The Doxy and the Duke by Caroline Lee

Chapter 10

What?

The faint pattern on the silk of her skirts suddenly jumped into sharp focus as Raina studied it. Flowers, she thought, or something equally feminine. It was unlikely to be a bundle of phalluses, although that’s what they looked like to her at that moment.

Focus, lass.

She was focusing, that was the problem, but on the wrong thing.

Her pulse was loud in her ears as she slowly dragged her gaze away from her gown—which was likely irrevocably ruined since her morning sulk outdoors, her frantic ride clinging to the Duke of Cashingham, and squatting here in a closet—to the man who’d just asked such a ridiculous question.

Will you tell me who Ewan’s father is on our first wedding anniversary?

Cash was sitting there, holding her hands, staring into her eyes as though it was the most natural thing in the world, and she wanted to check him for head injuries. Hadn’t he bumped his head when the boys had pushed him in here? Maybe he had a concussion.

But he was still staring at her as if expecting an answer, so she managed a strangled, “What?”

“Will you tell me who Ewan’s father is—”

Before he could get to that wonderful, impossible second part of his question, she interrupted him with another firm shake of her head. “Nay, Yer Grace. I’ll no’ tell ye his name.”

“Cash,” he corrected gently, squeezing her hand. “And why not?”

Why not? She frowned, trying to find words to make him understand. “He…doesnae matter. No’ anymore. He was an arsehole, aye, but an honorable one. He didnae ruin my life—it was my choice to deny his suit and turn my back on Society. And I dinnae consider that such a ruin, to be honest.”

“He was cruel to you,” Cash pointed out.

“Aye, he was cruel to everyone. I see that now. But he’s married and has three little ones, whom he ignores. His wife seems happy enough with her new title, and I suppose is willing to put up with his temper.”

“If he’s married, all the more reason to ensure he’s punished for his cruelty.”

She shook her head in frustration. “Do ye no’ see? He’s nothing to me, no’ him or his family. He doesnae claim Ewan and has never hinted of our past connection. That’s good enough for me to leave him be.”

Her pulse had slowed, and she found herself leaning toward him, almost pleading with Cash to understand.

“I dinnae want to think about him, Cash.”

“What he did to you—”

“Was nae different from what ye did to me,” she snapped. And as soon as the words left her mouth, she gasped, realizing too late what she’d said. Straightening, she tried to convince herself to apologize, to explain she hadn’t meant it, that Cash meant more to her than any other man possibly could, and she loved him.

But it was too late. The words were said, and he’d winced, acknowledging the barb.

Sitting back, Cash slowly released her hands. For lack of something better to do with them, Raina twined her fingers in her lap and dropped her chin, watching him from under lowered lashes.

He blew out a breath and dragged a hand through his hair. Now it was disheveled, the way he’d looked after swimming with her at the river. Last Friday, when she’d looked across the ballroom and seen the composed Duke of Cashingham as her next dance partner, she’d barely recognized him in his icy perfection.

But this man…? This man she knew.

“So…are you going to just ignore the fact I proposed marriage?” he finally said.

So had Ewan’s father. But nay, she couldn’t stand to compare the two of them.

“Is that what ye were doing?” She tried to keep her tone light. Without looking at him, she aimlessly picked at the pattern of probably-not-a-bouquet-of-phalluses on her gown. “I thought it was a duke-ly command.”

“It’s ducal,” he corrected, “and I don’t want to command you.”

“Ye could.” It took a moment to realize the whisper had come from her.

Peeking at him from under her lashes, she saw him shake his head in frustration. But she was right; he was a duke, for God’s sake, and she’d already been in his bed once before. Although they weren’t formal, Society would already consider her his doxy.

But…marriage?

“I don’t want to command you,” he repeated.

Then, to her surprise, he lunged forward, scooping up her hand in both of his again.

“I don’t want to command you, Raina, because that’s not who I am. And it’s damn certain not who you are.”

Her lips formed the word, “What?” as she finally lifted her chin, but no sound came out.

