Bound By Lucifer by Aiden Pierce
Chapter Eighteen
Lucifer
Lust – Past
Isat at the top of the half-finished tower, gazing into the dark mask of oblivion. Rain hailed down on the tarp covering the construction site and ravaged the ropes that held it, threatening to rip it away in the storm. As an immortal, I could work forever without dying, so it was easy to carry on, erecting my vision, dad after day without a break. And without a moon or a sun, it was easy to lose track of time. I could only guess how long Lilith and I had spent here, building my vision of a better Second Circle.
I had a complicated relationship with blessings, but that woman was no short of a miracle, a hellish miracle born of hellfire and chaos. She didn’t have to stick with me through any of this, but she did. All I had was my big dreams, and she just smiled and went along with them, ready to help build whatever crazy thing it was I could imagine. Dreaming right along with me.
We’d been through Hell together, and no layer of Abbadon’s Hell had been particularly kind, but the Third Circle had been brutal, the trails there nearly severing our journey short.
I could only begin to guess how long we’d spent there, plucking out the poor corpses of the gluttonous Abaddon had stuck in that damned mire. The blood curling, agonizing screams of their suffering still haunted me and the putrid stench of their own filth they’d been forced to wallow in still clung to my nostrils. There wasn’t any part of our trip that had been kind.
At any time, Lilith could have left.
She could have gone back to Abaddon.
She could have gone anywhere. But she was still here, here with me. She was helping me rebuild Hell, no matter how much sweat and blood and tears it cost us.
Lust had been a relief compared to the rest of the demented circus the archdemon had been running. The Second Circle was nothing more than an endless stretch of wasteland, seeped in ceaseless night and ravaged by constant storms. The rain was unforgiving compared to the surface; it stung at the skin like a thousand whips lashing your body if you didn’t wear anything to protect yourself. But hey, that was better than mires filled with feces and moaning gluttons, rivers of corpses, and the dozen other horrors we’d weathered. Compared to all that, the manual labor spent in Lust’s wastes building my true paradise was practically a vacation.
My muscles were aching, my beast grumbling and moaning with pent-up frustration as he always did when Lilith was near, and my hands were calloused, but my heart was content. Content for the first time ever.
“Are you hungry?” a familiar voice called. I turned to see silvery eyes peering over the platform, small hands gripping the construction ladder. “I made some soup.” Lilith pulled herself up the tower ladder, a clay jar stuffed down the front of her tunic to free her hands. The smells rolling off of her were a mix of savory broth and the sweet yet warm scent of sunshine. My stomach growled for the soup while my beast growled for her. Suppressing him was becoming increasingly difficult. He lusted for her ever since the River Styx. Ever since… No, I had to suppress the memory. Thinking about what had happened that day would only encourage him. If it wasn’t for my lack of wings keeping him in, I would have surely lost control of him a few floors back.
Lilith wasn’t the kind of woman who would submit to a mate. It was why her and Abaddon’s frayed relationship was so explosive. They were both alphas.
In any case, I had a mate. Eve. I had to keep telling myself that this was all for Eve. Eve. I repeated the name in my head like a damn chant. But each time I said her name, it carried less meaning.
My beast resonated with Lilith, naming her my true mate. That had to be a mistake, one made out of desperation. She was the only constant companion I’d had since coming here. She was beautiful and fierce. Her shape was perfect, her curves soft and delicate amongst a landscape of jagged stone and ugly creatures to call it home. Her scent was a breath of fresh air in a cesspit filled with filth and squalor. Her wit was sharp amongst bubbling, fading souls, and her eyes were kind when everything else here was cruel.
How could I not desire her? After everything we’d been through together, we were close. The line between friendship had blurred.
My beast was confused.
Keep telling yourself that. It won’t make it true,he snarled in the back of my head.
It was becoming harder to ignore him. My resolve was crumbling, especially since I knew her beast resonated with my own. But no matter how much I longed for her, she wasn’t mine to claim.
“I’m ravenous,” I told her through a stiff smile, gesturing for her to take a seat beside me. She crawled up on the rickety construction platform, her storm-gray eyes completely devoid of fear. I wasn’t even sure the demoness knew the meaning of the word.
The oil lantern lit beside me wrapped her features in the golden glow of its flickering flame, her skin covered in a sheen of rain.
