Becoming His by Mariah Dietz
My parents arrive home sporting bronze tans. My mom looks well rested and ready to take on the world, whereas my dad looks restless and desperate to take on the world. He and I spend the next couple of weeks golfing, taking Lilly on different trips to the beach, the zoo, and her personal favorite: the pond where we feed the ducks. I think we’re both feeling the end of summer approaching too quickly as we try to silently fight it by not discussing it and immersing ourselves in things we enjoy doing together. Mom works tirelessly on a fundraising project for a board she’s chair of. I’m fairly certain she often works harder for free than a lot of people that get paid.
Dante’s end of summer party arrives, and Kendall and I spend a ridiculous amount of the day primping in preparation. Abby finally arrived back on the West Coast this morning and is meeting us here before we head to the party.
“Yellow again, huh?” Kendall smirks as she enters the bathroom where I’m applying blush. I hadn’t even considered that the first party we’d seen Max and Jameson at I’d been wearing the same bright lemon shade. I glance down at my tight-fitted dress with a sweetheart neckline that accentuates my chest.
I glance at Kendall and see the royal blue dress accentuating every curve of her body. She grins mischievously and turns exposing a slit that cuts straight up the back going so high it’s nearly obscene.
“If you drop something tonight, you probably want to just leave it be.” I slap her backside, causing her to giggle.
Seconds later the doorbell rings and the sounds of Mom greeting Abby fill the house. The thrill of finally seeing her after she’s been gone so long makes me practically fall down the stairs in my haste to reach her. We emit matching squeals as we rush to one another locking our arms around each other. She begins talking at a rapid rate; her Jersey accent that she’d managed to nearly rid the last year hangs thickly on every word.
When we arrive at the party, we’re over an hour late and the place is packed. Each year this party seems to grow. It’s no longer just people we went to school with, and I’m instantly reminded of this as we pass a large group of people I don’t recognize. Kendall leads us through a couple of large groups congregating in the living room that has been turned into a makeshift dance floor, and I can’t help but scan the faces searching for dark hair and cobalt blue eyes.
“Why don’t we start with a drink?” Kendall asks, nodding her head toward the kitchen. I look to see if this is code for ‘I see Max,’ or ‘you’re being too obvious in your pursuit of stalking.’ She gives me a weak smile, which confirms it’s the latter.
We traipse through the crowd, making our way to the kitchen where a large bar is set up.
“Alright, it looks like we’re going to dedicate this night to Jose!” Kendall grabs the neck of a clear bottle and pours the tequila into two shot glasses as I fill my own with water from the tap. Each of us lifts a glass in cheers.
“To the two greatest women I know!” Abby cries out.
“To friendship!” Kendall cheers.
“Here, here!”
We toss our empty plastic shot glasses into a nearby garbage that’s already full as I lead us to the living room. Avoiding running into anyone becomes a challenge as my eyes rake through the faces and bodies.
My attention is captured by an arm waving above the crowd, and I see Jameson and Landon making their way over to us. I know Jameson has been attempting to smooth things over with Kendall after his trip to Washington and that she desperately wants to reconcile their relationship, though she’s understandably a little timid. He’d assured her that nothing had happened with his ex, promising that there wasn’t even a kiss shared.
“Hey!” Landon greets us, sensing the tension between the two. He pulls me into a tight hug and makes his way to Abby, then to Kendall, who’s standing at the end of our short train. “You guys look amazing!” he yells over the loud volume of voices and music as Jameson follows suit in hugging each of us before standing beside Kendall.
“Do you guys want to dance?” Abby asks, motioning to the dance floor.
Landon nods in response, inclining his head, motioning for us to follow him.
We begin dancing, slowly getting a feel for the crowd and each other. Whether it’s the pulsing music or the shot of Jose they took, things seem to quickly loosen up and it’s not long before we’re laughing and having a good time. Thankfully I become too distracted to search for Max—at least for a while. When the urge returns, I motion that I’m going to the kitchen for more water, declining when they offer to come with me.
