I Hate, I Bake, and I Don’t Date! by Alina Jacobs

60

Tess

My alarm went off way too early the next morning. I ignored it and turned over to go back to sleep.

“I’m just going to call in sick.”

“No,” Maeve said, standing up to shake me. “We have a ton of work to do. Besides, Cressida’s going to be extra obnoxious today. I can’t face her by myself.”

“I can’t face Beck after that betrayal,” I reminded Maeve.

She cut off a slice of cake and took a bite. I had had to do a lot of late-night baking to calm myself down. I couldn’t fucking believe Beck! He had sold a piece of my soul and then tried to gaslight me about it.

“Maybe I should quit.”

“I have job interviews lined up,” Maeve said. “There’s a few places that are looking for multiples, either assistants or in marketing.”

“I guess I need to start looking,” I said dejectedly. I slowly climbed out of bed and started to dress.

I didn’t have the wherewithal this week to look for jobs. Besides, now that I was not going to be living with Beck anymore, I definitely needed to not have a funding gap. Rent was due soon, and it would take at least a month to be hired somewhere else, what with submitting an application and doing interviews.

I needed to keep my head down until then.

After everything, Beck would probably just let me work from the lobby anyways for the next few weeks until I found a new job.

“Screw that guy. Last time I date,” I grumbled as Maeve and I hoofed it to the subway.

“I thought you didn’t like him,” she reminded me. “It was just supposed to be about sex.”

“I might have already been planning the catering menu and picking out cake flavors for our wedding,” I admitted sheepishly.

Maeve shook her head. “Guys like that should only be used for sex. The good-looking ones are always dangerous.”

“But he said he cared for me!” I said a little too loudly as we headed down the stairs to the subway.

“Maybe he did, but more along the lines of, say, caring for a houseplant,” Maeve replied as the train drove into the station. “He’s clearly emotionally stunted. I mean, what kind of person gives away someone’s deceased mom’s painting? That’s a whole extra level of sociopath.”

“He was trying to save his sisters, to be fair.”

“He didn’t even ask,” Maeve told me. “He just did it behind your back.”

“If he had actually asked, I might have said yes. If he had called me up and said, look, these are all the things I tried, and I need your painting, and I’ll make it up to you, I might have agreed. I’m not a monster, unlike some people.”

Maeve hugged me.

I fiddled with my purse strap. The fake leather was fraying. I needed a new one. I needed a new life.

“All my life, I was trying not to be like my mother, and yet here I am. I fell for a guy who was just using me the whole time.”

“He’s a coldhearted bastard,” Maeve said. “First impressions are always correct.”

I waved to Holly as Maeve and I walked into the lobby of the Quantum Cyber tower and took the elevator up to the office. I still had Beck’s credit card. I supposed I should give it back.

We were done, right?

But what if he wants to make it up to you?my mind whispered. What if he had just panicked? You’ve made bad decisions. You are not in a position to judge. What if he comes with a grand gesture and says he loves you?

I mean, would it be so bad? The painting represented my mother, sure, but it also represented her naivete in thinking that my stepfather actually cared about me.

Maybe this was just a blip in our epic love story.

Beck was in his office when I arrived at my desk. Through the glass walls, I saw him pacing. He looked like he hadn’t slept. Did he regret what he had done? What would it take for me to forgive him?

Honestly, probably just a heartfelt apology. All my life, my mom, my sister, all my mom’s boyfriends, my stepfather, that bitchy train conductor who fined me even though I had a valid ticket, whenever they had wronged me, none of them had even acknowledged that what they had done had been hurtful, let alone try and make amends.

I didn’t think I was ready to give up on Beck yet.

What if he were the love of my life? It could be like that movie Atonement, where we were kept apart and realized too late that we had squandered our potential relationship.

The door to Beck’s office opened.

“Tess,” he said. “Good morning.” His face was unreadable. “Could you come in here please? I need to talk to you.”

He was so formal.

Was this the big apology? Was there going to be a grand gesture?

Maybe he’s going to propose!

“Please.” He gestured to the chair on the other side of his desk.

I perched on the edge.

Was he going to give me jewelry? I didn’t see any flowers or even chocolate.

Beck went to stand by the window.

“I’m sorry to have to do this, Tess.” He wasn’t even looking at me. Why wouldn’t he look at me?

“But as you know, our relationship is against company policy.”

Uh… what?

“Yes?” I said, confused. “But it’s your company.”