“You’re drenched.” I frowned at the way she shivered in her soaking tunic, the fabric clinging to her skin. My eyes dipped to where her nipples peaked against the shirt, their rosy hue dark against the almost translucent cotton.
I swallowed thickly, forcing my gaze away.
Mine.My beast clawed at my insides, screaming that word in my ear.
I tamped down on ancient instincts, turning my focus on the hot jug of broth she clung to. I reached over and uncorked the jug, guiding it to her lips. “Drink so that it will warm you. How did you get so drenched? I thought you were back at camp.”
“I was,” she said through chattering teeth. “But the tarp cover had been ripped away in the storm. It put out the fire I was using for our meal, but it finished just in time. Not that the weed that grows here improves after cooking.”
She hated it here. She never said it out loud, but I could surmise as much from the strongest of her thoughts that leaked through her mental barrier. As much as I tried to stay out of her head, some things just slipped through the cracks. The stronger the emotion behind the thought, the harder it was for me to ignore it.
Yet, she never complained or pushed me to leave a floor sooner than I wanted. She waited for my vision of a better Hell to be complete before we moved on.
I passed the soup back to her, and she took another drink, the steaming liquid curling up around her face in thin tendrils.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, but with Lilith, awkward silences were never a worry between us. I never felt the need to break the quiet with pointless babble. We’d spent so long in each other’s company that even days of endless silence were comfortable.
Once the jug of soup had been drained, she set it aside with a sigh. “I never properly thanked you for what you did back on the third floor. You didn’t have to carry me…but you did. I should have just shifted.”
“You didn’t want to. You don’t like your beast form, and that’s just fine.”
I hadn’t forgotten what Lilith had told me when we’d been stranded on the River of Souls. About what Abaddon had done to her.
That knuckled-headed demon was a brute and a bully. Sure, he was powerful, and for whatever reason, he held sway over many of the demons native to these lands. He would have his uses in the future, but getting him to bend beneath my command was going to be a task in itself, one that I would have to put off until later. For now, I’d had enough of this pit. My biggest fear at the moment was that the ex-king would try to reclaim his throne in my absence while I looked for Eve on the surface. It was part of my reason for rebuilding Hell. In my eyes, it was easier to win the respect of the locals by making their home into a tolerable civilization rather than keeping it the abusive cesspit of chaos Abaddon favored.
“Well, I think you’re beautiful just like this,” I murmured, my gaze softening as I took in every detail of her soaking human form. She looked at me, drops of rain still clinging to her dark lashes.
“You know… It’s part of the reason I stay in this form. My beast can sense you like it more, and she wants to please you. You’re the first male she’s ever cared about pleasing.”
Her words had my muscles coiling. A swell of heat rushed through me despite the torturous cold. Fuck me. Day by day, her subtle hints were growing not-so-subtle. I wouldn’t have the strength to fight my beast and hers.
“You don’t need to please me,” I muttered. “I’m not your mate.”
“Lucifer. Our spirits resonated with one another on the Styx. You keep pretending that didn’t happen. The Fates have determined that we’re true mates.”
“Abaddon was your mate.”
She stiffened, her gaze growing dark with murder in the flamelight. “You know he’s not. He was my husband, my king. But he wasn’t mine. You know that.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because my beast knows. She’s my true nature, my gut instincts. You should try listening to yours more. You may have lost your wings. But you haven’t lost the celestial spirit inside you. He’s still there, trying to guide you. You keep ignoring him. I’m waiting for you to come to your senses.”
“What is it you’re trying to tell me, Lilith?”
Her nostrils flared with a sharp exhale. Her mind was a swarm of pointed thoughts, as sharp as daggers aimed right at me. It was almost as if she was projecting them, trying to get me to read her mind.
“Why don’t you just come out and say it? I grow tired of all these little hints you’re dropping,” I growled through clenched teeth, battling my beast and her emotion-charged thoughts.
“Because maybe I want you to realize the obvious on your own, Lucifer.”
I narrowed my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. “Perhaps it isn’t so obvious if I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, woman.”
“On the River Styx, you kissed me. Or are we still pretending that didn’t happen either?”
My body went hot, recalling the memory, the same one I’d replayed in my mind countless times. I had memorized every detail. The way we’d been holding each other at the bottom of that infernal boat we’d been marooned in for Father knew how long. The way her parched lips parted, how they felt on mine. My every nerve lit up with the thoughts of that moment. The way she’d purred for me.
