There With You by Samantha Young
Regan
Thane was right.
Eilidh didn’t even mention finding me in her father’s bed. She was too busy showing us everything in her stocking (which, of course, we’d already seen because we put it there) while we oohed and aahed.
“Can we wake Lewis now?” she begged in a shout loud enough to wake the dead after Thane said we couldn’t open the presents downstairs until her brother was awake.
Her dad and I exchanged a look before Thane went off to check if her shouting had woken Lewis. A couple minutes later, Thane returned with a sleepy Lewis in his arms. Lew held his stocking.
“Merry Christmas, sweetie.” I leaned up to kiss him on the cheek.
To my delight, he reached for me. “Merry Christmas, Ree-Ree.” Thane handed him over and even though he weighed a ton, I held on tight and gave him a big cuddle before lowering him to the floor.
My heart was full.
And it just kept filling, swelling with the sweet tightness of too much emotion as the day stretched on. Eilidh and Lewis were beyond delighted with their gifts from Santa and their presents from their dad, me, and the rest of the family. Thane said he loved the photograph Robyn had taken of Eilidh and Lewis on the beach. She’d taken it a few months ago when she, I, and the kids had gone for a walk during their October vacation. It had been a moody day, but the sunbeams had spilled through a break in the clouds, creating this amazing light across the sand dunes. There was water in little pools along the shore, and Eilidh and Lewis had taken great pleasure in making footprints in the wet sand.
They had rushed ahead of us and Robyn had captured a beautiful shot of Lewis turning to reach for Eilidh’s hand to help her across a wider pool of water.
As soon as I saw it, I knew I needed to frame it and give it to Thane for Christmas. When I’d seen Lachlan’s reaction to the photo of Robyn, it solidified my decision. Under their gruffness, the Adair men were sentimental softies.
Thane’s eyes brightened as he caressed the glass protecting the photo. “It’s beautiful.”
“I thought you could put it in your office, maybe?”
He nodded, looking at me with such tenderness, I cursed the fact that I couldn’t just reach out and kiss him. I cursed it even more when I opened his gift to me. He said it was from him and the kids. They’d given me a gift set of my favorite nail polish, a cashmere scarf in an emerald green that looked great with my hair color … and a gift shaped like a book.
“No way.” I gaped as I unwrapped it, almost afraid to touch it. “This isn’t what I think it is?”
“Lachlan told me about your reaction when you saw it in the library at Ardnoch. The books in there belong to our family. Arro removed all of her favorites years ago. We don’t believe in books filling shelves just to gather dust. They should be treasured and loved. I wanted you to have it.”
Tears burned the back of my eyes as I stroked the cover of the first edition of Gulliver’s Travels that I’d admired all those months ago. “I can’t believe you would trust this to me.”
“I trust my most treasured possessions to you, Regan. Why would I not entrust a book to you?”
I grinned because when he put it like that, I seemed silly. The tears caught in the corner of my eyes, and Thane noted them, his expression so loving, my frustration curled in my fingers and toes. I shoved it down and hugged the first edition to my chest. “I have no words for how much I love this. Thank you.”
The kids broke our intense staring match as they asked questions about the book, and I promised to read them a chapter from Gulliver’s Travels every night. It delighted me they were interested in it.
From there, Thane prepared us a full Scottish breakfast. I looked forward to making Robyn squeamish with a very detailed account of how much I enjoyed my haggis and black pudding (blood sausage). While I’d pretty much eat anything, Robyn couldn’t get her head around what the latter two were made of. Considering the scary things she’d faced in life without batting an eye, it was fun teasing her about her weak stomach.
By the time we got Eilidh and Lewis showered, dressed, and ready to leave for the cemetery, I only had a small amount of time to get ready. Delaying going over to see Mom and Dad any longer would only irritate Mom.
When I eventually arrived next door, Brodan’s charming anecdotes about Hollywood actors he’d worked with and famous people he’d met had Mom in a good mood, so she didn’t notice how late in the day it was. Lachlan was a fortress when it came to Hollywood gossip. It was his business to keep his members’ lives private, so he never spoke about the people he’d worked with.
Brodan had no such qualms. We spent the afternoon laughing at his hilarious and often outrageous stories, waiting for everyone to arrive for Christmas dinner.
To my relief, when Mac arrived, Mom was on her best behavior. Dad and Mac exchanged one of those awkward half man-hug things, reminding me they’d been good friends back in the day. Mom and Mac just shared a nod of hello and exchanged overly polite pleasantries.
It was good. Better than anyone could have hoped for, and Robyn was in a wonderful mood.
In fact, it was such a magical day, the best Christmas I could remember in a long time, that I never suspected it could go so horribly wrong.
