Boys Like You by Jaye Pratt
It’s the last night before school goes back, and as per usual, we’re spending the night at Mercer’s. Mr Cole goes all out, and up until this year, we used to all ride together in a mini-van and Mr Cole would sing show tunes or Beyoncé at the top of his lungs as we arrived. This year there is no mini-van but he’ll still drive us, singing his songs loudly. I think most people are used to it now, so it doesn’t shock them.
I had a therapy session yesterday to prepare me for school; my parents freak out thinking because I rarely talk to anyone besides my friends that I don’t cope. I do just fine. Sure, some idiots throw nasty comments my way, but when they realise I’m still capable of defending myself, they tend to back off. People don’t understand why I don’t speak; they just assume I can’t. Still to this day my Bio teacher talks to me really loud, maybe thinking I’m deaf, but I just go along with it.
Of course, I wish I could communicate with others like the rest of the guys can. The last two years have been particularly hard with my new interest in the opposite sex. Before I started noticing them, I liked being the mute kid. That’s not to say I didn’t ever try, because I did. My throat just closes over though, and I have panic attacks and occasionally pass out. The guys are the only people I can freely talk around. I’m told they’re my safety net.
When I first went to Mumma B’s, and it was just me and Levi there, he would hold me through my nightmares. When Rocky joined us with his massive energy, bouncing off the walls, Levi would get mad, but he made me happy inside. Before him, I don’t know if I ever felt that emotion. At six years old I had never felt happiness. One by one the boys all arrived, and we each had our troubles to deal with, and together, we got through them. We’ve been thick as thieves ever since.
And then JD came along, and she is changing everything, for the better. We have relied on each other so much for ten years, each being the other’s saviour. But with her, it’s like she is the missing piece to our healing. We finally have the chance to do the saving. I’m smart enough to know that isn’t healthy, and yet I don’t care.
I love that she doesn’t need me to talk to her. She gets me, never once looking at me like I’m an idiot. I find myself wanting to talk to her like I do the guys. I haven’t tried yet, but I want to. I also like to touch her, in a non-creepy way. Aside from Levi holding me when I’m worked up, I’ve never had physical contact with others. I’ve never wanted to either until now.
We have set up our sleeping bags in the Cole’s living room. It’s a tight fit the older we get, even for me who’s just average size and not anywhere near as big as the others. What I lack in muscles and good looks though, I more than make up for in brains.
“Remind me again why we didn’t invite JD? I thought she was one of us now.” Rocky is always the one to complain.
“Because sometimes I need to talk, and we need to make sure we are all on the same wavelength tomorrow.” When I talk, I feel such a relief in my chest. Sometimes it feels like the words are trapped under my ribs, trying to get out. They build up so tight I can’t breathe.
“I’m back, what did I miss?” Mercer announces as he walks into the room, throwing his keys in a bowl on a buffet cabinet. He just dropped JD home.
“Nothing. Was JD okay when you left?” Rory asks, bringing in a plate of food Carson left us. He’s been off lately, but none of us have pushed him on it since he just clams up and refuses to talk. We’ve found if you leave him be, he will come to us when he figures things out in his head.
“She was exhausted, she took one of her sleeping pills and was out like a light.” Good, we made sure to keep her out all day. We went shopping for last-minute supplies, we took her out to lunch, came back here and Mr Cole made her mocktails and sang karaoke.
“What is our plan? Mac has been sniffing around asking me to hook him up with JD every time we do morning training sessions together.” Rocky isn’t good in confrontational situations; he tends to just blurt out information.
“And don’t forget Naomi. I overheard her talking to Savannah about JD.” The one thing about being mute is people seem to forget you’re there. Makes for easy eavesdropping.
“Your sister better not say anything.”
“Levi, she would never do that, she knows what Naomi is like.”
“There isn’t much we can do about Naomi. Maybe hope a few of the senior girls like JD, I just don’t know who yet, we have history with so many.”
“What Mercer means is you four have slept your way through most of them.” I look over at them; the only one a virgin is me.
“What if one of us pretends to date her?” Rocky pipes up.