“You’re denial isn’t so cute, Lucifer Morningstar. Are all celestials as shit as you when it comes to listening to your instincts?”
My lip curled, my eyes flashing in the dark. “Listening to my instincts is what landed me in this damn pit.”
She shot to her feet, growling at me with her teeth bared and her fists balled at her sides. “So that’s it then, after the hell we’ve been through, you’re crawling out of here just so you can obey your daddy and do what he wants you to do? Wake the fuck up, Lucifer. He tore away your wings. Literally threw you out of your home. Now you’re going to go find some girl you fucked once because, why? Because Daddy said so?”
“Because she’s my true mate,” I said through a clenched jaw, loathing way the words that weighed on my tongue like a lie.
“That’s not true! Now you’re just feeding into Daddy’s ignorance.”
Over the course of my travels through Hell and its layers, I’d experienced pretty much every emotion there was. Anger wasn’t something to which I was a stranger, especially not after the hand I’d been dealt by ‘Daddy,’ the Almighty Himself. Anger was just a tool I used to drive me forward. It wasn’t something I was usually a victim to. And I certainly wasn’t accustomed to having it dealt by Lilith. She made me feel a lot of things. But she never made me angry. Until now.
It didn’t matter how much I’d come to love her. I didn’t like anyone telling me all my efforts have been for not. I’d spent the last handful of centuries digging my way out of Hell so that I could get to Eve. Why?
Because Daddy told me so.
I loathed how right Lilith was. I was Lucifer Morningstar, the bonified king of rule breakers. And I was pursuing this female simply because He said that she was my mate. Did He even have control over such things?
In all likelihood, probably not.
Here, the locals believed it was The Fates who determined the destiny of the shifter kind, especially demon shifters. While I was a celestial, I was now king of this place.
Maybe The Fates really were the ones looking out for me. Not Father. When had He ever cared about my happiness?
Eve was beautiful, the perfect example of the female form. But the basis of our relationship ended there. She was attractive. I was attractive. Our great liking for fornication was basically the only thing we had in common. She satisfied my male urges, but she didn’t satisfy my beast. She didn’t make him purr and growl and beg.
Not like Lilith could.
Bleeding Almighty. I’d wanted Lilith since the moment I’d laid eyes on her, but I’d suppressed my instincts because that’s what we celestials were supposed to do. It was the Almighty we were meant to obey. It was His rules that I was supposed to follow. But why was I still so eager to please him? Why did I care about finding Eve so much when I had the woman who truly made me happy right beside me now?
The woman with who I had gone through Hell. The woman who had gone through Hell for me.
“Lilith…”
She was crying now. Thick, hot tears welled in her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. “You’re an idiot, Lucifer.”
“If I’m such an idiot, why did you follow me up through Hell? Why didn’t you go with your precious king when he crawled away licking his wounds after I stole his crown? Is it because you just care about being queen? You crawl off with any man as long as they have the throne?”
She flinched as if I had physically slapped her. I might as well have, with how harsh I was being. I was taking out my frustration on her. My insides twisted with self-loathing.
“Are you actually suggesting that I came along with you, spent all this time rebuilding Hell because of the power that comes along with it? I’ve waded through waist-deep shit with you, Lucifer. I’ve walked over hot coals, I’ve been marooned with you, I’ve been cut, boiled, and burned. I’ve starved, and I’ve not known the sweet bliss of water to my lips for years. Not to mention I’ve had the female equivalent of blue balls since you kissed me on the Styx and then desired to reject me as your mate. Yet, I’m still here. And it has nothing to do with being queen. You know I don’t give two shits about that.”
“I didn’t reject you. You have to be my true mate for me to reject you.”
“I am your true mate, you asshole!” Her voice had gone shrill, and she was backing away from me on the platform. Her eyes were wide with exasperation, her cheeks glistening with tears.
“Lilith, wait!” I reached out, my voice spiked with alarm as I watched her back away, dangerously close to the edge of the platform. The tower we sat on was at least forty feet in the air, and even for an immortal demoness, that would be a painful fall.
