Anastasia by A. Marie

Anastasia

Sarah had gratefully gotten the location where Orabella and Valentino were. My heart dropped when she told me they were at the hospital. I prayed they were both okay.

I hurriedly made my way to the hospital, the place I’d really begun to hate with every fiber in my body. The moment I arrived, I could see Orabella being pushed through the halls. My jaw dropped when I noticed she was covered in blood. Nurses and doctors were rushing her into a room, and I tried to follow but was pushed back.

“Orabella!” I shouted, tears falling from my eyes.

I tried to find Valentino, but he was nowhere to be found. Worry clouded my mind as I hoped he wasn’t hurt.

I picked up my phone and tried dialing Valentino’s number again, but it wouldn’t go through. It kept going straight to voicemail. This undying need to scream settled within me. I couldn’t handle the thought of losing someone I loved again.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’re going to have to go back to the waiting room,” one of the nurses said. A sharp, shooting pain erupted in my lower region. I looked down to see blood trailing down my legs as black dots began to cloud my vision.

“Oh, my God!” the nurse shouted just before everything went black.

* * *

I wokeup to the sound of my heart monitor beeping repeatedly. My eyes almost shot out of my head as I looked around to notice I was in a hospital room. A doctor walked into the room, wearing a kind smile.

“Hi, how are you feeling?” the doctor questioned.

“What happened?” I asked as the pounding in my head reminded me of the blood I had seen running down my leg.

“You passed out, and after I learned you were here for Orabella Martinez, I have reason to believe your stress played a huge factor. We did a pelvic exam, and I’m so sorry,” her voice cracked as she looked at me. “You had a miscarriage.”

“I had a baby?” I asked, my eyes shut as I laid on top of the table.

My eyes moved up to look at the light above my head. My body was shaking, and I knew it was because I was crying. There were no sounds to be heard. All I could hear was my slowing heartbeat as I thought about my baby.

“I am so sorry.” She frowned. “There is nothing wrong with your body. I checked and ran a few tests. As I mentioned, my only assumption is that the stress of your friend really took its toll on you.”

I didn’t bother to say another word as my eyes stared at the wall in front of me.

“When can I leave?” I cried.

“I’ll go get your discharge papers,” the doctor muttered sadly before walking out of the room.

“Yellow, like the sun after rain,” Alex told me. “The way it beams on every piece of land—you love every part of everyone just the same.”

I couldn’t stop my tears as the memory played out in my mind. I knew she only existed in my imagination, but I needed her. I needed my little sister back. Everything was always better when she was with me.

“Every person you touch, you make them better,” she whispered before running her hand through my hair. “That’s why I admire you, Anastasia. You are so beautiful on the inside, just like the color yellow.”

I knew now that she was nothing but a liar. If that were true, why was I lying in a hospital bed all alone? Every person I touched, I damaged. Just like Orabella, just like my sister, and now, just like my baby.

The doctor came back with my discharge papers. I didn’t have any extra clothes, but the doctor gave me some that they kept for patients. Weakly, I threw on the clothes. She tried to tell me about therapists I could talk to and support systems I should have, but I was too far gone for that kind of thing.

I exited the hospital room and traveled down the halls until I could find Orabella in the small hospital. Before I went home to cry my eyes out, I at least wanted to make sure that Orabella was okay.

After a long walk, I finally caught sight of the raven-haired girl. My lips parted in shock as I looked at her. So many tubes and wires were attached to her body, leaving me to pull my brows together.

Just as I was about to take a step closer to her, the sound of Valentino’s voice hit me. A feeling of relief flooded through my body as I found myself turning to see him. However, when Vincenzo pushed by with a deep scowl on his face, I knew things weren’t good.

“This is why I can’t wait to get the hell away from you!” Vincenzo seethed. “Look at what the fuck you did! I told you to let this stupid plan of yours go. If Orabella had died, I would have killed you! I mean it!”

I gasped at his words as my frown slumped deeper at the sight of hurt flashing in Valentino’s eyes. He didn’t say another word to his brother before walking off. Then, he paused when he saw me.

“Val―”

“Just shut the hell up! I know, already. I know I’m a monster, and I don’t give a fuck about it. Just like I don’t give a fuck about you or your opinions!” he growled.

Without another word, he walked away from me.

