Perfect for Me by Claudia Burgoa
Chapter Four
Hazel
No amount of time and space can separate you from the people who are meant to be in your life. They will always come back. ― Anonymous
The room spinsout of control as Elliot speaks with a thick, vibrant voice that travels through my body, awakening memories and bringing back the pain. I concentrate on the words and the numbers on the pages. Holding the folder he handed me, I pray that I don’t crumble in front of him. Where did my strength go? I had it with me only a few seconds ago.
Dammit. Willow warned me only hours ago—or was it a question? I can’t even remember my conversation with her. Every rational thought disappears. I just want to run away.
Elliot is here.
All six feet and four inches of Elliot McFee take over the entire conference room with his presence. His gray eyes stare down at me as his thick brows knit into a frown. That dark, coarse hair parts in the middle the same as it used to when he was younger. Couldn’t he be a fat, bald drunk?
My lungs stop functioning when he asks if I have any questions.
Why are you here?
I can barely breathe. My response comes out with a robot-like tone, promising we’ll be in touch. I excuse myself and rush toward my new office.
Cold sweat drips slowly down my back, like a sharp knife cutting me open. My lungs threaten to collapse, but I won’t let it happen. Instead, I count my breaths and stare at the beautiful view outside my window—the Golden Gate Bridge, the blue water, and the hills surrounding the bay area. I become one with the ocean, remembering how little my problems are compared to the vast sea in front of me.
My heart panged at the sight of him. I take a deep breath and exhale. One glance at him, and every single memory escaped from the container where I hid them. They slammed against my heart and punched me in the gut. All of them are now swirling in my head—from walking with him in diapers to the night I almost died of a broken heart. Once upon a time, I thought we had everything—love, chemistry, and at the time, honesty.
The view of the horizon grounds me. I put my life into perspective. The sun shines. I’m alive. My ex showing up unexpectedly isn’t the end of the world. Worst things have happened, and I survived.
“This is a good thing,” I mumble.
At least, the awkward first encounter is over. Though I wish it had been different. A casual meeting where we wave at each other and exchange just a few words. Something like, “I’m happy you’re doing well.”
It wasn’t as simple. Of all the scenarios I imagined, for him to walk into my conference room and bid on the project I came to oversee was the last one I’d expected. I touch my temple, fighting the memories. They swirl inside my head, one next to the other.
Our summers together swimming, running around, holding hands…we grew up together. We were supposed to stay together. But life threw us a few curveballs. Our separation was supposed to only be physical. “A few years,” we said.
There are so many ways to shorten the distance. Skype, email, text, and plane rides. The last one only if we saved enough money—we had too many expenses. Every night, we spoke, and I told him every single detail about my day. I thought he was telling me everything about his. He forgot to mention his second job. The one where he allowed other women to touch him.
Years after we said, “I do,” nothing remains of our epic love.
The sadness moved away from my heart. I worked through my childhood issues and found the key to coping with the void that sometimes tries to suck me into the vacuum. I’m here to find a future, and it doesn’t include him.
I don’t care about him,I repeat inside my head.
So why is my heart beating so fast, and why are my hands drenched with sweat?
Maybe because he represents what I want. A little family of my own. I want a house and a place where there will only be unconditional love. Once I’m ready, I plan on having a big one. A house filled with children. My shoulders relax as I find an explanation for my reaction.
“What’s wrong, Bee?” His baritone voice slides through my ears like honey, filling my head with more memories than I can handle.
Pull yourself together, Hazel.
You’re a grown, independent woman who can be professional.
“My name is Hazel,” I correct Elliot from using my childhood nickname.
Turning around, I see him outside my new office. The side of his body leans against the doorframe. It’s getting harder to pretend he doesn’t affect me. He’s taller, his body fuller, and his voice huskier.
His piercing steel eyes stare at me. I guess he’s searching for the girl he once loved. Thankfully, she’s no longer here because I’m not her. After what transpired between us, I became more guarded. I confide only in those who earn my trust.
