A Country Affair by Debbie Macomber

Five

“Ihave never been so embarrassed in my life,” Kate stormed as Luke parked his pickup outside the house. “How could you do that to me? How could you?”

During the entire ride home, Luke hadn’t spoken a word, nor had he even glanced at her. He’d held himself stiff, staring straight ahead. For all his concern about her riding with Eric, he drove as if the very devil were on their tail. Only when they entered the long, winding drive that led to the house had he reduced his speed.

“I’ll never forgive you for this,” she told him, grabbing the door handle and vaulting out of the truck. She couldn’t get away from him fast enough. By morning every tongue in Nightingale would be wagging, telling how Luke Rivers had hauled Kate Logan out of the Red Bull.

To her dismay Luke followed her into the house.

“I couldn’t care less if you forgive me or not,” he said darkly.

“The women were laughing and the men snickering.... I won’t be able to show my face in this town again.”

“As far as I’m concerned, the problem is one of your own making.”

“That’s not true!” She’d had no way of knowing that Eric was going to start downing wine like soda pop. And she did not need a lecture from Luke Rivers. All she wanted him to do was leave, so she could lick her wounds in private and figure out how long it would be before she dared go out in public again.

Luke started pacing the kitchen floor. Each step was measured and precise. Clipped, like his voice.

“Please go,” she beseeched wearily.

“I’m not leaving until I get some answers from you.”

Gathering what remained of her dignity, which at this point wasn’t much, Kate sank onto a chair. She wouldn’t argue with Luke. Every time she tried, she came out the loser. Better to get this over with now rather than wait for morning. She sighed deeply.

“Who the hell is Eric Wilson and why were you having dinner with him?” Luke’s heavy boots clicked against the kitchen floor as he paced.

Instead of answering, Kate asked, “What’s happened to us?” She gazed sorrowfully up at Luke. “Do you remember how much fun we used to have together? Tonight wasn’t fun, Luke. Just a few weeks ago I could laugh with you and cry with you. You were my friend and I was yours. Suddenly nothing’s the same, and I don’t understand why.” Her voice quavered slightly. She fought an overwhelming desire to hide her face in her hands and weep.

She didn’t win. Tears of pride and anguish spilled on to her cheeks. She brought her hands up, trying to hide her distress.

Luke knelt in front of her and pried her hands away. His fingers tenderly caressed her face. “Everything has changed, hasn’t it, Princess?”

She sucked in a shaky breath and nodded.

“You’re confused, aren’t you?” His hands cradled her face and he eased forward to press his warm mouth over hers. Even as she kissed him back, her confusion grew. He’d been so angry with her, more furious than she’d ever seen him. Yet, when he kissed her, he was achingly gentle.

Luke seemed to believe that her ready response to his kiss would answer the questions that haunted her. Instead it raised more questions, more qualms.

“Do you understand now?” he asked, his voice a husky murmur, his eyes closed.

How Kate wished she did. She shook her head, bewildered and still uncertain.

Luke stroked her lips with his index finger. His most innocent touches brought her nerves to life with a prickling, wary excitement. Refusing to think about her own impulse, she held his hand to her mouth and brushed her lips across his callused fingertips.

“Oh, love,” he moaned, and bent forward, caressing her mouth with his once more. “We’ve got to put an end to this madness before I go insane.”

“How?” she gasped, as she braced her hands against his broad chest. He felt so good, hard muscle and warm flesh, and so strong, as if nothing could stand in his way once he determined a course. Not heaven. Not hell. And not anything in between.

“How?” He repeated her question, then chuckled, the sound rumbling from deep within his chest. “We’ll have to do what you suggested.”

“What I suggested?”

His mouth continued to tease hers with a series of small, nibbling kisses that seemed to pluck at her soul. “There’s only one way to cure what’s between us, Kate.”

“One way,” she echoed weakly.

“You’ll have to marry me. There’s no help for it and, considering how I feel right now, the sooner the better.”

