Something to Die For by Kaye Blue
Thirty-Three
Angel
I thoughthe was going to blow me off.
He had dried, redressed, put on socks, then his boots, all before he spoke.
The wait was excruciating, and I sought distraction. I’d found a pair of boots to replace the ridiculous pink flats that had belonged to my mother.
When I was done, I looked at him.
But I didn’t repeat the question.
I’d already been clingy, needy, let his words hurt me, and I was going to put a stop to that.
He did something at the back of the truck and then finally looked at me.
“What makes you think something’s wrong?”
If I could wring his handsome neck, I would, but instead of growling in frustration, I dug deep, gathered the patience that allowed me to thrive in my profession, and humored him.
“There’s obviously something wrong. That conversation earlier today—”
“What about it?” he cut me off.
“Like I said, if there’s something you want to say to me, then say it.”
He stared at me, that familiar stubborn tilt of his head not at all dissuading me.
Yeah, he’d talked about me being better off with Percy and Joan, but I suspected that wasn’t all that was going on.
But I wouldn’t speak for him, wouldn’t let my own insecurities make me do or say something I would regret.
After all, I knew none of this was easy for him, for any of us, and I refused to make it harder.
“What are you talking about, Angel?” he asked, sounding both annoyed and weary.
“I’m just trying to understand,” I said. But I didn’t say all I was thinking, that I wanted to understand us. Wasn’t sure if Lucas even thought there was an “us.”
“There’s nothing to understand.”
My frustration ratcheted up, but I kept a tight rein on it, refusing to allow myself to be distracted.
I suspected if I did, I’d be giving Lucas exactly what he wanted.
The man was stubborn, and a fight with me, no matter how ridiculous, would probably be preferable than actually being honest with me and admitting something. So if I wanted to have this talk, I would have to take the first step and make sure we stayed on track.
I took a deep breath, wiped my hands on my pants, even though I knew it made me look weaker than I wanted it to.
“Lucas, I know you didn’t want any of this. Or me. And I’m sorry about that. I’m trying to pull my weight. But if I’m too much trouble, just tell me. You don’t have to try to push me away,” I said.
I spoke the last words in a rush, and I looked at him as he processed them, his dark brows knitting in confusion.
It wasn’t something I had seen his face very often, but it was there now.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m saying if you’d prefer to get where you’re going without having to worry about me, you can. I…I’ll be fine. I’ll figure it out. But that’s my problem. Not yours.”
I sounded so brave and strong.
It wasn’t convincing to me, but maybe it would be to him, because as terrifying as it would be to be out here alone, there was something else that scared me even more.
It was insane, because I knew that my life was on the line, and I was always a breath away from death, but that seemed almost unimportant in the face of never seeing him again.
Clearly, I’d lost my fucking mind. Possibly. Definitely. But the truth was, I didn’t want to leave him.
But I would if that was what he wanted.
“Wait? You think I said you should go with them because I think you’re dead weight?”
“Well, I don’t know if you think that or not. I’m just trying to give you an out. I know I’m not your choice of travel companion, and I know this will be much easier without me around.”
His eyes darkened, the expression in them intense, but one that I couldn’t read. After a moment, his expression lightened.
“You are a major pain in my ass. But you are a good shot. And besides, who would read the Farmer’s Almanac if you aren’t around?”
He waved the brightly colored book back and forth. Despite myself, I felt a smile covering my face.
“Glad to know I’m good for something,” I said, laughing.
“Yeah, you are,” he said, the look he gave me hot enough to chase away any chill.
Even though we’d been together so recently, I still felt that familiar pull, felt the look he gave me now more heated than it had just a second ago.
Again, I felt like I could lose myself in him, but I looked away.
We’d already been distracted and careless enough today.
In a lot of ways, it was silly. It wasn’t like he had declared anything, expressed any feeling for me, but I felt both lighter and more secure with where things stood.
“I’ll take first shift. You get some rest,” he said.
I could never sleep if I didn’t know that he was watching my back, and it was important for him to rest so he could drive, so we alternated.
It wasn’t as nice as lying in bed with him. But maybe when we got to his place, I’d get to do that again.
For now, I wrapped my arms around his waist and stretched up tall to kiss him before I got in the back seat.
It wasn’t much. Just me, him, the loaded SUV, and danger all around.
As I drifted off to sleep, I felt something like happy.
A feeling that remained until Lucas woke me up.