King’s Queen by Marie Johnston

Chapter 6

Aiden

Kate closedthe door behind us. We were shut into a tiny space with nothing but a bed to sit on.

She crossed her arms and sat on the edge of the mattress. “So you got Mom’s stuffed pork chops, huh?”

I took the middle, leaving some space between us. “Just don’t ask me to pick between her and Dawson for who’s better.”

She plucked at the edge of the black skirt she wore over black leggings. “I wasn’t home because Kendall caught me after work.”

I studied her face, trying to find a hint of how the talk went. “She asked if you had a regular schedule, but she didn’t tell me she planned to jump you today.”

Her smile was brief. “She didn’t jump me. But she basically apologized on behalf of all your siblings and their spouses.”

“Did it make you feel better?”

She thought for a moment. “Yes. It helped.”

“Good. I mean it, Kate. I never wanted to hurt you.”

She opened her mouth to say something, then shut it.

“Go ahead.” I leaned closer and she tensed, but she didn’t inch away and fall off the bed to get away from me. “You’ve been censoring yourself around me.”

Her expression flickered. “Neither of us was as open as we should’ve been. How come you never talked to me about your mom?”

I went numb inside. I didn’t talk about Mama to anyone. My brothers and I shared stories, mostly of the good times, and sometimes we shared our fury over how she’d been stolen from us. I never talked about how it had affected me. My throat thickened and I dropped my gaze to the floor. “It wouldn’t help anything.”

Kate scooted closer and laid her hand on my thigh. “You should. To someone. Your dad. Your brothers. A professional. It’s had an effect on you.”

“My dad.” My laugh was cold and Kate lifted her hand from my thigh. Emotions I hadn’t allowed out of a mental box for years piled up behind my sternum. I saw him every day, but I’d given up on talking to him years ago. “Dad kept our routine up, kept us moving forward, but he checked out mentally. It wasn’t like I could go sleep around like he did when I wasn’t even in high school yet. By the time I reached the age where I could, I had responsibilities. Obligations. It was all I could do to justify sports. And the way Dad acted was…” My breath gusted out. I hadn’t told anyone how I’d felt about those years. I’d checked out too, just like he had.

I sagged toward Kate and rested my forehead on her shoulder. I needed the contact. And it was easier to get the words out without her gaze on me. “I did talk to Dad once, you know. Made some comment about how he’d acted.” The day in his office before my wedding haunted me. I’d finally called him on his behavior and he’d listened, only I’d done it so he’d lay off me about Kate. A brash emotional outburst that hadn’t cost me, but had hurt him.

Her arm draped around my back and I was in the familiar comfort of her hyacinth scent. “What happened?”

“He changed. Instantly. And it almost prevented the relationship with Kendall that gave me my dad back.”

“That was his decision, not yours,” she said quietly. “And maybe that pause you gave him made him see what he could have with Kendall. He might’ve missed some meaningful, healthy relationships because he refused to commit and risk his heart again. But you gave him the time to think.” Her chin brushed the top of my head.

I hadn’t thought about it like that. All I knew was that I’d finally said something and it had bitten me in the ass. “I’ve never told you about Grandpa DB.”

“None of you talk about him.”

“He was like Grams on steroids. Old-fashioned. Hardheaded. Ruthless. Dad’s parents left King’s Creek and never looked back. They became birthday-card grandparents.”

Kate’s head tilted before she nodded. “Right. You only hear from them when you get birthday cards. Kind of like my dad.”

“With Dad tied up with the company, Grams did what she could. She softened a little for Dawson. I guess she couldn’t tell him to man up like Grandpa told me.”

“He said that to you? After your mom had just died?”

“I had lost my shit with my brothers and stalked off. Morning chores hadn’t been done yet. I was tired of ramrodding three depressed siblings every morning and afternoon, so I said fuck it and hid. Grandpa found me in the barn, sitting on a bucket in the corner, crying.”

“And he told you to man up.”

“Among other things.”