“Did you forget something?” I ask casually.
Elliot shakes his head as his gaze switches from the view to me a couple of times.
“Does my company stand a chance?” His quiet words carry a little annoyance and desperation. “I didn’t have enough time to give my presentation. Winning this contract is important.”
I raise an eyebrow, crossing my arms. “You’re the one who talked like a herd of lions was chasing you.”
He huffs, raking both hands through his hair.
“Why do you do that every time you’re nervous or angry?” I ask, realizing that no matter how much time passes, some things never change. “If you don’t stop, you’ll end up bald. Bye, bye to that thick, dark hair.”
“How can I change your mind?”
“As I said in the conference room, Elliot, the paperwork you provided us has everything we need to make an informed decision.”
Pressing his lips together, he looks at me for several beats. Then he speaks, “Why don’t you tell me what you need from me to get that contract? Winning is important. A lot of people depend on it. Losing it because of our past doesn’t sound right.”
“I’m a professional. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to choose a contractor,” I say, keeping my voice neutral.
“Ultimately, there’s a committee that will decide,” I continue speaking, using my calmest voice. “We base our decision on quality, cost, specs, and your company’s reputation.”
I’m in business mode. I won’t let him get a glimpse of the tumult going inside my head.
“The past won’t influence my decision,” I cry, unable to keep my mouth shut. Vomiting words are a side effect of his unexpected presence.
He studies me before saying, “I believe you.”
“Though…is our history going to affect your performance?”
He cocks an eyebrow and his face turns red with anger. “Of course not,” he retorts.
“Well, then it’s set. We’ll call you.”
He straightens his back and takes a few steps toward me. “How long are you staying in town?”
“I haven’t decided yet.” I glance around the office casually, moving a few steps away from him.
“It’s a matter of—” I freeze as I sense his presence.
“Good morning.”
The husky voice coming from the door makes my heart skip a few beats.
My eyes move toward it. Scott stands right outside my office. I hold my breath as my heart pumps faster. He walks into the room. His steps are slow, solid, and determined. His broad shoulders expand, and his spice and woodsy scent overtakes the space, just like his presence does. His blue-green eyes concentrate on me for a few beats.
“Hi, Bee,” he greets me with a light tone, tossing that melting grin he only gifts to a few people—mostly me.
“Hi,” I mumble, confused by his presence.
Scott’s jaw dusted with a two-day-old stubble tenses, as he turns toward Elliot.
“Scott Everhart,” he introduces himself, extending his hand.
“Elliot McFee.” Elliot shakes his hand.
They stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. My body trembles as I try to process this scene. The two men I’ve loved in the same room. The same men who decided I wasn’t enough for them. My heart cracks. I pinch my wrist, but I don’t wake up from the nightmare.
My palms are drenched in sweat, and I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole. Why on earth is this happening right now?
This is like the beginning of a bad joke. Your past, present, and future walk into a bar and … and what?
Where’s my future?
Who is my future?
Breathe, Hazel, breathe.
My whole body shakes anxiously by the turn of events. I scan my office as I order my body to stop trembling. Discreetly, I wipe my sweaty hands on my dress. Scott should leave. I left him in New York. I’m already battling a panic attack. But I also want to ask him to hold me tight until my breathing evens.
“Thank you for your time, Hazel,” Elliot speaks, breaking the thick silence surrounding the three of us. He bows his head slightly toward me. “Call me. I’d love to catch up with you.”
Mute, I wave at him, waiting for Scott to vanish into thin air. Surely, my alarm will wake me up in a few more minutes. I’ll stretch my arms, take a few deep breaths, and start my day.
“The receptionist mentioned that the presentations were over,” Scott says, his eyes staring at the door as Elliot disappears.
“They are, for now. I…aren’t you supposed to be in New York?”
