Burning for Love by Evangeline Anderson

13

James waited until he was certain the door to the Princess’s rooms was locked tight and he was tucking her into the big, four-poster bed under the rose-gold coverlet before he asked,

“Princess, what is the purpose of the silver wire you wear around your waist?”

“What?” Her eyes, which had been drifting closed, opened wide and she looked up at him with an expression that seemed to be half shame and half fear. James frowned, wondering why such a simple question should engender such emotions.

“Why you need to wear it all the time?” he asked. “What does it do? I noticed an electrical hum coming from it—does it help to keep you cool during the night somehow?”

She bit her lip and he could see that she was working through several different possible answers in her head. Was she thinking of lying to him? But when she finally spoke, her words had the ring of truth, though her tone was low and shamed and she dropped her eyes, as though she couldn’t bear to have him look at her as she answered.

“Didn’t you hear Lady Mildew? The wire is to…to keep me from reaching between my legs to touch my…my forbidden areas.”

“Forbidden areas?” James frowned. “But why should any part of your own body be forbidden to you?”

“It’s a part of me that only my husband may touch—and only after we are married,” she murmured, still looking down. Her cheeks were pink with a blush.

“But why?” James demanded again. “I don’t understand, Princess.”

“I…I don’t exactly either.” She looked up at him at last and he saw that her lovely amber-brown eyes were filled with tears. “I only know that it’s shameful and wrong and I would never, never do it. Only Lady Mildew is convinced that I would and she’s been making me wear the Chastity Wire for years because she says I am a dirty, nasty girl. But I’m not, James—I promise I’m not!”

Her last words turned into a sob and she buried her face in her hands, her slim shoulders shaking with grief.

James had seen people cry before on the Mother Ship—mostly human females—but once or twice he had seen a Kindred warrior tear up during extreme circumstances. But as a Dark Kindred, he had never cried himself—nor had anyone else’s tears ever affected him.

He found, however, that Princess Ka’rissa’s tears did affect him. He felt a strange yearning sensation in his chest—a feeling like a cruel hand was squeezing his heart.

Her pain, he thought. She’s in so much pain…

And he found that he wanted to ease that pain, though he scarcely knew how to do it.

He wondered how he could help and remembered the last time he had seen someone cry. It had been a human female at one of the dining establishments he had recently been visiting. She had apparently gotten some bad news on her communications device because her eyes had overflowed with tears and she had begun crying, right there in the restaurant.

Her mate, a Beast Kindred, had been sitting right beside her. He had taken her into his arms and rubbed her back, letting her cry for a few moments before gently leading her out of the restaurant where she could express her grief with more privacy.

The whole thing had happened at the table next to his, so James had been able to observe it from start to end. At the time, he had thought it nothing but a flagrant expression of emotion—the kind of thing that would have gotten someone purged on his home world of Zeaga Four. But now he considered it again, analyzing the memory rapidly. How was he supposed to act in this situation? How had the Beast Kindred helped his mate?

He remembered the human female’s flushed cheeks and tear-filled eyes—so like Ka’rissa’s eyes were now. And he thought again of how her mate had gathered her into his arms and simply held her. Was that the way to help ease Ka’rissa’s pain—through physical contact? Though he had never done anything like it before, James sensed that it was.

Sitting on the side of the Princess’s bed, he put an arm around her shaking shoulders and gathered her gently to his chest.

At first, Ka’rissa froze in his arms. But when James only held her and didn’t do anything threatening, she relaxed against him and pressed her face to his chest. Sobs shook her as she clung to him and James felt an even stronger urge to help her—to ease and calm her sorrow somehow.

“Tell me how to help you, Princess,” he growled softly, stroking her trembling back and shoulders as that invisible fist squeezed his heart. “I don’t know anything about curing emotions, but I want to help you cure yours.”

She looked up at him with wet eyes.

“Emotions aren’t…aren’t something you can cure,” she whispered, her voice breaking on the words.

“Then how can I turn your bad emotions into good ones?” James asked honestly. “How can I make you ‘feel better’ as the feelers say?”

Ka’rissa swiped at her eyes and looked up at him uncertainly.

“You can say that you don’t think I’m bad or wrong or dirty to start with,” she whispered. “You can say you don’t believe the awful things Lady Mildew said about me.”

“Of course I don’t,” James said at once, frowning. “I think she is irrationally angry at the loss of her position as your Companion and she wants to find a way to hurt you because of it. I have observed that feelers who have pain sometimes want to give pain to others,” he added. “It’s just another reason why emotions are illogical and not at all useful.”