The first not-so-pleasant moment was just before dinner was served. Everyone congregated in Lachlan’s sitting area, but I’d gotten up to retrieve juice for Eilidh and Lewis. Dad followed me into the kitchen.
“Now isn’t the perfect time, but I don’t know when will be. Can we talk a minute before everyone sits down to dinner?” He nodded toward the front entrance.
My pulse increased a little, wondering what he needed to talk about in private, but I nodded and followed him out.
The door off Lachlan’s entrance led to a small room where he kept memorabilia from his work as an actor. Awards, props, that sort of thing, all encased in glass and well looked after. However, it was so typical of my sister’s fiancé to keep it hidden away in a room no one ever went into.
Dad stared around for a moment, drinking everything in. Spotting the long broadsword encased in glass by itself, Dad approached it. “Jesus, it’s his sword from The Last King.” He turned to give me a small, awed smile. “I still can’t get my head around the fact your sister is marrying a guy whose movies I actually like to watch.”
I grinned in understanding. Dad wasn’t really a movie guy. But he liked good action movies, and while Lachlan hadn’t branched out into the “serious” movies Brodan had, he had made great action flicks.
“Yeah, it’s weird. I still do a double take when I see a movie star in the village. It’s like we’re living in this weird bubble.”
Dad’s amusement suddenly died, and he turned to me. “You happy here?”
My stomach fluttered with uneasiness. “Like I said yesterday, I am very happy here, Dad.”
“I see a change in you. You seem … more comfortable in your skin.”
That was a good way to describe it. “I feel that way.”
Striding to me, he clutched my hands in his and squeezed, pain flashing across his features. “Robyn told me about that piece of shit Austin.”
Heart in my throat, I whispered, “Dad, not here.”
“I know.” He hauled me into a hug. “But I just wanted you to know how sorry I am that you didn’t think you could come to me.”
Tightening my arms around him, I shook my head against his chest. “Dad, no, please don’t think that. I didn’t tell anyone. It’s hard to explain … but I buried it. Okay? It was like my mind didn’t even want to know about it.”
“He came to the house again.”
I jerked out of his arms. “He what?”
Dad’s face was a mask of fury. “I got out my badge and escorted him to his car with a warning to stop harassing you. It took a lot not to fuck him up. And I didn’t tell him I knew about Vietnam because I don’t want to tip him off before you give a statement. And you are giving a statement.”
“Dad, you and I both know that statement won’t hold up in court.”
“I’m hunting down the witnesses. Desiree Jones and Liam Smith. With names like Smith and Jones, it hasn’t been easy. But we’ve got a few leads. Once we find them, we can get their statement to corroborate yours. But you need to make yours first.”
Sick at the thought but even more sick Austin had harassed my parents, I nodded. “Okay. After Christmas.”
Relief flooded Dad’s features. “Austin shows up at my house again, I’m arresting him.”
“What?”
We both turned to find Thane standing in the doorway, his angry gaze on me.
“Austin is back?”
Shit.
In all the chaos of the last few weeks, I’d forgotten to tell Thane about Austin’s renewed interest in me.
“Yes. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was going to.”
“What has he been doing?” Thane stepped into the room, looking between me and Dad.
“Showing up at the house, asking for Regan.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” He glowered accusingly.
“Is there a reason you need to know about the private business of your employee?” Dad asked, slowly and suspiciously.
Thane took a visible breath, and I could see his mind working behind his eyes, figuring out how to cover his furious reaction to the news. “Because I should know if the woman looking after my children is a safety risk to them.”
Wow. Ouch. Even knowing he was just using that as an excuse hurt.
Dad grunted. “I would have thought it would matter because she’s your brother’s soon-to-be sister-in-law.”
“That too.”
“Yeah, right.” Dad cut me a look that told me he hadn’t bought a word of it. “I hope you two know what you’re doing.” He walked out of the room before I could reply.
Great. My dad also suspected there was more between Thane and me than we were letting on.
Were we really that bad at hiding it?
“You and I will talk later when the children are in bed.” Thane’s tone reminded me of the one he used with Eilidh and Lewis when he was displeased.
I opened my mouth to retort, but he was already marching away.
Wonderful.
Merry Christmas!
Attempting to shake off my concerns about Austin’s behavior, Dad’s suspicions, and Thane’s displeasure, I returned to the room and threw myself into helping Arro prepare dinner.
Everything kind of settled again as we sat around the large table, eating and talking while the Adairs got to know my parents. Thane sat between Eilidh and Lewis, and I was directly opposite, sitting beside Mom and Dad. Arro was beside Eilidh, and I was only semi-aware of their conversation about a sleepover for all of Eilidh’s dolls at her Aunt Arrochar’s when I heard Thane say determinedly, “Eilidh, no.”