Did my grandfather send him? Scott has been helping him even before I came to work with them. He’s one of the few Gramps trusts blindly. I thought he trusted me too until he sent Scott to babysit me.
“No, I’m supposed to be here with you.” He walks closer to me. His deep, silky voice vibrates through my chest.
I tilt my head, observing him. I analyze the small wrinkles around his eyes. The deep frown on his forehead. The pain in his eyes. I shrink as the sadness he carries is because of me. His lips part slightly, and I want them caressing every inch of my skin. His absence in my life hurts as much as the absence of his kisses.
“You’re here,” I whisper, taking a step back to find my footing.
“Well, you’re here,” he discloses as if that explains why he appeared out of the blue.
Confused and anxious, I’m unable to form a simple word. This day keeps getting weirder and weirder. My gut clenches in anticipation of the next unexpected event. But my mind circles back to Scott. We haven’t spoken in days, and now he shows up in the one place I never thought I’d see him.
How can this be?
He was on the phone with Fitz only a few hours ago.
“Care to disclose a little more than, you’re here?” I counter, fighting those short answers of his.
His eyes move toward the window. He stares at the view. The corners of his lips pull slightly, and I can see the smile he’s trying to hide. I want to push him out of my office while hugging him because he’s here. Instead of acting, I wait for his next move.
“Beautiful,” he mentions.
What is he talking about?
His eyes move back to me, my eyes open wide when he gifts me a full smile.
“The view,” he responds to one of my silent questions. “I can see why you love it here.”
He places his hand on top of his stomach and frowns. “I skipped lunch. Is there a place where we can eat?”
I stare at him because he’s making no sense. “I wouldn’t know. I just arrived yesterday,” I remind him.
“You’re from around the area.”
“I used to live a couple of hours south, but that’s when I was a teenager.”
“All the same,” he responds. “You’re pretty good at remembering places where you like to eat.”
“Google it,” I snap, annoyed at his response.
If he knew me that well, he wouldn’t be here pushing me into the abyss. Then again, he didn’t know who was in my office before he walked in.
He pulls out his phone, then looks at me. “What are you in the mood for, Bee?”
“I’m. Not. Hungry.”
My appetite dulled a few minutes ago when the flock of butterflies hit me as I saw Elliot, and it vanished completely as Scott marched into my office unexpectedly. There’s this sickening feeling in my stomach that won’t allow me to eat. Neither one of them should be in my life. This was my clean slate.
“There is a Greek restaurant close by.” Scott’s looking at his phone and continues scrolling. “We can eat Italian, sandwiches, or vegetarian food. There are also several Japanese places. Pick your poison.”
“Babe, let’s head out for lunch.” Fitz enters my office, glaring at his brother. “What the fuck is this asshole doing here?”
Fitz walks around my desk, pulling my old Converse from underneath it, and sets them on the floor.
“I’m taking her to lunch,” Scott barks at his brother.
By the sound of his voice, he wants to leave Fitz behind. I put myself between the two of them and shake my head. They are about to start a throwdown like they always do.
“Behave, Everharts, or I swear things will get ugly. We’re all going to lunch.”
They stare at each other for what feels like forever, but finally, Fitz looks away.
“Where do you want to go?” I ask them.
“You wanted a traditional ramen, remember? I don’t care as long as we have food,” Fitz, who loves to eat more than anything in the world, reminds me.
I glance at him, wondering how he keeps himself in such great shape and still eats as if his life depends on it.
“Come on,” Fitz says. “We don’t have long before the next round. You aren’t your lovely self when you’re hungry.”
He’s right. I get grumpy for lack of a better choice of words. I put on my shoes, grab my jacket, and search for my handbag.
Scott looks at me with a furrow on his forehead and his eyes shielding his emotions from me. “Your ex-husband is back in your life, and you’ve been here for less than twenty-four hours.”
“Scott—”
“I’ll wait by the elevator,” he announces, leaving us behind.