“I know,” he said, hanging his head, “and as such, I have to set the example.”

“So we’re breaking up.” It felt like someone else was talking.

Breaking up?my mind chattered. Were you ever really together?

“No, of course not,” Beck assured me, “but I’m going to have to fire you, unfortunately. I hope you understand. It is an awkward situation, and I appreciate your discretion.”

“I’m sorry,” I said my voice rising, “you unfortunately have to fire me? What about you? It takes two to tango.”

“Well, this is my company…”

“So I’m just supposed to be thrown out on the street?” I screeched, jumping up to jab a finger at him. “You kissed me first. You were the one who said I had to be your girlfriend.”

“Shhh,” he hissed. “It’s already bad enough—”

“Bad enough? That’s not what you said when you were fucking me over your desk a few nights ago,” I said hotly.

Beck’s eyes flicked from me to the office floor, where his employees were gaping at our argument.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you. I can’t believe I trusted you. I can’t believe I was so stupid to think that you were actually calling me in here to apologize like a freaking human being.”

“Tess,” he said. “You had to know this was coming.”

“Yes,” I said, holding up a finger. “Yes, I did, and I asked you if you were firing me. I asked you point-blank, and you lied to me, Beck. You lied to me like you lied about the painting. What the hell am I going to do? I could have found another job if you had given me a heads-up! But no, you lied because you wanted to keep sleeping with me.”

His shoulders were tense. “I was just concerned you would turn on me and I would lose my sisters.”

I gave him an incredulous look. “Your sisters?”

“You know I’d do anything for them.”

“Yeah,” I said, “and so would I. Who the fuck do you think I am? You know, that’s the most insulting part of this whole thing. That you somehow believe that I’m like you, that I’m just going to screw over innocent people for my own gain. I would never do anything to hurt those girls because I know what it feels like to be screwed over, especially when you’re a powerless child. I believed you also thought that way, but apparently, you learned the wrong lesson in your disgusting cult upbringing. You learned that the only way to survive is to fuck people over.”

“I’m not screwing you over,” Beck hissed through his teeth. “You’re not going to live on the streets. You can continue to live with me.”

“Live with you?” I spat at him. “As if I ever want to spend another minute in your presence.”

I pulled his credit card out of my pocket and threw it at him.

“You just want me around so you can keep screwing me. Well guess what? I’m not like the women you’re used to in the cult that just roll over for some horrible man because she needs him to take care of her. I’ve survived on my own just fine, and I will continue to do so. I don’t need you. You are the worst boss ever, and I hate you, and I know you don’t care because I’m apparently nothing to you, but guess what, I hate you, and I will hate you every day for forever.”

I stalked out of his office; the whole floor had stopped work and were blatantly staring.

I turned and marched back into the office.

Beck gave me a slightly hopeful look, but then I said, “And you know what else? I hate pickles. I’ve always hated pickles. I always will. I hate the pickles that you made, and I especially hate the one between your legs!”

I slammed the door, and it bounced hard and banged me in the chest.

“Ouch.”

Boob smarting, I grabbed my purse off my desk. The strap got caught on the chair and it tipped over with a crash to the floor.

“Oh my god,” several people murmured.

“What are you looking at?” I yelled at them. “Get back to work!”

Maeve jumped up and followed me as I stormed to the elevator.

“I never should have dated,” I muttered as I mashed the down button. “Never should have gotten involved.”

The elevator finally arrived, and my friend shoved me in.

“We’re going to find new jobs,” she assured me, massaging my shoulders. “Better jobs. Higher paying jobs. We’ll rent a new apartment. This is the change that we need in our lives. It’s a wake-up call.”

“But what am I going to do until then?” I said, my throat closing up. “I have nothing.”

“You have cake and friends and wine,” Maeve said soothingly as we stepped off the elevator and headed over to Holly’s café. “And really, what more do you need?”

“Why do people keep treating me this way?” I groaned, slumping at one of the small café tables. “Is it me?”

“Of course not,” Maeve said, gesturing wildly for Holly.

She came hurrying over.

“We need pasta and cake and pie and hot chocolate and bourbon and pretzels with beer cheese. We have an emergency,” Maeve said, clapping her hands to punctuate the words. “Tess got fired and had a breakup.”

“We weren’t dating,” I corrected, my voice sounding husky. I was not going to cry, especially not over Beck. I took a few deep breaths. “We were just hooking up.”

“Aww,” Holly said, patting my hair, “you really had it bad for him!”