His tone brought my head up as it cut through the conversations at the table.
Eilidh scowled at her father. “But I wanna!”
“Not tonight.”
“What’s not tonight?” I butted in.
Thane barely even spared me a glance, but Eilidh shouted across the table, “I wanna sleep over at Aunt Arro’s tonight with all my dollies!”
Her loudness killed all conversation.
“Not tonight, sweetie,” I replied. “It’s Christmas. You spend Christmas with your dad and brother.”
“Exactly. You’re in your own bed tonight,” Thane said, his tone brokering no argument.
“Why can’t I sleep where I wanna? Ree-Ree got to sleep in your bed for Santy coming!”
Oh, fuck a fucking duck.
Everything stopped. Cutlery, breathing, my heart. There was an awful silence around the table, and I couldn’t look at anyone but Thane, whose expression mirrored my mortification.
“What does that mean?” Mom broke the silence. “What does Eilidh mean?”
“Ree-Ree was in bed with Daddy this morning,” Eilidh whispered it now, sensing the bad energy in the room and clearly not understanding it.
I looked down the table to Robyn and saw nothing but concern in her eyes.
“Does she mean what I think she means?” Mom hissed.
“Mom, not here.” I turned to her, pleading.
But fury and disappointment filled her expression. “In front of his children?”
Her words made me feel dirty and small. “It wasn’t like that!”
“How could you?” Mom pushed her chair back from the table to stand, and I followed suit. “Here’s your father giving me bull about how you’ve changed while you’ve been here, and we should let you just get on with things, that you’re a grown woman! Ha! You’re just as spoiled and selfish and irresponsible as ever, and you are coming back to Boston with us.”
“Mom, let’s go next door to talk about this.”
“We’re talking about it now!”
“Not in front of the kids.”
“Oh, that’s rich,” she guffawed.
The blood rushed in my ears, my cheeks hot with her recrimination. Looking over at Eilidh and Lewis, seeing their confusion and upset, I said to Arro, “Take the kids next door.”
Arro hurried to do so, and Mac strode from his side of the table to help, hauling Eilidh into his arms. Eilidh burst into tears, burying her face in his neck, and my heart plummeted. Mac shot my mom a ferocious glower as he marched away with my girl, soothing her in the way I or her father should be but couldn’t because we had to deal with my inconsiderate mother.
Eredine hurried to follow Arro, Mac, and the kids out of the house.
“You’re ruining Christmas for the children! You couldn’t just leave it alone until dinner was over?” I yelled.
“Are you sleeping with this man?” She pointed at Thane, who stood now, bristling with silent fury.
I couldn’t lie. I wouldn’t. “Yes.”
My mom scoffed. “Then I haven’t ruined anything. You ruined it for them. You ruined it by doing whatever the hell you felt like doing, never mind that there are children to think about. Always spreading your legs for the first inappropriate man you can find!”
“Stacey!” Dad snapped from his seat beside her.
Her words were like a slap. I flinched and gritted my teeth. “Don’t you talk about Eilidh and Lewis. You know nothing about them or my feelings for them!”
“And don’t”—Thane’s voice was a quiet boom around the room—“you dare talk to Regan like that again.”
“Stacey.” Dad moved around me to Mom’s side. “Calm down. Okay? They’re both adults and you’re saying things to our daughter you’re going to regret. How you’re feeling is not about this, and you know it.”
“Of course it is. Regan has proven once again she is not an adult. But you”—she turned on Thane as he rounded the table—“how could you do this? Take advantage of my daughter? A grown man, a father!”
“She’s twenty-five.” Robyn joined the argument. “Seth is right—they are both adults. You’re acting like she’s sixteen and underage. This is none of our business, and frankly, you’re blowing it completely out of proportion. But what’s new, Mom?”
“You knew!” Mom accused. “You knew and you let this go on? You allowed this to happen to your sister?”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, don’t start that rubbish under my roof,” Lachlan warned her. “It is not Robyn’s responsibility to police Regan’s behavior. Regan is a grown woman whether you want to accept that.” He turned to Thane. “But you … what the hell were you thinking?”
Thane narrowed his eyes, his hands curling into fists at his sides. “Just what Robyn said—that I’m a grown man, and she’s a grown woman, and it’s nobody’s business but ours.”
“I’m not talking about that.” Lachlan shoved away from the table, his brow furrowed with concern. “I’m talking about the secrecy. The sneaking around. Why not be up-front about it? Did you think we would judge you?”
