The Sinner by Emma Scott

Twenty-Four

“Eternal sleep?” My tears dripped onto the page, blurring the words on Cas’s letter. “No,” I whispered. Then louder. “No. No.”

I tore off my bed, put on a long T-shirt and sweatpants, and threw open the front door. Rain fell in torrents. Though it was only a few hours past noon, the sky was leaden and dark as if night were about to fall. Lightning crashed, and I turned my face into the storm.

“Casziel!”I screamed.

It was his true name. We were bonded. He had to return to me; he had no choice.

Nothing.

My tears mixed with rain on my cheeks. I inhaled deep to call again. To command him to come back to me.

“It won’t work,” said a low, smooth voice. “He’s a bloody stubborn fool but powerful, nonetheless.”

A little cry fell out of my mouth to see a beautiful man in a bloodred jacket of rich velvet leaning against the banister at the bottom of the stairs, a sword strapped to his slender waist. Black feather wings were folded tight, the rain streaking off them in silver droplets. His arms were crossed, casual, as if there wasn’t a storm soaking him to the bone. Black eyes in a perfect face watched me.

“Who are you?”

“Ambri, at your service.” He bowed low, his golden hair dripping. He straightened, studied me. “I can see why he loves you, following you throughout the centuries like he has. Truly, you are blinding.”

“Where is he?”

“Gone to meet Oblivion.”

The word had scared me down to my soul when I read it in Casziel’s note and again when this demon spoke it.

“What is Oblivion?”

“Death for the dead.”

“I thought demons couldn’t be killed. They’re immortal.”

“All souls are immortal,” Ambri said, “until they choose not to be. Oblivion can be had in a variety of ways. A demon slaying another demon while in his human form, for instance. Our mutual friend has gone to pick a fight with the only demon powerful enough to send him to Oblivion. If you wish to stop him, it’s not Casziel you need to summon.”

“Ashtaroth,” I murmured.

“Indeed. But this is not child’s play, dove. To save your beloved, Ashtaroth will require…an exchange.”

But I already knew what Ashtaroth wanted for Casziel’s freedom. I shivered in the cold rain, then set my jaw and ceased my teeth’s chattering.

“How do I summon him? Saying his name won’t be enough.”

“Quite. You’ll need to perform a true ritual.”

Despair gnawed at me as the minutes slipped away with every falling rain drop. “How? I don’t know what I need or what to do…” I stopped, thinking. “Ashtaroth’s sign.” The image of it was burned into my memory just as deeply as it was burned into Casziel’s back.

“Clever girl. And this will help lock him into the sigil.” Ambri rummaged into his jacket and withdrew a slender black candle. “I swiped it from the old man. You’re welcome.”

“But the rain…?”

He sniffed and tossed me the candle. “Black magic doesn’t care about your rain. You’re at the edge of the map, girl.”

“Why are you helping me?”

He smirked. “It might very well be that I’ve helped you consign yourself to an eternity of suffering, the likes of which you cannot fathom.”

“You’re here for Cas. Because you love him too.”

“Love is a strong word and not found in my vocabulary,” Ambri said. “Or in any demon’s, come to think of it. Rather goes against our principles, though I’ll admit to a certain…fondness for him.” He shrugged. “And if I were you, I’d want to have a say in my own fate. But try not to be too hard on him, dove. Casziel wants to protect you at all costs. Shield you—”

“From my own life,” I said. “I don’t want to be shielded. I want to…”

Live. I wanted to live my life, in all the pain and heartbreak and love and joy. I wanted to be the heroine of my own story. To not be rescued again and again by Casziel, if being rescued meant I was returned to my little life, safe and sound, while he suffered or ceased to be. He was worth saving too, even if he didn’t believe it.

Ambri nodded, as if reading my thoughts. “Right, then. Well, I’m off. Take care. Try not to get yourself condemned to hell. It’s not as fun as it sounds.”

“Wait! Stay. Help me summon Ashtaroth.”

“I’ve done all I can. Any more, and I’ll be flogged with burning whips until the flesh is flayed from my body—normally an enjoyable experience… Besides, you don’t need my help. I’m not strong enough.”

“But I am?”

“Humans are infinitely more powerful than my kind.” He leaned on the railing casually, as if we weren’t in the midst of a downpour. “I’ll let you in on a little trade secret: The only way we can defeat you is if you let us. Good luck, dove.”

I watched, awestruck, as he dissipated into a cloud of shiny black beetles that took flight into the night and disappeared.

When Ambri had vanished, I hurried into my apartment and rummaged in my desk drawer for Dad’s old Zippo. Before I could talk myself out of it, I went back outside into the deluge. The rain soaked through my clothes and left me shivering.