Kate felt as if he’d dumped a bucket of ice water over her head. “Marry you,” she shrieked, pushing him away so quickly that he nearly toppled backward. “Your answer to all this confusion is for us to get married?”

“Kate, don’t be unreasonable. We’re perfect for each other. You need me now more than at any time in your life and I’m here for you.”

“Luke, please—”

“No.” He stopped her with a look. “You’re about to lose everything in life that you thought was secure—your father and your home. I don’t have any intention of taking over Devin’s role, but the way I figure it, I’d make you a decent husband.”

“What about love?” Kate cried.

Luke sighed in frustration. “We’ve gone over that ten times. You already love me—”

“Like a brother.”

“Princess, sisters don’t kiss their brothers the way you just kissed me.”

He apparently believed that was argument enough. Not knowing how else to respond, she shook her head. “I love Clay! You keep ignoring that or insisting I don’t—but I do. I have for as long as I can remember. I can’t marry you. I won’t!”

“For heaven’s sake, forget Clay.”

“It’s not so easy!” she shouted.

“It would be if you’d try a little harder,” Luke muttered, obviously losing patience. “I’m asking you to marry me, Kate Logan, and a smart woman like you should know a good offer when she hears one.”

So much for love. So much for romance. Luke wasn’t even listening to her, and Kate doubted he’d understood a single thing she’d said. “This conversation isn’t getting us anywhere.”

“Kate—”

“I think you should leave.”

“Kate,” he said, firmly gripping her shoulders, “how long is it going to take you to realize that I love you and you love me?”

“Love you? How can you say that? Until a few weeks ago I was engaged to marry Clay Franklin!” Angrily she pushed away his hands and sprang to her feet.

“Yes. And all that time you were going to marry the wrong man.”

Luke didn’t seem to find that statement the least bit odd, as if women regularly chose to marry one man when they were really in love with another. Kate shook her head, releasing a harsh breath.

“It’s the truth,” he said calmly.

She glared at him. Reasoning with Luke was a waste of time. He repeated the same nonsensical statements over and over, as if his few words were explanation enough.

“I’m going to bed,” she said, turning abruptly away from him. “You can do as you like.”

A moment of stunned silence followed her words before he chuckled softly, seductively. “I’m sure you don’t mean that the way it sounds.”

As Kate expected, the small community buzzed with the news of her fiasco with Eric Wilson. Neighbor delighted in telling neighbor how Luke Rivers had swooped her into his arms and how the entire Friday-night crowd at the Red Bull had cheered as he’d carried her off the dance floor.

Kate needed every ounce of courage she possessed just to walk down Main Street. Her smile felt stiff and false and she was convinced she had the beginnings of an ulcer.

To worsen matters, all the townsfolk seemed to believe it was their place to offer her free advice.

“You stick with Luke Rivers. He’s a far better man than that city slicker,” the butcher told her Saturday afternoon.

Blushing heatedly, she ordered a pork roast and left as soon as she’d paid.

“I understand you and Luke Rivers caused quite a ruckus the other night at the steak house,” the church secretary said Sunday morning after the service. “I heard about the romantic way Luke carried you outside.”

Kate hadn’t found being carried off the least bit romantic but she smiled kindly, made no comment and returned home without a word.

“What’s this I hear about you and Luke Rivers?” The moment Kate entered her classroom Monday morning, Sally Daley appeared.

“Whatever you heard, I’m sure it was vastly exaggerated,” Kate said hurriedly.

“That could be,” Sally admitted with a delicate laugh. “You certainly know how to keep this town talking. First Clay’s wedding reception, and now this. By the way, Clay and Rorie are back from Hawaii, and I heard they both have marvelous tans.”

“That often happens in Hawaii,” Kate said, sarcastically, barely holding on to her composure.

No sooner had Sally left than Linda showed up. “Is it true?” she demanded, her eyes as round as quarters.

Kate shrugged. “Probably.”

“Oh, good grief, the whole thing about squelching rumors backfired, didn’t it?”