I ran past the room, down the hall, and out to the parking lot. I needed to take a shower and wipe all of the blood off of me before Valentino could see it. I didn’t want to make him sad or feel the loss of the child he had always wanted. It was completely my fault. I lost our baby. There was no way I could face his disappointment.

He walked right past me as if I meant nothing.

As I leaned against my car, I broke down. Sobs were bubbling out of me, and my tears were falling nonstop. Suddenly, a hand gripped my shoulder, shocking me to turn around. Seeing that it was Vincenzo, surprise stirred in me

“Are you okay?” he asked. I hiccupped as I nodded with a small smile. My tears still wouldn’t stop falling.

“Orabella is going to be fine. They have her sedated to make things less painful for her, but they said she will be awake by tomorrow,” he informed me. I was glad she would be okay, it felt nice to finally receive some good news. “I feel bad for the way I spoke to my brother. He may not be the best person in the world, but he’s done a lot for me and so little for himself. Even if he almost killed my girlfriend, I know he’s beating himself up for it more than anyone else could. I know my brother enough to say that he didn’t mean anything he just said to you. He gets like that sometimes, where he pushes people away. Don’t let him do it to you.”

Wiping away my tears, I nodded my head.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

* * *

Decidingto take Vincenzo’s advice, I drove all the way to the mansion. Determined, I made my way to Valentino’s bedroom, where I gently pushed open the door. All of the lights were off, but I was able to make him out on the bed, gazing up at the ceiling. I walked over to the mattress and crawled in until I was beside him. Before I could say or do anything, his arm wrapped around me and pulled me into his warmth.

Instantly, I broke down crying once again. I felt so lost and alone just being without him for two seconds. My head hurt from crying so much, and as his hand glided down my back, my crying only increased. His arms were around me as I wept. None of us said a word, he just allowed me to lay in his arms and let everything out.

I wish I knew how to tell him that so much happened in such a short amount of time. Nothing felt fair, someone was punishing me for something, but I just couldn’t figure out what for.

“I lost the baby,” I whispered as tears soaked into the pillow. His eyes met mine and he could see all of the pain I held. I was crying more than I had ever cried in my life.

“You were pregnant?” he asked.

“I didn’t know I was, but I never want to be pregnant again. Everyone dies. My sister died, my baby died,” I sobbed.

My head rested in the crook of his neck as he held me. I could feel my body shaking as shock surrounded my heart in an attempt to protect me with numbness. Nothing felt real anymore.

“Shh,” he cooed while lifting up my shirt and rubbing my bare skin up and down. I took that time to try my best to calm down. My body was still shaking and I could feel hiccups escaping me as I tried my best to stop crying. Tears never brought anyone or anything back.

“I…I…” I tried to speak, but my words wouldn’t even form.

“Breathe,” he said softly to me.

I listened to his words and slowed my breathing as much as I could. Making sure I focused on a deep breath in and a deep breath out, the world seemed to ease around me. I was feeling as though I was suffocating, but slowly everything seemed to calm.

“What’s wrong with me?” I asked, my voice finally relaxed.

My sadness didn’t allow my voice to sound like it normally did. It left me sounding like a disappointed child trying their best to no longer be broken.

“It’s my fault. I’m sorry for everything. You were right,” he explained.

My breathing was beginning to pick up, and his hand on my back ran up to my hair as he soothed me by simply caressing me.

“I know you didn’t mean to hurt her, and I know that Orabella’s father had hurt you. I told you I would be there for you no matter what,” I whispered.

The feeling of wanting to cry again was quick to wash through my emotions.

At first, a baby had never crossed my mind, now it was all I could think about. My heart broke a little more as I thought about my entire family—Mum, Alex, the baby, and I—all just at the park and running around the swing-set.

My life was supposed to be easy. I expected to claim my happily ever after. The truth was that in reality, there was no such thing as being happy forever.

A tear escaped before I had a chance to stop it.

“I know you really wanted a baby, and I’m so sorry that I couldn’t have it. There is no happy with me, Valentino. You deserve someone who is happy,” I whispered, my voice still breaking in sadness.

“There’s no one in the world I could ever imagine having children with other than you,” he told me.

I wanted to cry at the possibility of that never happening. Silence settled around us as he hugged me tightly.

“I need to, um, shower,” I whispered before getting up on shaky feet.

My balance was so off that I almost fell, but Valentino was quick to get up and let me lean on him for support.