You’re not a baby like Dawson. You’re old enough to know what’s at stake. You’re old enough to act like you have a little sense. Sitting here crying when two hundred cattle are relying on you for food? Goddamn it, kid. It’s not like you have an oil company to run and hundreds of employees like your dad. You have chores and school. Do you think we’re asking too much?

“That’s awful.” Her arms tightened and she did nothing but hold me. Her cool fire soothed the raging burn around my heart. “You were just a kid. Did he talk like that to your brothers too?”

I hadn’t given him a reason to. I’d stood up, kicked the bucket over, and done my chores. I’d even done my brothers’ share. Partly so I didn’t have to return home so soon. But also so DB would leave them alone and they could have the time to grieve that I wasn’t allowed to. “Not as severely. He was old-fashioned. The oldest carries the rest of the family. That’s how it was done in his day.”

“God, Aiden. I’m sorry.”

So was I.

“Does your dad know DB said all that?”

“Grandpa died a couple years after that.”

“But you can still talk to him—”

“He’s happy now, Kate,” I said softly. “He’s healthy. I don’t want him to stress about the past.” His heart attack had scared the shit out of me, out of all of us. I’d been so angry that he’d been distant all those years and then he’d almost been gone for good.

“You’re allowed to, you know.”

I brushed the backs of my fingers down her face. “You plan to talk to your dad about how upset you are with him that he doesn’t talk to your brothers? Or how you wish he was more than a birthday-card dad?”

“I’ll give you that. But there are other people you can talk to.”

I didn’t want to talk to anyone but her. Her face was an inch from mine. It’d be so easy to capture a kiss, but it was too soon. One small kiss would show me everything I was missing while she was no longer under the same roof as me. “You have to know that I loved you when I married you. I wasn’t lying about that.”

“Learning about the trust highlighted a lot that’s wrong between us.”

I caressed her jaw, unwilling to quit touching her. “You’re giving me time. Can you give me a little more?”

I cupped her face in one hand as she gazed into my eyes.

I didn’t hide myself. I resisted the urge to stuff away the feelings flowing through me into that handy mental box and I let her see inside. Let her see me again, and every turbulent emotion inside.

“It’s not about the money?” Her voice was ragged, her anxiety about the foundation we’d just built evident.

“I’ll give every damn cent away tomorrow if you tell me to. I just ask we make sure it goes to a worthy cause.”

She nodded and swallowed. “I think we both need more time.”

Relief soared strong in my chest. Instead of smiling, I blew past my resistance and planted a kiss on her. She jumped but didn’t pull away, and I didn’t push her further.

I broke away after a couple of seconds. “Have a good night, Kate.”

I rose before I could sport an erection and ruin the progress I’d made with her. Before I walked out the door, she said, “Aiden?”

I looked back. Her hair shone golden under the weak light of the room. The multicolored knit sweater she wore cupped her breasts and flared over her rounded hips. Her soft beauty was captivating. Always had been.

“Violet asked me if you could come to her wrestling tournament. It’s in a couple of weeks.”

The corner of my mouth hitched. Violet had no idea how much I owed her. “I’d love to. Send me the details?”

* * *

Kate

Boisterous laughter surrounded me.Mom had pulled out the leaf for the table and her card table for the kids. Thanksgiving at her house used to be one of my favorite days, but today my smile was fake and I sat with the group but stayed on the fringes of conversation.

My belly was stuffed. The aromas of turkey, stuffing, and all the fixings lingered in the air. We were at the part of our traditional day when the dishes had been cleaned and we’d lost all the football lovers to the TV, their shouts cutting through the laughter. Mattie would let out a swear word and Jason would whap him with his ball cap. Pie would be in an hour, when we could pile more food in our bellies.

I started the dishwasher and turned. My sister-in-law, Sophie, stood behind me. “It’s a nice day. Want to go for a walk?”

The temperature had reached forty degrees today, but the sun was out and the wind down. It felt as good as a sixty-degree day. “That sounds nice.”

We each got into our boots and jackets and stepped out. Air gusted around my face, but the sun eased the ache in my temples.

We started walking. The dusting of snow we’d gotten earlier in the week had left a few icy patches that were rapidly melting in the afternoon sunshine. Other than a few lighthearted comments about how nice it was out and how good the food had been, we didn’t say much for the first couple of blocks.

