Anastasia by A. Marie

Anastasia

Iplaced my head on his shoulder. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I loved this side of him. He made me feel like I wasn’t alone at times, fostering a wish from me that he could act like that all of the time.

“All my life I have been acting like I was her mother. I allowed myself to have hope that, for once, she was my mum and she wanted more from herself. I understand why she’s so sad. Her life is all screwed up, but is it selfish of me to wonder why she has to ruin mine?” I asked.

His hands rubbed my back soothingly again, leading to the butterflies in my stomach to suddenly awaken.

As I inhaled his cologne, I found myself growing a sudden craving for him that was more than sexual. It was hard to explain, but it was a lot harder for my mind to comprehend.

“I’m here for you, Bambolina, I just hope you remember that,” he stated. His voice was deep and rich with his perfect Italian accent sliding off each word. Being held by him felt like my favorite place in the world. With Valentino, I felt protected and cared for; I felt like I was finally home.

I smiled sadly. Was I foolish for feeling this way?

“I was going to visit her,” I whispered. He nodded his head silently, unwrapping his arms around me. I felt my heart drop at the absence of his arms. A whisk of wind hit me as the need for him to return grew drastically.

“Let’s go,” he declared.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as I looked at him. I got off his lap, my gaze unwavering. He was so magnificent that I couldn’t keep my eyes off.

He let out a sigh before running a hand through his hair. Without saying a word, I continued to follow his hand while he stood up and fixed his suit.

“You’re coming?” I questioned, trying to ignore the way my heart swelled.

He ignored me and just grabbed my arm. My eyes lingered on his as he stared at me. He would do this quite often. Sometimes, I caught myself staring back and just wondering what was going through his mind.

“What?” I asked, rather bluntly.

He clenched his jaw and then began walking me out of his room. I didn’t say a word.

Valentino pulled me over to his side, continuing to stroll down the hall. I just followed right beside him until we made it outside, to his car. There was no longer any energy left in my system as he pulled open the passenger side door for me to get in. Once I was seated, he walked over to the other side and got in.

No words were exchanged as he started up the car and drove down the road.

“Where am I going?” he questioned. I completely forgot to give him the address.

“Sorry,” I muttered before telling him where the facility was. He seemed to know exactly where to go, so I took that as a sign to lean back in my seat. I wasn’t in the mood to discuss anything, so I turned toward the window in sorrow.

I was grateful for Valentino. However, I was perplexed. Everything I felt for him was creating an unknown feeling in my heart. There were no longer any need to deny it. I could tell he cared for me as well, but he was stubborner than I was.

He turned abruptly, only to catch me staring. I quickly shifted to look outside the window. His hand came down to my thigh, where he lightly soothed my skin by rubbing up and down. It wasn’t sexual, it just felt endearing.

After a moment of thinking long and hard if I should do this, I decided to just go for it. I reached down and laced my fingers with his. My head was turned toward the window looking out, so I wouldn’t have to catch Valentino’s expression. I knew he probably was disgusted, but I was glad he didn’t pull away.

I didn’t need words to know he wanted to stand by me because his actions proved everything I needed to know. Valentino allowing me to hold his hand was proof there were feelings. He wasn’t the type of man to allow a woman to hold his hand. He seemed to hate romance as much as he hated when I challenged him.

Finally, I gained enough courage to look at him. His eyes met mine, a beautiful, dazzling smile danced on his lips. I could feel my heartbeat slow down.

Holding his hand meant so much more to me, and I just hoped he realized it. I broke eye contact as I decided to just look out the window for the rest of the ride. The scenery slid by as Valentino drove. I found myself loving the trees and all the nature that was showcasing its beauty.

There were no more words exchanged, but he never pulled away, either.

When we finally pulled up into the rehabilitation facility, I quickly got out. Valentino was behind me as I made my way to the front office. The receptionist already knew who I was as her face instantaneously melted from a smile into a frown.

