Fight For Me by Claudia Burgoa
Chapter Twenty-Four
Harrison
Do I have a minute?
No. I don’t have shit for him. I don’t want to speak to him, yet, I know we need closure. I crack my neck, square my shoulders, and nod. Might as well let the man release some of the shit he’s been holding on to.
“I’ll be back,” I mutter, kissing Luna lightly. “If you see me do something stupid, please take me away.”
She chews her lip, biting a smirk. “Just right now, or in general?”
I kiss her again and tilt my head indicating to Damon that he has to follow me. Once we’re in an area away from the fountain and where there aren’t as many people, I stop.
“Are you okay?” Damon asks.
“Fine,” I narrow my gaze. “What do you need?”
He tilts his head toward the memorial. “Back there…I’ve never seen you lose your shit like that.”
I scrub my face with both hands, letting out a loud breath. “We haven’t seen each other in a long time. You wouldn’t know.”
“Yes, but you never cried for your parents. You and Scott were trying to be strong for your younger brothers. I just wanted to…I’m so fucking sorry for what I did.” He drops his head, his hand massaging his temples. “If I could turn back time, everything would be different.”
I feel bad for my friend, the guy who I shared so much with since we were children. But the asshole who screwed my girlfriend doesn’t get anything from me. I have no idea what to do with this man. I don’t even know him.
“Damon, nothing can change and nothing needs to. You have a family. It seems like you’re happy.” I glance at them and look at the girl who doesn’t look much like Ileana, yet somehow still looks familiar. “Your daughter, Josie, is she…yours?”
He shoves his hands in his pockets and nods. “She’s mine, but not Ileana’s. The kids are mine. Their Mom died a few years back.”
I bob my head a couple of times. “Well, I wish you nothing but happiness, Damon,” I tell him, looking back at Luna. She’s on the phone, shaking her head and moving her mouth too fast for me to follow what she’s saying.
“It’s good to know you’re doing fine, Harrison.” Damon nods, not sure if he should shake my hand or hug me.
I nod, still watching Luna. “Better than fine.”
“She reminds me of your mom,” he says, smiling in her direction. “Full of life, happy. She makes everyone feel welcome. It’s hard to believe there can be people that happy when the world is so fucking dark.”
I smile, patting his shoulder. “Luna is my light, Damon.”
After leaving the memorial,we make our way to the penthouse where according to Luna, Jensen waits for us. He has our bags ready and he’s driving us to the airport. Hazel set everything up so we could join her and Scott in the Florida Keys. My mind is too preoccupied with everything that happened in the past few hours to argue about the plans. It’s so uncharacteristic of me to just go with the flow but I don’t have the emotional energy to disagree. I just want to get the fuck out of New York.
Going through airport security doesn’t take long since Luna and I have special clearance. After we board the plane I ask Luna, “Are you sure it’s okay with them if we crash their conference?”
“Hazel made the arrangements,” Luna reminds me, going through her purse.
“But they said they had a conference?” I stare at Luna, who is too busy putting on all the clinky bracelets she wears to notice.
“I’m glad you took them off before we went through security. It would’ve been a shit show—clearance or no clearance. I swear that’s the first thing I thought on the day we met.”
She grabs one of the bracelets and threatens me with it. “Don’t upset me, Everhart, or I swear I’ll use this and it won’t be pretty.”
“Are you going to beautify me with your accessories?”
She pulls one of the chopsticks from her hair and holds it like a knife. “Shall I remind you how we met?”
“You’re vicious, woman.” I push the button, calling the flight attendant.
The flight attendant approaches us and asks, “How can I help you, sir?”
“Can you bring some champagne for the lady, please?”
“No, the lady will have water, the gentleman too,” she corrects me, smiling at the attendant yet giving me a nasty glare. Impressive, she can do both at the same time.
“Bring us champagne and water, please.” The flight attendant nods and continues asking the rest of the passengers in first class what they’d like to drink.
“Thank you for today. And for this trip.” I say, stretching my legs.
She shrugs. “The trip is all Hazel. She prepped this after I called her.”
“Mind if I ask why you called her?”
Luna places her tote bag under her seat as she says, “I felt like I was losing you and I needed to know who they were.”
“They?” I arch an eyebrow.
“Your ex and the asshole.” Her fingers brush my knuckles. “Hazel’s words.”
I cock an eyebrow and chuckle. Hazel would’ve pulled Ileana’s hair. She’s been wanting to do that since I told her about it. “I’m glad she wasn’t there, or she would’ve kicked their asses. But they had nothing to do with—” he pauses and shifts uncomfortably—“what happened. That was my first time visiting the memorial.”
She frowns and shakes her head, as if not understanding my statement. “You live in New York City. How did you manage?”
“Anything is possible if you try it. I’ve done it for years”—I pause, showing her two fingers and shrugging one shoulder—“Almost two decades.”
