Just a Bit Bossy by Alessandra Hazard

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 27

 

 

Nate loved his new job. It was challenging and new and definitely not easy, but he was finally working on something he was passionate about. His co-workers were nice, and his boss was… well, maybe not “nice,” but nice enough compared to—

Anyway. He was doing well. He loved his job. Life was good.

Of course it had taken only one call to ruin everything.

Nate pursed his lips, thinking once again about Raffaele’s call last week. Hearing his voice again had felt like a punch to the gut: it had left him breathless and his body hot and full of adrenaline. He had felt so damn alive. Not that he had felt dead in the past few months, but the world was suddenly so much brighter and more vibrant, and hearing Raffaele’s voice was just… Nate talked to him mechanically, hardly knowing what he said, hearing his own voice as though it were someone else’s. It’d taken all his willpower to refuse when Raffaele ordered him to come up to him. But god, he had wanted to go, so badly. Just to see him. Take that excuse to see him and be around him, and—

Fucking pathetic. He was so pathetic. The asshole had basically discarded him like used goods, and yet here he was, still pining for crumbs of his attention. He was better than that, dammit.

A wave of whispers rolled through the large room, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Nate looked up. He couldn’t see much from his cubicle, but he could see that his co-workers were suddenly sitting very straight, giving off the I’m-working-so-hard vibe.

That kind of reaction was… familiar. Only one man usually caused it.

Nate shivered, his heart jumping into his throat. His stomach clenched when he heard murmurs of “Mr. Ferrara” and “Sir.”

Nate fixed his gaze on his computer, putting on a busy appearance and trying to ignore the way his stomach was full of butterflies. Horrible, flesh-eating butterflies.

He was being stupid. There was no damn way Raffaele was here to see him. He probably had a meeting with Nate’s boss, though that would be pretty strange, too. Usually department heads went up to the executive floor, not vice versa. Raffaele Ferrara usually didn’t deign to grace the mere mortals with his presence unless there was an emergency. In fact, Nate could count on his fingers the number of times it had happened since he’d started working for the Caldwell Group almost a year ago.

Footsteps stopped right next to his cubicle.

Fuck, Nate couldn’t fight it anymore.

Slowly, he lifted his gaze.

He was glad that he was sitting, because his knees were suddenly weak when his eyes locked with Raffaele’s. He couldn’t fucking breathe.

He was wearing a blue tie today. It looked ridiculously good against Raffaele’s smooth, gorgeous olive skin, drawing one’s gaze to the cleft on his chin and his firm, sensual lips.

Nate licked his own. He’d always rolled his eyes when people described want and desire in terms of “hunger,” but he felt hungry now. Starved. His mouth was tingling, watering. He wanted to launch himself at Raffaele and eat him. It was a visceral feeling, raw and powerful. It left Nate dizzy. Famished.

“Sir,” he heard himself say. He sounded surprisingly normal and not at all like he was gripping his chair hard in order to stop himself from jumping his boss in front of everyone and climbing him like a tree.

Raffaele didn’t say anything for a moment, just looking at him with that hard, intense look of his that was achingly familiar. Nate had almost forgotten how warm and hyperaware of himself that look made him feel, as if he were the only thing in the world.

“How are you doing?” Raffaele said.

Nate blinked, still gripping the chair as if his life depended on it. “I’m—I’m good. The job is great! I like it a lot.” Fuck, could he sound more awkward? In his defense, he wasn’t used to making small talk with his boss—the boss he used to fuck—while his co-workers pretended not to be listening to every word.

“I’m glad,” Raffaele said stiffly. “Is Jordan in his office?”

“I think so,” Nate said, his stomach sinking. Of course Raffaele hadn’t come to see him. Of course he was here on business.

Giving a clipped nod, Raffaele strode away and disappeared into Nate’s boss’s office.

Nate sagged, feeling like all the tension bled out of his body. He’d never felt so elated and disappointed at the same time—elated that he’d seen him and disappointed that Raffaele hadn’t come here for him. He was an idiot, yes.

“Oof,” Camilla said from the cubicle to his left. “I’ve never seen the boss here. Do you think there’s trouble?”

Nate shrugged and fixed his gaze on his computer.