Miserably Kate nodded. She was afraid she’d dissolve in a puddle of tears the next time someone mentioned Luke’s name. “After what happened to me Friday night, well... I just don’t think it’s possible to feel any more humiliated.”

“I thought you said you hadn’t met Eric,” Linda said, clearly puzzled.

“I hadn’t when you and I talked. Eric and I ran into each other at the grocery not ten minutes after you mentioned his name.”

Linda slumped against the side of Kate’s desk. “I try for months to meet a new man and nothing happens. It doesn’t make sense. A few minutes after you decide to look, one pops up in front of you like a bird in a turkey shoot!”

“Beginner’s luck.” Except that Friday night could in no way be classified as lucky.

“Oh, Kate, you’ve really done it now.”

“I know,” she whispered in a tone of defeat.

Kate’s day ended much as it had begun, which meant that by four o’clock she had a headache to rival all headaches. After school, she stopped at the pharmacy and bought a bottle of double-strength aspirin and some antacid tablets.

When she left the pharmacy, she headed for the library, wondering if Rorie would be back at work so soon after her honeymoon. Her friend’s smiling face greeted Kate the instant she walked through the doors.

“Kate, it’s so good to see you.”

“Hi, Rorie.” Kate still felt a little awkward with Clay’s bride. She suffered no regrets about bringing them together, though it had been the most painful decision of her life.

“Sally Daley’s right,” Kate said with a light laugh as she kissed Rorie’s cheek. “You’re so tanned. You look wonderful.”

Rorie accepted the praise with a smile that shone from her dark brown eyes. “To be honest, I never thought I’d get Clay to laze away seven whole days on the beach, but he did. Oh, Kate, we had the most wonderful time.”

“I’m glad.” And she was. Rorie radiated happiness, and the glow of it warmed Kate’s numb heart.

“I was just about to go on my coffee break. Have you got time to join me?” Rorie invited, glancing at her watch.

“I’d love to.” Kate crossed her fingers. She hoped Rorie hadn’t heard any of the gossip—no doubt colorfully embroidered by now—about what had happened Friday night. At the moment, Kate needed a friend, a good friend, someone she could trust to be objective.

While Rorie arranged to leave the library in the hands of a volunteer assistant, Kate walked over to Nellie’s Café, across the street from the pharmacy. She’d already ordered their coffee when Rorie slipped into the red upholstered booth across from her.

“What’s this I’ve been hearing all day about you and Luke? Honestly, Kate, you know how to live dangerously, don’t you? And now Luke’s buying the Circle L and your father’s marrying Mrs. Murphy. We were only gone seven days, but I swear it felt like a year with everything Mary had to tell us once we got home.”

Kate tried to maintain a stoic expression, although the acid in her stomach seemed to be burning a hole straight through her. There were no secrets in this town.

“To tell you the truth, Luke and I haven’t been getting along very well lately,” she admitted, keeping her eyes lowered so as not to meet her friend’s questioning gaze.

Rorie took a tentative sip of coffee. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Kate nodded. She felt embarrassingly close to tears and paid careful attention to the silverware, repositioning the fork and the spoon several times.

“Luke was so good to me after you and Clay became engaged. He couldn’t have been a better friend. Then...after the wedding I was feeling lost and alone. Luke had been dancing with me and I felt so...secure in his arms, and I’m afraid I suggested something foolish.... And now Luke keeps reminding me of it.”

“That doesn’t sound like Luke.” Rorie frowned in puzzlement. “Nor does suggesting ‘something foolish’ sound like you.”

“I had a glass of champagne on an empty stomach,” Kate offered as an excuse.

“What about Luke?”

“I don’t know, but I swear, he’s become so unreasonable about everything, and he keeps saying the most ridiculous things.”

“Give me an example,” Rorie said.

Kate shrugged. “He claims I love him.”

Her remark was followed by a short silence. “What do you feel for Luke?” Rorie asked.

