Chapter 8: Nikki

 

I got lucky when we checked the garage of the house we’d ducked into and found me a bike. It was a bike for teenage girl, with pink tassels and a basket. With the sun coming up, I was able to ride instead of walk.

I felt too tall and gangly, all elbows and knees, on the tiny bicycle, and I probably looked even sillier.

Koriv’n had no trouble keeping up with me on foot, and we made good time, even after making a huge loop around the future nest. I was happy to be as far away from that creepy place as possible. Seeing all those humans mill around, waiting to become bug chow, was so abhorrent it made me physically ill.

Even if those people had done horrible things to survive, they didn’t deserve a death like that. Koriv’n had assured me he’d return with one of the other hunters to put them out of their misery and wipe the area clean. Not a thread of the mycelium would be left after the cleansing fire.

We didn’t bump into any more of the bugs the rest of the way through town. It was almost a pleasant experience—almost. That was if I ignored the grim post-apocalyptic landscape.

The queasiness started as we approached my old neighborhood. I hadn’t been back here since winter, when Jason came back for his gun and ammo. I knew better than to believe the house would be the same as I’d left it. We’d taken everything we could, except for the very thing he’d come back for. That gun was going nowhere; I’d hidden the key to the safe in the soil of a dead potted plant.

I’d been angry at him at the time and silently sabotaging him was the only act of rebellion I could afford. Also, if I ever tried to make it on my own, like right now, I’d know where I’d find a weapon.

I rolled to a stop in front of the overgrown yard, and Koriv’n stopped beside me. He must have felt the apprehension rolling off my body because he took my hand and gave it a squeeze. I appreciated knowing I wasn’t alone. I had an ally now.

The front window was broken from the last time I was here. We’d lost the key and had broken into our own house.

I stepped over the glass and checked the front door. It was unlocked, just as I'd left it. As I'd surmised, the inside was thoroughly looted, but I knew the gun would still be there. The cabinet was bolted to the closet wall, and I doubted anyone would go through the trouble of unbolting a heavy metal cabinet and dragging it with them without knowing if there was anything useful inside.

Even knowing what was inside, Jason had decided it wasn’t worth the hassle.

Foragers were not known to dump out potted plants to look for keys.

Koriv’n checked the house to ensure we were safe, locked the door, and pushed my old china cabinet in front of the broken window. He paused to stare at a framed picture of Jason and me in Mexico from a trip a few years ago.

I wasn’t good at reading his alien features yet, but even I could tell he was not happy at what he saw. Whatever. He could be upset all he wanted. I was a woman with a past; I had a life before all this shit started. I wasn’t that woman anymore, but I couldn’t erase what was.

I understood now that the hunters were looking for women for more than just sexual purposes; they were looking for company. They were lonely. In my head, I still felt like I had to trade something for his food and care; it was just how things were in this new world. So I traded my companionship. But that didn’t mean I didn’t have a past, a past I intended to erase as much as I could now.

I headed up the stairs, a woman on a mission. The first order of operations was footwear. These loose men’s runners were rubbing blisters into my heels. I envied women with the average size sevens and eights; it was easier for them to forage for shoes during the end of the world.

Before the leader had implemented the no shoes for women rule after one of the women ran, I’d worn men’s shoes. I’d learned quickly that a men’s size eight and a half was a women’s size ten.

Luckily, no one had foraged my two pairs of runners or my snow boots. I’d kept them at the back of my closet behind my sandals and pumps. That was the flip side of having a less common size. My shoes were still mine.

I wiggled my feet, glad to have something that fit. I stuffed the second pair of runners into my bag. Then, realizing there was no room for my winter boots, I tied them together with an extra pair of shoelaces and strapped them to the outside of the bag.

Most of my wardrobe had been pulled out and scattered on the ground by the last forager in the house. I picked out what I wanted to keep and stuffed them into my bag, including a good handful of socks and underwear.

The way Koriv’n spoke of the compound he was taking me to, it seemed I might be able to keep a few personal items. He’d mentioned the other hunters having shuttles, but I didn’t know if he had his own.

My alien protector watched with interest as I dumped the pot of bone-dry potting mix out onto the carpet and dug around for the key. Then he followed me to the gun cabinet bolted to the home office closet wall.