“Hey, I saw you dancing out there. You’re really amazing,” a deep voice whispers in my ear as I fill a red plastic cup with water. I close my eyes and take a long drink, hoping ignoring this guy will give him a hint.
It doesn’t.
His hand reaches forward, lightly touching my elbow.
“Thanks, it’s the shoes!” I reply sarcastically, pulling out of his reach as I fill my cup again. I learned pretty quickly not to smile or laugh when a guy hits on you when you aren’t interested; it only encourages them.
“I’m pretty sure it’s the dress.” His voice no longer a quiet raspy whisper, but a familiar deep voice that has me spinning around in shock.
“It’s the dress, it’s the dress!” I squeal, laughing, as I throw my arms around Pedro Rodriguez, a good friend of mine from high school. He lifts me up, releasing a growl as he squeezes me tight.
“How are you?” I ask as he sets me down. His dark brown eyes gleam with excitement, and his infectious smile shines bright, making my own smile grow.
“Good, good! I’m heading back to Arizona State in a couple of weeks, so I had to come enjoy some end of summer fun!” I nod, smiling. “What about you, beautiful? Whose heart are you breaking tonight?”
“All of them!” I answer with a wink. “I’m going to head back to the dance floor. Do you want to come? Kendall’s with me, and my best friend Abby. You’ll love her! Oh and a couple of guys that are my neighbors’ buddies are here with us. They’re cool though.”
“Alright, let’s go make them all jealous!” He takes my hand in his and I feel the warmth of his skin as his arm brushes against me.
He leads us back toward the living room when my eyes find Max making his way through the crowd, wearing a lightweight gray shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows and a pair of dark wash jeans. His eyes are on us as he continues streaming through the last few people. He takes a step and cuts in front of Pedro and stops.
Max’s eyes focus on me, starting at my face, then slowly drift all the way down and back up just as slowly. He’s never deliberately checked me out before, and the action sends a chill through my spine and has my pulse racing. I want to close the last few steps between us and slowly run my tongue along the strong edge of his jaw. It feels like I’m physically suffocating myself to not move forward and touch him.
“Hey, Miller, long time no see. I heard you were up in Alaska. Are you back for the summer?” Pedro greets him as I work to nonchalantly extricate my hand from his.
Max gives a brief nod. “No, I’m enrolled to start school in San Diego, with Ace,” he says, nodding toward me, but his eyes don’t follow.
“We were just going to find the others. You want to come?” I ask, trying not to sound hopeful.
“No, I just came from there. I think I’m going to check out the rest of the excitement, get a drink.” I smile, trying to hide my disappointment.
As we pass one another, my eyes flash to my hand as I feel his fingers brush against mine causing a spark to run up through my arm. I watch his knuckles touch mine, his index finger traces along the same pattern, catching my pinky before his hand falls. His focus is still trained forward, not looking at me. Watching the space between us grow with each step we both take in opposite directions causes a physical ache in my chest.
When we find the others, Kendall bounds over to Pedro and I watch the disappointment flood Jameson’s face before she moves to stand beside him again and completes a brief introduction.
A catchy remix starts to play that has everyone moving. More people have arrived making the dance floor so tightly packed it’s difficult to decipher who you’re really dancing with. I turn to face Abby, and we sing along to the music, laughing, and dancing with Pedro behind us both, until a cute guy begins dancing closer and closer, and I watch as Abby gets pulled to him like the tide.
It isn’t long before a pretty brunette swoops in and begins running her hands up and down Pedro’s chest, diverting his focus.
My eyes blink several times and my movement stops at the sight of Landon and Abby making out. I take a couple of breaths before looking for Kendall to see if she’s paying attention, but she and Jameson are engaged in a make out session a few feet away.
My eyebrows rise as I look between the four of them one last time and then turn with the intention of taking a break.
“Looking for me, bonita?” Pedro asks, coming up behind me.
“I thought you traded me in for a brunette?”
“No, you know me. I’m all about blondes.” He winks and wraps his hand around mine. We begin dancing as a new song blasts through the room. It seems to be getting louder, and with all of the noise and movement, it’s not long before everything fades away, my mind focusing on the beat of the music and my body as it moves with Pedro.
