Don’t Fall for the Doctor by Lacey Bolt
Chapter 28
Michael finished rinsing off the sweat in his private shower. The hospital where he’d interned only had showers in the physician locker rooms and break rooms, not in the physician’s offices. He thought the private bathroom with shower was a bit excessive and unnecessary when he was first hired at this hospital. Within the first month, however, he realized just how nice it was to have a private space to wash off the stress after a difficult surgery.
He toweled off and looked at the pile of gym clothes on the floor. They were covered with sweat. He usually kept an extra pair of clothes in his office since there wasn’t enough storage space for clothing in his private bathroom. He hesitated, then wrapped his towel around his waist and headed for the door.
A loud shout rang out as soon as he stepped into his office. He glanced over at his desk and saw the last thing he expected.
Ashley.
What was she doing there? In his office? The first time she’d caught him in a towel was amusing. But this time . . . He’d spent all day trying to focus on anything except her. How was he supposed to tamper his feelings for her when she was sitting by his desk and he was wearing nothing but a towel, again?
“Ashley . . .” the words stuck in his throat.
She stared at him, mouth hanging open. “Again? Don’t you ever wear clothes in here? I mean, I wouldn’t have . . . I didn’t mean—your door was open. I was just going to leave you a note.” She held up the sticky note pad on his desk and showed him where she had made some marks. She glanced back at it and crumpled it up before sticking it in her pocket.
He didn’t have the energy to wonder what she had written. All he needed to do was focus on controlling himself. He took a few steps to the large cabinet on the opposite side of his office. Even with his back to her, her look was making his skin tingle.
“Should I leave?” She spoke quietly.
He sighed. His confusion was his problem, not hers. “Give me a minute to put on clothes. Stay.” He turned around and saw the confusion in her face. “Stay,” he repeated, more firmly this time.
He waited for her to nod before he went back to the bathroom and put on his clothes. He didn’t have time for another cold shower, but he rinsed his face with cold water before returning to his office.
She was no longer sitting at his desk but had moved over to the couch and was studying her hands.
“I didn’t think you were working today. I just came by to leave you a note. I thought your door was open from cleaning. But I guess that doesn’t really make sense since we don’t clean the offices on the weekend.”
She looked uncomfortable sitting there. He wanted to do something, make her feel more at ease. He sat down next to her and placed his arm on the back of the couch. Close enough to make his heart start beating wildly but not quite touching her.
“I’m glad you came by.” The words came out of his mouth before he could stop them. But it was true. His mind was still racing, but the tightness that was in his chest all day had disappeared.
She glanced at him and gave him a small smile. “Are you ok? You sound a little . . . off.”
He pressed his lips together. How could she read him so clearly?
“I’m just having a rough day.”
“Anything I can help you with?”
He looked at her closely. How could she possibly help him when she was the source of his pain? He sat up and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Have you been working all afternoon?”
She nodded.
“Turn around. I’ll rub your shoulders and back.”
She gave him a quizzical look but turned so her back was to him. He tentatively reached out and then started rubbing her shoulders. What was he doing? He thought it would be easier to control his emotions if he wasn’t looking at her directly, but now it was even harder. All he wanted to do was take care of her, make her happy, earn her affection and trust.
“That feels amazing.” She sighed. “I was so annoyed when Gwen called me in to work today. I would have said no, but I was already at the hospital when she called, and she threatened to fire me. She’s really horrible. I would rather cook all day than clean.”
He found a knot on her shoulder and started massaging it. “Tell me if I hurt you,” he said, referring to the massage. She didn’t respond immediately. He ached to ask her something but hesitated. If he asked her, he might scare her and push her away. But would that be a bad thing? If she were to run away at this point, he wouldn’t have to work so hard to find a way to manage work and a relationship.
He decided to take the chance. “If you’d rather cook than clean, why don’t you quit? Why don’t you at least interview with Jeff?”
