The Family Across the Street by Nicole Trope

9

Logan

Four hours ago

Logan drums his hands on the steering wheel as he drives, debating what to do. Is he making more of this than he should be? He doesn’t think so. He’s been doing this job for a few months now and he’s never had a feeling like this before. He stops debating. He’ll swing by the house again, try to deliver the computer, just to see if the woman is okay.

He turns right instead of taking the left turn that would get him to his next delivery, shaking his head at his need to check on the woman. It’s going to make the day run late. His beer is getting further and further away.

Another text on his phone makes him sigh. She’s persistent all right.

You need to call me right now!!!!

This happens every few months. It’s usually something to do with money. ‘I can’t pay the rent, I can’t afford petrol for my car, I can’t afford to eat.’ The news of whatever latest disaster is delivered in a whiny voice, with much sniffing and many tears. The tears are for show and he knows that if he refuses her – and he does refuse her often – she’ll just move on to the next one in the family. Good luck to them, as long as she leaves Maddy alone. It doesn’t matter how far he pulls away, there is still a connection there and she knows it.

The first time she called him was a year after he’d moved out. Twelve months had gone by and he knows she hadn’t thought about him at all. He was only nineteen and struggling, and even though sometimes – like when he had to sleep rough for a night or two – he thought about calling to see if he would be able to go home for a month or two before he got back on his feet, he stopped himself.

He was shocked the first time she called, almost frightened by the desperation in her voice. ‘We’ll all be out on the street if we can’t make the rent, Logan.’ He sent the money to help, money he had to borrow so that Maddy would still have a roof over her head.

‘They took themselves off for a fancy meal,’ Maddy told him two days later. ‘She thought it was funny.’ He knew the money was never going to help but he gave in sometimes, the cord not quite severed enough between them, her voice still triggering something in him.

Another message comes through.

Call me right now. It’s about Maddy.

Logan groans. He’ll have to call now. He has no choice. She’s probably lying but he can’t take the chance.

He turns down a side street and puts the van into park. He doesn’t think the day can get any worse.

Before he rings her, he tries Maddy’s mobile and gets her voicemail again.

He taps her number, wishing that he didn’t have it and that she didn’t have his, but there’s nothing he can do about it.

‘Logan,’ she says when she answers her phone.

‘Carmella,’ he replies.

‘You could call me Mother or Mum, you know.’

‘Yeah, well, let’s not go down that road again, shall we.’ His hands grip the steering wheel and he’s glad he’s pulled over. There is no way he should resume driving until this conversation is done. ‘What about Maddy?’

‘Aren’t you going to ask me how I am? How your dad is? You know he’s not been well and I’ve had to put up with a lot. You could come over and help. That’s what a proper son would do. But then you’ve always had a way of cutting everyone out of your life, haven’t you, Logan?’

Logan grinds his teeth, stays silent.

‘Everyone is willing to let the past stay where it is, Logan, everyone except you – and you’ve encouraged Maddy to think the same way. Your dad is right about you, you’re terribly ungrateful.’

Logan watches his knuckles turn white and feels his jaw spasm because of how hard he is clenching it. ‘What about Maddy?’ he asks slowly, menace in his voice.

She sighs. ‘Well, I did warn her about that boy, but there you go, she wouldn’t listen. I mean she barely speaks to me as it is but I do try with her, Logan, just like I try with you, but the two of you seem to have your own way of remembering your childhood and no regard for everything that was done for you. Your father and I did our best with you kids, but nothing was ever good enough.’

He hears his father’s voice even though he hasn’t exchanged a word with the man in years. ‘Who would want to waste their time with you? You’re ugly enough to scare away even an animal. No one likes someone who never smiles. What’s your problem?’His parents did not do their best – nowhere near it.

He drops his head onto the steering wheel, his temples throbbing. He knows that he can’t react to her, can’t give her an opening, can’t give an inch because that results in him screaming and her screaming. It’s not like she’s ever going to acknowledge what kind of a mother she was.

‘I’m going to hang up now,’ he says instead.

‘Fine, fine,’ she says, aggrieved that he won’t get into an argument. He knows that she thrives on the drama. ‘Someone beat her up. They have no idea who but I told the constable who called me I thought it could be that boy. He just beat her up and left her for dead. She’s in the hospital and I’m trying to get on a flight down to Melbourne to be with her.’

‘What?’ asks Logan stupidly.

