The Boys Down South by Abbi Glines

16

dixie

The following week, I saw Steel every day. But I never saw Asher. Not once. His truck was parked outside by the pump house, but when I came by, he never came around. I didn’t ask and Steel didn’t mention it. I felt like Steel was waiting on me to ask, and if I did, I would’ve failed some sort of test.

Scarlet said to let go of the past, but I didn’t know how to do that. Asher was more than just my past. He was a part of me. He owned a piece of my heart, possibly the biggest one of them all. I couldn’t just ignore that. Even if he didn’t fight for us to be together, my heart didn’t care, and the pain I felt from knowing that was unbearable still.

He still had the power to make me drop everything and go running to him with a crook of his finger. He still had that much hold over me. Though, it felt as if he were gone again. Scarlet said she’d seen him two days ago working in the barn with Bray, doing some renovations. He was laughing and seemed less preoccupied than he’d been in the past three years. I was glad he wasn’t living with the darkness that had eaten at him for so long. But I missed him. I wanted to see him like this. See the old Asher again.

“Damn, he’s at it again,” Steel muttered, drawing me from my thoughts. I turned to look at what he was frowning at and saw the back of Brent’s head and the familiar red curls belonging to my best friend in the back of Bray’s truck. I shook my head. Did they think parking out there was an actual hiding place?

“I swear, Bray can’t get a full day of work in without getting him some.”

I began to tell Steel it wasn’t Bray, that it was Brent, but I stopped and looked again, squinting over the field. The sun and distance made it hard to see. That was definitely Scarlet’s red hair. I would have known it anywhere. And that had to be Brent. She was attracted to Bray, but she wouldn’t…actually sleep with him. She wouldn’t. Would she?

“You want burgers for lunch or seafood? I’m good with either, starved through the gut,” Steel said, snapping my gaze from Bray’s truck. He didn’t seem to notice it was Scarlet and until I knew what was going on, I wouldn’t point that out to him.

“Uh…seafood is good,” I replied.

I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent Scarlet a hopeful text: Please tell me that was Brent? She’d know what I meant.

“Another reason I love you. We think alike. Let’s go,” Steel said, turning and laughing. I smiled back at him, but the words wouldn’t come. Telling Steel I loved him seemed wrong, especially now. I wasn’t sure if I loved him like he loved me. Steel was good to me. He would’ve fought for me. I had to keep reminding myself of that daily.

I listened to Steel talk about the barn and all the renovations they were going to do. I didn’t even wince when he said Asher’s name, complaining that Asher was getting a job this summer working for Denver Watson at the local Feed and Seed. He didn’t understand why Asher couldn’t help them work the family farm. I wanted to tell him that Asher knew they needed more money and the only way to get that was to work for someone else.

Instead, I asked, “What does your momma think?”

He rolled his eyes. “Momma thinks Asher hung the moon. You know that. She’s so glad he’s home for the summer, she’ll agree with whatever he does.”

“Or maybe she knows that Asher could make more to help pay the bills by working for someone else.” Arguing with Steel was one thing. Defending Asher was another entirely. I knew it and I did it anyway. It was as if I couldn’t control my mouth. I said those words without being able to stop them from pouring out.

“You seem real sure that Asher knows what’s best.” There was a sourness in his tone and I didn’t blame him for it. Everything was still raw and new between us.

“I was just thinking is all. Not my business. I’m sorry. I don’t know what your bills are or how much the farm makes for you all. You do. It’s not my business.”

He was quiet for a moment and I wondered if I’d said the wrong thing yet again. This was going to be difficult for a while. Maybe forever. Could I do this? Was this even fair to Steel?

He admitted, “I don’t know what the farm brings in,” and he didn’t seem proud of that fact either.

“Oh,” was all I said.

We rode in silence to the only seafood place in town. I fidgeted with my hands and kept my gaze out the window, like I’d never been here before. Part of me hoped to see Bray out there somewhere on the street. To assure me it hadn’t been him in the truck. I really wanted to know that it wasn’t. Then suddenly Steel said, “Asher does. And Bray. They help Momma with the finances. Asher did it until he left. Momma does most of it now, but Asher was so good at math, she had him start helping when he turned seventeen. When he left for college, she let Bray step in. Someone had to step in. Bray was the best choice.”

He didn’t have to admit this to me. This was another thing about Steel to love and respect. He was honest, didn’t lie to make himself look better, but even that couldn’t change my heart. I wished it could. Even when my heart should’ve lied, it didn’t.

“They’re older,” I replied, simply to comfort him.

He nodded. “Yeah, but I care more about the place. Making it a real working farm. Turning more than just enough to pay the bills. I want to see it thrive. Give Momma some extra to put back into it. You know what I mean?”

I tilted my chin, but didn’t say any more. Instead, my eyes suddenly found Asher. Like they always seemed to do. He was walking out of the hardware store with Hannah Watson stepping beside him. She was talking and smiling brightly, her face turning to gesture as they strolled, while Asher listened and took it all in. The small lift at the corners of his lips meant Hannah was making him truly smile, and Asher was liking whatever she was saying. Until this moment, I’d always liked Hannah. She was beautiful, smart and nice. But now I hoped she tripped over her pretty blue sandals and fell flat on her face. Or for a truck to hit her in the street. What was happening to me?

“Asher moved on that fast enough. The boss’s daughter is already hanging on his arm. Not sure Denver was expecting that.”

Why did Asher need another job anyway? That was silly. I suddenly agreed with Steel. There was no point in him working elsewhere with so much to do on their own farm. Especially if it meant he was going to be around Hannah all the time. Wasn’t she supposed to be off at school? Why was she traipsing the streets with Asher? Drooling and looking all pretty?

“I thought she went up north to college somewhere,” I said a little too loudly, trying to then soften my voice at the end, but you could still hear it sounded all wrong.

“She did. Guess she’s home for the summer.”

A summer romance.

My stomach turned sour.

I wasn’t going to be able to eat anything now. Not a single bite.

Why did I have to see this? I wanted to see Bray, not Asher.

“Ready for lunch?” Steel asked as he parked the truck.

“Yeah,” I replied with even less enthusiasm than before, unsure I’d be able to swallow even one fried shrimp after the scene I’d just witnessed in the street.

I watched as Asher walked out to his truck and Hannah climbed in the passenger side. They had ridden there together. They were headed somewhere together. Asher was supposed to be working. Why wasn’t he working instead of gallivanting all over town with Hannah? My stomach clenched, jealousy dulling everything around me, even the air now smelling different to me. The sun looked less bright, the sky less blue, and my heart kept fracturing more and more. I didn’t know that it could break any more. But it seemed it could.