Then Sophie glanced at me. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad does today suck for you?”

Sophie had been through a divorce. From what I understood, it had been a short, passionate romance that had burned out as dramatically as it’d started, and they’d both been young. Then she’d found Jason and fallen for his gruff exterior and teddy-bear insides.

“A five. Maybe a six,” I answered.

She nodded as if she’d guessed my answer before she asked. “My first year alone was hard. I went from living with my parents, to being with Freddie all the time, to just me.”

“I should be used to it.” I’d been twenty-eight when I’d married Aiden. I’d had a dorm mate in college, a long-term boyfriend I’d considered staying with after college graduation, then a roommate when I’d gotten my master’s. I’d moved home and been single for a few years before meeting Aiden. “But on holidays, after returning to Billings and being around you guys, then around Aiden’s family, this…sucks.”

“You weren’t really around us a lot though. Was it because of Aiden?”

“I wasn’t ashamed of you guys.” I snuck a peek at her.

Sophie met my gaze. “Sometimes it felt like it.”

I hadn’t been… Had I? “Maybe some part of me thought I had to be more a stoic King and less a rowdy McDonough.”

Sophie chuckled. “Kate. You’re a McDonough, but you’re not rowdy.”

“They’re not exactly rowdy anymore, are they? We’ve all grown up.”

“Except the next couple of hours when football is on, yeah.”

I flashed her a smile, but I couldn’t leave the conversation there. It would be simple to leave it at me being ashamed of them. But I’d lied to myself long enough. “Every minute of every day, Aiden works. Even when we go to King’s Creek, he’s got his computer, tablet, and phone. Many times he stays in the office.” I tilted my face to the sun for a few moments. “It’s hard. Everyone asks where Aiden is, and they’re only asking because they care. But it didn’t take long before I felt like I should have a sign that read He doesn’t want to be with me, okay?”

“Ouch.” She nudged me. “Sorry I was one of the ones asking.”

“It’s how I took it. I’d probably have felt lonelier if you hadn’t asked. Messed up, isn’t it?”

“That’s people for you.” We turned onto the walking path that ran along the main road by the trailer park. “I was never sure what he thought of us. Every time I got intimidated by him, I reminded myself that he’d played with cow shit growing up.”

“He still plays in cow shit. And he really doesn’t mean to be intimidating.” He was wound so tightly that I feared none of us could unknot him.

“I thought he was an arrogant fuck the first time you brought him to meet us,” Sophie announced.

I’d been seeing Aiden for a month, and he’d invited my entire family out to eat, reserving a room for us at the most expensive place in town. “He comes off that way.”

“He has resting arrogant face.”

“RAF?”

“He’s, like, the opposite of Jason. Reserved, cultured, quiet. I can see how that would appeal to someone like you. Not quite opposites attract, but opposite of the men you grew up with. Except Randall.”

Randall was as mellow as Aiden, but emotionally available. “I love my dad. But Aiden’s nothing like him, so yeah. Part of the appeal.” I dropped my focus to the uneven sidewalk. At first Aiden had seemed nothing like Brandt McDonough. Aiden was reliable, loyal, and honest. The honesty part was being tested, but I thought his claims about the trust were genuine. But was that wishful thinking? Aiden hadn’t given off greedy vibes as long as I’d known him, but fifty million was a lot to shrug off. And our romance after he’d asked me out had been a light and airy whirlwind. In hindsight, it was exactly what I would expect from some generic rom-com if the hero had to marry some unwitting girl for a lot of money in a short amount of time.

The talk in my bedroom had been raw. And insightful. He was hurting, had been for years, and for so many reasons, he’d refused to talk about it. Until now. Was he protecting others’ feelings, or himself?

As we’d talked, I’d gotten the sense that what was wrong between us wasn’t about money, but about how he’d grown up. How he’d been treated. The way his worldview had been formed.

Fighting to keep the money in the family, that seemed like him. Reliable, loyal, and honest. Traits that had attracted me.

