The Boys Down South by Abbi Glines

27

scarlet

I missed him too. All the time.

That’s why I was sitting here. In his truck. Making another potentially terrible decision. But he’d shown up, after work, and although I’d been laughing at Diesel’s impression of Ethel, seeing Bray made everything else fade away.

He felt warm, smelled of the outdoors and spice, and made my heart fluttery. This was where I wanted to be. Close to him. My moods were all over the place lately. Because of him. My heart he owned and I couldn’t get it back.

“I found your work. Don’t know where you live. You’ll have to tell me,” he said as his hand rested on my thigh, squeezing it.

“Turn left at the next red light, take a right at the second stop sign, and it’s in the trailer park to your immediate right.”

His lips touched my head as I laid on his shoulder. He didn’t say anything more. With his hand, he pulled my leg over his right thigh, which moved me closer to him. His grip on my thigh eased up higher and my breathing hitched. He was close and my body was hyperaware of his proximity.

I wasn’t sure my heart could take it if this was a booty call. When we were together sexually, it meant more to me than was healthy. I was connecting to him. Allowing him inside more than my open legs but also my heart, my soul. Making it even more difficult to see him go. But he had a life back where I would never live again, and I’d have to watch him drive away. I couldn’t keep him here; he belonged with his brothers and his Momma. His family.

“Shame they don’t have you wear skirts at that place,” he said in a deep husky voice. I shivered at the idea. I felt vulnerable, but the excitement was also there. Always was with him. When he came to the first stop sign after turning at the red light, he moved his hand higher, brushing against the fabric of my shorts. I wanted to press myself against it, but I didn’t. I inhaled deeply and tried to get control of myself.

“You keep making those noises and shivering, and I’ll have those shorts off you by the next stop sign,” he warned.

“We’re almost there. And you’re the one teasing me,” I replied, my voice breathless.

“Jesus, Scar. I’m gonna end up fucking you in the truck before we can get inside,” he swore.

Unable to stop, I trembled this time. The thought of Bray being inside me had me reacting even when I didn’t want to.

He didn’t stop at the next sign but turned right then immediately sped up to turn right again into the trailer park I lived in. He tensed and slowed down. “Please tell me this isn’t where you’re fucking living,” he said slowly as he came to a stop inside the dilapidated fence.

“Third one on the left.” I pointed, already preparing myself for him to be upset. I should have thought about this. I’d just gotten used to the place and the idea of being with Bray made me forget everything else. Like his reaction to where I’m living now.

“Motherfucker,” he muttered under his breath.

“It’s really not bad,” I assured him. It was a haven. My haven.

“It’s a shithole. Can’t be safe for you here. Hell, Scar, at any moment one of these trailers are going to blow from a meth lab gone wrong.”

I’d be lying if I hadn’t wondered about the last trailer on the right. They had an abnormal amount of company and I had met the girl who lived there. Her teeth… they weren’t exactly healthy. She had said she lived there with her boyfriend.

“I think I’m far enough away from the one potential meth trailer in here,” I replied, instead of arguing.

He cursed again then parked his truck outside my trailer. “This isn’t even a real fucking trailer. It’s a camper.” He was angry.

“Bray,” I said, grabbing his hand that rested on my thigh. “I can afford this place. It’s mine. No one has bothered me here and not once have I felt unsafe.” Unlike every day in my previous life at the house I’d grown up in.

He looked down at me. “Has he been here?” His eyes bright with jealousy. It was in his tone.

“If you mean, Diesel, no. We are friends. New friends. We didn’t get along at first. But no one other than me has been here.” He didn’t have to be jealous. Not of me. I wasn’t looking for a man. I was looking for solitude. Safety. Security.

“I don’t like him,” Bray said.

That made me laugh. “I imagine you don’t. And I don’t like the numerous girls you sleep with. The ones who show up at weddings they’re not invited to so they can see you.” I used to not say these things to him. I’d take it and fight back, trying to hurt him equally. I was different now.

His hand squeezed my thigh again then moved up and slapped my vagina.

“OUCH!” I cried only because it was already sensitive from being aware he was close.

“That was a fuck-up. I hadn’t seen you in seven months. She’d been a drunken hook-up I didn’t expect to come after me. But you didn’t give me time to explain.”

He shoved me back in the seat and covered me with his body. “God, Scarlet, what do I have to do to get it through your head that all I want is you. The only pussy I want to be fucking is yours. I can’t even see their faces. Not one of them. You were all I could see.” His mouth covered mine then and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as he sank between my open legs. Even with our clothes on, feeling him against me fully was amazing.

Not once had he claimed to love me.

He never even came close to those three words.

But what he’d just said was a lot. It was close to admitting it. Could he just not say those words? How could I live without him if he ever did? But how could I be with him and not tell him everything… the things I swore I’d never speak of. If he knew, he’d see me differently. That I couldn’t stand.

Brent had loved me. But I hadn’t wanted his love. He hadn’t been Bray. I hadn’t been worried about Brent’s emotions because, in my head, I knew my not loving him was saving him from a darkness he didn’t want. My head would never be normal. It would always carry nightmares. The monsters that warped me.

Bray had been stronger. Harder. Held his own darkness. It wasn’t as tangled and deep as mine. But he wasn’t full of joy and wonder like Brent had been. He was the one that saw more.

Bray tasted me like he was starving. The mix of whiskey and mint gum was on his breath and I couldn’t think of a more perfect taste in this world. His mouth left mine as he quickly made his way down my neck and began taking off my shirt.

“Take me inside,” I said to him, gasping for air.

He nodded. “Probably a good idea with the neighbors you have.”

I laughed softly as he sat up and then pulled me with him. Jerking his door open, he climbed down with his hold still on my hand, bringing me out behind him. With his hand tightly clasped over mine, he pulled me to the only door on the trailer, and I quickly dug the key out of my purse. My hands were shaking as I fumbled with the lock. Bray took it from me and got it open then shoved me inside with him right behind me.

The door slammed behind him and the lock clicked in place. His eyes were eating me up as he took three long strides then pressed me back against the small table that could be made into a bed if I needed an extra one. I expected him to jerk my shirt off. Or my shorts. Or say something about needing to fuck me.

Instead, he grabbed my face, holding it in his hands, and his eyes held my gaze. “You are the only special thing in my life.”

I was the most damaged thing in his life. He just didn’t realize it.