“You are strong and brave and smart, Raina. You don’t take the easy path when you know it’s not the right one. You do what’s best for you and Ewan, despite knowing how hard it will be, and you’ve weathered everything Society could throw at you, and you still have love in your heart.” He squeezed her hand, his blue gaze intent. “So much love, Raina. I don’t want to command you to do anything. I want to ask, to beg even. I want to be the right path for you. I want you to choose me because it’s the right thing for you and Ewan.”

Before she could even begin to process his words, much less think of an answer, his shoulders slumped slightly.

“I want you to love me,” he whispered.

It was the plea she heard in Cash’s voice which broke her heart all over again. Hearing him say such wonderful, perfect things to her, caused her resolve to weaken. She’d thought her heart couldn’t hurt any more than when she’d had to accept they couldn’t be together, but now…

Tears gathered in her eyes as she covered their joined hands with her second one and squeezed his knuckles. “I’m sorry, Cash,” she whispered. “I learned long ago that loving someone wasnae a good enough reason to spend my life with them.”

Her heart had been wrong about Ewan’s father, and she had been lucky enough to realize her mistake in time.

To her surprise, he blinked at her for a moment, then snorted in derision. “That’s a stupid thing for someone as smart as you to say.” Before she could object to the insult, he shook his head. “Loving someone is the best reason to spend your life with them.”

This was harder than she’d expected, and she’d never expected it to be easy. Not that she had ever expected him to offer marriage in the first place.

When she closed her eyes, she felt twin tears leak out from under her lids and couldn’t call them back. She knew she was making the right decision for herself, but did that mean she was making the right decision for Ewan? For Matthew? For Cash?

She swallowed, then whispered in a small voice, “No’ if they dinnae love me in return.”

“Is that it?” The question burst out of him with an exhalation which might’ve been a laugh…or incredulity. She opened her eyes to see him staring at her, one corner of his lips pulled up as he gazed fondly at her. “Have you really not realized what I’m trying to say? I take it back, Raina. You’re brave and strong, but sometimes, you’re very silly.”

She blinked at the insult, her shoulders slowly straightening as she tried to figure out his meaning. “I may no’ be the smartest woman, but—”

“I love you.”

She frowned at the interruption. “No ye dinnae.” He was just saying what he thought she wanted to hear, after her confession. “Ye want a mistress. Someone to warm ye at night.”

He clucked his tongue, then sighed, almost ruefully. As if he were…disappointed? Disappointed in her?

“Remember what you once told me?” Cash’s lips quirked as he mimicked her brogue. “If a woman ever found herself lucky enough to be loved by ye, she should insist on marrying ye.”

She’d said that?

Aye, she’d said that.

But…is that what he was saying? She was lucky enough to be loved by him?

Raina sat in confusion as he shifted awkwardly in the tight space, moving pillows out of the way and cursing under his breath, until he finally settled down next to her. She watched him warily, unsure what he was going to do next, as he leaned back, muttered something, and straightened far enough to reach for a pillow.

It was the pillow Ewan had stolen from the parlor at Fangfoss, and Cash shoved it behind his back with a little sigh. Then, to her surprise, he reached around her, pushing against her shoulder, until she had no choice but to rest against him.

Truthfully, it wasn’t a hardship. She wanted to be in his arms again, had yearned for little else these past days without him. It had been so very hard to have a taste of paradise in his bed, only to have it stolen away by cruel fate and their positions.

But now…

“I want you in my bed, yes,” he finally said, his low voice rumbling through the small space and through the chest she was resting against. “I’ve never made a secret of that, and I loved that you didn’t hide your attraction to me, not even at the beginning.”

“Desire,” she corrected quietly.

“Hmm?”

“I desired ye. It’s more than just an attraction.”

She heard the smile in his voice, although she didn’t glance up to see it, when he agreed,

“Yes. And I’ve never met a woman I desired more than you, Raina. You’re beautiful, aye, but strong and brave and—well, all those things I said. Funny, and loving, and fun to be around. You make me want to be with you.” When he swallowed, she felt his throat move. “I like the man I am when I’m with you.”

She sighed, her palm pressed against his chest, and her fingers playing with his waistcoat. “A mistress could…”

She wasn’t sure what she’d been trying to say, and when she trailed off, she felt him shake his head.