Mom huffed at my back, and it took everything within me not to pour the nearby jug of ice water over her head just to cool off her psychotic ass.
“No.” Thane gave a sharp swipe of his head. “But what was the point? Eilidh finding us was a mistake. It’s not permanent between us. Regan will be leaving in six weeks.”
I physically stumbled away from his words. He had his back to me, facing Lachlan, so he didn’t see my reaction. But my dad put his hand on my shoulder, and he gave me a comforting squeeze. Devastation crashed over me.
I was always just temporary to him.
He would never change his mind.
“Exactly!” Mom pushed past us, and Thane turned to her, scowling like she was a bug he wanted to squash. “She’s just drifting from one place to the next, not caring whose heart she breaks, and those kids’ hearts are clearly going to be broken.” She looked at me. “You’ve insinuated yourself into their lives far beyond that of a nanny, and it is wrong, Regan. It might be the worst thing you’ve ever done, young lady.”
Ignoring her hurtful words, I moved toward Thane. “You don’t believe that.”
His gaze roiled with a million emotions, but he didn’t respond.
“You know I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to be anywhere else.” I exhaled a shaky breath, desperation taking control. “I don’t want anyone else but you.”
Thane’s lips parted as his eyes searched mine.
“And I’m sure you believe that, but he shouldn’t,” Mom interrupted. “Your word is not reliable. Just ask Robyn.”
My temper snapped. Whirling on my mother, I shrieked, “For Christ’s sake, for once in your life, just shut the fuck up!”
She blanched in shock.
“Amen to that,” Brodan muttered under his breath from his spot at the table.
“I can’t believe you spoke to me like that,” Mom whispered, tears in her eyes.
“As opposed to the way you speak to her?” Thane sneered.
“All right, everyone just calm down,” Dad said, pulling Mom into his side and rubbing her shoulder. “We’re all hyped up and saying shit we don’t mean.”
Mom pulled from his hold and came to me, clutching my hands. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry for the way I said it, but we both know there’s truth in what I said. You’ll fill this poor man’s head with ideas and then grow bored and move on.” She squeezed me closer. “You’re so young emotionally, and that’s okay. That’s who you are. You just … you just need to come home and grow up a little.”
I yanked my hands out of her grip. For the first time in my life, my mom’s behavior truly disgusted me. “You don’t know me. You have never known me. You project your idea of who I am onto me just as you projected your idea of Robbie onto her. All you care about is not being left behind, and you manipulate things to keep me where you want me—by your side. Well, I’m not who you say I am, and I never have been.”
“Regan—”
I pushed past her and grabbed a hold of Thane’s arms. He was stiff and unyielding beneath my touch, but I held on. “Please don’t listen to her. You know me. And if I thought for one second, you could love me back the way I love you … I would never leave you.”
It was not how I wanted to confess my feelings to him. But my drama-queen mother had forced us into this situation. And I needed to know I wouldn’t lose Thane because of it.
However, as he continued to stare blankly at me, I realized it was too late.
Releasing my grip, I whispered, “You don’t believe me.”
Something snapped in Thane’s expression, and he took a firm hold of my wrist and led me to Lachlan’s memorabilia room. When he closed us inside, I opened my mouth to apologize about my mom, but Thane’s pitying look stopped me.
My stomach flipped unpleasantly. I already knew what was coming, and it felt like my chest was about to cave in.
“You’re only twenty-five, Regan. Why the hell would you want to settle down in a wee place like this with a man whose adventure days involve taking his kids to a local safari every summer? You might think you want this now because the sex is good, but you’d wake up in a year or two years’ time and realize what a giant mistake it was. You’ll feel stuck. You might even stay for the kids and grow to resent me for it. I won’t do that to you. I won’t do that to me.”
“That’s not true.”
“No? Well, if that doesn’t happen, there’s the fact that when I’m sixty, you’ll still only be forty-seven, and I might not look so good to you then.”
Anger boiled in my blood. “That’s not how love works, Thane. You’ll always be handsome to me, even when I’m eighty and you’re ninety-three, you’ll be the most handsome man I’ve ever seen because it’s you, and I don’t just see the Adair good looks when I look at you. I see you.”
He scowled at me in silence.
My heart broke. “You don’t trust me to know my own feelings?”
“I’ve been there before. My experience means I see things you can’t.”
“Been there before?” I shook my head, not understanding—
And then it hit me.
Fran.
Cheating.
“I’m not her.” I glared at him, outraged by the suggestion. “I wouldn’t need to get my kicks somewhere else because of something as pathetic as FOMO.” I didn’t care if I was disparaging Eilidh and Lewis’s mom. She’d betrayed Thane because of her fear of missing out, and that he would compare me to her made me lose my mind. “You’re it for me. You are what thrills me. You excite me in a way no man ever has.”