“What did Damon say, when he asked if you could give him a second?”
I scratch my forehead. Today was supposed to be different. My plans included sweet-talking the woman next to me into a wrestling match in my bed, where the only rules would’ve been no clothing and lots of mutual pleasure. None of that happened. However, I feel lighter and much different than I’ve felt in years.
And closer to Luna. I’ve never been or felt so close to someone. I never thought someone would make me feel the way she does. She undoes me into pieces and pulls me together all at the same time. It’s as if we’re linked and she understands my innermost heart the way I can’t.
“How much did Hazel tell you about them?”
“She said, ‘The four-one-one is that the bitch was his ex-live-in girlfriend. The asshole was his best friend since pre-k, and they fucked Harrison, royally. I should ask you to kick her ass while Harrison kicks his. Call if you need more.’ Those were her exact words.” Luna grins and her voice was almost like Hazel’s.
“Indeed, he was my best friend. He wanted absolution after what happened between us.”
The flight attendant brings the water. Not the champagne. “I’ll have the glasses after we take off and we can roam around the cabin.
“Thank you,” I say.
“Thank you,” Luna repeats, and after taking a couple of sips she looks at me. “Since we have a few hours to kill, can I have the longer version?”
I let out a long breath before I start.
I met Ileana at NYU during our freshman orientation. It wasn’t hard to lust after a leggy blonde girl who kissed with the same intensity she gave blow jobs. I had fooled around during high school but never went all the way with anyone until Ileana. I thought she was it. We spent a semester in Australia during junior year. When we came back, I had decided that she was the woman of my dreams. We made plans together. We would marry after graduation, travel during the summer for our honeymoon, I’d go back to work for my father, and we’d live in an apartment right in front of Central Park.
But my trust fund wouldn’t become available until I turned twenty-two. I didn’t have enough money to pay for the ring she wanted.
“That’s expensive, Harry, are you sure you want to buy it now?”
“We want to get married, Dad,” I insisted, showing him the picture of the princess or queen or whatever cut she had chosen that was about four carats and mounted with billions of diamonds. I had no clue what I was buying, only that she had asked for it and I said yes after a round of mind-blowing sex.
“I’m not sure she’s the right girl for you, son.” He patted my shoulder. “Or that you’re ready to take that step.”
“She’s so much like Mom, how can you say that?” I protested, offended by his doubts.
“Ileana is nothing like your mother, Harrison.” He served me with a severe look. There was a storm brewing in those eyes. “And the fact that you think they are similar in any way only solidifies my theory. You’re not ready, and she might not be the one for you.”
I run both my hands through my hair, desperate. He didn’t understand. Ileana was it for me. Yet, I asked, “Then how do you know when the right woman comes into your life?”
“It’s about the flaws, the heat, and the magic,” he said. “You fall in love with her flaws. The heat between the two of you is palpable even when she’s miles away from you. That’s when you find your forever.”
For a couple of weeks, I tried to think about what he said, but then he died, and Ileana was there for me. She helped me get through the funeral and Hunter’s anxiety, him developing agoraphobia, my extended family fighting to get custody of Fitz and Hunter in order to gain access to my parents’ money. Scott and I fought tooth and nail against them, and Ileana lent me an ear. She was there for me at night when I was tired of battling the judges and my money-hungry relatives.
When I enlisted, she wasn’t thrilled, but she suggested we get an apartment. A step toward our future life together. I rented an apartment for us, purchased the furniture, and moved a few things in with her. Ileana was the perfect girlfriend during deployments. She always sent me care packages and letters and our short conversations were sweet. She missed me, and she couldn’t wait until the war was over.
Marriage became a permanent subject in every conversation we had. She added it to her letters and even sent bridal magazines a few times. I told her it had to wait. I convinced myself that once I stopped serving, I’d marry her. But that’s not what happened.
Scott called me one day. Hunter’s panic attacks were escalating, and the doctor had suggested new drugs. “We might have to institutionalize him. But I don’t want to, Harrison.” Scott’s pleading voice broke my heart.
I asked for a week off, and my superiors understood the gravity of the situation. My first stop was home. Hunter hugged me as he had never done before. He thought I had died. There had been a picture of a soldier in the news who looked like me, and he’d lost his shit. It was so bad he couldn’t even talk. I planned on staying home for that week as Scott, Hunt’s therapist, and I decided what the best options were for his treatment.
Instead of telling Ileana that I was home, I decided to surprise her.
When I opened the door, she was on top of the coffee table on all fours taking it in the ass. The dick belonged to one of my best friends.
I stared at them, mouth wide open, stomach roiling with nausea, stress, embarrassment. I already had so much on my plate and now this? I had never been so angry. They didn’t even notice that I stood in front of them.
“Get out of my fucking house,” I barked.
They froze and turned to look at me with eyes wide open.
“Harry,” Ileana said.