Before I could apologize, he swept me off my feet and held me like a newlywed bride. He walked me into the bathroom before sitting me down on the counter. I could only watch him with a numbness coating my heart as he turned on the shower.

He walked up to me with his hands on my hips before pecking my cheek. I couldn’t even allow myself to have an expression. Everything still felt so wrong. Being happy felt wrong. He lifted my shirt off of me before taking off the shorts that the hospital had given. The fresh panties I got from the hospital were already covered in blood, and as I looked down, I sucked in a breath and started crying once more.

He was going to realize that I’m incapable of doing something like carrying his baby. I was a disgrace, which is exactly why Alex should be alive instead of me.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered before bringing me into his chest.

I knew what he was doing—he was trying not to allow me to see it, but it was stuck on repeat in my brain. It was my baby.

He peeled off my panties, which only resulted in me crying more as I wrapped my arms around his neck and sobbed into the crook of his neck. He pulled them down until they were off my legs before allowing his hand to climb up to the clasp of my bra. He undid the clasp and then took it off of me.

When I turned slightly to look in the mirror, I could see how much of a mess I looked. My makeup was a wreck and my hair was so tangled. Not to mention the fact that my blue eyes were left dull and lifeless.

Turning my attention back to Valentino, he had finished removing his shirt along with his pants before he pushed down his boxers. When he finished, he grabbed a hold of my hand and helped me down from the counter before walking me into the huge shower.

I wrapped my hands around his waist as I continued to lay against his chest. My eyes shut as he grabbed some soap and began to wash my entire body. The silence that settled around us was calming.

My mind was empty, my heart was empty, everything just felt empty. How does a person get over killing the life of one who never got the chance to even live?

“Anastasia, look at me,” he said.

He kissed the top of my head as I craned my neck up to look at him. I could see the broken look in his eyes as well. I never took into account how hurt he must’ve felt. He was the one who really wanted a baby.

“You did nothing wrong. Some things happen, and I know you’re hurt, but maybe it wasn’t the best time to have a child. Your body knew it, and one day when things are better, we’ll try for another one. I love you, baby, don’t forget that I’m here,” he said softly. I nodded as I brought my face into his neck once more.

“I love you,” I cried. His arms tightened around me. I felt safe and I felt home. “We would’ve made amazing parents. I took care of Alex; you took care of Vince—I can’t stop thinking about how different our child’s life would be compared to the lives we were given. We’ve been hurt so much, why are we still hurting?”

He was starting to wash my hair, and he wasn’t saying a word. When I looked up, there was a tear falling from his eye, or maybe it was the shower.

“You? You don’t deserve all of the terrible things that keep happening to you. Me? I deserve it all. I’m a bad man, Anastasia,” he explained.

Shaking my head, I pulled away from his neck to look into his eyes.

“You’re not a bad man. I know you feel bad for what happened to Orabella. When you looked me in the eye and told me you wouldn’t hurt her, I didn’t see a lie. She’s strong, and I know she will be okay. You are not the devil, you’re just a hurt man. If you look too closely, you can’t see that the devil and a hurt man are so similar that they can appear to be the same,” I told him. His eyes gazed into mine before he leaned down to peck my lips. When he pulled away, he kissed my cheek before kissing the top of my head.

After the shower, he turned off the water before helping me step out. I watched him as he wrapped a towel around my cold frame before placing one around his waist.

“I’ll go get you some clothes from your room. Stay here,” he said. I nodded and followed him with my eyes as he walked out of the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

When he came back, he dressed me before dressing himself. He then carried me to our bed, where he laid me down right beside him with my eyes looking up to the ceiling while he was lying on his stomach with his arm around me.

“What’s your mother’s name?” I asked randomly. He looked over at me with curiosity very obvious on his features.

“Agnella,” he answered.

“Agnella, Roberto, Alexandria, and our baby—four people who will always hold a special place in my heart and yours. I’m glad they’re at peace and no longer in pain. Four names that I will never forget,” I stated. Valentino was staring at me, still confused by what I was doing. “We deserve to be at peace too. There’s a reason why we’re still here. I’m done with crying my life away and calling things unfair because I’m doing nothing but wasting the life they never got to have. Let’s not waste it anymore.”

He leaned up to peer into my eyes before nodding his head. “I’ve been waiting for you to realize your worth to the world for as long as I’ve known you. I’m proud of you, Anastasia.”

“I love you,” I whispered.

“I love you most.”