“But emotions can be wonderful too—positive emotions, anyway,” she objected. “I was feeling very positive and happy when I was dancing with you at the ball tonight,” she added, giving him a shy glance through her long lashes. “I wouldn’t want to give up those feelings just to become more ‘logical.’”

James thought of the experience of dancing with her and had to admit she might be right. He’d felt a great deal of satisfaction knowing that he was holding her in his arms. Also, keeping time with the up-tempo music and whirling the petite Princess around the room as she laughed and smiled up at him had given him a warm glow in his chest that seemed to radiate to his entire body. Was that…happiness?

Surely not, he told himself. I was simply satisfied that I was doing my job correctly and protecting Ka’rissa’s physical and mental wellbeing.

But he couldn’t remember ever having that warm glow before or enjoying moving to music in the way he had tonight. Was this why the Collective had outlawed music on Zeaga Four? Because it really could cause emotions?

But was it the music causing that glow you felt…or the fact that you were holding the Princess in your arms and she was laughing and smiling at you? asked a little voice in his head.

James didn’t know, but he decided it would be foolish to try and analyze the situation now. At the moment, he was trying to comfort Ka’rissa and ease her pain. And from the look on her face, he thought he might be succeeding.

“Do you feel better now?” he asked, stroking a long strand of curly hair away from her eyes so he could see them better. “Have I fixed you?”

She gave a little laugh.

“No, you didn’t ‘fix’ me, but you certainly made me feel better.” She bit her lip. “Though…I do not know if it is proper for you to hold me in your arms in this way.”

“Why not?” James asked, mystified. “I held you in my arms as we danced tonight and no one thought that was improper.”

“Well, yes, but we’re in my bed and I’m not wearing much,” she pointed out. “If someone were to walk in on us right now they might think you were…” She bit her lip, her cheeks going rosy with a blush. “Might think you were trying to…to kiss me,” she whispered.

“I’m aware that a male shouldn’t press his lips to a female’s without her permission,” James told her. “Or without some kind of understanding between them—like a prior relationship. So please don’t worry—I wouldn’t do that.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Ka’rissa said quickly. “I just…wouldn’t want anyone else to think that you would.”

James frowned.

“A person’s image—how they are perceived by others—is very important here on Regalia Five, isn’t it?”

Her eyes widened.

“It’s everything. Once your image—your reputation—is ruined, your life is over. The whole Court does nothing all day but gossip and spread rumors about each other. That is why a lady’s image must be beyond reproach.”

James shook his head.

“That seems like a very ‘unhappy’—to borrow a feeler term—way to live. But I actually think I understand it.”

“You do?” Ka’rissa asked.

He nodded.

“Back on my home world of Zeaga Four, we were all constantly being analyzed and monitored for any signs of ‘feel crime’—the crime of having emotions,” he explained. “The constant scrutiny could be…wearing at times. Even though I had no emotions, I couldn’t help wondering what might happen if someone higher up the chain of command—closer to the Collective—thought I was having them and acted accordingly.”

“And what happened to you if you were caught, uh, ‘feeling’?” Ka’rissa asked. Her eyes were wide as she watched him.

James shrugged.

“You were purged. It was a daily occurrence because sometimes a warrior’s emotion damper would fail and they would start feeling before they could stop themselves from it.”

As he spoke, he had an uneasy sensation centered in the pit of his stomach as he thought of the little silver button at the back of his neck. But surely his own emotion damper was functioning adequately—yes, he was sure it was. And even if it wasn’t, he was no longer on Zeaga Four and no one could purge him for it.

“Purged?” The Princess’s eyes went wider. “You mean killed? They killed you just for having emotions?”

James nodded.

“Yes, that about sums it up.”

“But…but that’s terrible,” she exclaimed. “How could they kill you just for having feelings?”

He shrugged again. “It was the way of the Collective. What happens to you here on Regalia Five if your reputation gets ‘ruined.’ Are you purged?”

“No, nothing like that.” She shook her head. “You’re just ostracized and uninvited from every social event of the Season.” She frowned. “And then you have to go and live in the country so no one can see you and you won’t ruin other girls by your association with them.”

“That sounds like a kind of purging,” James pointed out. “A social purging, at least. If you are banished from your home and you are never allowed to speak to anyone you know again—that doesn’t sound like a very pleasant fate.”

“No, it’s not.” She sighed. “Which is why a lady must be so very careful. And, I suppose, why I must wear the Chastity Wire.” A troubled look came into her eyes. “But I would never do…what Lady Mildew accused me of. I hope you know that, James.”

“I wouldn’t think less of you, even if you did,” he assured her.

Her eyes grew wide again.

“What? But how could you not think less of me if you found out I had…had touched my forbidden areas?” Her cheeks went pink again as she spoke and he could tell it embarrassed her to speak of such things.