“A mistress could warm my bed and make me happy, but I wouldn’t hold her heart. That’s what I want, Raina. I want you to love me as much as I love you. I want…” His hand closed around hers, where it rested against his chest. “I want you in my bed, yes, but I also want you at my breakfast table. I want to read the newspaper with you and argue about coal prices or mining practices or the latest translation of Homer or—or any of the thousands of things you have opinions about.”

Suddenly, he sat up, dragging her with him and turning her until he could grasp her upper arms and stare into her eyes. “I want to raise our sons together. I want to stroll into church with you on my arm, looking magnificent, with them behind us, whispering up shenanigans when we’re not looking. I want to take them swimming and fishing and riding with you. I want you to help make Cashingham a home, not just a house, Raina.” His grip tightened as his voice rose. “I want you to make this your home. I want you to have the chance to snub society and Ewan’s father as a duchess. I want you to have access to whatever resources for charitable works you’d like, even though I know you’d rather be with our sons, loving them. I want…”

All the fight seemed to go out of him, and he slumped, his hands falling from her arms to rest against her hands in her lap.

His chin dropped, and he muttered, “I want you, Raina Prince. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you.”

It was…

That was…

Raina gaped at him.

That had been the most perfect speech she’d ever heard—could ever have imagined hearing. It was so perfect, her brain couldn’t seem to make sense of it, and so it latched onto one of the last things he’d said.

Numbly, she realized her mouth was moving. “I’ve always thought it would be nice to have an organization to help other women who were left in my situation, so they didn’t have to make a choice they’d regret later in life.”

Seriously? Of everything she could’ve said, that’s what came out?

But he didn’t seem to mind. When he lifted his face, his eyes were full of hope.

“Then do it,” he whispered, squeezing her hands gently. “Duchesses can do anything.”

Just like dukes. Her lips quirked. “I dinnae like Society.”

That was an understatement.

“Neither do I.” His reply was immediate. “I’d be content to stay here in the country, traveling only to London on occasion when duty—or my mother—demands.” He hesitated. “However, we might have to host the occasional house party.”

She frowned, hating the idea of inviting Society into her home—was she already thinking of Cashingham as her home? Nay!—to gawk at her. “What kind of house parties?”

His lips curled upward. “The kind of parties where you invite your school friends every summer for a reunion.”

Damnation. He knew the way to her heart.

He knew her heart.

She blinked and straightened.

Cash knew her heart.

Wide-eyed, she realized she was already leaning toward him. “Ye really do love me, Cash?”

“With all my heart.” His voice softened as his fingers rose to caress her cheek. “These last days, without you…” He shook his head ruefully. “I believe I was in love with you before that afternoon at the inn, you know. But when I learned who you really were, I stubbornly pushed you aside, believing I knew the way things should be. But I realize now I was being just as judgmental as Society has always been. I love you, Raina Prince, and I want to keep on loving you for the rest of my life. Not as my mistress, or some other temporary arrangement. I want you to stand up in front of your friends and family and swear that you’ll be mine forever.”

Oh.

Oh dear. She was crying, wasn’t she?

Although he’d gone all blurry, Raina was able to lift her hand to cup his cheek. “And ye’ll be mine forever?”

She saw him smile. “Is that a yes?”

Instead of answering—not sure she could form the words—she tugged him closer, and he came willingly. When his lips closed over hers, it was like coming home. He tasted of mint and her tears, and something undefinable. Familiar. Perfect.

He tasted of forever.

With a little groan of need, he pulled her closer, sliding her onto his lap. She went willingly, twining her arms around his neck and failing in her attempt to retain a smidge of awareness. They were sitting in their sons’ fort, for God’s sake, and any minute—

His hand closed around her breast, hidden beneath her corset, and she moaned as all objections fled her mind. Instinctively, her pelvis arched against his hardness, as if meeting an old friend, and the desire she felt for him, which always flickered not far beneath the surface, burst into flames.

As his lips traveled across her jaw to that sensitive spot beneath her ear, Raina tilted her head back with a sigh. Her eyes were closed, and she accepted the truth.

She loved this man.

She loved this man, and she trusted him enough to spend a lifetime loving him.