After a while Kendall and Abby find us, sans the guys, and all three of us dance with Pedro, laughing and having a good time.
Ifan my face and motion that I’m going to head outside. Pedro nods, indicating his interest in joining me. We slowly filter our way through the crowd. We don’t manage to get far before a guy from Pedro’s class encases him in a hug. It’s obvious he’s drunk as he loudly tells Pedro how much he misses him. I nod my head toward the back door, silently informing him that I’ll meet him outside. Pedro’s eyes scrunch with reluctance before he nods and raises a single finger to show he’ll only be a minute.
My tunnel vision glasses are on, not wanting to see anything but the sky, as I slide through arms and bodies, heading for the dining room that goes out to the backyard. I can see the doors and feel the relief they promise when two large hands grip my hips and pull me backwards. The fingers dig too deep, too rough to be friendly, yet I still expect to see a familiar face as I try to crane my neck around. I stumble slightly as the arms pull me backwards so I’m tightly pressed against a hot, sweaty body reeking of cheap cologne and beer.
“Hey, baby!” The deep foreign voice growls as he clumsily tries to dance against me. One of his hands bars me to him while the other roughly paws at me. I turn again and catch sight of his dark buzzed hair and large, round head that is completely unfamiliar.
“I’ve retired for the evening.” I pull away from his sweat-drenched shirt.
“I’ll retire you,” he slurs with a grin and grips my arm, roughly tugging me forward, making me once again stumble as my chest collides with his. My eyes narrow as I take a closer look at his heavy stature and cocky grin that makes my blood boil.
Cringing as his hand slides across my jaw, he mumbles something I can’t hear over my own objections and the music. He’s bigger than I am, but he’s also drunk, and I feel repulsed. My palms lie flat against his chest and I shove against him. He grunts and smiles before locking his arms around me.
“Stop! Let me go.” I try to sound tougher and braver than I feel. I push against his shoulders again and he barely budges. His eyes slowly look down stopping at my chest; my body is pressed too close to his to see any further. I watch his mouth curl, but it looks like a sneer, making my stomach turn violently.
I suddenly hate my dress and the fact that it accentuates my body. As I struggle against him, my mind races to recall self-defense moves.
Strong hands suddenly grip the top of my arms and pull me backwards with an aggressive tug that has me stumbling to catch my balance. My eyes widen in shock as I see Max hurling himself at my assailant. Even over the raucous noise around us, I clearly hear the sickening pop as Max’s fist connects with the guy’s jaw and knocks him to the ground.
He stands up much quicker than I expect. Watching that hit and hearing the sound it made, I was afraid Max had seriously injured him. Before I can finish processing what’s about to happen, he lunges at Max, shockingly fast for a guy his size, and two others follow suit, grabbing for Max’s arms.
“Max!” I scream in horror as one of them works to restrain his right arm.
The hands that hold me fall, and Jameson charges toward them, landing a punch on one of the guy’s back, near his kidney. My eyes divert back to Max as another swings and connects his fist with Max’s stomach. I feel myself slouch as if I was the one hit. Max doesn’t seem to flinch as he drives his fist into the guy’s stomach in return.
I’m frozen, unsure of what to do. Growing up with four sisters, fist fighting is still quite foreign to me. If I’m ever at a party where a fight breaks out, I take that as my cue to leave.
One of the guys grabs Max’s arm again and pins it to his back. The stranger struggles to maintain his grip and reaches for his other arm. I watch as Max tries to shove him off, spewing curse words and threats before hitting him in the face with the back of his head. Amazingly, the guy doesn’t release his grip, even as his nose bleeds. The guy that had initially grabbed me, stalks over to Max, and the stranger behind him pulls tighter on his arms. I know from watching too many fight scenes in movies what’s going to happen next.
I don’t hesitate. I launch myself forward, creating a barrier between him and Max. Adrenaline courses through me as I try to focus on Caulder’s voice, calm and clear in my head. “Just knee them in the balls. They’ll drop to their knees, and then run.”
“Ace!” Max yells from behind me. “Get the hell away from here!”
