Something to Die For by Kaye Blue

Forty-Four

Angel

Watchinghim leave was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but I did it.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle myself while he was gone, hated that I was so weak, but I didn’t cry when he left, and once he was gone, I set about trying to do something useful.

Turned out, for me, that useful thing was sleeping.

I felt drained, more tired than I’d let myself believe, and so for the next three days, I slept on and off, seldom leaving the couch.

Fortunately, there was little activity.

None in fact.

It was so quiet that it was unnerving, but the hours, and then days, ticked by.

And, as much as I hated to admit it, I felt better.

My feet got rest, my body got rest, and my mind went places I hadn’t allowed it to go.

It was silly because I knew the circumstances couldn’t be worse. But I was excited. I’d tried to ignore the life growing inside me, but now I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about the what-ifs.

The bad stuff, yes. Like how I would protect her. What kind of life she would have.

I wasn’t naive enough to ignore that, but there were other things too. The idea of being a mother. One I thought about intellectually, but one that I felt deeply now, one that I held close.

That Lucas would be there made it that much better.

On the fourth day, I reluctantly followed his instructions.

I repacked everything, prepared myself to go. Praying all the while that I wouldn’t have to.

Around noon, I heard something, wrapped my hand around the gun that was always at my side, and waited—hope, fear, warning for dominance.

“Angel, it’s me,” he said.

Faster than I thought possible, I opened the door that I had barricaded.

“It took you long enough!” I said when he was finally inside.

He smiled, though he looked weary.

“Sit down, rest,” I said.

“I want to get clean first,” he said.

I smiled at him, and his expression brightened.

“This place is great. It has a woodstove without one of those electric starters,” I said, “so you can get hot water.”

“I don’t want to waste it.”

“It’s not a waste. Now sit.”

He ignored the couch but sat on one of the end chairs and began undressing.

I watched him for a moment, still struck by how efficient his movements were, how commanding his presence was.

How much I loved him.

I didn’t linger, and instead filled a basin with water, then another, then another.

“What are you doing?”

“I told you this place was great.”

It had rain barrels, at least four them, all filled to the brim.

And it took a couple of hours, but I warmed and then filled the tub with water while Lucas napped on and off.

“Come on,” I said, smiling at him.

He woke then followed me, his face curious.

“An actual bath,” he said, his voice even, but his relief clear.

“Yep,” I said.

I felt proud of myself, happy that I could do something as small as this for him.

“Hop in,” I said.

He did, and I knelt next to him.

“You know I’m not used to anyone fussing over me,” he said as I started to wash him, though he didn’t push me away.

“Well, I gotta work on that,” I said.

He leaned back against the tub and closed his eyes, and I went quiet, focused on the task, hoping that some of what I felt came through.

When I was done, he got out, dried, dressed, and then sat in the chair.

He looked more alert, though I could see how tired he was.

“It was bad out there.”

He shrugged. “Not good, and I didn’t get much sleep,” he said.

“What did you find?” I asked.

“What we needed,” he said.

He didn’t expand beyond that, and I didn’t force the issue.

If he wanted to tell me more, he would. But for now, I just enjoyed being with him, so glad that he was back that I didn’t even have the words to express it.

“We should head out now.”

“You should rest,” I countered.

“Okay,” he said without argument. “Can I lay with you?”

I didn’t respond. Instead, I stood and grabbed his hand.

We walked back past the bathroom to the bedroom.

When I wasn’t sleeping, I’d been trying to make the place somewhat habitable just for this.

He looked at the fresh sheets and smiled, one of the brightest I had ever seen.

He lay down, and I lay next to him.

Without warning, he flipped and trapped me in his embrace, his breath warm against my ear, his hands strong, seeking, before they settled on my stomach.

There was hardness there, and though I hadn’t felt her move, I knew it was only a matter of time.

“A baby, huh,” he said, his voice sounding dreamy.

It was probably just the sleepiness, but that sound lifted my heart more than anything had.

“Yeah,” I said.

He squeezed me tighter and then lay on his side and drifted off.