Every Shade by Nora Phoenix

3

As much as Samuel wanted to tell himself that it couldn’t be true, deep inside he knew it was. He’d known it when Tris had started talking about the cheating lawyer with the studio where he fucked other men. Maybe he’d even known it when Tris had mentioned the asshole lawyer who was trying to screw him over.

It was like his subconscious and his conscious had repaired a connection that had been malfunctioning, because now he was aware of all these subtle signs he should’ve have seen, should’ve picked up on, that should’ve made him suspicious. And now that he allowed his subconscious in, it was screaming at him that it had seen it, had picked it up, but Samuel hadn’t allowed those instincts to surface to his conscious mind.

His boyfriend of two years was a cheater. The man he’d hoped would ask him to marry him tonight had cheated on him. Everything he had clung to as the truth turned out to be a lie.

“Samuel,” Tris said again, his voice now pleading.

“You’ll have to give me a minute,” Samuel said, noting how detached his own voice sounded.

“I’m worried about you.”

Samuel lifted his eyes from the floor he’d been looking at, not seeing anything else but the endless stream of images and memories in his mind. Snapshots of the past two years that made it crystal clear how big of an idiot he had been. All these signals, all these signs, he’d ignored them. What a fool he’d been. He slowly refocused, spotting the look of deep concern on Tris’s face.

“Dude, you should be worried about me. I just found out the last two years of my life have been a total lie,” Samuel said, still with that weird detachment.

Then something occurred to him. Maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe Evan hadn’t cheated on him the whole time they were together and it had only been the last few weeks or months. Maybe he’d done it because Samuel had become too needy in bed? No, that didn’t even make sense. Why the hell would he have sex with someone else when he didn’t want to have sex with Samuel?

He was crazy to even go there. Did it really matter? Did he really want to know how long and how often he’d been made a fool of? He discovered that yes, he did. He wanted to know it all, like one of those disgusting pimple-popping videos that grossed you out yet you couldn’t stop watching. He was witnessing his own life turning into a train wreck, and he couldn’t look away.

“Your ex, when did she first mention this to you?” he asked.

Tris visibly cringed. “Do you really need to…? Over a year ago,” he said when Samuel’s eyes narrowed.

Not something recent then. Samuel sighed. “And you know for a fact it’s been multiple men? Like hookups? Not like an affair with one guy?”

“Different men,” Tris said. “She saw three of them, but she noticed signs of frequent sex all the time.”

Motherfucking asshole. Telling Samuel he was too demanding and needy in bed and then fucking around on him? What a complete dick.

“How are you feeling?” Tris asked, and Samuel had to admire his guts to even ask that.

“I think I’m moving straight onto the anger phase of grief,” Samuel said. “I can’t believe he cheated on me not once, but all the time. What the fuck is wrong with him?”

But just as quick as his anger had flared up, it fizzled out, and a wave of defeat rolled over him. “What the fuck is wrong with me?” he said, much softer now. “Why would he do this? I don’t understand.”

“Samuel, I hate to say this, but Evan McLeod is not a good man. He’s a nasty, backstabbing asshole, and he’s quite proud of that reputation, too. His client list is a veritable who’s-who of high rollers who are known for shady deals and tactics that fall on the wrong side of the law.”

Samuel had to close his eyes for a second as a wave of nausea hit him. “I thought that was just his job,” he said weakly, hearing how stupid that argument sounded even to his own ears. “Kinda like I have to make designs I don’t like sometimes because they’re what the client prefers.”

Tris’s face showed sympathy and it made Samuel feel like the biggest fool ever. “He doesn’t do it because it’s his job. He does it because he enjoys the kill, because he wants their business, because on some level, he gets a perverse satisfaction out of screwing people over. What he’s doing to me, that’s not business. That’s doing something because you can. That’s being a bully, knowing you can get away with it.”

Every word stabbed Samuel in his heart. How could he have been with Evan for two years and not seen that side of him? He and Evan had rarely discussed his work, Evan always citing attorney-client privilege. And since Samuel wasn’t all that interested in the law anyway, he’d found it convenient to not have to discuss it.

“I didn’t know,” he said, his head reeling.

“I understand. But now you do.”

There was a slight edge to that tone, as if Tris wanted to suggest that knowing the truth had consequences. Well, it did, didn’t it? Samuel could never go back to being the naive person he’d been before, completely blind to Evan’s dealings. This had consequences, maybe even more for him than for others because of his background.

“What do I do now?” Samuel asked, as much to himself as to Tris. “What do you do when you think you’re gonna get a proposal and instead you discover your boyfriend has been cheating on you?”

Much to his own dismay, his voice broke on the last few words. He didn’t want to cry, didn’t want Tris to witness his humiliation and embarrassment any more than he already had.