“Raina,” he whispered against her skin, his breath causing her to shiver. “Raina, love…”

“Aye,” she groaned, her fingers twining in the hairs at the base of his skull, and her knees falling open instinctively. “Please.”

His grip shifted, moving her in his lap until his hardness pressed against her hip, and his other hand cupped her arse. She was prepared to attempt to make love to him in this cramped space—

The knock on the door had them both jerk in surprise.

Cash slammed the back of his head against the shelf again, then muttered a curse. “What?” he barked, as Raina did her best to regain control of her breathing.

The knocker hesitated, then spoke. “Father? Ma’am?”

“Matthew,” Raina whispered, meeting Cash’s eyes in time to see him wince.

Had it been ten minutes?

Her entire life had changed in only ten minutes.

Dinnae be stupid. Ye’ve loved him for far longer.

Aye, but she didn’t know he loved her.

With a sigh, Cash began to set her gown to rights. “I don’t suppose we could plan an assignation to continue this later?” he whispered to her with a naughty wink.

Delighted, she squirmed against his arousal. “I believe I could find time to sneak away to The Sword and Sheath again.”

They were both trying to keep their voices low.

His forehead dropped to hers as he exhaled. “I was thinking more of prevailing upon my neighbor—dare I call him friend? Likely not—the Earl of Fangfoss, for a more permanent invitation to his wife’s house party.”

Raina’s eyes widened at his solution. He was willing to come stay at Fangfoss Manor, even for a few days, in order to bring them closer together?

“Perhaps that would work, Yer Grace. The guest room next to mine happens to be available, I ken. And I also ken there’s room for Matthew in the nursery with Ewan, should ye choose to break with all tradition, and bring yer son to the house party. It’ll likely shock the countess slightly less than me declaring my intention to bring my bastard son.”

When he chuckled, his warm breath washed over her, calming her heartbeat. “I would like that. And perhaps, once duty calls me back home, you might visit me?”

“Here at Cashingham?” The idea of being so blatant about their desire sent a spark of excitement through her.

“And beside the river.” He smiled crookedly. “I find I prefer being Cash and Raina to being the Duke of Cashingham and his…” His gaze flicked over her as his smile grew. “Lady Love.”

She was about to respond, to tell him she much preferred him as a man than a duke, when the pounding came at the door again.

“Mama! Did ye spank him?”

When Cash’s gaze grew speculative, and he raised a challenging brow, Raina had to smirk and look away.

“Not too horribly, son,” Cash called out, his voice as even as he could make it, despite the laughter she heard lurking. “I believe I’ll survive.”

There were more whispers, and then the lock snicked.

Raina was trying to push herself off his lap when the door was yanked open, and she froze, realizing she’d look more guilty for trying to change positions.

When Matthew’s gaze landed on her, with his father’s arms still around her, and his brows went up, Ewan stepped into the tight space, his gaze landing on far more important things.

“There’s still trifle left, Matthew! Good thing we got extra spoons!” Beaming, he plopped himself down on a pillow beside Raina—and the trifle—and reached into his pocket for a big spoon. “I didnae want to leave spoons at all, because I think trifle’s more fun to eat with yer hands, but Matthew said we had to leave some for ye.” He waved the spoon enthusiastically enough that Raina ducked away from it. “So I nicked us some spoons so we could eat some too!”

Smiling, Raina reached for his hand, trying to calm the frantic motions in the tight space. “I think that’s a lovely idea, Ewan. Far better than trying to eat with our hands.”

“I told him that’s unhygienic,” Matthew intoned, sinking to his knees on the pile of pillows, and eyeing the trifle speculatively himself.

“Did you tell him he also need not steal our spoons?” Cash asked, laughter in his voice.

When Matthew sighed and nodded, Raina could very much see the resemblance to his sire. “He says it’s more fun to filch things than ask permission.”

“I suppose that would explain this room?” Cash asked.

Matthew glanced at Ewan, then met his father’s gaze firmly. Since Raina was still sitting in Cash’s lap, she was met with the lad’s seriousness head-on.