Part of the reason I’d jumped at the chance to marry him was because he’d seemed so unlike Dad. Then when I’d learned about the trust, he’d resembled him too much. Dad was also gone all the time. Restrictive with his affection. But I wasn’t obligated to put up with it because he was family and I’d decided that scraps were better than nothing.

“I respect the hell out of you though,” Sophie said.

“Why?”

“You didn’t shy away from a millionaire CEO.”

“CFO.”

“The guy’s family owns the damn company. Is there a difference?” She raised a brow and I had no argument. “You married that shit. Like, fuck yeah, Aiden King wants to marry my trailer-park ass.”

Laughter escaped me. That wasn’t exactly what had gone through my mind. I’d been too afraid to question it.

“Then,” she continued, “you’re like, my trailer-park ass deserves better and I’m not gonna take your money. The librarian is dumping the prince. Baller, lady. Baller.” She whispered, “I don’t know if the kids say that anymore.”

“Probably not.” I hadn’t talked much about my divorce, and this was the first chance Sophie and I had had to chat. She didn’t know the divorce was on pause. “We’ve decided to take some time.”

She stared at me. “You have the papers all drawn up.”

I avoided her gaze. “We’ve been talking. About stuff that we’ve never spoken about before.”

We reached an intersection and simultaneously turned right.

“Kate.” Her brows were pinched. “I don’t want to interfere. It’s just that my first husband and I tried to work it out. A few times. Each time I was so hopeful, but really, all I did was put my happiness on hold. I almost did it again, and I would’ve missed my chance with Jason if I had.” She gave my arm a squeeze. “I’d love you two working things out, but I also know you haven’t been the same since you’ve been with him.”

I stopped. “What do you mean?” Aiden had said something similar the other night. That I hid what I was really feeling around him.

She stopped and scanned the neighborhood, but her expression was hesitant. “I mean…you’re always dressed like you’re ready to go to work. You wear makeup on the regular. Your clothes are nice, and I mean, mine would be too if I had your lifestyle, but you don’t”—she twirled her hand around as if she was trying to conjure the right words—“let your hair down anymore. Even when Aiden’s not around.”

My brows pinched together. I hated that I knew exactly what she was talking about.

She leaned closer. “Has he ever held your hair while you puked?” My expression must’ve looked as horrified as I felt. “Exactly. You’d probably lock the bathroom door and die before you let him smell a body odor that wasn’t Chanel No. 5 or some fancy shit like that.”

“I’m not that bad,” I muttered.

“You know what Jason did for me when I was pregnant with Caleb? Prenatal vitamins made me nauseous. And how I found out was driving to work after I took one with breakfast. Imagine getting off the interstate as you’re vomiting into your shirt.”

“Oh my gosh.”

“And on the seat belt. Then you get out and the seat belt goes back in—”

“I get it.”

“And then you have to get out of the car and it’s leaking everywhere cuz you had a bowl of cereal—”

“Sophie.”

She crossed her arms and hefted a challenging stare at me. “Jason cleaned it up. All of it. While I was inside crying, taking a shower, he ran the washer and cleaned every crevice of my car. So two questions—is Aiden the type of guy who’d do that for you, and would you let him? If the answer is no to either one, you might want to rethink what love really means.”

“Love means cleaning puke?”

She rolled her eyes and her lips twitched. “I know Aiden’s stupid rich and can pay for the car to get cleaned, or just buy you a new one, but you know what I mean.” She hooked her arm in mine again and dragged me back toward my parents’ house. “Just something to think about. There’s nothing like being with someone who knows the good, the bad, and the smelly. Marriage can be really smelly.” She wrinkled her nose. “Motherhood is smellier.”

I laughed with her, but my mind whirled. I thought I’d been oblivious to my unhappiness, but the family I didn’t spend nearly enough time with had seen it. That wasn’t Aiden’s fault.

Did you tell him that?Mom’s simple question the day I’d served him papers.

I’d been hung up on the trust and how little time he spent with me. I’d ruminated on how different or alike than my dad Aiden was. But the truth was I didn’t know as much about my husband as I should by now. And I had some responsibility in this failing marriage too.