“No damn way, we already had ‘the talk’ because she made my dick hard, no way are we saying, ‘hey, JD, we voted and you need a fake boyfriend so other guys don’t date you.’ We’re not cavemen, and she can date if she wants to. We don’t have to like it, but we’re not her keepers.” Levi has a point. Though we haven’t discussed the real issue; what if one of us starts having feelings for her? It will happen eventually; I see the way they are with her, myself included. The touches, the staring at her like she’s the only person in the room.
I know we’re all worried how she will go tomorrow. Rory already has her timetable; one he made Mr Turner change. Now she has a class with each of us, plus a spare which she can spend watching Rocky or Levi train.
“Good point, we don’t want to come across as overbearing, but I’m not cool with her dating. Not unless it’s one of us. There are five of us, couldn’t she just pick one?” Rocky exclaims.
“Do you even think before you speak sometimes? None of us are good picks for her. I can barely control my temper, Levi has control issues, Rory has Cindy shit to deal with, Maximus can barely speak to her, let alone be intimate, and Rocky is just Rocky. JD doesn’t need that.”
“Speak for yourself. I’m the most normal one out of all of us, I would make a good boyfriend.” Rocky pretends to look offended.
I laugh. “Until you get bored. Don’t pretend you could stick with just one girl.”
“For JD I would.” And I believe him; she is becoming one of us, and we do anything for each other.
“No one will be dating her right now, she needs time to heal and we don’t need to complicate that. We need to be smart about this. She could have a boyfriend looking for her for all we know. Right now she needs friends, and that is what we will all be to her, end of story.”
Everyone agrees.
I slip out and into the kitchen, needing a breather.
“Are you okay?” Levi asks, placing his hand on my shoulder.
“I will be, just knowing intimacy may be an issue for me sucks. What if I freak out on the first girl I’m with? Who would want to be with a freak? It’s bad enough I most likely wouldn’t be able to talk to them.”
“If she freaks out, she isn’t worth your time. You’re amazing and you’ll find someone who gets you, don’t worry.”
“That’s easy for you to say, you get to have sex and have no bullshit from your past attached to that.” He quirks an eyebrow. “Nightmares we can deal with, but being touched—”
“JD touches you,” he interrupts, and he’s right; she does and I don’t flip out.
“She’s different, she’s never looked at me like there’s something wrong with me. She doesn’t touch me without it being okay and she knows with just a look.”
“It’s freaky how much she gets all of us.” It really is, I’ve been seeing my therapist two times a week again to try and understand it all. Seeing her curled up in the sand that night overwhelmed me. All the memories of my past; abuse, beatings, hunger, my innocent sister and all the guilt of making it out alive came flooding back like flashes of light and I just shut down. At times, the guilt consumes me, but somehow it’s not so bad with JD around. Maybe JD is the redemption I need; if I can help save her, maybe I can forgive myself.
Learning to cope after what I went through has been hard. Some days getting out of bed sucks. Levi is my saving grace. He will, still to this day, get in my bed and hold me. I know others wouldn’t understand but my family does. My parents may not be biological, but I can tell from the look in my mum’s eyes, she wants to console me but she understands why she can’t.
If I freak out at school most of the staff know to call Levi. It happens less and less now that I'm older; I tend to feel an episode coming on and can make it out to a car or a bathroom. It doesn’t stop the stares and whispering, though. People think I can’t hear them. I do.
The other guys know the drill; stay close by, don’t touch me, remind me to breathe, reassure me that Levi is on his way. I put it down to him being the first to ever offer me comfort. No one ever truly cared before him. Levi wrapping his body around mine is associated with comfort. That’s what I tell myself anyway.
“We voted, we’re going to crash and take JD to her first day of school.” Rocky announces as he and the guys come into the room. Mr Cole smiles.
“Oh, thank god, I can sleep in and not have to sing you off to school. I honestly thought I was raising a bunch of pussies.”
“You mean we didn’t have to have all the fuss and singing?”
Mr Cole laughs. “No, I just wanted to see how long I could carry it on for. I must admit, I thought it would have ended when high school started.”
We all pack up while Mr Cole packs the food in containers that he made for our lunches. Once we have everything we need, all five of us pack our gear in Rory’s car and head to Mumma B’s.
I can’t wait to see the look on JD’s face when she wakes up and we are all asleep on her floor.