“Because I don’t believe that any part of your own body should be forbidden to you,” James said firmly. “It’s your body. Why shouldn’t you touch it anywhere and any way that you want to?”

“Because it’s wrong!” she exclaimed.

“Who says it’s wrong?” he countered. “Lady Mildew? Do you really hold her opinion in such high regard?”

“Well…I…I don’t…” Princess Ka’rissa seemed to be at a loss for words. “I just don’t think it is right,” she said at last, weakly.

“It’s one thing if you don’t think it’s right,” James told her. “It’s something else entirely if you’re letting someone else tell you it’s wrong—letting them control what you think.” He frowned. “That was one reason I was glad when the Collective fell—the hive mind of computers that ran my home planet,” he explained, seeing her questioning look. “Though I have no emotions, I still want to have thoughts and opinions of my own. I think that is every sentient being’s right.”

Ka’rissa looked at him thoughtfully.

“You know…you’ve given me a lot to think about, James,” she murmured and yawned. “But now, I’m feeling so…so sleepy.”

“All those emotions you had have worn you out,” James told her. “I have witnessed this with other feelers as well—when they have a lot of strong emotions in a row, they need to rest afterwards. Do you think you can sleep now?”

She sighed.

“I’d like to, but I’m afraid I’ll have to get up and wash my face and neck in cold water again. All the, er, emotions I had seem to have made me overheated.”

James looked at her flushed cheeks with concern.

“Do you feel in danger of combustion? Should I draw another ice-cold bath for you?”

“Oh, no!” She shook her head. “It’s not as bad as all that and I can’t get into the bath with the Chastity Wire locked in place, anyway. No, I just need to cool down a little before I can safely go to sleep.”

She made as if to get up, but for some reason, James didn’t want to stop holding her. The thought that he wanted to keep her in his arms gave him an idea.

“Princess, if you want me to, I can cool my body temperature down, as I did earlier this evening when you fainted in the Reception Hall,” he offered. “It might be that this will cool you down as well, since you are still pressed against me.” He nodded down to the way they were positioned with him still sitting on the side of her bed and the Princess laying almost in his lap.

“Oh, could you?” she asked, looking up at him. “But aren’t you getting uncomfortable, sitting like that? You’ve been, er, holding me, for quite some time now.”

“I don’t mind,” James murmured. He stroked one flushed cheek with a finger that was already much cooler, since he had commanded his body to begin chilling itself.

“Oh…” She pressed her hot cheek into his hand eagerly. “Your hands are so lovely and cool, James!”

“Get a little closer and lie against me as I reduce my body temperature,” James told her. “Here—do you mind if I stretch out on the bed?”

She bit her lip, as though wondering if this was “proper,” but at last she nodded her head.

“Yes, that would be all right, I think.”

“Good.” James stretched out on her bed—it was a large bed and long enough for him to do so—with his legs crossed at the ankles. He propped his right hand behind his head and cradled the petite Princess close to his left side as he continued to cool his body down.

“Ohhh…” Ka’rissa sighed as she pillowed her hot face against his chest and snuggled against him. “All of you is getting lovely and cold now. It feels so wonderful not to be hot for once!”

Indeed, she was very warm, James thought as he held her close to him. Her small, curvy body was burning up—it felt as though she had a fever. And the tight points of her nipples were like two live coals against his side. How could she bear to be so hot all the time?

Using his natural abilities in sync with his enhancements and electrodes, he managed to cool the areas where her nipples pressed against him even more, until at last he felt her heat subsiding.

But it wasn’t just her nipples that were burning hot—he could also feel the juncture of her thighs against the side of his leg. Though Ka’rissa kept her own legs pressed modestly together, heat was baking from the spot between her thighs, making James wonder if that area—what he had heard other Kindred warriors call a female’s “pussy”—was even hotter than her nipples had been.

He thought of offering to place his thigh between her legs to cool her down there, but this was the spot she considered her “forbidden area” and he didn’t want to make her upset. So he simply did his best to keep the rest of her cool as he she slowly drifted off in his arms.

As he held her and watched her sleep, James felt that warm glow in his chest again. But it was different from when he was dancing with her, he thought. This time the glow was gentler, though no less intense, and there was a sense of possessiveness that went with it.

A word rose in his mind and he spoke it aloud before he could even analyze it.

“Mine,” he murmured in the dimness of her room as he held the Princess close to him. “She is mine.”

Which of course, was completely illogical. Princess Ka’rissa didn’t belong to him—he was only here to protect her for a short time. But still the possessiveness and the warm glow in his chest persisted and he couldn’t make it go away.

To be honest, he didn’t even try.