He didn’t look up when Raffaele emerged out of the office, deep in conversation with Jordan, but he followed them with his eyes as soon as they passed his cubicle.

His stomach twisted unpleasantly when he saw Jordan’s blond head so close to Raffaele’s dark one. He was being stupid. Yes, Jordan Gates was handsome, but that didn’t mean that Raffaele wanted to fuck him. He was straight.

Right, his inner voice said snidely. Do you think you were that special? If he fucked you, he might want to fuck Jordan, too. You look kind of alike.

Nate pressed his lips together, hating the direction of his thoughts, but he couldn’t stop them. Jordan’s height and build really were similar to his. His hair was slightly darker, closer to dirty blond. His eyes were blue, too, but they were nothing like his own: so pale they seemed colorless and emotionless. Jordan was objectively very handsome, but he wasn’t the type to smile much. To be honest, the guy kind of intimidated Nate. He didn’t find him attractive at all. It didn’t mean that Raffaele wouldn’t, though.

His mood souring, Nate shifted his gaze back to his computer. “It’s none of my business,” he muttered under his breath.

“What?” Camilla said.

“Nothing.”

 

***

 

Raffaele came back two days later.

And then the next day, too.

The whole department was buzzing, nervous that something was up.

“Maybe there are layoffs coming up,” Toby said after Raffaele left.

Everyone glared at him, but from the expressions on people’s faces they were afraid of the same thing.

“It’s not that,” Nate said, shaking his head. “He never gets personally involved in layoffs.”

“God, I forget that you were his PA,” Susan said with a chuckle. “Can’t you ask him what’s up?”

“Yeah,” Toby said, looking at Nate curiously. “He always stops at your desk. What do you talk about?”

“Nothing,” Nate said.

“Oh, come on!”

“He’s telling the truth,” Camilla chimed in. “They make some small talk and then he leaves. It’s super boring.”

Nate pulled a face. She was right though. On the three occasions Raffaele had come to their department, all they exchanged were a few stilted words between long silences. It was the definition of awkward.

The worst part was, Nate fucking lived for those few minutes. He hated the way his heart tried to beat out of his chest when Raffaele looked at him, the way his stomach seemed to be full of butterflies, and his face was too warm and everything was too much. The moment Raffaele left, he felt almost nauseated from the crash of adrenaline and disappointment.

He’d never felt this way, not even when he had been a teenager.

Nate had no idea what to do. The feelings he’d been trying to suppress so hard when they had been fucking seemed to become a thousand times worse now that he couldn’t even touch Raffaele’s hand. He felt like there was a hole inside him, yearning. Thirsty. He felt like an addict who could see his fix but wasn’t allowed to have it. It got to the point that he couldn’t string two thoughts together after he saw Raffaele and was only capable of monosyllabic answers for the rest of the day, too distracted and keyed up.

It couldn’t keep going that way; Nate knew it. It didn’t help that with Raffaele’s every visit to Jordan, Nate’s suspicions about the nature of those visits grew into something ugly and sickening. He wasn’t usually one to hate anyone for no reason, but he couldn’t stand the sight of his boss now. He hated Jordan’s immaculate suits, handsome face and confidence. He hated his nicely shaped lips and pale eyes that betrayed nothing, no matter how hard Nate looked at him after Raffaele’s visits.

“Nate, my office,” came Jordan’s voice over the intercom.

Speak of the devil.

“What does he want?” Camilla said.

Shrugging, Nate got up and strode toward Jordan’s office. He pushed the door open.

“You wanted to see me?” he said, keeping his voice carefully neutral. Hopefully it wasn’t obvious that he couldn’t stand the guy.

Jordan regarded him for a long moment before before saying, “Make Ferrara stop coming here.”

“What?”

“You heard me. His presence disrupts everyone’s work, including mine.”

“What does it have to do with me?” Nate said with a chuckle.

“Don’t insult my intelligence. He’s never paid so much attention to my department—until he transferred you here.”

“I really don’t understand what you’re implying,” Nate managed, his heart beating faster and his palms growing sweaty.