I didn’t know why I told him the story, but it felt good to let it out. “Jason and I were away from the home when the bugs hit. It took us a long time before we got back. It was after he’d already committed himself to that horrible group. He promised them the gun and ammo and anything else useful we found.

“When I got here, the first thing I did was hide the key to the cabinet in the dead plant. He never found it. We ended up taking the ammo not in the cabinet and everything edible in the house back with us. He told the leader the gun was already gone. He was happy enough with the extra ammo.”

I wasn’t a great shot, but I planned on learning. Koriv’n had a blaster on his belt, though he never used it. Maybe he could teach me how to shoot. A gun was different, but aiming was aiming, right? I was not cut out for the bugpocalypse.

I packed the gun and all the ammo in the cabinet into my now-full bag. I almost went for my gym bag but decided a backpack was easier to carry with its centered weight. Also, I couldn’t imagine squeezing through tight spots or running from a bug with a bulky gym bag.

One last thing to do. I stomped back to the bedroom, stepped up on the bed, and pulled down our wedding photo. Till death did us part? Well, he was dead to me.

“Will a fire in the fireplace be safe?” I asked as I went down the stairs with the large photo frame in hand. I didn’t want it to attract attention to us.

“The flyers are coming out now. Even if humans see the smoke, they will have to get through the flyers. And the scourge have not yet associated smoke with food.”

I started the fire, and once it was large enough, I stuffed the wedding photo into the flames. Then I went to the sink, found a patch of dried-up detergent, and tried to use it to take off my ring. But without water, the detergent wasn’t slippery enough.

I struggled with the ring, pulling and twisting. I belonged to no one, and especially not him. I pulled harder on the ring, but it only left my knuckle red and raw. I growled in frustration, and tears squeezed out of my eyes. I wanted this damn thing off my finger.

“Stop. I will help.” Koriv’n gently took my hands in his.

He unclipped the flask from his belt. It had been filled with plain water from a rare, unopened water bottle we’d found next to my bike. He wet the patch of dried lemon-scented dish soap, then carefully rubbed it around the ring. With a tenderness I found surprising from such a strong warrior, he eased the ring off before rinsing my hands off with the water.

He held the ring in his palm and turned it over, staring at it intensely for a moment before handing it to me.

“Thank you.”

I walked over to the fire, and before I could change my mind, I tossed the ring in. That thing had once represented my future, but now it only reminded me of the most painful parts of my past. I grabbed a handful of junk mail still on the side table and fed the flames. Then I stood and watched as the frame of the photo broke down in the fire.

The overwhelming urge to scream at the top of my lungs took over. I grabbed the closest cushion from the couch—the one with the disgusting mustard-colored floral pattern cover Jason’s mom had gifted us when we first moved in together—and screamed into it as loud as I could.

Koriv’n probably thought I was losing it, and maybe I was. I’d been on the edge of a nervous breakdown for months and months. The entire world I knew was gone, and the only person from my old life had morphed into something so detestable I wanted to feed him to the first bug I saw.

I didn’t know when the screaming turned into crying, but by the time my sobbing stopped, Koriv’n had carried me up into the guest room and was rocking me like a baby in his arms.

“I’m sorry you had to witness that.” Now that it was over, I was embarrassed. I wanted Koriv’n to think I was strong and not a liability. Liabilities weren’t kept around for long during the bugpocalypse.

I wiped the tears from my eyes, vowing that those were the last tears I’d ever shed for that asshat. I’d said goodbye to the past, and it felt good. Liberating.

I didn’t know where Koriv’n was taking me, but I vowed to make the most of it. It was a new start, and my mauve warrior had proven to be an honest-to-goodness “good guy.” Maybe the humans there really were decent people. That was enough to keep me going.

Koriv’n lowered me into the bed and draped the guest blanket around me.

“Rest. We need to move again once the flyers clear the sky.” A large mauve hand ruffled my hair affectionately.

Suddenly, I could barely keep my eyes open. It felt as if I’d been up for days. The feeling reminded me of the early days of the bug infestation when I was constantly on the run. But back then, I’d never felt safe enough to close my eyes and rest. I had to stay vigilant.

It wasn’t just the bugs, though they were usually the final cause of death for those who never made it. It was everyone and everything. Anyone I’d met was liable to stab me in the back and throw me to the bugs to buy themselves a few more seconds to get away. No one and nothing was safe.

Koriv’n was safe. I closed my eyes with him sitting beside me, and before I knew it, I slept.