“I care about him, but not in the way he assumes.” Her finger idly circled the rim of the coffee cup while she composed her thoughts. “What irritates me most is that Luke discounts everything I felt for Clay, as if my love for him was nothing more than wasted emotion.” Kate felt awkward explaining this to her ex-fiancé’s wife, but Rorie was the one person who’d understand.

“And now that Clay’s married to me,” Rorie said, “Luke seems to think some lightbulb has snapped on inside your brain.”

“Exactly.”

“He thinks you should have no hesitation about throwing yourself into his loving arms?”

“Yes!” Rorie explained it far better than Kate had. “He keeps insisting I need him and that if I thought about it I’d realize I do love him. If it was only Luke I could probably deal with it, but everyone in town, including my own father, thinks I should marry him, too.”

“That’s when you agreed to have dinner with that new attorney. What’s his name again?”

“Eric Wilson. Yes, that was exactly the reason I went out with him. Rorie, I tell you I was desperate. Every time I turned around, Luke was there wearing this smug, knowing look and casually announcing that we’d be married before Christmas. He makes the whole thing sound like it’s a foregone conclusion and if I resist him I’d be...going against nature or something.” She paused and waved her hand dramatically.

Rorie laughed. “Is he really doing that?”

Kate nodded grimly. “Actually there’s more.” She felt she had to tell Rorie everything. “To be fair, you should know I have no one to blame but myself. Luke may be doing all this talking about us getting married. But I was the one who...suggested it.”

“How? When? Oh. The ‘something foolish’ you mentioned.”

Shredding the paper napkin into tiny strips, Kate nodded again, flinching at the memory. “Honestly, Rorie, I didn’t mean it. We were standing in the moonlight at your wedding dance and everything was so serene and beautiful. The words just slipped out of my mouth before I stopped to think what I was saying.”

“The incident with the attorney didn’t help.”

Kate sighed. “And now that Dad’s marrying Mrs. Murphy and Luke’s bought the ranch, everything’s getting worse.”

“Luke can be a bit overpowering at times, can’t he?”

Kate rolled her eyes in agreement. “But you know, what bothers me even more than Luke’s cavalier attitude is the way everyone else seems to be siding with him.”

“You mean about marrying Luke?”

“Yes.” Kate gave another forlorn sigh. “Look at my dad—he’s the perfect example. And everyone in town seems to think that if I’m foolish enough to let another good man slip through my fingers, I’ll end up thirty and a spinster for sure.”

“That’s crazy!”

Coming from San Francisco, Rorie couldn’t understand how differently people in this small Oregon community viewed life, Kate mused. A woman already thirty years old and unmarried was likely to stay that way—at least in Nightingale. “You haven’t lived here long enough to know how folks in this town think.”

“Kate, you’re over twenty-one. No one can force you to marry Luke. Remember that.”

Kate rested her elbows on the table and cradled her coffee cup in both hands. “I feel like I’m caught in a current that’s flowing too fast for me. I’m afraid to stand up for fear I’ll lose my footing but I can’t just allow it to carry me where it will, either.”

“No, you can’t,” Rorie said and her mouth tightened.

“Luke—and practically everyone else—apparently sees me as a poor, spineless soul who can’t possibly decide what’s best for her own life.”

“That’s not true at all,” Rorie declared. “And don’t let anyone tell you you’re weak! If that was the case, you would have married Clay yourself, instead of working so hard to make sure we found each other.”

Kate dismissed that with a shake of her head. “I did the only thing I could.”

“But not everyone would’ve been so unselfish. Clay and I owe our happiness to you.” She clasped Kate’s hands with her own. “I wish I knew how to help you. All I can tell you is to listen to your own heart.”

“Oh, Rorie, I feel so much better talking to you.” She knew her friend was right. She’d faltered for a step or two, but considering everything that had happened in the past little while, that was understandable. Luke might believe she needed him, but she didn’t, not really. In the weeks to come, she’d have the opportunity to prove it.

“Before I forget,” Rorie said, her voice eager, “Clay and I want to invite you over for dinner one night soon. As I said, we feel deeply indebted to you and want to thank you for what you did.”

