When I’m With You by Sandi Lynn

Chapter 41

Paisley

I quickly made the bed and set my suitcase on top of it. I hadn’t had the chance to fully unpack. As I took out a pile of clothes, I saw the pink envelope sitting there. I picked it up and stared at it.

“What’s that?” Ben asked as he handed me a cup of coffee.

I didn’t answer him at first. Did I dare tell him about the letter and risk sounding like a lunatic?

“It’s a letter I wrote,” I finally answered.

“To whom?”

“Follow me,” I said as I led him to my office.

I opened up the drawer that neatly housed all my written letters to my deceased husband and pulled them out. Ben stood there with a confused look on his face.

“These are the letters I’ve been writing to my husband every Saturday since the day he died. This last one is the final letter I wrote to him on the anniversary of his death.”

“Paisley,” he whispered with concern.

“It sort of helped me. I still felt a sense of connection when I wrote these. Does that make sense?”

“Perfect sense. What are you going to do with them?” he asked.

“I don’t know yet. I don’t want to burn them or throw them away, yet I don’t want to hold onto them either. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“Awe, babe. Come here,” he said as he held out his arms.

I walked over, and he embraced me, kissing the top of my head. “I want you to keep them. I promise you that I don’t mind. We both had a life with other people way before we met and that just can’t be easily disregarded. If you want to put them in a box and tuck them away in the corner of your closet, then do it. But if you want my honest opinion on what you should do with them, I think you should publish them with your book.”

“Really?” I asked as I looked up at him.

“Think about it, Paisley. That book is about how you felt and lived after he died. You’re telling people your story. Show them what you’ve told.”

“I love you so much, Ben.”

“I love you too.” He smiled. “I’m going to get dressed and go home. I’ve got something I need to finish up. Do you want to go Christmas shopping later?”

“That’s a good idea. We should do that.”

He kissed my lips and walked away. As soon as he left, I sat down at my computer and typed out forty-seven letters at the end of my manuscript. When I got to typing letter number forty-eight, I read it out loud as I typed it.

My dearest husband,

This will be the last letter I will write you. It’s been a long, painful year and one that I wouldn’t wish on anybody, but it’s time to let you go. I don’t know if what I experienced was a dream or not, but to me, it was as real as if you were standing next to me right now. My friend, Ben, and I have become very close and I really like him a lot. I know this is what you would have wanted for me instead of being locked up as a prisoner of depression. Writing to you every Saturday has been therapeutic for me and gave me something to look forward to. You were my knight and shining armor and you’ll always have a special place in my heart. Just because I’m moving on, doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget you. You will have my love for eternity. Rest in peace, my darling.

Love forever,

Paisley

I hit the save button and then printed out those last pages, adding them to the manuscript I was going to give Ben. I emailed Kenny the addition and also Trina, the editor at Doyle Publishing.

* * *

December 23

Ben

Paisley and I finally finished Christmas shopping. While we were out for the evening, I arranged for Keaton and his father to pick up the sofa table and take it over to Paisley’s house. We were going to spend Christmas Eve with my family and then Christmas Day with hers.

“I’m starving,” I said.

“Me too. What do you want to eat?”

“I know this great bar that serves the best fish and chips in world.”

“In the world, eh?”

“Yep. In the entire world.”

“Sounds good to me.” She smiled as she hooked her arm in mine.

We walked into the Sunset Bar and the place was packed, except for three seats that were open at the bar. We sat down on the stools and Damian walked over.

“Ben, how are you? I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“I’m good, Damian. I want you to meet my girlfriend, Paisley.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Paisley.” He smiled as he held out his hand.

“Ben tells me you have the best fish and chips in the world.”

“He’s right. Two orders coming right up.” He winked.

“I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back,” Paisley said as she kissed my cheek.

Damian set a beer in front of me and nodded towards the door when David walked in. He sat down on the stool next to me.

“David. Hi. I’m surprised to see you here tonight.”

“It’s good to see you, Ben. I just wanted to let you know that I won’t be around anymore. My job transferred me out of state. I came in to say goodbye.”

“How did you know I was here?” I asked in confusion.

“I was walking by and I saw your truck.”

“Great timing, because Paisley is here, and I want you to meet her. She’s in the bathroom right now, but she’ll be out in a minute.”

He smiled at me as he placed his hand on my arm. “Take care of her, Ben. Comfort her when she’s sad and make sure you’re always there for her. Give her strength when she needs it and give her courage when she’s in doubt. Love her with your heart and soul and never take her for granted. I’m trusting you’ll do just that.”

I looked at him in disorientation. “Yes, of course I will, David. Listen, she’ll be back any second.”

I turned my head in the direction of the bathrooms and when I turned back to look at David, he was gone. A strange feeling erupted inside me that I couldn’t shake. A moment later, Paisley sat down beside me.

