but there was enough light left to guide her toward the back of the cemetery. As she climbed the last hill, a figure appeared by Gus’s and Sabrina’s graves. Her heart paused when she realized it was Levi. His back was to her, so she turned and ran back to the truck.
“Shhh …” She pleaded with the door when she opened it, but it paid no attention to her. Then when she went to start Old Blue, he failed her again. He had a thing with the cemetery. “Come on! I didn’t bring you here to die.” She pumped the gas a few times and twisted the key.
Knock knock knock.
Parker dropped her head to the steering wheel in defeat. She knew whose fist rapped on her window. The door creaked again.
“I checked. They’re still dead.”
She didn’t move. Looking at him would hurt too much, just his voice set her Levi detox back by a good month. But damn him for saying something as inappropriate and funny as the suit he had on the last time they were at the cemetery. Parker grinned even as tears welled in her eyes.
As quickly as it appeared, her smile faded. “I shouldn’t be here,” she whispered. Parker thought the same thing at the funeral, but at least then she was the only one who knew why her presence was inappropriate.
“Probably not. Yet here you are.”
She raised her head and swatted away her tears. “Don’t be a jerk.”
“I need to be mad at you.” His brow knitted tight.
Parker laughed. “You’re doing a great job.” She swung her legs around and hopped out, not waiting for him to say anymore and not shutting the door behind her before marching back into the cemetery. When she reached the top of the hill, she made a quick glance back.
Levi leaned his shoulder against the wrought-iron gate at the entrance, his back to her. She found the gesture odd. Was he giving her some sort of privacy?
Her attention returned to the graves in front of her.
August L. Westman
“Told you.” She wiped away more tears. “I knew you were going to break my heart. You and that stupid Cubs cap.” Parker squatted down by his headstone and traced his engraved name. “You’ve ruined my life.” She laughed through her tears. “Even in death you just had to make sure I never found happiness.”
Her breath caught and nearly two months of pent-up grief racked her body as she fell forward to her knees resting her head and hands on the cool granite, tears vanishing in the grass beneath her. “Why were you in that car with her?” she whispered through her sobs. “You were s-supposed to be with m-me.”
Parker cried for every unfair thing that had happened to her in her adult life. She knew Gus would want her to leave it behind with him. He may have been despicable, but everything Levi said about him was true. August Westman was a good man, a hard worker, and he loved his wife … he also loved Parker. That’s how much love he had in his heart.
After the last tear, she sat up and drew in a shaky breath. She wouldn’t visit him again. It was a final goodbye. “I knew you were too old for me.” It hurt to smile, but that was the memory—the feeling—she most wanted to remember. “Rest in peace, Gus.”
As she walked by Sabrina’s headstone, she feathered her fingers over the top. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. And she was.
Levi didn’t move as Parker approached the entrance. She stood beside him; he seemed to be watching the last sliver of daylight disappear.
“Did you love him?”
Parker followed his gaze, admiring the splendid orange and blue sky. “Yes.”
“How long had you been sleeping together?”
“We didn’t.” It wasn’t a lie.
She and Gus road the line and even swayed over it on more than one occasion. But they didn’t have sex. That was Levi’s question.
“I need to know what happened between you two,” the anguish in his voice cut her to the bone.
“Not all truths set you free and not all lies are deception,” she repeated his own words.
“You’re not going to tell me?”
They both continued to watch the horizon.
“No.”
In life, there were truths and lies, and then there were intimate moments that stayed between two people. Even if what happened between Parker and Gus was wrong, it was still personal in the most private way.
Letting go of Levi hurt beyond words. But she couldn’t apologize for the lie, and he couldn’t forgive the truth.
Parker took a small step past him.
“I was on my way to you.”
She stopped.
He breathed out the whisper of a laugh. “I think I’ve been on my way to you my whole life.”
Parker’s lips parted as she drew in a stuttered gasp, tears pooling in her eyes.
“I need you.” His voice cracked, so did her heart.
One blink. Tears.
“I love you,” he whispered as if the words were being ripped from his soul.
Parker closed her eyes. “I love you too.”
“More than him?”
Her quivering lips pressed together as she swallowed past the pain and fear. “So much more.”
Levi’s pinky finger slid around hers.
And that’s when life happened.
