Held by Luna Voss

25

Melyta

That night in the space station is Jenyta’s and my last together before she begins her role flying the transport ship. Barion didn’t even want to stay here out of concern for our safety, but I managed to convince him to let us stay the night so Jenyta and I could say goodbye, on the condition that we stay in our cabin rather than exploring all the fun amenities the station has to offer. It’s a disappointment, but a decision I understand and agree with. The whole reason we’re doing this is so we can live our lives without that danger. It would be silly to put ourselves at risk when we’re this close to the finish line.

“Man, what are you even going to do on that barren-ass planet for a month?” I ask her as we sit in our tiny room on the space station munching plates of human food.

“Oh, you know, jump dune buggies over cliffs,” she laughs. “Actually, though, probably just read a lot. I imagine it’s going to be pretty boring.”

“Just focus on how much money you’re making. Every minute you’re sitting there doing nothing, you’re making like a thousand times more than you used to busting your ass at the restaurant.”

“That’s what’s going to get me through it,” she sighs. “I’d better be getting paid well to put up with Korva.”

“Oh, he’s not so bad,” I say. “Korva’s a good dude. Maybe a little cocky, but you’ll get used to him.”

She looks at me grimly. “Yeah, well, he’s never spanked you.”

I can’t resist the urge to tease her. It’s only fair, considering how much shit she used to give me about being with Barion. “I wonder how many credits you’re earning per individual spank. Probably a lot, right? That would be a fun math problem to do.”

Jenyta narrows her eyes at me, even if she does crack a smile. “Oh, shut up.”

I keep going. “Let’s see, if we assume two spankings a week, and… why don’t we just say 40 spanks per session? Over the course of a month, that would come out to…”

She sticks out her tongue and throws a crumpled-up napkin at me. “Two spankings a week?! What the hell do you think—”

“… 160 spanks over the course of a month,” I finish. “Did I do that right?”

“It’s 320 spanks,” she grumbles, shaking her head. “You’re enjoying the hell out of this, aren’t you?”

“Considering how you used to make fun of me about Barion, yes. Yes, I am enjoying it.”

“Well, the joke’s on you. Korva’s not my mate, and he certainly won’t be disciplining me again.”

“We’ll see,” I reply suggestively. “About the spanking bit, not the mate part. I think we can pretty safely rule that out.”

Her eyes go wide. “Don’t even say that. Thank god I’m on suppressants…”

My own eyes widen in response to this information. Taking suppressants is very, very taboo among the Vostra. The culture is extremely traditional like that. In the Vostra, men are men, women are women, and pair bonding is expected to happen more or less as soon as a Fated Mate connection is established.

“You’re on suppressants?”

She sighs. “Yeah. I started taking them at the beginning of the pilot training program. I thought it would make things easier, you know? No more heats, no more bullshit.”

I try to keep my voice even, not wanting her to think that I’m judging her. “And… are you planning to keep taking them?”

“I don’t know. Probably. It wasn’t really something I thought about growing up, but it’s just… Melyta, it makes life so much simpler. I don’t have to worry about being influenced by a compatible guy’s pheromones. I don’t have to worry that a week out of every six months, I turn into this ridiculous horny monster that just wants to get fucked by every guy I see. It’s a huge load off my mind. Am I really going to give that up?”

“I do understand.”

“But it sounds like you don’t approve?”

I shift in my seat, putting my mostly-empty plate on the coffee table in front of me. “Well, it’s not really my business, is it? You get to do whatever you want with your body.”

“I still value your opinion about things.”

“Well, it certainly isn’t the choice I would make.”

“Obviously,” she jokes, gesturing at Barion’s mark on my neck.

I shrug. “Yeah, well, I guess that’s what it comes down to for me. I wouldn’t trade Barion for anything. And if I had been taking suppressants when I first met him, we wouldn’t be together.”

“How do you think you would feel if you hadn’t met him?”

“Impossible to say, obviously. But Jen, being with him makes me happy in a way I never could have expected. Like, I guess I always kind of bought into the Fated Mates thing, at least a bit. I didn’t think it was bullshit. But I thought it was like, normal. Maybe a slightly better version of having a crush, only more satisfying because the guy likes you back.”

“That’s… sort of the way I think about it,” Jenyta admits.

“It’s not like that,” I tell her flatly. “Not when you’re Fated and the genetic compatibility is there. It’s like… I don’t even think I can describe it. It’s like being in love mentally, but you’re also in love physically. Like every part of you is just… connected to the other person.”

She snorts. “Okay, I have no idea what that means.”

“You know how shitty it feels to go into heat? That awful, empty feeling, like you just need something you couldn’t ever possibly satisfy?”

“Yeah, I know damn well. Literally the reason I’m on suppressants. Not the most convincing case, Mel.”

“Okay, now imagine the opposite of that. The polar opposite. You feel that need, so bad it hurts, so bad that nothing else matters. And then you actually get to satisfy that need. You get the thing you want, and when you do, it’s 100 times better than you ever imagined it. And it’s not just a temporary thing, you get to keep it. For the rest of your life.”

“Sex. You’re talking about sex.”

“No, I’m not talking about sex. Well, okay, that’s part of it. That’s definitely part of it. But it’s more than that. It’s being so close to another person that you barely know where your body ends and theirs begins. It’s feeling so connected to them, so safe with them that you never want to be apart and give up that comfort. It’s so much deeper than sex. I don’t even really know how to talk about it.”

I’m a little embarrassed as I finish, but Jenyta doesn’t tease me. Instead she frowns, as though she’s considering my words. “I guess I sort of understand. And you’re saying going into heat doesn’t suck?”

“I mean, a heat is a heat. But like, what’s the one thing you want to do when your heat starts?

“Get someone’s knot in me,” she chuckles.

“Right. And when I go into heat, you know what I get to do?”

She laughs. “Okay, I see your point. Not saying I’m going to quit suppressants. But I see your point.”