“What’s wrong?” she asked as she placed her hand on my arm.

“Nothing, babe.” I thought about telling her about David, but what was the point now? He said he was leaving, and I’d never see him again. Things with him were strange from the moment we met, and I thought that it would be best just to forget him and not think about him again. Paisley agreed with me that the Sunset Bar indeed had the best fish and chips in the world.

On our way back to her house, I was excited and nervous at the same time to see her reaction to the sofa table. When she put the key in the lock and opened it, she flipped on the light switch in the foyer. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Romeo. He was sitting on the sofa table.

“Where...” she started to say and then stopped and looked at me.

“Merry Christmas, Paisley.” I smiled.

She walked over to the table and ran her hand lightly across it. I turned on the lamps so the entire room was lit up and she could see it better.

“You made this, didn’t you?” she asked with tears in her eyes.

“Yes.”

“Oh my God, Ben. It’s beautiful. It’s perfect. I love it so much. Thank you.” She threw her arms around me and hugged me tight.

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you like it.”

“Oh, baby. I love it.” She smiled as she kissed my lips. A kiss that didn’t stop. A kiss that landed us on the couch and making love for the next hour.

The next morning was Christmas Eve and it felt good waking up next to Paisley. I couldn’t help but stare at how beautiful she looked as she slept. Romeo jumped up and I quickly grabbed him before he woke her up. I took him to the kitchen, fed him, and then began making breakfast. As I poured the pancake batter in the pan, Paisley walked into the kitchen.

“Are you making breakfast for me?” she asked in an angelic voice.

“No. But you can have some if you want.” I grinned.

“Why you!” She laughed as she walked over and playfully smacked me.

“Of course I’m making you breakfast. Merry Christmas Eve, babe.”

“Merry Christmas Eve. After breakfast, I want you to open one of your gifts I bought you.”

“You didn’t have to buy me anything.”

“Don’t be silly. You didn’t have to make me that table.”

“Don’t you be silly.” I smiled as I kissed the tip of her nose.

After we ate breakfast and cleaned up, Paisley led me over to the tree and handed me a beautifully wrapped gift with a gold ribbon bow.

I smiled as I opened it and lifted the lid. It was the watch I had been wanting for a long time.

“Paisley, how did you know?”

“I called Finn and asked him. You told me in Hawaii that you had your eye on a watch, but you never said what kind. I thought that you’d want to wear it today.”

“It’s perfect. Thank you so much. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

As Paisley left to get dressed, I wanted to take the watch out of the box and try it on. I needed scissors to cut the binds that held the watch in place. I couldn’t find any in the kitchen, so I asked Paisley where they were.

“Check in my desk drawer. I think they’re in the top one.”

I went to her office and opened the top drawer. My heart began racing at the picture I saw lying there next to the scissors. I picked it up and looked at it. I swallowed hard as I walked into the bedroom where Paisley was getting dressed.

“I found this picture. Is this your husband?” I asked nervously.

“Yeah. That’s David. That picture was taken a month before he died.”

“David? That was your husband’s name?”

“Yeah,” she said as she looked at me weird. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

“Yeah. I’m fine. It’s just you never mentioned his name and when I first saw this picture, he looked familiar.”

“Maybe the two of you crossed paths one time.” She smiled.

“Yeah. Maybe we did.”

I took the picture and went back to Paisley’s office. Before putting back in the drawer, I stared at David. What the fuck, was all I kept thinking. This was him. This was the David that I met at the Sunset Bar. The same David that told me about the support group meeting. The same David who just showed up out of nowhere. Not only at the bar, but at the pier as well. The same man who told me to take care of her and love her. My head was spinning because I didn’t know what to think. My brain couldn’t process any of this. I heard Paisley screaming my name from the bedroom. I threw the picture in the drawer and ran to her.

“OH MY GOD!” she exclaimed as she held her phone in her hand.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

“Trina from Doyle Publishing just called me. She and a couple other editors loved my book so much that they made me a six-figure deal to publish it!”

“Paisley, that’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you.”

She paced around the bedroom. “I can’t believe they loved it.”

“Of course they loved it. I loved it. Everyone is going to love it.”

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her head. “Merry Christmas, Paisley.”

As we walked out the door to head to my parents’ house, Paisley said she forgot something and went back inside. When I stepped off the porch, I immediately stopped when I looked across the street and saw David leaning up against the light post. He was standing there with his hands in his pockets, smiling at me. He gave me a small wave and then I heard Paisley come out of the house. I turned and looked at her, and when I turned back to David, he was gone. Just like that night at the bar.

“You ready?” she asked.

“Yeah. Let’s go,” I replied as I kept staring across the street.