“Dinner,” Kate repeated, suddenly dismayed. She’d need time to prepare herself before facing Clay again. Here she was reassuring herself in one breath and then doubting herself in the next.

“Would next Tuesday be all right?” Rorie pressed.

“But you’ve hardly had time to settle in with Clay,” Kate said, turning her attention back to her friend. “How about giving it another week or two?”

“Are you worried that I’m going to serve my special seafood fettuccine?” Rorie asked with a laugh. When she’d first been stranded in Nightingale, Rorie had cooked it for Clay and his younger brother, Skip, one night. But, unfortunately, because both men did strenuous physical jobs, they were far more interested in a hearty meat-and-potatoes meal at the end of the day. Neither of them had considered seafood in a cream sauce with fancy noodles a very satisfactory repast, though Clay had politely tried to hide his disappointment. Skip hadn’t.

Kate smiled at the memory of that night and slowly shook her head. “You serve whatever you want. I’m much easier to please than Skip.”

“Actually Mary will probably do the cooking. She’s been the Franklins’ housekeeper for so many years that I don’t dare invade her kitchen just yet. After the fettuccine disaster, she doesn’t trust me around her stove any more than Skip does.”

They both laughed, and to Kate, it felt good to forget her troubles, even for a few minutes.

“I should get back to the library,” Rorie said reluctantly.

“I need to head home myself.” Kate left some change on the table and slid out of the booth. Impulsively she hugged Rorie, grateful for the time they’d spent together and for the other woman’s support. “I’m glad you’re my friend,” she whispered, feeling a little self-conscious.

“I am, too,” Rorie said, and hugged her back.

By the time Kate pulled into the Circle L driveway, she was filled with bold resolution. She hurried inside just long enough to set a roast in the oven and change her clothes. Then she went into the yard, intent on confronting Luke. She wanted to get this over with—as soon as possible.

As luck would have it, Luke wasn’t in any of the places she normally found him. Bill Schmidt, a longtime ranch hand, was working in the barn by himself.

“Bill, have you seen Luke?” she asked.

Bill straightened and set his hat farther back on his head. “Can’t say I have. At least, not in the past couple of hours. Said he was going out to look for strays. I imagine he’ll be back pretty soon now.”

“I see.” Kate gnawed her lower lip, wondering what she should do. Without pausing to question the wisdom of her decision, she reached for a bridle.

“Bill, would you get Nonstop for me?” Nonstop was the fastest horse in their stable. Kate was in the mood for some exercise; if she didn’t find Luke, that was fine, too. She could use a good hard ride to vent some of the frustration that had been binding her all week.

“Sure, Miz Logan.” Bill left his task and headed for the corral, returning a few minutes later with Nonstop. “Luke seemed to be in the mood to do some riding himself this afternoon,” he commented as he helped her cinch the saddle. “Must be the weather.”

“Must be,” Kate agreed.

Minutes later Nonstop was cantering out of the yard. Kate hadn’t ridden in weeks and she was surprised to realize just how long it had been. When she was engaged to Clay, she’d spent many a summer afternoon in the saddle, many a Saturday or Sunday riding by his side. That had ended about the same time as their wedding plans. She felt a stinging sense of loss but managed to dispel it with the memory of her talk with Rorie.

Bill pointed out the general direction Luke had taken, and Kate followed that course at a gallop. She found it wonderfully invigorating to be in the saddle again.

The afternoon remained mild, but the breeze carried the distinctive scent of autumn. These past few days had been like summer, with rare clement temperatures. Within the hour, the sun would set, bathing the rolling green hills in a golden haze.

“Kate.” Her name floated on a whisper of wind.

Pulling back on the reins, Kate halted the mare and turned in the saddle to discover Luke trotting toward her. She raised her hand and waved. Much of her irritation had dissipated, replaced by a newly awakened sense of well-being. No longer did Kate feel her life was roaring out of control; she was in charge, and it exhilarated her.

Luke dismounted as soon as he reached her. “Is everything all right?”