But I can’t. My shoes feel like they’re cemented to the ground. Not from fear, but from the unexplainable need to protect him. The guy in front of me rotates his upper body, and I square my shoulders, reaching out to grip his, as Pedro flies in front of me tackling him to the ground. Within seconds he’s straddling the guy and waling on his face.
I whip my head around to ensure that Max is fine; he looks possessed. Landon appears next, and I see him punch the guy that has been holding Max’s arms. Blood now pours from both his nose and his mouth. My eyes don’t know where to focus as punches and threats are exchanged.
“Get her out of here!” Max yells, shoving me toward Landon. Landon nods and grabs my waist, lifting me over his shoulder before I can object. He carries me a few feet back before depositing me on my feet.
“Landon, someone’s going to get hurt!” I yell, trying to shove my way around him.
“What in the hell?” Kendall shrieks. I turn as she grabs my face with both hands and looks me up and down, but I repeatedly tell her that I’m fine.
“What happened?” she asks, her eyes following mine, though I’m sure hers find Jameson as mine lock on Max. I watch as his fist repeatedly connects with the guy that originally grabbed me. The guy’s face is bleeding and already starting to swell, yet Max isn’t slowing down.
“Landon does someone need to stop him?” Abby asks.
“Let’s go. Cops are probably going to show up,” Landon says, grabbing one of Jameson’s arms. Jameson straightens himself out, and they both walk to Max. Each of them grab an arm and pull him back. Pedro gives a final blow to a guy, and then he too goes to help them pull Max away, but it’s like he’s on autopilot.
“Max!” I yell, stepping closer now that no one is there to restrain me. “You’re going to kill him, stop!” I yell as he lands another punch on the guy’s face. I grab his arm that Jameson already works to restrain and can feel the tension in his entire body.
His eyes snap to mine; they’re cold, dark pools I don’t recognize, and I shake my head. “Stop. Please stop.” Unexpected tears burn in the back of my eyes as his begin to register recognition. He drops the hold that he has on the guy’s shirt. My hand falls from his arm as I turn to make my way to the front door. I need to get out of here.
“Ace!” Max’s voice calls out, and I feel the unfamiliar urge to stop and wait for him. Logically I know he just saved me—from what I’m not sure. I won’t allow my mind to go down that dark rabbit hole, but I know he protected me. The whole situation is just too overwhelming to process right now.
I hear the others calling to both Max and me as I weave through the crowd, focused on the front door. As I get halfway through the living room an unfamiliar guy wraps his arm around my waist and begins dancing against my side, pressing his pelvis into my hip and delivering a friendly smile. I push away and shoot him an icy glare. He backs away, apologizing.
The interaction slows me down enough so Max catches up with me, and I feel his hand on my lower back, following me through the remainder of the house.
I take a few gulps of the evening air. It’s cool against my sweat-dampened skin. Max’s hand grips my elbow and directs me forward as a few people pass to join the party.
He guides me over to a bench sitting under a large tree, and my body falls against the wooden planks. My head tilts back so I can take in the large expanse of the dark sky as I hastily pull my hair from my sweaty neck and shoulders into a knot.
“Ace, I know you’re pissed—”
“I’m not pissed, Max! I’m freaking overwhelmed and a little freaked out at the moment!” I didn’t intend to yell and feel a bit surprised when my voice comes out so loud. “What in the hell was that? You went nuts!” I run a hand over my face in exhaustion. “Are you okay?” I ask, focusing my eyes on his abdomen as the visions of Max being hit flash through my mind.
“I’m fine,” Max says automatically, shaking his head. His voice rises to match mine. “Ace that guy was going to …” He stops, his eyes squeeze shut, and his head shakes as he throws both of his hands in the air. Sighing, he looks down at his shirt. It’s covered in blood spatters. He peels it off in one fell swoop and uses the inside to wipe his face and arms.
“Ace, that guy and his friends were going to hurt you.” His voice is quieter as I turn away from him. “Fuck.” His chest heaves with a deep breath as he sits beside me and props his elbows on his knees, keeping his eyes focused on the yard as though he’s expecting someone to come.