“No, Lucifer! I’m tired of sitting and waiting just to wait some more. Your beast has called to mine. And you know it! Yet you pretend it never fucking happened. All you have to say is that you don’t want me. Go ahead, say the words. That you reject me. That you don’t want—”
She didn’t finish. The rest of her words were replaced with a sharp gasp as she took a final, fatal step back. Her ankle caught one of the rope ties holding up the tarp, and she plummeted over the edge, taking the tarp with her.
I hurtled forward to grab her, but it was too late, the scream of her name torn away by the storm that ravaged overhead. Most of the braziers we’d placed around the construction site had burned out due to the heavy rain, but a few still smoldered, illuminating the dark silhouette of the tarp below. I couldn’t make out her form.
Curse my father. If I had my wings, I could have caught her in time.
Then again, if I had my wings, I wouldn’t even be here. The notion of having never met her was worse than having never gone to Hell. And what a brutal epiphany that was.
“Lilith!” I screamed again, but my voice was lost to the rain. The tarp lashed in the wind below, but I couldn’t see her moving beneath. I couldn’t see her movement at all. As immortals, it was difficult for us to die. Typically death had to be dealt at the hand of another immortal, but my mind was in panic mode. If she died, she was gone forever. The natives of Hell were tough bastards to kill, but when they did die, there was no coming back. They weren’t like human souls. If a demon died, they were gone forever.
And if I lost her, I didn’t know what I’d do.
Not bothering with the ladder, I climbed down the side of the construction platform, using protruding pieces of wood as grips to find my way down to the ground. The rain lashed at my skin like a flogging from the heavens, but I heeded it no mind. Nothing I wasn’t used to. My boots made contact with the wet earth, and my heart fell to see nothing but wet dirt. Her body was nowhere to be found. She hadn’t made contact with the ground at all…
“Lucifer,” a weak cry sounded from beneath the tarp, the ropes having caught on planks from the unfinished tower. It had fallen over a pile of planks to create another tent. I approached the pile of wood and lifted the canvas flap to see Lilith dangling over the pile, her head inches away from a wooden beam. The rope still tied around her ankle had caught on the tower several levels above, catching her fall just in time.
“That was a lucky fall,” I told her through a tearful smile. I’d never once shed a tear in all my life. Up until now, I thought I was incapable of weeping. This fiery little demoness was always proving me wrong.
“Cut me down,” she demanded, her face red with all the blood draining to her cheeks.
“No. Listen to me for a moment.” I hopped onto the woodpile beneath the canvas, so it shielded us both from the rain and clutched her head between my hands. At my touch, I felt her pulse thump harder against my palms. The blaze of her cheeks was a warmth kiss against my skin, chasing away the chill of the storm that ravaged beyond the tarp. “You’re right. I am an idiot. My entire life, I have been taught to ignore my instincts and listen to my father instead. I’ve never been one for rules. I’m glad I followed my gut and bedded Eve. Not because I love her but because falling prey to temptation was what landed me here, with you. Along this journey, you’ve taught me much. To trust my beast and listen to what he tells me. To trust myself.”
Her brows pulled together, her cheeks staining an even deeper hue of red. “That’s all?”
I smiled and brushed some of her hair back from her face so I could see all of her. “No. You’ve taught me the value of loyalty. You’ve taught me love. I didn’t really believe in the value of such things before you.”
More tears fell from her, this time sliding over her brow into her hairline. “Lucifer. When we kissed on River Styx, my beast resonated with yours. You’re my true mate. Not Abaddon. It’s you. You have to know that.”
I brushed my knuckles over her cheek. “I do know that, Kitten. Mine resonates as well, and the damn bastard never shuts up. I was too much of a coward to listen to him. I’ve been extraordinarily stupid.”
“So that’s it? You’ve been too scared to read my mind?”
“Yes, because I knew what I would find there. Further evidence that my father was wrong. That the Almighty isn’t so almighty when it comes to fatherhood, and that is a sad and terrifying prospect. Because if I can’t trust Him, who can I trust?”
“Yourself, Lucifer. You can trust yourself.”
“Yes, and I can trust my true mate.”
She smiled. “Please, for the love of all that is unholy, tell me you’re not talking about Eve.”
“No, Lilith. It’s you. It’s always been you.”
I pulled her lips to mine in a kiss I’d been dreaming about since the River Styx. A rattling growl rose from my chest just as it had that day my beast called to her. “Now, if it pleases you, My Queen, I’m going to cut you down, and I’m going to fuck you like I should have done a long time ago.”