“Because we’ve been sneaking around like a couple of teenagers. We knew we were doing something we shouldn’t, and we were getting off on it.”
“Was that all it was to you?” Please say no, God, please say no or I might crack in two.
Thane glowered fiercely. “It was that for us both. You’re just confused.”
As a horrible despair fell over me, my rage so consuming, I couldn’t even yell anymore. I could barely get the words out as I sneered, “You condescending bastard.”
Ignoring his flinch, I shoved him aside and marched out. I felt brittle. Like I might shatter at the slightest touch. Mom made to move to me, to talk to me, and I put a hand up between us. “Get that woman away from me, or so help me God.”
She sobbed like she was the victim, but I couldn’t acknowledge her. I only had eyes for my sister, who took one look at me and her face hardened with anger.
“I need to get out of here,” I whispered hoarsely. “Before I lose it in front of everyone.”
My sister didn’t say a word. She exchanged a look with Lachlan, put her arm around me, and hurried us to the laundry room where we put on our coats and boots. The next thing I knew, we were in her SUV. As soon as it drove away from the house, I burst into sobs so hard, they wracked my whole body.
Not long later, Robyn pulled off to the side of the road and reached for me. She cradled my head on her lap like she used to when we were little and stroked my hair as I cried through the pain of my heart crumbling into pieces.
I didn’t know how much time passed before the passenger door to the car opened.
“Baby girl.” I heard my dad’s gruff voice.
Blinking through my tears, I saw Dad sliding into the passenger seat with me. I had to move my legs to let him in.
“Come here, dahlin’.”
I pulled out of Robyn’s hold and found myself enveloped in my dad’s embrace. In that moment, I didn’t feel like the grown-up woman I’d argued I was. But I didn’t care. My dad was the safest place in the world right then. And Robbie who tenderly stroked my back. Two of my favorite people in the world were with me, and there was comfort in that.
I realized then that I wasn’t only crying because Thane didn’t love me; I was crying because of that awful scene my mom had thought was okay to cause. The hurtful words she’d said. The way she always tried to make me feel small.
As if reading my mind, Dad spoke. “Your mom doesn’t mean a word she says. It comes from one place: fear. She thinks she’s going to lose both her daughters to Scotland, and she’ll say and do anything to stop it.”
“So she doesn’t care if she hurts me?” I whispered.
“Of course, she does. She just … everything always comes out backward with Stacey. No one will kick her ass more than her in the morning. You know your mom just speaks before she thinks.”
“Well … she’s getting her way. I’m not staying.” I cried again at the thought of the days, weeks, months, and goddamn devastating years ahead of me without Thane, Eilidh, and Lewis.
I’d been living in a dreamworld for the past few months.
Playing house.
Playing stepmom more than nanny, and we all knew it.
And Thane … was he really just getting off on fucking around with me, or was he just scared because of Fran?
Either way, I was a fool.
Just like Mom thought I was.
“You really love him, don’t you? Him and the kids.”
My only answer was to cry harder. I didn’t know how to stop. I was frustrated with my reaction, that I couldn’t be stronger like Robyn, but I couldn’t make the tears stop. Or the pain in my chest or the knot in my gut that tightened so hard, it ached.
Dad kissed my head. “Then don’t give up, baby girl. As much as I will miss the hell out of you, it is my job to make sure you’re happy. And until tonight, I have never seen you as happy as you have been these past few months.”
“He doesn’t feel that way about me.” Did he?
“Or he’s just afraid to take the risk.”
I lifted my head, wondering what Dad could mean considering he didn’t know about Fran.
At my questioning look, Dad sighed. “You’re only halfway to thirty, but that man is closer to forty. His children are his life, and he’s settled down in a way he’s never unsettling. He knows he doesn’t have time to go gallivanting around the world with you or take you to nightclubs or fancy restaurants every weekend. That’s not his life.”
Indignation stiffened my spine. “When have I ever said I wanted that? I don’t want that! It’s empty. And the so-called friends from that life? Where are they, Dad? I don’t have any. Other than you and Mom—when she’s not being a selfish psycho—I had nothing real in Boston. I have Robyn here. And him … I … nothing is more real than him and Eilidh and Lewis. From almost the beginning, we clicked into place, like we’d been a family forever.”
Robyn’s hand pressed deeper into my back at my confession.
“Then stay,” Dad said, even though I knew it cost him. “Stay and fight for them.”
Worry niggled me. “I don’t want to harass him.”
“You don’t need to. You just need to show him you’re not going anywhere.”