“I’m sorry for filching things, Father,” Matthew said, his shoulders back, accepting his faults like a little gentleman. “It was Ewan’s idea, but I—I liked it. I’ve never had a fort before, and it sounded so grand when he proposed it, and…and I wanted to have fun.”

He dropped his chin, and Raina felt Cash’s sigh against the back of her neck. She knew what he was thinking, because she was thinking it as well.

“Oh, Matthew.” She slid from Cash’s lap, but instead of moving beside him, reached instead for his son’s hands. It resulted in her lying half-across the man she loved, half-reclined on a set of pillows, but staring into Matthew’s serious gaze.

“Lad, yer father loves ye more than ye can ken, and he wants ye to be happy. And if having a secret fort is going to make ye happy, then he wants ye to have a secret fort. Ewan is too wild, and ye are too serious, but together, ye play perfectly. Ye each temper the other, and ye’re both better for it.”

Just like her and Cash.

Matthew ducked his chin, although he kept his gaze on her. “Not very much a secret anymore, is it?” he asked shyly. When she hummed in confusion, he explained, “You and Father know about our fort now.”

And all the servants who helped follow the clues they’d left out, but she wasn’t going to say that.

Fortunately, Cash replied instead. “I think it can still be a secret fort, as long as the only people who know about it are the ones who love you.”

Matthew’s blue gaze, so like his father’s, swept from Cash to Raina and back again. “And you love us? Both of you, love both of us?”

Raina nodded as Cash said, “Of course we do, lad.”

When Matthew turned to her, Raina smiled. “Aye, Matthew. Yer father has shown me that I do love ye, as much as I love Ewan.”

“And…” Matthew glanced at Ewan, then back to her. “And him? You love Father, don’t you?”

Raina’s grin grew, and she squeezed the lad’s hands. “Aye, Matthew. I love yer father. And he loves me.”

Ewan’s whoop startled them all, and when he threw up his spoon in excitement, he knocked against the shelves, causing the portrait of the regal lady in blue to wobble. “I told ye it would work! They just had to talk! Can we eat now?”

Before she could answer, her son dug his spoon into the bowl of trifle, emerging with a helping far bigger than his mouth. Still, that didn’t stop him from trying to eat it, and she lunged for him—“Ewan!”—and missed.

Now she was lying on her stomach on the pillows, and as her son stuck the spoon in his mouth and most of his serving landed on his cheeks and shirt, she began to laugh.

Behind her, Cash chuckled as well, and she dragged herself upright to sit beside Ewan and the small table with the large, ruined trifle.

“I cannae believe ye carried an entire trifle from Fangfoss,” she admitted with a shake of her head.

Ewan swallowed and beamed proudly, covered in crème and pudding. “I had to, because it’s yer favorite.” It was her favorite, and the fact he’d stolen it for her was exasperatingly sweet. “It was also my idea to use the things from Fangfoss that couldnae go in the fort as clues for ye!”

That was a convoluted sentence, but Raina squinted thoughtfully. “Ye mean the things ye couldnae use to decorate this place? Like Dorset’s hat and Olive’s spectacles?”

Ewan was already digging into the trifle again as he nodded enthusiastically. “Uh-huh. But I lost the billiard ball. Sorry.”

With a sigh, Raina pinched the bridge of her nose. She was going to have a serious talk with Ewan about his stealing—even if, in his mind, it was for a good cause—but perhaps not now, when she was sitting on the stolen pillows, watching him eat stolen trifle.

The trifle did look rather tasty, despite being a bit travel-worn.

Only a few feet from her, Cash had pinned his heir with a serious stare. “I can’t condone the theft, son, but Raina is right. I’m pleased you and Ewan have made a place for yourselves.”

Matthew ducked his head and smiled shyly. “It was my idea to find a way to get you together.”

“Yes, and while I appreciate the outcome, the method…” Cash blew out a breath as he shook his head. “Son, I pray you’ll never know the level of fear I experienced when I couldn’t find you. I was so afraid something terrible had happened.”

