Tamed By The Alien Barbarian by Celeste King
Candi
“You should have seen the look on his face,” I said. More like wailed, actually. The bar was loud today, probably due to the strangely high number of brooding, staring men at the bar with their backs turned to the bartender. I rolled my eyes.
Those guys had no idea how much they were shooting themselves in the foot; no matter how well they were dressed, posting up at the bar to watch skirts and not even try to talk to women was never going to get them laid. Bar-trolls were the worst tippers, and the worst grab-assers.
Nannette had graciously agreed to meet to talk about my “new beau” as she called him despite my numerous protests, but I found that her taste in bars hadn’t much improved since our wild college days. At least the floors weren’t sticky. Yet.
“Yeah, yeah, he was pissed. So? The goal was to piss him off. You’re going to blow up his fucking mine,” Nannette said. There was a maniacal glee in the way she said that last part. I raised my eyebrows at her as I shuffled on my stool a little. Thinking of Jaxil all day waffled between being angry that he told me I was going to end up taking shifts on the pole again and memories of my legs getting flung over his wide, strong shoulders. I couldn’t handle the back and forth. Neither could my body.
“Don’t get too excited. He has the plans now, I bet he’ll warn everyone or be on the lookout for any of my guys,” I responded. My little iridescent matching skirt and top set was doing numbers around the place, but I barely had the focus to count how many heads turned my way. “Besides, why do I care that he’s pissed? No, seriously, Nannette, why do I care? I can’t stop thinking about him.”
“Is it because he has a huge dick?” Nannette asked. I rolled my eyes. But she was right. I flushed and took a long sip of my cocktail. It was a near-neon green color, which I assumed was the chartreuse. Delicious—and more importantly, strong.
“No, but I can’t stop thinking about that either,” I admitted. “He’s done so many messed up things to me and said even worse. You know, I think he might actually hate women. The way he talks to me is more than enough proof.”
“Buuutt….” Nannette prompted, drawing out the syllables on the word to get me to chime in. I bit.
“But,” I replied obediently, “I can’t look at a single table without picturing that Sanax bastard bending me over it. It’s like I can’t help myself around him.”
Nannette swirled her drink with her cocktail straw and shrugged her slender shoulders. But her eyes looked pensive as she took a sip. She was an odd one, my friend Nannette. One of the most whip-smart bimbos I’d ever met, but she always had a look on her face like the wires in her brain had never quite touched. Men ate it up. Nannette knew it, too.
“Don’t get mad at what I’m going to say,” She began slowly.
“I will absolutely get mad if it’s a stupid thing to say,” I interrupted. Nannette held up her hand to stop me. She plowed on like a brave soldier.
“What if he’s your genetic mate?” she asked.
We looked at each other. My drink was halfway to my mouth. I could see my previous lipstick stain on the rim.
“You think he—” I tried again, “You think Jaxil could be my genetic mate? Jaxil who is trying to ruin my fucking career, Jaxil? That Jaxil?”
I had never said his names so many times at once. Well, not since that night. It was bad timing to have that thought.
“Okay well, you keep talking about the sex like it erased some of your brain cells! You’ve never talked about a lay like that. You always have something to say because men always fuck something up,” Nannette said. I nodded astutely.
“You’re right. Whatever. Maybe he is,” I said. It came out like a grumble because I didn’t want it hitting the air that I was considering the idea of a genetic mate in Jaxil.
“How would I even know? Is there a little light in his dick that comes on when he’s near me?” I asked. Nannette laughed. If the music were any quieter in here, I’d be more embarrassed about people potentially overhearing this.
“That would be really convenient. And then annoying,” she said. “Nah, this is happening a lot nowadays. Sanax are finding their mates all over the place. If you travel the galaxy to half-colonize a planet, you’re eventually gonna have to fuck the people who are already on it.” Nannette shrugged.
It was true. Over the last six years, Sanax had released data on the increased percentages of genetic matches on Earth. Some feature of biological adaptability in their mating process had allowed more room for human partners to become genetic matches. It was fascinating stuff. For the Sanaxphiles of the world, it was very good news.
Candi herself wasn’t so sure she was into the idea of being destined for just one dick. It was a little antiquated. And what if it was Jaxil? What would that mean for their earth-shattering rivalry?
“Okay, sure, but how do I find out? Really?”
“Just a DNA test.” Nannette said to me like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I took another long sip of my drink. For this conversation, I decided I needed to be drunk.
I shook my head. A DNA test?
“How the hell am I supposed to get him to give me his DNA?” I exclaimed. “Especially after what went down? Jaxil won’t even want to be in the same room as me, let alone spit in a cup if I ask him to.”
Nannette shrugged, but she fought a little smile as she took another sip of her drink. “I mean, he was pretty eager to give you some of his DNA before…” The innuendo hung between us and I groaned. For such a sexy, elegant professional, she was weirdly into lame dad jokes.
“Yeah, yeah, I fucked him. We fucked. My knees still knock together when I think about it. Is that what you want to hear? Should I tell you about the part where he had me up against the wall again? I get it, Nannette,” I said, the snarl evident in my voice.
But Nannette still wore that infuriating smile. Suddenly, I got what she meant. My body definitely got it faster than me, because I felt heat around my collarbone at the thought of it.
“Looks like you catch my drift,” She said. She was practically purring at this point. I rolled my eyes again and took a break from her pretty face to look around the room. Girls in tiny skirts, pitching looks at one another while men swarmed like sharks from afar. Seeing Jaxil again was, unfortunately, super tempting. Trying to score DNA from a battle-ready extraterrestrial with more abs than I could count was super intimidating.
“I could try,” I said, a growing smile on my face.
“Even if it doesn’t work, you could always ask him. I mean, he was there, too. He must have felt something, too.” Nannette continued. But I was already imagining all the different ways I could get him to share fluids.
Then again, would he even let me see him? I thought about taking a leaf from his own book and showing up unannounced. As pissed as he was, I thought smugly, he probably wouldn’t say no to this body considering how many times he said yes to it before. It was time to get up to my old tricks.