The look Jordan fixed him with was distinctly unimpressed. “I don’t give a fuck if you sucked his cock to get this job,” he said flatly. “You’re capable of your job and you get things done—that’s the part I care about. But I don’t want Ferrara’s extra scrutiny on us. Everyone is saying that there must be something wrong with my department if the boss is paying so much attention to it. Get him off my back.”

“I…” Nate ran a hand over his warm face. Although he was kind of mortified, the prevalent emotion he felt was relief. So Raffaele wasn’t actually fucking Jordan. “I really don’t have any influence over him. Look, you’re wrong. He isn’t here because of me.”

Jordan scoffed. “Please. I knew something was up when he transferred you here and gave you a salary three times higher than a junior level designer without much experience normally gets—”

“He did?” Nate said faintly, his brows drawing close. He’d been pleasantly surprised by the salary when he’d signed the contract, but he’d thought nothing of it.

“I don’t know what he wants, but give it to him,” Jordan said shortly, pushing his thin glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I’d suck his cock myself if it were what he wanted, but it clearly isn’t.”

Nate stared at him.

“I thought you were straight,” he said awkwardly.

Jordan snorted. “I am.”

Right. Because that totally made sense.

But Nate didn’t dare question him on that. Jordan was still his boss, no matter how candidly he was talking now. And the guy was still intimidating as hell, the look of his pale blue eyes more than a little unnerving.

“I’ll think about it,” Nate said instead, before turning and leaving.

He did think about it. It was all he thought about for the rest of the day, and during his drive home.

“What’s with the long face?” Maya said when she saw him.

Pacing the room, Nate told her everything: about Raffaele’s weird visits, his conversation with Jordan, the salary thing too.

When he was done talking, he found a resigned look on his sister’s face.

“What?” Nate said, stopping his pacing.

“What do you want, Nate?” she said quietly.

He frowned. “I don’t understand.”

Maya heaved a sigh. “You’ve been obsessed with that asshole for a year now. I was hoping you’d get over him when he actually did something decent and gave you the job you deserve, but you’ve been moping for months—”

“I haven’t been moping!”

“Please,” Maya said. “You put up a pretty good front and pretended that you were excited about the new job, but I know you. Your eyes were sad. Even Mom noticed that.”

“What? What did she say? I am excited about the job. And my eyes weren’t sad!”

Maya rolled her eyes. “They were—they have been for months. Mom asked me if you had a recent breakup. I said yes, because you know what? That’s actually pretty accurate. You broke up with the guy your life had revolved around for the better part of a year.”

Nate opened his mouth and then closed it without saying anything. There was nothing to say.

“You looked like you’d cry if I talked about him, so I left it alone, figuring that you’d get better after a while. And although you didn’t turn into a depressed wreck, it was as if…as if you were muted. I haven’t seen you this excited about anything in months. When a few days ago you got home looking animated again, I thought you were finally over him, but apparently it was the opposite and you just saw him again.” Maya shook her head with a crooked smile. “Look, I give up. You know I’ve never liked that guy, but if just seeing him can put that look into your eyes, I give up. An idiot in love is better than the sad-eyed zombie you’ve been.”

“I wasn’t—I’m not—”

“What, not in love with him?” Maya said, giving him a flat look.

Nate swallowed. “Maybe just a little infatuated,” he said in a small voice.

Maya let out an inelegant snort. “I think that ship sailed back when you were ranting to me about how much you hated him, well before you started sucking his cock. You were obsessed with him even back then. All you talked about was him.”

Fuck, she had a point.

Looking back, Nate couldn’t even tell when he had stopped hating Raffaele. The emotions Raffaele had caused in him had always been so intense that he hadn’t even noticed when his feelings shifted into something other than hatred. It was a gradual thing, so it was something he hadn’t been aware of until it was too late. Or maybe he’d just been in denial about it. Because the hurt, the heartache he felt when Raffaele had told him that he was being transferred to another department didn’t fit the word infatuation. He’d known that, but he’d pushed those thoughts away and suppressed the hell out of them. Because it was beyond stupid to fall in love with a man like Raffaele Ferrara.

In love. Love.

Shit.

Nate sat down heavily on the couch, dropping his head into his hands. “Fuck.”

Maya sighed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Chin up. It’s not the end of the world.”

