I Hate, I Bake, and I Don’t Date! by Alina Jacobs

18

Beck

“You stole my furniture,” I said to Walker when he opened the door.

“Dude, the girls ruined all of my furniture. They said they were playing Little House on the Prairie and wanted to use some stuff in the house. I was like sure whatever, that’s cute, and I took a call. Then the next thing I know, they ripped up all the sheets to make clothes and had half the furniture busted up for firewood.”

“Order your own damn furniture,” I said, pushing into his condo.

In the living room was the custom chess table I’d had made in Morocco with the special inlay of expensive woods. It was next to the TV stand that I’d had custom built to my exact specifications.

“You can’t just take my stuff!” I yelled at my younger brother.

“We’re family! Sharing is caring,” Walker complained as I picked up the chess table.

I shook my head. “Where is my coatrack?”

“I don’t have it,” Walker said. “Greg must have taken it.”

I took the table with me up to Greg’s new condo.

I should have just gone back to my own condo. Greg was nuts on a normal day. Now that he was in close proximity to Belle, he was positively unhinged. Besides, I was sure Tess was going to buy new furniture. But I could not stay in that condo with her. Even though it was huge, with half the floor on the south side of the tower, it had suddenly felt claustrophobic.

There was not enough space in that tower for me, Tess, and her enormous tits.

God, they had looked amazing in that tight tank top. She hadn’t been wearing a bra, and she had on those itty-bitty shorts that accentuated her curves. If my sisters hadn’t been standing right there, I knew without a doubt I would have lost all self-control and fucked her on the counter.

I shifted my weight, my pants suddenly feeling too tight.

She’s your assistant.But my brain was tired, and after dealing with my insane family for the last week, my normally steel-plated willpower was waning.

You just need to eat some protein, get better sleep.I willed my erection to go down.

Ding!

The elevator paused, and the door opened.

“Howdy, neighbor!” An older woman with sunglasses and a large yellow hat greeted me as she stepped onto the elevator. “Going up?”

“Yes,” I said, glad that I had that chess table as a shield.

I shifted to make room for the older woman, and my erection deflated like a balloon when I saw what she was wearing or, rather, not wearing.

She did light stretching in the elevator.

I looked up at the polished bronze ceiling.

“You coming to rooftop yoga?” she asked. “We have the Dorothy herself leading the class every Tuesday and Thursday. Just one of the perks of living in this building.”

“I’m not a yoga person,” I said to the ceiling.

“Too bad! Ass like that, you need to keep it toned. Your girlfriend will thank you. Not to mention, there are all sorts of stretches that increase your fortitude, if you know what I mean.”

The elevator stopped on Greg’s floor. I stepped out. “I’ll think about it.”

The older woman saluted me as the doors closed.

I stood in the hallway for a moment, trying to collect myself.

Where had we moved to?

I knocked on the door and heard little feet scampering inside. The door opened, and one of my little sisters looked up at me expectantly.

“Hey, I’m just here for my coatrack.”

“Greg said no visitors,” my little sister stage-whispered. “He’s with his girlfriend.”

My mouth fell open. “Belle just decided to forgive him, just like that?”

“They’re in his bedroom.” The toddlers giggled.

“What in the world?”

I took out my phone and texted the group chat with my brothers—not just the Manhattan Svenssons but all of them, from Harrogate to Rhode Island.

The texts came in fast and furious.

Archer:No way!

Tanner:I’ll believe it when I see it.

Garrett:All of you owe me money!

Mike:I’m not giving you shit until you provide proof.

I set the chess table down and followed the girls down the hallway.

“Come see our room,” they insisted, grabbing my hands.

I passed by the master door, barely daring to breathe. But the door was open.

“And furthermore,” Belle yelled at Greg while he stood at the dresser, inspecting his watch collection, “the fact that you thought I wasn’t going to find out is the most insulting part of it.”

“Please,” Greg said. “You shot yourself in the foot when you had all those senior citizens move in here. All I have to do is send my brothers to a few of those crackpot community building events you’re hosting, and the old bats are going to be eating out of my hand.”

Greg turned and gazed at Belle coldly. “You’re going to learn the hard way that just having one development doesn’t make you a power player.”

“And you’re going to learn—or rather not learn—not to screw with me.”

The corner of Greg’s mouth quirked. “Well…”

Belle grabbed him by the tie, shaking him slightly. Greg’s mouth parted.

She leaned in close to him then spat, “Don’t ever think that’s happening again. I wish I’d never met you.” Then she adjusted her handbag and stalked out.

I plastered myself against the wall.

“Bye, Ms. Belle!” my sisters chorused.

Belle gave them a small smile over her shoulder. “Make sure you keep Greg on his toes.”

The fury wafted off my brother, rolling out into the hallway from the master. I knew how awful he could be to be around when he was in this kind of state. I inched toward the front door.

“Beck!” he barked. “Don’t think I didn’t see you there.”

“I’m just here to—”

Greg appeared in the bedroom doorway, eyes cold. I swallowed. For a moment, Greg looked eerily like our father, especially when he was in a rage.

“I’m just leaving. Was grabbing my coatrack.”

“You better not say anything about this to anyone,” he threatened.

“I, er…”

At that moment, Greg’s phone went off like a basketball buzzer.

“I might have been misled by our sisters,” I admitted.

Greg picked up the phone, and his anger rose by several orders of magnitude.

“You—” He could barely get the words out.

“We’re all just very concerned about our favorite brother,” I said, trying to back away slowly.

“You owe me,” Greg spat, rounding on me. “I will have this tower. You are going to go parade around the gym, one of those ridiculous yoga classes, and the pool and have all of those horny seniors eating out of your hands. Do you understand me? Or you’re done.”

Tessand the girls were having an impromptu picnic when I returned with the coatrack and the chess table. They were sitting in the living room under a god-awful painting that looked like some sort of thrift store reject. Tess must have brought it.

Typical. I don’t know why you were fantasizing about her.

Once this was over, I was finding a real assistant—a better assistant—one who was professional and organized and not messy.

“You were gone hunting for furniture and that’s what you came back with?” Tess joked when she saw me. She drew herself up on her knees.

I looked down to talk to her, but my eyes went too far and landed on her chest. I flicked my gaze back up.

“I only changed my shirt,” she said defiantly, “not my shorts, so you’re going to have to be a big boy and deal.”