‘Do I need to explain it again?’

‘No… no. How badly hurt is she? Will she be okay? Which hospital? When did it happen?’ He fires questions at her as his gut churns. I’ll kill him, I’ll kill him, I’ll kill him.

‘The doctors are hopeful she’ll pull through, and… It was… Um… a few days ago maybe,’ says his mother, sounding bored.

‘Days ago, and you only called me now?’ he practically hisses into the phone.

‘Yeah, well… I’ve been… I’ve called you now, haven’t I?’

Irritation runs through his veins at her wounded tone. It’s never her fault. She’s always only doing her best. ‘What hospital is she at? Tell me so I can call and… I need to get on a plane.’

‘Footscray Hospital.’

‘Have they arrested him?’ he barks.

‘They can’t find him.’

‘What?’

‘They can’t find him. Obviously, they’re looking for him – the police, I mean.’

‘How do they know it was him?’

‘Well, I mean, they don’t know absolutely but she’s in hospital and he’s gone and the neighbours said they heard fighting and you know… I told them I thought it was him. It’s always the boyfriend or the husband, isn’t it?’

‘I can’t believe this,’ he murmurs because he can’t. Patrick is a loser, but in the couple of times Logan has met him, he has never gotten a violent vibe off him. He’s tall and skinny and he seemed intimidated by Logan, which was how Logan liked it.

‘Okay, I’m tired of this conversation now. I called you because I know she would want me to. But the thing is that I need some money to get down to Melbourne. She would want me there. I’m her mother after all.’

Logan feels a scream rise up inside him. He brings a clenched fist to his mouth and bites down on a finger, breaking the skin and drawing blood just so that he doesn’t say, ‘No, she wouldn’t want you there. She hates you because you were a useless mother. Your only job was to protect your children and you failed.’

‘How did they know to call you?’ he asks, his voice strangled with fury.

‘Unlike you, she has me in her phone as “Mum”. I guess they thought that would be the best person.’ There is a pathetic hint of smugness in her tone as though having the title means anything at all beyond her biological contribution.

Logan takes a deep breath.

‘About the money…’ she says, and he hangs up the phone, hoping that she’s still speaking to dead air.

He sits quietly for a moment, breathing in and out, trying to formulate a plan. Wherever he was going and whatever he was going to do, nothing matters now except getting to Maddy. He needs to get to Melbourne.

‘Call Debbie,’ he says aloud, because she will know what to do first.

‘Hey babes,’ she answers, and he explains. ‘Oh,’ she says, ‘poor girl. Poor, poor girl. We knew that Patrick was no good.’

‘Yeah, and now I have to get down there. I have to take the parcels back to the depot and Mack is going to be pissed.’

‘You leave Mack to me. Now wait a moment…’ He hears the sound of her tapping on her computer. ‘The planes are full, babes. The earliest I can get you on one is tonight at eight.’

‘I need to get there now.’ He pushes at each one of his fingers, taking some comfort in the loud cracking sound his knuckles make. He cannot keep still.

‘Okay, just wait. You do the next delivery and give me a few minutes. I can call Terri, who I know from school. She’s a nurse there. Just give me a few minutes. There’s no point in running off to the airport to just sit there for hours going mad.’

‘Okay,’ he agrees, relieved that Debbie knows what to do, as she always does.

He starts driving, breathing deeply to calm himself, seeing his little sister with her wide smile, her delicate hands that seem to dance in the air when she’s explaining something that excites her. If he finds Patrick, he will kill him. He knows that. He really hopes the police find him first. Nightmarish scenarios run through his head, making him sweat despite the air conditioning. He takes two wrong turns.

‘Concentrate,’ he admonishes himself.

His phone rings, and he looks at the screen on his dashboard, hoping it’s Debbie, but it’s Mack. Mack checks up on him at least twice a day. Logan knows that he will finally have earned his brother-in-law’s trust when the phone calls stop. He takes a deep breath and answers the call.

‘Hey Mack.’

He opens his mouth to tell his brother-in-law about Maddy but before he can say anything Mack starts talking.

‘So, bit of a weird one. You know those emails that we usually send out after a parcel has been delivered, the ones that ask how our service was?’

‘Yes,’ says Logan warily.

‘Yeah, well, something went wrong with the computer system and the emails went out before deliveries had been logged as done…’

‘Mack, why have you called?’ Logan cannot hide his frustration, desperate to hear from Debbie.