He was using vague terms, but Matthew responded to the sadness he heard in his father’s voice by leaning forward and planting his hands on his knees, as if the intensity would help. “Father, I didn’t mean to make you afraid. I’m sorry! I just thought that if you and—and—” He glanced at Raina, obviously not sure what to call her. “If you and Ma’am had to work together to look for us, you’d realize how sad you’ve each been, and…”

He trailed off, dropping his chin and sitting back on his haunches once more. “I’m sorry,” he repeated in a whisper.

Raina exchanged a glance with Cash and could tell he was wavering as much as she was.

“Matthew,” she said softly, reaching for the lad’s hand, “what ye did…it scared yer father and me. It was done with the best of intentions, and it worked, for we’ve had our discussion and realized what we want for the future, but it was scary no’ to ken where our children were.”

The lad squeezed her hand, his big blue eyes full of sorrow. “I’m sorry for hurting you, ma’am.”

There’d been a moment when he’d called her Mama. She offered him a kind smile. “I’m willing to forgive ye, but please ken that yer father and I are relying on ye to temper Ewan’s impulsive tendencies.” With her other hand, she ruffled her son’s hair, trying to keep her sleeve out of the crème smeared on his face as he licked his spoon. “In the future, I’m certain we’ll allow the pair of ye freedom to roam, but we’ll be relying on ye to ensure yer brother’s safety, and we have to ken we can trust ye.”

Matthew sucked in a breath, his eyes widening further. “Brother?” his whispered, his gaze darting between her and his father.

Cash’s lips quirked upward. “Does that mean you’ll marry me, Raina?”

Taking a deep breath, she offered him her future. “Aye. I will.” Because now she knew he loved her, and that was all it would take for her to be happy for the rest of her years. “But I’ll no’ give ye the name.”

“I’ll ask you again on our first anniversary.”

She smirked. “Ye’re welcome to ask.”

To her surprise, Cash chuckled. “I suspect that being married to you will be an adventure, love.”

An adventure?

Her expression softened, and even though she wasn’t sitting beside him, she tried to show him her affection when she smiled at him. “I’m going to make certain the pair of us, and our lads, have the most comfortable, most fun family.”

“Fun!” piped up Ewan, his mouth full.

He’d already more than halfway decimated the trifle, and she still hadn’t had any!

As she reached for the spoon, Cash sent Matthew a mock-stern look. “Look at this boisterous lad. At least one of our sons is serious and studious enough to temper his impulsiveness.”

Raina kept herself from moaning as the pudding and crème passed her lips, but she must’ve made some noise, because Cash’s eyes flew to hers, and the heat burning in them left her no doubt what he was thinking about when his gaze dropped to her lips.

Hopefully, he’d take a room at Fangfoss Manor that very evening!

“Father…” Matthew cleared his throat as he reached nonchalantly for one of the spoons. “I hate to tell you this, but I suspect I’m not having quite the effect on Ewan as you and—and Mama hope.”

The name was said with a bit of relish, and she and Cash shared a smile as the lad dipped his spoon into the trifle.

Perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to become so distracted, because Matthew straightened up, his spoon full of trifle. “You see, rather than me making Ewan more serious, he’s taught me how to have fun.”

With that, Matthew flicked his spoon, sending the blob of trifle across the intervening distance to splat across his sire’s cheek and chin.

Cash froze, Raina gasped, and Ewan burst into peals of laughter. A heartbeat later, with Cash still blinking in shock, she had to press her lips together to hold in her own chuckles. In a flash, she’d turned back to the trifle, dipping her own spoon into the gooey mess.

As Ewan doubled over with laughter, clutching his middle, Raina turned back to Matthew. “Lad, I love yer father, and as such, am loyal to him. I love ye as well, but I must defend him.”

With that, she flicked her spoon, sending the blob of trifle to splat against his chest. Matthew gasped, Ewan’s laughter redoubled, and Cash growled, “Hand me that spoon.”

The four of them froze, then burst into motion. In a moment, trifle was flying this way and that, until they were all gooey messes, and the fort wasn’t much better. More than a little managed to land in Raina’s mouth—it was delicious—and she herself landed in Cash’s lap.

He was delicious as well.

And through it all…there was much laughter. She was surrounded by the people she loved, who loved her, and she knew, no matter what the future might bring, she’d ensure it also brought even more laughter.