“Miss Smith,” she greeted.

I watched as she quickly logged my name onto the sign-in sheet, turning the clipboard over to me so I could sign my signature once she had done her part.

“How is Mum?” I asked as I signed my name. I was awaiting her reply, but when I didn’t hear one, I looked up at her in confusion. Her eyes were on Valentino, her eyebrows rising in surprise.

“Hello?” I demanded.

She shook herself out of her daze before bringing her attention back to me. The woman better have been glad I wasn’t the jealous type, or I would’ve been a lot ruder.

“I am so sorry, that was incredibly unprofessional of me. She’s doing okay, and she has been asking about you for a while. The doctors have her under suicide watch, so she’s under intense monitoring,” she explained.

Her eyes moved over to Valentino briefly before quickly coming back to mine. I looked over at Valentino, who seemed busy as he talked on the phone in Italian. He sounded angry.

“Okay, thank you. Where is she?” I asked.

She ducked down to her computer screen where she began to type something into it.

With a small expression of accomplishment on her face, she glanced over at me. “Room forty-five. It’s just down the hall.”

“Thank you,” I said, and then turned to look at Valentino once more.

The moment his eyes met mine, he hung up his phone and made his way toward me. Biting down on my lip, he placed his hand on my waist, causing that same butterfly-feeling to spread within me.

“My mum is down the hall,” I told him, taking a deep breath.

He nodded his head slowly before looking over at the receptionist, who was still staring at him.

“Can I help you?” he asked her.

I turned to look at her as well, only for her to quickly look down at the computer as if she hadn’t been caught gawking.

“Come on,” Valentino said.

I walked with him down the hall, looking at the room numbers as we wandered. The closer we got to the number forty-five, the more nervousness seemed to seep into my mind. I didn’t know what to expect. I feeling so many things, but I knew I couldn’t express any of it.

Once again, my instinct that seemed mother-like, was bombarding my heart. I had to remind myself that I wasn’t the parent—I was the daughter.

Finally, we reached her door. “I’ll be right here,” he stated. I nodded my head, pressing my lips against his cheek, and then pulling away to open the door.

The sight of my mother wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated. Her arms were covered up with bandages, making me draw the conclusion she had tried to cut her wrists. I tried my best not to tear up as I walked in. Her eyes were quick to meet mine, quickly becoming glassy with tears.

“Nana!” she cried. I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her thin frame as she cried into my shoulder. My hand rubbed up and down her back pleasingly, allowing her to let out all of her tears.

“I’m so sorry! I know I promised you. I’m sorry. Don’t hate me, and don’t blame yourself. I’m sorry,” she sobbed.

A tear had fallen down my cheek, which I quickly wiped away. Pulling away, I nodded to let her know I understood what she was trying to say.

“I know, Mum. I don’t blame you, but you can’t just do this. I already lost Alex, and it was hard to get through that. I can’t lose you too,” I said softly.

She nodded, tears streaming as she sobbed.

“I know, Nana. I’m trying so hard to be the mother I am supposed to be. I can’t,” she announced, her shoulders falling in defeat as she held her head in her hands.

“Don’t worry about being my mother right now. I’m doing fine and I’m happy. All I need is for you to try your best to get better. You don’t need to pretend. If you feel like I’m pressuring you or something, it’s okay to tell me to back off and give you a little space,” I told her as my arm reached up to rub her shoulder soothingly.

She shook her head back and forth. “It’s not that, Anastasia. I can’t stop thinking about my little girl. How could I let her leave the world like that? How could I ever call myself a mother when I didn’t give two bloody fucks that my baby had cancer?” she yelled sadly.

“Alex knew you wanted to be there with her. She talked about it all the time, and even when I told her that if you wanted to be there you would—she’d always say that the real you loved us more than anything. What’s sad is that I’m talking to the real you right now, and I still see the exact same amount of selfishness that I saw when you were high, Mum. I know Alex is gone, but I’m still here. I’m right here!” I sobbed, tapping my chest with tears falling from my eyes.