I searched the trash-strewn lot and found an old broom someone had thrown out. I cleared a large space in the dirt that was now mud—about eight feet in diameter—and closed my eyes. I recalled the brand burned into Casziel’s back, every line, every swirl. Then I turned the broom upside down and used the end of the handle to recreate the pentagram with its lines and circles.

When it was finished, I tossed the broom aside, set Ambri’s candle in the center, and lit it with the Zippo. There was no earthly reason why the candle flame should withstand the pouring rain, but it stood tall and calm in the storm.

I have to do the same. Be brave. Be brave…

I took a steadying breath to quell my rising fear. But there was nothing to decide. I had no clue what was going to happen next, but I had to do everything in my power to save Casziel. Because it wasn’t too late. If I believed that, we were lost.

I stood at the foot of the pentagram and raised my arms to the sky.

“Ashtaroth!”

Nothing happened. I grit my teeth, ready to try again, when a vapor began to rise. The candle smoked unnaturally, and a foul stench rose with it. Snakes erupted out of the mud as if a pipe had burst underground. They slithered in writhing waves from the center of the pentagram to every corner of the lot, curling around my ankles.

It worked.

The plume turned into a cloud, the scent of rotting things growing almost overpowering. I fell back, my arm over my nose. Snakes hissed as I trampled them, and my heart tried to climb out of my chest at what I’d done—the evil energy I’d summoned that was literally writhing at my feet.

The cloud dissipated, and Ashtaroth was there.

At the wedding, he’d been wearing a human suit but now he towered over me in his terrible, demonic glory. Rainwater glistened off his black horns. His wings brought the night early, beating enough to keep his rotting body a few feet off the ground. An immense sword was in his hand, and he looked terrifyingly happy.

“I knew you’d call, my pet.”

Terror wracked every part of me, but I recalled Ambri’s words: The only way we can defeat you is if you let us.

I stood straight, chin up. “I summoned you. You have to do what I say.”

He threw back his horned head and laughed. Booming, mocking laughter that rivaled the thunder.

“Ah, how beautifully innocent. Lucy born of light.” A sneer touched every word. “Very well. You’ve called me. Whatever shall you do with me?”

My throat felt as if I hadn’t had water in years. I tasted a few raindrops and found my voice.

“Let Casziel go.”

“Is that your command?”

“Y-yes.”

Ashtaroth narrowed his eyes. “Done.”

I blinked. “He’s free?”

“Of course… For a price. You didn’t very well believe I’d let him go so easy?”

“What do you want?”

“I’ve already made my terms clear.”

Fear chewed at my insides. My voice wavered but I fought through the tears. “Okay. Let him go and…” I swallowed hard. “Take me instead. He’s suffered enough.”

“Girl,” Ashtaroth said with a soul-curdling smile, “you don’t know the meaning of the word.” He held out his hand to me. “Come, my pet. Come…”

I realized then that Ashtaroth couldn’t leave the pentagram. His outstretched hand was waiting for me to put mine in it. He couldn’t take me, I had to surrender.

My soul recoiled but I could think of no other way. He’d already had Casziel for centuries. Maybe it was my turn…

I started to reach out trembling fingers when a raven darted in from the darkness. Casziel suddenly appeared beside me in his demonic form but dressed in his human clothes—black jeans, shirt, leather jacket. His skin was luminescent, his sword drawn. He put himself between me and Ashtaroth at the edge of the pentagram.

“Lucy,” he breathed, agonized. “What are you doing?”

I touched his cheek. “Saving you.”

“Saving…?” He shook his head, his expression aghast. “No. No. You have no idea what you’re saying. “I told you, you can’t save me, Lucy. Nothing can.”

“Love can,” I said, hot tears spilling down my cold cheeks. “There’s nothing more powerful. It can save you. I believe that with all my heart.”

Casziel was shaking his head, and over his immense wings, I saw Ashtaroth, a triumphant sneer on his lips, raise his sword.

“Look out!” I cried.

Cas shoved me to the ground and whirled, bringing his sword up just as Ashtaroth brought his down. Steel sang out against steel. Ashtaroth pressed hard—Casziel’s sword dipped until it touched the ground—then Ashtaroth kicked his midsection, sending Cas crashing into the wooden stairs.

I cowered, my heels scrabbling against mud as Ashtaroth loomed over me.

“There is no end to your husband’s lies,” he said. “You can save him, sweet Lucy born of light.” He reached for me again. “Come with me, pet, and I will release him—”

“NO!”

Behind me, Casziel morphed into his raven form. He streaked at Ashtaroth’s face, wings flapping and talons slashing, tearing skin. His beak was like a knife as he punctured one of Ashtaroth’s eyes. It popped like a ripe grape and dripped down his cheek.

