When I’m With You by Sandi Lynn
Chapter 8
Ben
Wow. I didn’t expect that. I didn’t expect to have to stand in front of a group of people and discuss my personal life, and I didn’t expect to meet someone around my age that had suffered the same loss. I didn’t know how I felt. Would I go back? Probably not. As I climbed into my truck, I saw Paisley walk across the dark parking lot. The street lights that worked were dim, but half of them weren’t lit up. Before I pulled out, I waited to make sure she got into her car safely.
When I pulled up the driveway to my home, my phone rang. It was Finn.
“Hey, Finn. What’s up?”
“I’m on my way over.”
“What? I thought you and Olivia were at a wine tasting event.”
“We were. I mean, I was. She’s still there. I told her you called and were really down and needed to talk. So if she ever brings it up, you were.”
“Bro, I hate when you use me as an excuse.”
“I know, Ben, and I’m sorry. I really need to talk to you.”
“Fine. I just got home.”
“I know. I’m walking in now.”
I turned around and Finn walked through the door. Shaking my head, I asked him how long he’d been here.
“Just a few minutes, actually,” he replied. “Where were you?”
I pulled two beers from the fridge and handed him a bottle. “I just went and grabbed something to eat.” I wasn’t about to tell him that I sat for the last hour in a support group for widowers.
“Where’s the food?” he asked.
“I ate it on the way home. It was just a burger. Now stop with the questions and tell me why you left your girlfriend at a wine tasting party to come over here.”
We both took a seat at the table. “I’m really nervous about proposing to Olivia. I mean legit scared. What if I fuck it up? I want this to be perfect. What if she says no?”
“First of all, she isn’t going to say no. Olivia loves you. Second of all, it’s normal to be nervous. I was very nervous when I proposed to Amy.”
“Really? Because I remember you being all cool and calm when you talked about it.”
“I’m good at hiding things.” I smiled. “Don’t overthink it, Finn. It should be natural. Where were you thinking about proposing?”
“I was going to do it at her apartment when I picked her up for dinner. I’m going to buy a big bouquet of roses and have the ring box sitting in between the flowers, so when I give them to her, she’ll see the box and then I’d ask her to marry me.”
“That’s very romantic. She’ll love it.”
“You think?”
“I know. Now stop being a pussy and get a grip.” I smiled.
“Hey, I want you to know that I feel really bad for talking about this with you. Considering…”
“Don’t feel bad. It’s your time to be happy and to create a magical life and future with Olivia. I’m okay, Finn. You and the parents need to stop worrying about me.”
“Like you said before, you’re good at hiding things.”
I gave him a small smile as I got up from the table. “Go back to Olivia. Tell her I’m fine and I told you to go back.”
“Thanks, bro,” Finn said as he hugged me.
“No problem. Go on; get out of here.”
Finn left, and I grabbed the remote and sat down on the couch. A few minutes later, I received a text message from Brady.
“Dude, Linda and I just had the best sex ever!”
“That’s great, Brady.”
“It was drunk sex, but it was still great.”
“That’s great, Brady.”
He didn’t respond and I was happy. I didn’t want or need to know about his sex life. I missed sex. I missed it a lot, but I would never go out and have a one-night stand with someone. To me, sex was just as equally an emotional act as well as physical. I missed that closeness. I missed Amy.
The next morning, I went for a run. As tired as I was, I knew the fresh air would wake me up. Sleeping wasn’t on my side last night. I kept tossing and turning and couldn’t stop thinking about Paisley Logan. She was definitely a pretty girl. In fact, she was beautiful. She looked to be about five feet, six inches with an athletic body. Her light brown hair with a subtle touch of blonde complemented her green eyes. She appeared to be okay on the outside, but when I looked into her eyes, I saw the same emptiness inside her that I had. I turned up the volume on my music as I ran. I was running from something and running to nowhere.