“You always want to think everyone is nice and good, and it’s great to be all Anne Frank about humanity, but you have to have a little bit of self-preservation and realize that there are some seriously fucked-up people. It took Jameson and me forever to get to you. Then when his friends jumped me and I realized it was a team operation, I knew shit could’ve gotten really bad. People attack in teams like that for fucked-up reasons.” His eyes dance across my face watching his words resonate with me.
“You scared the shit out of me, Ace. I couldn’t figure out why you weren’t punching him! I know Caulder taught you girls that shit!” Max stands up again and throws his shirt in a bush. “And what in the hell were you thinking getting in the middle of things? Are you crazy?” His voice rises as he glares at me.
“Max you looked like you were going to kill that guy,” I admit barely above a whisper.
“Ace, I grew up with my brothers and me beating the shit out of each other. I knew he wasn’t going to die. If I’m lucky, I broke a couple of ribs and his fucking nose.”
I don’t bother expressing how ridiculous I find this. “We need to get out of here. If the cops come, they’ll arrest you.” He shakes his head and looks back to the house, and I can feel his desire to go back inside as he rakes a hand through his short hair.
“That’s the last thing I’m worried about right now.”
“Well, it’s pretty much at the top of my list, so let’s go. Kendall’s car is over there.” I grab Max’s hand and find it to be sticky with blood. I almost drop it from the disgust bubbling in my stomach, but when I look up to see Max looking at my hand wrapped around his, I stop. His eyes slowly reach mine and the calmness begins to return to his features.
“I have my Jeep,” he says, nodding to the street as he fishes his keys from his pocket. Red and blue lights light up the night sky, and I tighten my grip on Max’s hand, pushing him through the shrubs to the neighbor’s yard.
“Where are you parked?” He doesn’t bother answering, tugging me toward the street.
“Here, call Jameson. Tell him to get everyone out of there, and to take Pedro too.” I nod and take his phone.
Max pulls open the passenger door as Jameson’s phone begins ringing. I watch Max jog around the front of his Jeep while I breathe his familiar scent—the perfect balance of sweet, spicy, and musky. I take a deep, cleansing breath that the fresh air outside couldn’t offer me as Jameson answers.
“Dude, where in the hell are you guys? Please tell me Ace is with you. Kendall is freaking the fuck out, man!”
“It’s me,” I assure him. “We’re heading home now. Is everyone okay? Is Pedro with you?” I hear Jameson assure everyone that we’re alright before responding to me.
“Yeah, yeah, we’re good,” he says, letting out a deep breath as I hear Kendall firing off questions about what had happened, and where we are, and if I’m really okay.
“We’ll see you at home. Tell her everything’s fine and to calm down.” Before the barrage of questions can continue, I press end and set his phone down in the cup holder.
I feel Max’s eyes on me and try to fight the impulse to look at him. I successfully avoid meeting his gaze for about two minutes.
“Are you okay?”
I shake my head and let my head fall back against the seat. “I froze, Max. I completely froze.” I take a deep breath and look over to him as he glances between me and the road. “This summer has been such a confusing clusterfuck of emotions and events. I just hope that tonight was the pinnacle of this crazy summer, because that has got to be one of the top five worst parties I’ve ever been to. And that’s pretty impressive because last year Kendall entered the top five after she got so wasted she used my purse to empty her stomach.” I nod to myself, recalling the horrible memory. “But I knew how to fix it; I knew how to make it better. Tonight, I didn’t know what to do when he grabbed me.”
“You felt sympathy,” Max says. The words make my face crumple in a frown as I begin to rebuke, but realize he’s right. I did. I’m not sure why exactly, but I know that I did.
We sit quietly for a moment, the hum of the engine lolling me into a quiet sense of peace as I let the fear fade with each mile we go.
“Why did you go to Alaska?” Max looks over at me, his eyes wide. “You don’t have to tell me, I just always wondered why you left.”
“No, no, it’s just that people only ask me why I came back, like they forgot I had a reason to go.” He pauses and adjusts the radio as the band that we’d listened to together in his kitchen after the TP incident streams softly through the speakers.