“Out of my house,” I repeated. My voice echoed through the apartment.
I saw red as the pieces clicked into place. I understood why when I was at home my best friend’s beer was always stocked in our refrigerator, why there was enough food to feed two people. I walked to the second bedroom that she used as her home office and opened the closet, where I found his clothes.
“You. Fucking. Asshole.” I grabbed some of his things and dropped them outside the apartment and repeated. “Get the fuck out of my house.”
“Wait, Harrison,” he stuttered as he dressed.
“Wait for what? You fuck my woman, eat my food, and sleep in my bed,” I stated, pulling everything to the floor. “How long has this been going on, Ileana?”
“I can explain.” Damon ran a hand through his hair as I continued tossing everything he owned to the floor.
“Explain that you’ve been fucking my girlfriend?” I stopped, crossing my arms. “Okay. Why don’t we start with how fucking long has this been going on? I assume years. Was this before or after we moved in here, Ileana?”
I was just the sucker paying for their room and board.
“It’s not what you think.” She used her bedroom voice, rubbing her body against me.
“I think he was fucking your asshole when I entered the apartment. Maybe I’m wrong, and it was your pussy. Is that what you want to rectify? Because I don’t give a fuck either way, bitch.”
“Don’t be disrespectful.” Damon said, and he had the audacity to raise his voice at me.
“My house, my tone of voice. Get your shit and leave. You two have been evicted.” I went to our room and began doing the same with her stuff as I had done to Damon’s.
She put on a robe and stood in front of me. “You can’t just kick me out after everything I have put up with, Harrison. I’ve been waiting for you to marry me for a long time.” She showed me her hand. “You haven’t proposed.”
“Why would I marry you? You’re a cheater, Ileana.”
“I felt lonely. You’re always away.” She started crying. “You stole the best years of my life.”
“Me?” I yelled, getting directly in her face. “I haven’t stolen anything from you. But guess what? You’re fucking free to do whatever the fuck you two want outside my home. The locks will be changed.”
“At least let me explain,” Damon spoke while he helped Ileana pick up her clothes. “You can’t waste all these years of friendship because of her.”
The moment he stood up, I socked him in the jaw, feeling satisfaction at the noise it made. “You were my best friend, fucker. If you had come to me, we could’ve—this is treason. I will make sure to have my lawyer send you a bill for all the expenses you’ve incurred for the past few years, with interest.”
I glanced at Ileana who was sobbing, not even caring that Damon and I are arguing. “Have some decency and leave. Now.”
I called Jensen and explained the situation. “Jensen will be here to ensure that you leave tonight.”
“But where am I supposed to live? You can’t just dump me like that.”
“Watch me,” I said, leaving the building.
After Ileana, I was an asshole to women, to myself. I had too little respect for myself, or maybe I just had a death wish. I developed a taste for rough sex, enjoying the way it made me feel while it happened. But the feeling disappeared so fast that I’d kick the woman (or women) out of my bed right after, treating them like trash. According to my therapist, I was emotionally numb. I had lost my parents. My little brother was mentally ill. I was fighting in a war and killed people for a living. Plus, the woman I had been faithful to since I was eighteen had been fucking my best friend. It wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism, but a coping mechanism it was.
“Mom usedto say that I wore my heart on my sleeve. That I loved unconditionally and that she hoped that no one would take advantage of me. She never told me how she felt about Ileana, though she always said she was lovely. I think that’s Mom code for ‘I can’t stand her, but I’ll let you realize that she’s not for you on your own terms.’ But that time never came until it was too late and we had a fucking disaster on our hands.”
To think that Damon was my best friend. We’d been inseparable since kindergarten and then…he fucked me over when I needed him the most.
“I didn’t know you then,” Luna says after a long silence, taking in everything I’d just told her. “I don’t think you deserved what happened.”
After finishing my long explanation, I clear my throat, then drink some water. “Damon wanted to make sure I was okay. He knew my parents and also knew I never cried when they died.”
“You didn’t?” Luna frowns.
I shake my head. “No. I didn’t allow myself to feel. My brothers needed me. I couldn’t fall apart in front of them. I warned Scott that morning, after I talked to my parents that neither one of us could break down. It was painful but we couldn’t show it.”
She takes my hand and caresses it. “You finally released the pain. You let yourself feel and maybe forgave yourself for things that you never did. Your aura is brighter now.” Luna smiles, lifting her chin to stare at the ceiling. “Sorry, I can’t help but notice those things.”
She rests her head on my shoulder. “I’m glad you’re back. For a moment, it felt like darkness surrounded you. I wasn’t sure you would come out of it.”
“Why wouldn’t I, when my light was right next to me?” I kiss the top of her head.
I swallow, staring at our linked hands and wonder how I’m going to gather the courage to show her that we belong together. My conversation with Damon keeps repeating inside my head like a broken record. And what I said was true.
She’s my light.