Ashtaroth unleashed a scream of rage, and he gripped the bird in one hand. I heard the sickening crunch of bone, and then he flung the raven away. Casziel reformed on the ground beside me. His right wing was bent and broken, his right arm sickeningly misshapen and hanging limply at his side.

“Cas…” I cried. I rushed to him, kneeling in the mud. “Oh God…”

“Lucy…” he begged, his breath hitching with pain. “Please listen to me…Run. Run.”

I started to shake my head when there came a buzzing sound under the din of the storm. It grew louder and I turned to see a cloud of flies hovering behind us.

The cloudy mass became distinct and then Deber and Keeb were there in their demonic bodies. Deber smiled a ghastly smile through stringy gray hair and then stuck her tongue out at me. It was covered in flies. Keeb shuffled beside her sister in her shapeless gray dress, giggling obscenely. Their wings weren’t black feathers but veined and clear.

“Our sweet boy,” Deber cooed, cocking her head at Casziel slumped at my feet. “What a delight you’ve been.”

“Yours?” I stared. “What do you mean?”

“Aye, he’s ours. Like you,” Deber said, and Keeb snickered behind her hair. “How else do you think we’ve managed to convince him how unworthy he is for all these years? He’s so beautiful…beautifully hopeless.”

I felt sick at the torture Casziel endured for so long. My love for him grew fiercer when I didn’t think that was possible.

He struggled to sit up. “Lucy, don’t…”

I scrambled to my feet and pulled his sword out of his broken grip. I struggled to raise it with both hands—it weighed at least a hundred pounds—but I put myself between Cas and the twins.

The three demons laughed at my struggle, my wet hair streaming into my face, drenched to the bone and covered in mud.

“Pestilence,” Ashtaroth said to Deber like a proud father. “Smiter.” He inclined his horned head to Keeb. “Send Casziel back to the Other Side.”

“No!” I cried. “No one touches him!”

“Fear not, pet,” Ashtaroth said. “He can’t very well stay here in that state. We’ll sort it all out on the Other Side where he can heal—”

Movement behind me drew my attention.

A wickedly curved dagger had materialized in Keeb’s hand. With a murderous shriek, she lunged at Casziel, intending to slice his throat. Sheer desperation gave me strength. I swung the heavy sword and cleaved Keeb’s head off her neck. It flew to splat in the mud and her body collapsed with it. Both dissipated to flies and then nothing.

“Sister!”

Deber stared with black eyes where Keeb had been, then turned them on me, rage burning hot. With an inhuman shriek, she opened her mouth and a stream of flies surged out. I squeezed my eyes shut against the frenzied swarm and bit back a cry as Deber’s fingernails raked across my cheeks, my arms.

With a grunt, I hefted Casziel’s sword and blindly thrusted it forward. A heavy jerk shuddered up my arms and a cry tore from Deber. I peeked my eyes open. The demon was impaled on the blade, black blood gushing from where the sword pierced her midsection.

She glared at me with shock, then dissolved into a cloud of flies. They buzzed for a few seconds then disappeared too.

“Interesting,” Ashtaroth mused. “Perhaps there is more to you, girl, after all.”

I couldn’t hold the sword anymore. It fell from my hands as I collapsed to the ground beside Casziel. He shook his head; black tears streaked his pale white cheeks. I curled my fingers around his good hand.

“I can make you…forget,” he whispered. “All this terror. This nightmare. One word…”

“No. I don’t want to forget you. I will never forget you.” I bent my head and kissed him. “I love you. I have always loved you and I always will.”

I started to rise, to go to Ashtaroth, but Cas took my arm with a shockingly strong grip, pulling me back to the muddy, snake-infested ground. He struggled to his feet, a grimace on his face, and gripped his sword in his weaker left hand.

He raised the blade to Ashtaroth. “You…will…not…take…her.”

Uncertainty and a twinge of fear at Casziel’s tone flashed over Ashtaroth’s face. Then he snarled. “This ends now. You will watch her willingly walk to her fate, the same way you watched her die in the bowels of your temple—helpless to stop it.”

With a roar of rage, Cas lashed at Ashtaroth. The clang of steel rang out in the relentless rain. Casziel swung again in a deadly arc. Ashtaroth dodged and fell back, but Cas was relentless, even with a broken right arm and useless wing at his side. Another swing. Their blades clashed and the power in Cas’s blow drove Ashtaroth back. Another. And another. It was all Ashtaroth could do to keep the silver frenzy of Casziel’s sword at bay.