“Of course,” she said with a slight laugh. “I hope I didn’t frighten you.”

“No. I rode into the yard not more than fifteen minutes after you left, according to Bill. I was afraid I wasn’t going to catch you. You were riding like a demon.”

“I...had some thinking to do.”

“Bill said you were looking for me.”

“Yes,” she agreed. “I wanted to talk to you.” There was no better time than the present. And no better place. They were at the top of a grassy hill that looked out over a lush green valley. Several head of cattle dotted the pasture spread out below them, grazing in the last of the afternoon sun.

Luke lifted his hands to her waist, helping her out of the saddle. His eyes held hers as he lowered her to the ground. Once again, she was aware that his touch had a curious effect on her, but she stringently ignored it.

Still, Kate’s knees felt a little shaky and she was more breathless than she should’ve been after her ride. She watched Luke loop the reins over the horses’ heads to dangle on the ground. Both Nonstop and Silver Shadow, Luke’s gelding, were content to graze leisurely.

“It’s nice out this afternoon, isn’t it?” she said, then sank down on the grass and drew up her legs.

Luke sat down beside her, gazing out over the valley. “It’s a rare day. I don’t expect many more like it.”

“Rorie and Clay are back from Hawaii.”

Luke had removed his leather work gloves to brush a stray curl from her temple, then stopped abruptly and withdrew his hand. “I take it you saw Rorie?”

She nodded, adding, “We had coffee at Nellie’s.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Not at all.”

“I thought you looked more at peace with yourself.” He leaned back and rested his weight on the palms of his hands. His long legs were stretched in front of him, crossed at the ankles. “Did you finally recognize that you never did love Clay? That you’re in love with me?”

“No,” she said vehemently, amazed he could anger her so quickly.

Luke turned away. “I thought... I’d hoped you were willing to discuss a wedding date,” he said stiffly.

“Oh, Luke,” she whispered and closed her eyes. He was so worried for her, so concerned, and she didn’t know how to reassure him.

“Luke,” she said softly, “we’ve been having the same discussion all week, and it’s got to come to an end.” Luke faced her and their eyes met with an impact that shocked her. “Luke, I think you’re a wonderful man—I have for years and years,” she continued. “But I don’t love you, at least not the way you deserve to be loved.”

Luke’s eyebrows soared, then his brow furrowed. He seemed about to argue, but Kate stopped him before he had the chance.

“I refuse to be coerced into a wedding simply because you feel it’s the best thing for me—because you feel I need looking after. Frankly, I don’t believe marriage is a good idea for us—at least not to each other.”

“Kate, love—”

Lowering her lashes in an effort to disguise her frustration, Kate reminded him for what seemed the thousandth time, “I am not your ‘love.’”

His eyes became sharper, more intent. “Then explain,” he said slowly, “why it feels so right when I hold you? How do you answer that?”

She avoided his gaze, her eyes focusing a fraction below his. “I can’t explain it any more than I can deny it.” She’d admit that much. “I do enjoy it when you kiss me, though I don’t know why, especially since I’m still in love with Clay. My guess is that we’ve lived all these years in close proximity and we’re such good friends that it was a natural, comforting, thing to do. But I don’t think it should continue.”

His nostrils flared briefly, and she could tell he was angered by her words.

“I’m begging you, Luke, pleading with you, if you—”

“Kate, would you listen to me for once?”

“No,” she said, holding her ground. “I’m asking for only one thing from you. I want you to drop this incessant pressure to marry you.”

“But—”

“Give me your word, Luke.”

His entire expression changed, and just looking at him told Kate how difficult he was finding this. “All right,” he said heavily. “You have my word. I won’t mention it again.”

Kate sighed shakily and all her muscles seemed to go limp. “Thank you,” she whispered. “That’s all I want.”

Luke lunged to his feet and reached for Silver Shadow’s reins. He eased himself back into the saddle, then paused to look down at her, his face dark and brooding. “What about what I want, Kate? Did you stop to consider that?”