“I went to find my dad. I needed to know why he left.” Max sits quietly as my heart breaks a little for him. I can’t imagine having lost my father, especially to have him just walk away one day and never look back.
“My grandma had heard that he and my uncle ended up in Alaska. When I got there I met this guy that told me this long story about my dad and how he used to be a fisherman with his brother for this company that went out for Chinook Salmon and King Crabs. So I went and tried to find the ship that they had worked for. My dad was long gone, but they offered me a job and the chance to go to more ports where he might still be working.”
His eyes flicker to me, and the right side of his lips quirk up before he turns back to the road. “That’s where I met Jameson. We spent seven months out on the ocean together. Few people remembered my dad. So when we docked I got off and enrolled at the University of Alaska and continued looking for people that might know something. Jameson and I met Landon there. He’d just gotten out of the Army and was going to school. Every once in a while someone would swear they knew who I was talking about and would tell me where to go, but they were all a bunch of loose ends. Who knows, he’s probably dead.”
Max’s fingers clench the wheel. “He was a heavy alcoholic that liked to gamble and use his fists to make his hard-headed points. He’s been gone a long time.”
I work to swallow several of the words I want to say. “I feel sorry for him.”
“What?” He looks at me with a grin I know is forced.
“I feel sorry for him, for missing out on seeing who you are.” Max raises an eyebrow as he balks. “I’m serious. You’re pretty great, Max.”
As we pass a well-lit stretch, shadows dance across Max’s bare chest. I’ve seen him shirtless several times now, from both running together and swimming, yet the image still distracts me. My eyes slowly trace over the planes of his chest and the contours that accentuate his abs, over to his tattoos.
“What are you thinking about over there, Ace?” My eyes flash to his and I feel my face flush as I turn to look away, trying to formulate a comprehensive sentence.
Thankfully his phone rings saving me. We both glance down to see the name ‘Megan’ light up across the screen. I glance at the clock and see that it’s nearly two in the morning.
“You can get that if you want,” I say, folding my hands in my lap and regretting my earlier admission.
“That’s alright,” he says, clicking ignore as we pull into his driveway.
I wrench the door open as soon as the engine shuts off and slam it behind me, trying to convince myself to not care that a girl is calling him at two in the morning, and the reason for it. He stops me at the back of his Jeep.
I open my mouth to say a forced thank you when Max’s frustrated tone stops me in my tracks. “Why are you still dating him?”
This is not where I had anticipated the conversation going, and it makes me feel defensive since he’s been ignoring me to hang out with Felicia, and possibly Megan. I take a breath and close my eyes. I don’t want to fight with Max. I miss his friendship.
“Why does it matter?” My voice comes out quiet as I work to keep it level and calm from the rush of conflicting emotions.
“Are you kidding me? Why does it matter?” Max lifts both of his arms in the air like he wants to grip something, and then lets his hands fall behind his head tilting up. He stares at the sky for a long moment. “Why are you doing this?”
“You’re dating Felicia!” The words come as an accusation. I’m not even positive that he’s referring to us; I’m hardly ever certain because he dances on this gray line so often it’s making me go half insane.
“What do you want me to do?” His voice is raised with frustration. “You confuse the shit out of me, Ace!” He quietly growls as he runs his hand over his head which is now dipped to the ground.
“I’m tired of trying to read through the lines, Max!”
“This isn’t about me. It’s about you! As your friend, I’m telling you, you should dump the fucker and get it over with. He’s a complete dick.” And with that he’s done it again, bringing me back to a lighter shade of gray as we return closer to the friendship line. “You deserve better than him.”
“I appreciate your friendly advice, Max,” I say dryly, taking a wide step around him.
“Ace …”
I turn, waiting for him to say what I need to hear. His lips part, but before he says anything, his phone rings piercing the moment.
“It sounds like she’s looking for you,” I say, looking at him, willing him to object or deny it. He stares back at me for a long moment before I turn around and make my way to my house.
“Dammit!” I hear Max growl in frustration, but I don’t turn around. I know if I do right now, I will reveal too much.