Just then, the intercom crackled again. “We’re happy to inform you that our elevator technician has arrived and determined the cause of the problem. We’re hoping to have the elevators running again in about fifteen minutes. Please do let us know if there are any medical emergencies, and we will try to get to you with priority.”

Samuel released a sad sigh. “I wish I could go down instead of up and walk out and never see Evan again. I guess that doesn’t really qualify as a medical emergency, does it?”

The corners of Tris’s mouth tipped up in a hint of a smile. “I’m afraid not. But is that really what you want?”

“I’m not the confrontational type,” Samuel said defensively.

“Are you scared of him?” Tris asked.

Samuel considered it, something that had never even occurred to him before. “Should I be after what you told me?”

“I’d love to say no, but honestly, I don’t know him well enough to reassure you either way. But if I were you, I’d be careful. And whatever you do, you should definitely consider not mentioning what you’ve learned about his shady dealings.”

Samuel’s stomach rolled uncomfortably, even as he appreciated Tris’s careful wording. The man wasn’t putting any pressure on him but was rather allowing him to make up his own mind. That was something Samuel could appreciate. His parents had always been the same, giving him and his brothers a lot of freedom and responsibility even within their privileged life—something he’d always appreciated them for.

What Tris said made sense. If Evan was as deep into illegal stuff as Tris suggested, there was no telling what he would do if he found out Samuel was aware. And how fucked up was that, to suddenly be afraid of the man he thought loved him? Plus, he had to keep him at a distance, if this was the case, to protect himself and his family’s reputation. God, he should’ve done that background check on Evan his father had recommended when they’d started dating, but it had seemed so cold and distrustful. That joke was on him now.

"I have to break up with him," Samuel said, that part at least being crystal clear to him.

The rest, that was the question. What reason should he give him for breaking up? If he admitted knowing about the cheating, Evan might want to know how, and Samuel didn't want to drag Tris's ex into this. Hell, he didn't want to drag Tris himself into it.

"Obviously, I can't tell you what to do, but that sounds like a smart decision. I'm so sorry, Samuel."

Samuel let out another sad sigh. "I know. And I do appreciate you telling me, even if it was by accident. As much as I hate knowing it, it would've been far worse had I discovered this a year from now."

"What reason are you going to give him for breaking up?" Tris asked.

"Yeah, that's what I'm debating right now. Should I tell him the truth? He would want to know how I found out, and I don't want to drag you or your ex into this."

Tris cocked his head, his face kind. "Looking back, can you think of any other hints of what was going on? Is there anything you could use as a reason to have discovered his infidelity?"

Samuel thought about it for a few seconds. "Lots of late-night text messages, which I assumed were from clients. Some business trips that I now question. Him guarding his phone with his life. He even takes it into the bathroom when he showers, you know? But nothing that could have easily given me a clue. Suspicious, maybe."

"So don't tell him how you discovered. You owe him shit. Just tell him you found out he's been cheating on you this whole time and leave it at that."

Samuel considered it, then decided that was actually a pretty smart strategy. All he needed was to hold his line when Evan started pushing him. Because there would be pushing, that he was certain of. But what would happen if Evan didn't take no for an answer?

With what he knew now, Samuel didn't understand what Evan saw in him, why he’d wanted to continue their relationship in the first place, but he clearly had. He could've broken up with Samuel easily months ago if he preferred the hookups, but he hadn't. There could only be one obvious reason, but that was so cold-hearted he didn’t even want to go there.

"If you want to, I can stay when you tell him," Tris offered, and Samuel's head jerked up from staring at the floor again.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I'm not comfortable letting you handle this on your own. Not because I think you're weak or anything, but with what I know about your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend, I’m hesitant to leave you alone with him when you deliver news like this. I don't know why he decided to stay with you, but he has to have a reason, so I can only assume he's not gonna be too happy when you show him the door."

Samuel stared at him for a few seconds. The man clearly hadn’t recognized him, but he’d still offered his support and protection. That said a lot about his character. “Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you."

Tris nodded at him, a soft smile playing on his lips. "You're welcome. I've always felt comfortable in the role of white knight, you know?" he joked.

"I could use one right now," Samuel mumbled, deeply grateful he wouldn't have to face Evan on his own.

He shivered, the anxiety of what he was about to do getting to him. This had to be by far the scariest thing he'd ever done, and how fucked up was that? Out of all the scenarios he'd considered of him and Evan maybe not working things out, he’d never imagined being scared of him, but he sure as hell was right now.

"You cold?" Tris asked.

Samuel shook his head. "Nervous. Terrified."

Tris's face softened. "If you want to, you can sit with me until the elevator starts moving again. Draw some strength from me, maybe? Or is that weird?"

Samuel didn't even think, just crawled over the floor back to the safe spot between Tris's legs. He couldn't help a sigh of relief escaping from his lips when those strong arms wrapped around him again, and he allowed himself to be pulled backward against that broad chest.

“I don’t care if it’s weird. I’ll take all the strength I can get. Thank you."