But it couldn’t last. My heart was tearing in half, knowing every second was bringing Casziel closer to death. Worse than death—a return to the Other Side where he’d be enslaved to Ashtaroth for eternity.

Finally, with a thrashing of wings, Cas knocked Ashtaroth down at the edge of the pentagram, winded but unhurt.

Casziel turned to me. Even in his bloodless expression, even amid the dread blackness of his eyes, I saw and felt his love for me. It was pouring out of him like rain.

“You were right, Lucy,” he said, his voice breaking. “Love saved me. Yours. It won’t end with my death. I’ll carry it with me…”

“Please,” I cried, tears streaming. “Don’t go…”

My words choked off in a scream as Ashtaroth rose up from behind. With one smooth stroke, he plunged his sword through Casziel’s back. I watched, horror-struck, as the blade burst out of his chest.

Casziel’s human chest.

In the split second before the blade touched him, Casziel had morphed into his human body.

Time seemed to freeze as Cas hung suspended off the sword, and then he slid to his knees. I caught him as he fell and cradled him against me. Red blood poured instead of black, staining Casziel’s olive-toned skin. He turned his gaze up to me. Human eyes full of love. His bloodstained lips curled in a trembling smile. Somewhere distant was Ashtaroth’s scream of defeat.

“No, Cas,” I breathed. “No, don’t… Oh, please, no…”

I put my hand over the gushing wound where the scar had been. Hot blood pumped under my palm. There was so much of it. Too much…

“No!” Ashtaroth cried and then put on a horrible, forced smile, reaching for me again. “Come, my pet. You don’t have to stay here. Your grief…I can make it go away. I can show you how to use it. To take vengeance on a life so cruel. So unfair…”

“No.” I stroked Cas’s cheek as his chest hitched in horrifying spasms. I put my mouth to his ear, my tears streaming with the rain. “Listen to me. I saw everything. You couldn’t have saved me. Do you hear me? It wasn’t your fault. I’m grateful. So grateful to love you and be loved by you. I wouldn’t trade one minute of it. Not for anything. Okay?”

Casziel was staring at the sky, his hiccupping breaths slowing. A tear brimmed in the corner of his eye and journeyed down his cheek. I kissed it, tasting the salt on my lips.

“Let go, baby,” I whispered, my words choked by tears. “It’s okay…to let go.”

Ashtaroth loosed another roar, mad with fury. “She will know unending pain; I promise you, Casziel. I will send my servitors… Legions of them. You will go to your precious Oblivion knowing you have consigned her to infinite torment!”

He raised his sword, and I had a moment to wonder if Ambri had lied—that I was about to die. Then the lot was flooded with pure white light and the unmistakable whiff of pipe smoke.

Unfinished business…

Ashtaroth’s agonized scream ripped the air. I squinted to see the light tear through the demon, ribbons of white flame burning through him and streaking on the ground like a fuse to destroy every writhing snake until there was nothing left. Ashtaroth’s cry echoed through the ether. Then the light faded, leaving nothing. All was quiet, the rain pattering around me the only sound.

“He’s gone,” I told Casziel with a tearful laugh. “You’re safe. You’re—” My words choked off in a little cry. His eyes were staring, his body still. “Oh, Cas. No…”

I grasped at his bloodstained shirt, jostling him. His fixed gaze didn’t move. I pressed my cheek to his chest and heard nothing. A low moan issued from somewhere deep inside me. From the bottom of my soul. For long moments, I just held him, rocking him in my arms, my tears soaking his shirt to mingle with the blood. I squeezed my eyes shut while the rain fell.

I don’t know how long I’d been holding him when I heard gentle footfalls. The scent of pipe smoke grew stronger, sweet and familiar.

Slowly, I raised my head. “Daddy?”

The lot was empty, but Dad was there. I could feel him all around me.

“It’s time to go, Lucy.”

“No, I can’t. Cas…”

I looked back down, Casziel was gone.

“No…” I clutched fistfuls of mud as the sobs wracked me, turning me inside out. “I thought I was ready. I’m not ready. I can’t give him up again. Not yet. Please…”

The white light returned, this time less like fire and more like clouds or cotton. Soft and gentle and edged in pale blue. It wrapped me in a kind of peace I shouldn’t have known, not when the grief for Casziel was still a piercing agony in my chest. The light didn’t soothe the pain completely, but there was so much love in me, it suffused me until nothing was stronger.

Because nothing is.

The light grew brighter and brighter, forcing me to close my eyes again. As the air flooded with it, I saw a single black feather, stark in the white light. I grabbed it, clutched it tight, just as I was enveloped completely.

“Come on, pumpkin.” Dad’s voice was soft and warm and full of love. “Let’s go home.”