“You don’t understand,” he said with a humorless laugh. “Raffaele doesn’t do relationships. Ever. He’s the worst person I could fall in love with. All he wants is meaningless sex.”

“If all he wanted was meaningless sex, he has a funny way of showing it.”

“What do you mean?” Nate said, lifting his head.

Maya shrugged slightly. “The guy gave you a ridiculously high salary for your new job, didn’t even ask for his car back—”

“He’s so rich it doesn’t mean anything, Maya,” Nate said, shaking his head. He frowned a little. “But I should return the car. I’d completely forgotten about it.”

Liar, a voice said at the back of his mind. You hoped it would give him a reason to call you.

“Fine,” Maya said. “Maybe money means nothing to him, so it doesn’t necessarily mean he cares about you. But why is he stalking your workplace, then? Admit it: it’s weird. Even your boss thinks he’s coming there because of you.”

Nate looked away, frowning. It was weird. And very out of character. It wasn’t like Raffaele to waste what little time he had on personally monitoring a small department of the company. Nate knew better than anyone how insane Raffaele’s workload was. It just didn’t add up.

“What, you think he misses me or something?” Nate said with a laugh, trying to quash the stupid hope that was now burning in his chest.

“Do you have any other explanation?” Maya said. “He’s hot, and he’s a billionaire. He can have anyone for meaningless sex. Why would he waste his time on making awkward small talk with you in front of everyone if he just wanted to get his dick wet?”

“Maya.”

She chuckled. “What? I’m just saying it how it is. You know I’m far from being his fan, but I think you’re being unfair to him.” She pulled a funny face. “Yeah, I can’t believe I just said that. I think he’s clearly trying to—to connect with you, but he has no idea how to do it when he can’t boss you around or order you to suck his cock. If he doesn’t do relationships, he’s clearly out of his comfort zone, hence the stalking, staring, and awkward small talk.”

Nate just looked at her, at a loss.

Could she be right?

“But that’s not the important thing. The important thing is what you want. What do you want, Nate?”

“I don’t understand.”

“God, men,” Maya said, shaking her head. Then she looked back at him. “Do you want a relationship with him? You know all his horrible qualities and habits, his commitment issues. And he’s still your boss—and everything that entails. Do you want him that badly?”

Nate stared at her. His heart sank, because the answer to the question was yes. He didn’t even have to think about it.

The answer must have been written all over his face, because she sighed again and, taking his hand, squeezed it. “Then get him. But don’t let him have the upper hand. He’s not the boss of you anymore—” She made a face. “Well, he’s still the big boss, but you’re not his direct subordinate anymore. Make him work for it. Make him woo you. And for god’s sake, don’t have sex with him until he proves it’s not the only thing he wants.”

“What?” Nate said miserably.

She laughed, rolling her eyes. “Men,” she said again. “You lived without his cock for months. You can live without it for a few more.”

Groaning, Nate buried his face in his hands. “You really overestimate my self-control.”

Maya just laughed again.

“It’s not funny,” Nate grumbled. “Even if you’re right and he actually still wants me, he’d never agree to a relationship without sex. Hell, I wouldn’t agree to it, either! I don’t know how to be around him and not want him.”

“First World problems,” Maya said, her voice practically dripping with sarcasm. “There’s more to a relationship than sex, Nate. Maybe no sex would actually be good for you, too. Your relationship with him started totally backwards. Instead of going on dates and getting to know each other like normal people, you went straight to sex, and feelings were kind of an accident.”

“I know him plenty well,” Nate said sulkily. “I know him better than anyone in the world.” He wasn’t bragging. He used to obsess over every infinitesimal change in Raffaele’s expression or the tone of his voice. Even when Nate had thought he hated him, Raffaele was still his favorite thing to look at. He loved watching him think and—

Nate’s thoughts halted, his eyes going wide. Fuck, he really loved him. He loved Raffaele.

“All right, maybe you know him,” Maya conceded. “But does he know you? And I don’t mean in the Biblical sense.”

Nate pursed his lips, unsure. “I have no idea.”

“Then find out. But under no circumstances have sex with him. Get it?”

“Right,” Nate said, averting his gaze.