He felt her tense under his hands. He shifted his hands slightly and ran his thumb gently over the nape of her neck before resuming the massage.
“Some things are complicated.”
He sighed. “I guess so.” He should know. He was stuck in a complicated mess right now.
She sat in silence for a minute before speaking again. “It’s just that I don’t know you well enough to get into all the details. But it’s not as easy as just quitting my job and getting a new one. It’s just . . . well, it’s complicated.”
He gave her shoulders a squeeze and moved his hand slightly as he continued to massage. “Would it help if I told you something about myself?” He must have overworked himself with exercise today. That was the only explanation. Why else would he willingly offer to let her get even closer?
“There is something that I’ve wondered about,” she asked in a soft voice.
“Go ahead.”
“How do you handle all the stress of being a cardiologist? I mean, you actually hold people’s hearts in your hands when you do surgery. How do you do that, day after day?”
He shrugged. “You get used to the stress.”
“Oh.” She didn’t really sound convinced by his answer.
He thought for a minute. Did she want the real truth? Did he even want to tell her? Very few people knew about his panic attacks. He wanted to tell her everything about himself. He wanted her to be part of his life. There was something about her that made him want to open up. She wasn’t the type of person who would laugh in his face or tell other people about his weakness. But what woman would want to date a man who admitted to having panic attacks?
A lightbulb went off in his head. No woman would want to date someone who had panic attacks. That’s all he had to do. Admit out loud that he had panic attacks, and she would run away. He wouldn’t have to carry around any guilt about hurting her. She would be the one to leave, and he could return to his uncomplicated life.
He took a deep breath in and focused on massaging another tense muscle in her back. “I don’t always handle the stress well. I get panic attacks. Never when I’m with a patient or in surgery, but sometimes later. When I have time to think about things, or I feel like I’m not doing enough as a doctor, I get overwhelmed, and the panic attacks start.” He gritted his teeth. The damage was done.
“Panic attacks are horrible. I used to get them too.” She turned around, brushing his hands off her back. “Turn around. It’s my turn to rub your back.”
He clenched his jaw. He just told her that he got panic attacks, and her response was to offer to massage his shoulders?
He turned around. If she wasn’t scared off yet, he’d have to push her further. She placed her hands on his shoulders tentatively. He shuddered briefly from her touch. He ached to turn back around and kiss her, but he needed to remain focused.
“W-why did you get panic attacks?” He cleared his throat. This was pathetic. He could barely speak when she was touching him.
She spoke slowly. “I struggled after my parents died. Didn't think I could manage on my own.”
He held himself rigid, refusing to turn around and gather her in his arms. “I’m sorry that happened.”
She continued rubbing his back harder. “I had panic attacks because I felt alone.”
She sounded defeated. He couldn’t fight with himself any longer. He turned around and grabbed her hands, pulling her in close. She let out a small gasp.
“You aren’t alone anymore.” He placed his hand on her cheek, drawing her face in close to his.
“I know,” she whispered. “I have Emily and Kelly as my family now.” She bit her lower lip and placed her hand on top of his.
“You can count on me, too, if you want.” He leaned in closer. There was no use fighting it anymore—he couldn’t. He wasn’t going to chase her away. Instead, he was going to hold her tight and make things work. He wrapped his other hand around her upper arm and drew her closer.
He brushed his lips against hers, slowly and tentatively at first, but when she placed her hand on his shoulder, grabbing at his shirt and pulling his chest against her, he deepened the kiss. She leaned into him and moved her lips against his. It wasn’t enough. He needed more. He ran his fingers through her hair, letting them get tangled.
This was what he had needed all day. No matter how long or fast he ran, he’d never be able to replace the longing he had for her touch.
She let out a quiet whimper and pushed him back, separating her lips from his. She blinked her eyes several times and then shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. She stood up and backed away to the door.
“I have to go.”
Michael groaned and leaned forward, placing his head in his hands. He’d messed up. He’d pushed too hard. He’d scared her away.