There is a beat of silence at his abruptness.

‘Anyway,’ Mack continues, ‘that’s all sorted but one woman – um, Katherine West – was on your list for early this morning and she clicked extremely dissatisfied on the survey. Now I can see that the parcel hasn’t been delivered and I’m assuming that – based on the store it’s from – it’s a computer, so what I’m wondering, Logan, is… where is that computer?’

Mack’s tone is polite, just enquiring. Logan knows that anyone listening would believe that he was just trying to work out where things had gone wrong. But Logan knows that he is being accused of theft. It’s not the first time it’s happened, and he knows it won’t be the last. The matter is always cleared up quickly and his brother-in-law will say something like, ‘I knew there was an explanation,’ but Logan knows that Mack is waiting for the moment that there isn’t an explanation, that things aren’t cleared up quickly.

He is quiet for a moment as he gathers his thoughts and forcefully quashes any anger that he knows is rising up inside him.

‘I tried to deliver the computer this morning but she wouldn’t open the door. I told her it needed to be signed for but she still wouldn’t open the door. I told her I’d drop it at her nearest post office at the end of the day. It’s still in the van – just a minute and I’ll grab a picture for you.’

‘Oh,’ says Mack, ‘no, that’s not necessary…’

But Logan knows it is. He gets out of his van and slides open the side door, finding the parcel and snapping a picture so the name of the woman is clear. He sends it off to Mack. ‘Did you get it?’

‘Yeah, yeah… okay, strange then. She was probably upset that she didn’t get it today.’

‘Well, I’m hardly likely to force my way into her house, am I, Mack?’ says Logan and he tries, he really tries, to keep any menace out of his voice.

Mack clears his throat. ‘No, of course not. She may have just hit the wrong button. I’ll send her the survey again and maybe give her a call in a couple of days. I’m sure it was a mistake.’

‘Yep, sure it was. I’ll get on with my day then,’ says Logan, any thought of trying to explain about Maddy disappearing, and he hangs up.

He has no idea what to do with himself as he waits for Debbie’s call. He was heading for Katherine West’s house but from the sound of the survey, she’s probably fine and just pissed off that he wouldn’t leave the computer. He looks at his delivery list. What else can he do? What else is he supposed to do? He turns left and slaps the steering wheel as he thinks about Patrick’s face and his scraggly beard.

He thought the day couldn’t get any worse, but sometimes it feels like the whole universe is gunning for him. All he wanted was an ordinary day and a cold beer at the end with his wife. He allows the fury to reveal itself as he drives. He’s alone in his van after all. He slaps at the steering wheel a couple more times, the hard plastic stinging his palm and the slight pain tracing its way up his arm, and he mumbles to himself, incoherent vile thoughts that he would never say in front of anyone else, that he has trained himself to never say in front of anyone else. He pictures his father, a smile on his face that is more a sneer: ‘You’ll end up in prison, boy, mark my words.’ His first night in prison had been a torment of noise and fear and his father’s face, his father’s words.

‘A good parent, a parent worthy of a child, wants success for that child,’ Aaron told him. ‘You didn’t get to have that support but you can still find success in your life after this.’

Logan has to keep reminding himself of those words, repeating them when he is furious with the world and himself. He thinks about Maddy and the damage that was done to her. He tries not to allow his imagination to bruise and bloody her face and body. It makes him sick to think of her hurt, to think of her alone in a hospital bed without him there to hold her hand.

He has loved her from the moment she came home from the hospital with their disinterested mother, who cracked open her first beer when Maddy was three days old, sighing, ‘Been waiting for that.’

Maddy wouldn’t have chosen a man who would hurt her if she hadn’t been raised by parents who’d done the same. It’s as simple as that.

In his van, Logan opens his mouth and roars his frustration at what his life is, at what he has done to himself and at how difficult every day is because of choices he made, not knowing any better. He roars so loud that his throat scratches, but when he’s done, a calm settles over him.

He arrives at his next delivery, unsure as to how he has made it to the right address, and gets out of the van. While he is waiting to be allowed into the block of units he wonders if the woman, if Katherine West, just hit the wrong button on the survey. Was she angry about him not leaving the computer or was it something else? Was she trying, in some way, to make sure that she got a call or a text that she could respond to? Logan shakes his head as he is buzzed in, sure that he’s turning this whole thing into something it’s not. But he can’t help feeling that Katherine West was trying to get a message to someone. In a strange and odd way, she was attempting to alert someone that something was wrong. He is almost sure of it. The feeling that the woman is in danger will not go away, even with everything else going on in his mind.