Then I started bawling. “I thought I had my happy ever after! I thought that after everything I had to survive that he was going to be my reward, but he wasn’t. He was just another refrigerator that had fallen off the back of a truck and totaled my car on my road trip through life.”

“Oddly specific but okay.”

“Start with a cupcake,” Holly said, sliding a mini dessert in front of me. “It will help take the edge off.”

I stuffed the whole thing in my mouth.

“Ahhh,” my friend said gingerly, “that actually has a wrapper on it…”

“Ugh,” I pulled it out of my mouth. “I hate cupcake wrappers that look like they’re part of the cupcake.”

“I think you’re the only person that has issues with those,” Maeve said, raising an eyebrow.

She opened up her laptop. “Let’s look for some new jobs.”

“No one’s going to hire me,” I blubbered. “I’m a mess.”

“They don’t know that.” Holly slid a hot chocolate in front of me.

“I don’t have any clothes. All my stuff is at Beck’s house.”

“We’ll come with you to go rescue them,” Maeve assured me.

“Not today,” I said sadly. “I can’t today.”

“Hopefully you won’t have an interview scheduled too soon,” Holly said, handing me a large slice of cake.

“I hate interviews!” I wailed. “I hate applying for jobs. I hate interviews. I hate sitting in a room with a bunch of people I don’t know and having to pretend like I’m totally excited about the company and that it’s been my dream to work at Vapid Millennial Bitch Designers Emporium my entire life and we’re going to be such good friends when everyone knows that it’s bullshit and that the only reason I’m there is because I need a job that pays on time and in cash.”

“I know you hate working,” Maeve said, “but we need to work to afford baking supplies. You love baking!”

I crossed my arms. “I hate that cake pans cost so much, and I hate that my baked items don’t look like the Pinterest photos. And I really hate Beck.”

I peeled the wrapper off another cupcake. “And I hate pickles. They ruin a perfectly good hamburger. And did I mention I hate Beck?”

“You did.”

“And cupcake wrappers.”

“That too.”

“I need to make a list,” I said, wiping my eyes, “of all the things I hate.” I pulled out my sparkly pink Hello Kitty pen and grabbed a napkin.

I wrote Behold Tess’s Hate List:

1. My boss, Beck Svensson.
2. Evil stepsiblings.
3. Vending machines that only take coins.
4. People who stand outside the subway and try to get you to donate money for some charity that they won’t even tell you the name of.
5. The way Beck acts like a single typo deserves a reaction like the world is being invaded by aliens.
6. Children and their sticky little fingers and faces.
7. Cakes that are pretty, but you take a bite, and they’re dry and gross.
8. People who have weddings but only invite you to the reception, and you can’t even watch the ceremony.
9. Getting Beck’s dumb tea.
10. Did I mention my stupid boss!!!!

“Honestly, that’s at least better than the other way around,” Maeve said, reading over my shoulder. “It would be worse to have to sit through the ceremony then not get to go to the reception.”

She looked up. “Speaking of other things you hate.”

“Your stupid father screwed me over!” Cressida was charging toward us through the lobby.

“He’s not my father,” I shot at her. “He’s my stepfather.”

“He dumped me!” she shrieked. “And completely blew up our plan. He threw me under the bus on his social media post backtracking the gossip yesterday about Beck. He said it was my fault, and that I was manipulating him. I had to turn off my phone. I’m getting so much hate mail. Now I’m going to get fired, and it’s all your fault.”

“Join the fucking club!” I jumped up, banging the fork and sending cake spattering all over the table and Cressida.

“You did that on purpose!” she shrieked. “Just like you set me up.”

“You made your own terrible choices,” I said as Cressida grabbed napkins to wipe up the frosting that was smeared all over her shirt.

“You seduced him and made him fall in love with you. You were sleeping with your boss. Then when I did my job and told him it was a bad idea, he refused to see reason. He was going to fire me. I had to protect my job,” she said, grabbing more napkins. I was satisfied to see that the chocolate frosting had smeared all over her cream-colored designer jacket.

“Feel free to rewrite reality.” I scoffed. “You know, I’m actually glad I got fired because not only do I not have to deal with Beck, but I also don’t have to deal with you.”

Cressida’s nostrils flared, her fists clenched on the napkins. “You’re a horrible person. You ruined my life, and I’m going to make sure you pay for it.”

“I have nothing left!” I yelled at her as she flounced off. “So go ahead and try and squeeze blood from a stone! You can line up behind all the debt collectors.”