She looked shocked, but it quickly washed away with a look of realization.

“How do you think it would make me feel to hear you killed yourself, huh? She loved you, Mum! Her last words to me were to take care of you! Why can’t you see that we’ve always seen the good mother in you? Why can’t you see what Alex has always seen—what I have always seen?” I yelled, the tears falling.

I knew that yelling at someone who was on the verge of suicide wasn’t smart, but I kept so much bottled in, I felt the need to explode.

“You’re right. I am being selfish, and I need to stop. I know I have issues, Anastasia. I know I have troubles that I need to work through. I swear to never do anything like this again if you swear to never let me get in the way of you being happy,” she whispered.

I sat down on the bed, sniffling my tears, pulling her into my embrace once again. The anger I felt quickly left my body at the feeling of my mother holding onto me.

“You need to give yourself a lot more credit. Sure, things have been rocky, but you’ve always done your best for us, Mom,” I told her.

She let out a sigh as she nodded her head softly. I wasn’t sure how much time we spent hugging. After a while, our tears stopped and turned into a comforting silence.

“I know this isn’t the best time, but he’s here, and I feel bad leaving him out there for so long,” I finally said before pulling away from the hug. Her eyebrows were pulled together in confusion before she wiped away her dried-up tears. Strolling over to the door, I pushed it open and waved my hand over for him to come into the room.

Valentino looked at me with bewilderment, yet he made his way toward me. My mother’s eyes were wide and I could’ve sworn her jaw dropped as she looked at him.

“Mum, this is―”

“Her boyfriend. You must be Miss Olivia Smith. Anastasia has spoken so much of you,” he greeted her before taking her hand and pressing it to his lips. I could’ve sworn I saw a blush on my mother’s face. Suddenly, my mind processed his words. Did he just call himself my boyfriend?

“Jacob?” she asked.

My heart was hammering in my chest when he turned to look at me. I saw the anger in his eyes that he seemed to hide so well from my mother.

“Valentino Romano,” he said behind clenched teeth. “I see where Anastasia gets her beautiful looks from.”

Rolling my eyes, I continued to watch the two of them. She looked over at me with approval as she smiled at Valentino.

“I’m sorry to meet you under such circumstances. Anastasia really didn’t give me any notice.” She chuckled and cast her gaze down.

“No, no, I didn’t know I was going to be meeting you today. It’s quite a surprise for me as well. I guess Anastasia just couldn’t hold in her excitement of our being together. She must’ve wanted you to know as soon as possible.” He smirked.

My mother smiled happily, and for the first time, I could see it had met her eyes. It made me glad to see that.

“Well, Mum, the doctors said we could only visit a short time. I’ll be back very soon, but remember our deal,” I told her before bending over and kissing the top of her head.

Just as I pulled away, Valentino grabbed onto my waist and held me against him.

“See you soon, Anastasia.” She smiled. “As well as you, Valentino.”

“Of course, Miss Smith. It was my pleasure meeting you,” he told her.

I was quick to grab his arm and drag him out of the room. The second we closed the door, I removed myself from his hold and stormed out of the facility and over to his car.

“Are you mad?” he asked.

I narrowed my eyes at him as he unlocked the door. Before he could pull it open for me, I opened it myself. I sat down in the car and waited for him to get in, fastening my seatbelt as I did.

“Yes, very mad. Why would you lie to my mother like that?” I asked him angrily.

He scoffed sarcastically before starting up the car. “How about we talk about what’s really making you mad here? Like how much you want it to be true.”

“Wow,” I drawled.

“No, what’s wow is the fact that your mom knows about Jacob, but she doesn’t know anything about me,” he seethed. My eyes snapped toward him as I sent him a hard glare.

“Jealous?” I asked.

“I’ll show you jealous,” he angrily said, causing a chill to run down my spine.