The door to the apartment he is delivering to is standing open, a woman in a sari smiling in anticipation.

‘My spices,’ she says, ‘what perfect timing, I’ve just run out.’

Logan smiles and hands over the box, and as he does, he catches the quick glance she gives his hands and face. He feels himself flush, more from embarrassment than from the heat.

‘What intricate work,’ says the woman softly, looking at his hand where a scorpion sits – its body perfectly drawn so that every part of its skeleton is visible, its tail up, ready to strike. The woman smiles and thanks him for the delivery as she closes the door. Her voice was light and calming, her tone kind, and he feels some of his anger seep out of him. Maddy will be okay. Please let Maddy be okay. Hang in there, Maddy, I’m coming.

He heads back out to the van, and his phone lights up with Debbie’s name.

‘Okay, so I spoke to Terri,’ she says when he answers, ‘she works in emergency. Maddy is in intensive care.’

‘Oh God,’ he says, nausea washing over him.

‘Terri says she’s been put in an induced coma to allow her body to rest and heal. There’s some swelling on her brain and they’re waiting for that to go down. I’ve booked you a flight for tonight at eight. They won’t know more about her condition until tomorrow morning. I’m trying to find you a hotel near the hospital.’

‘Thanks, babe, thanks,’ he says and he’s a little ashamed of the tears that fall. His sister, his baby sister. I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him.

‘Come home,’ says Debbie.

Logan sees himself pacing up and down the living room of their small flat, waiting for the hours to pass. ‘No, I’ll finish up here. I won’t be much longer and I need something to take my mind off it. Can you call them every hour, your friend… Terri, can you call Terri every hour and get me an update?’

‘Absolutely. Try to stay calm. She’s getting the best care. There isn’t anything you can do.’

‘I love you,’ says Logan, an uncharacteristic statement. It makes him feel weird to say the words.

‘Ah babes, I love you too, and it’s going to be fine. She’ll recover. Just get through your day and I’ll pack for you.’

After Logan hangs up, he starts planning how to get Maddy back to Sydney so he and Debbie can take care of her. Looking at a future where she’s okay focuses him, and though he hears a text on his phone again, he doesn’t look at it until he’s at the next delivery.

You’re next.

Logan doesn’t recognise the number. The words are shocking in their simplicity. Next for what? Is the text meant for him? Is it a mistake?

He stares down at the two words. There are a lot of people in his past who are capable of sending a threatening text. People he stole from, people he met in prison, even people he once considered friends like Nick, who he thinks is still in prison. He hasn’t spoken to Nick since that fateful night, refused to see him even when he tried to visit him in prison before Nick himself was caught and jailed for his crimes.

An unexpected laugh bubbles up inside Logan. He cannot believe that this is somehow still the same day. He finds himself laughing out loud as though someone has told him the greatest joke he’s ever heard. It’s only when he realises that his cheeks are wet that he stops and takes a deep breath.

What am I next for?He studies the text, trying and failing to recognise the number.

Maddy is in a hospital bed and now someone says he’s next. That can’t just be a coincidence. Is it a text from Patrick? Surely not. He’s in Melbourne, far away from here. But maybe Patrick has nothing to do with what happened to his sister. Faces and names flash through his mind. Everyone he has ever associated with knows he has a little sister who he loves. Even if Nick is still in prison, he knows everything about Logan’s life and maybe he hasn’t taken kindly to being ignored for the last few years. Maybe he’s talked about the things they did more than he should have. Nick knows people everywhere. The list of possibilities gets longer the more Logan thinks about it, his heart racing with all the things he’s done wrong.

What if this is payback? He thinks he’s left the past behind him but what if someone he stole from is making sure he understands his mistake? Hurting someone he loves would be the best possible choice. Whoever hurt his sister would know that the first thing he would do would be to get on a plane and go and see her. Hurting her would lure him down there to face whoever is waiting for him. ‘Oh God,’ he whispers, feeling his stomach churn, his forehead bead with sweat. Maddy has been hurt because of something he’s done.

Tonight, he’ll get to Melbourne and his past will be waiting for him.

He slaps at the steering wheel again, fury rising inside him as all he can think is, I’ll kill him, I’ll kill him. He just isn’t sure who exactly he is thinking about.