Bloody Princess by Helen Scott

23

Lyric

It's been a few days since I kissed Atlas, and I still feel...weird about it. The fact that I feel anything at all is a minor miracle, but I've never wanted sex before. It's always been a chore. Something I had to do. A box to check off the list that Sampson and my father gave me. But that kiss?

I’d wanted him to come up to my room.

I’d wanted to feel him in every way I could.

"Are you going to spill, or what?" Evie asks one evening as she's getting ready to go meet Cliff. She bats her freshly mascaraed eyes at me.

"Spill? What am I supposed to be spilling?" I ask, not ready to admit to anything when she could just be fishing for information.

"Why you've been moping the last couple of days? Out with it. Or I won't put up with that shit anymore." She points the mascara wand at me before shoving it violently back into the tube and screwing it shut.

"I haven't been moping!" I deny out loud while wondering if I have, in fact, been moping. I've never made a move on a guy my own age before, and I've definitely never been rejected before. Been told I was a mistake? Many times, but never in that kind of situation.

"Liar!" She glares at me for a moment before putting some lipstick on.

"Why are you putting on all this makeup, when you're just going to get sweaty and wipe it off while you have sex?" I ask.

"Don't try and change the subject, missy. Why are you all pouty and shit?" she asks again.

I sigh and flop down on my bed, pulling my pillow over my head for dramatic effect. A growl of frustration escapes me. None of this was supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to feel anything. Get in, get the information, get out, punish the murderer. It was supposed to be easy. This? This is not easy. And on top of it all, I have to do math.

When I pull the pillow away slightly, I say, "I kissed Atlas."

Something clatters to the ground, and when I turn to look, Evie is standing from her bed, the mirror and some makeup now on the floor. "You did what?" she asks quietly, as though she can't believe what I just said.

I pull the pillow all the way down. "Don't make me say it again."

"You. Kissed. Atlas. When were you going to tell me? And why are you sad about that? Girl, you should be rejoicing!"

"He turned me down. Said that kissing me was a mistake," I reply.

"Well, then he's a dumbass because a) you're fucking gorgeous, and b), you're stunning, and c), you're goddamn fabulous. He should be ecstatic that you're interested in him at all."

I can’t help but smile at her antics.

"So, he rejected you. So what? Was it at least a good kiss?" she asks as she plops down next to me on my bed.

I grin and nod. My phone buzzes in my pocket, but I ignore it. I don't need to focus on anything except this right now.

Evidently, that's all she needs to see because she shoots back up to her feet and begins pacing the room. "Why would kissing you be a mistake? What does that even mean? I mean, clearly you enjoyed it, so we need to figure out how to get it to happen again."

"I don't think it's going to happen again, Evie. It's okay," I say, trying to sound fine with the idea, even though I'm not. I clear my throat and add, "It's probably because of my sister, anyway. I've always just been Lyssa's kid sister to him. He said that wasn't true, but clearly it is if he can't tell me another reason for turning me down."

"Well, then he's a fucking idiot," Evie says as she fluffs her hair. "I can't believe I have to leave now, but I do. You're my best friend, and you're a bad bitch. Don’t let him make you doubt yourself. Fuck him. Love you." She blows me a kiss and walks out of the room, the door swinging slowly shut behind her and latching with a click.

Once I’m sure she’s gone, I hold my pillow over my face and let out a scream of frustration. I've never had so many feelings in my life. It's weird. I don't like it.

I wriggle my phone from my pocket and find a text from an unknown number on the screen. All it says is "Recordings found. Will be listening later."

It's Mel. The listening devices apparently only record when there are noises, and she set up a password protected website we can both use to access whatever recordings are uploaded. It's supposed to upload once a day, but we'd had some bugs, no pun intended, at first. Apparently, she's fixed it, though. Not surprising, given my twin's talents.

I can't wait to see what we've found. Maybe it will give me a way out of this mess. I get out of bed and grab my laptop, plugging my headphones in as I sit back down, resting against the wall. The website is some obscure name that Mel said no one would ever suspect, The Santa Arabella Fontina Council for Witches. Yeah, I don't know. Mel had fun with that, though.

After I enter the password, I see a list of files, each one it's own recording. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like there's a way to distinguish which file came from which room. I listen to the first one, and all I can hear is some kind of sports announcer going over what happened during a game. I skip ahead, trying to find anything interesting, but I get nothing other than sports, sports, and more sports. I skip to the next recording and almost immediately stop listening, since he's clearly either having sex or jacking off.

Then, I hear my name, and I pause with my finger over the mouse button, ready to click away but too curious to actually do so. When he speaks again, I know it's Atlas. And he's thinking about me while using his hand. The thought makes heat pool low in my belly. I shouldn't care. I mean, according to Evie, I'm a bad bitch and he fucked up by rejecting me, but I do care and it's annoying.

I click out of it before I can hear any more and select the next recording. It starts with a bang, and I flinch as Keats yells at someone. "How the fuck do you expect me to stay away from her when we have a class and a project together?"

"I really don't care," an exasperated Jude says.

"You're not in control of my life, asshole, or did you forget that?" Keats snarls.

"Fine, but no more dance offs, or whatever the fuck that was. The last thing we need is to draw more attention to her and get the Regents interested. I'm going to see what the girls can do to try and make her drop out. Lyric needs to back off. Everything just needs to go back to the way it was before she showed up. Can't you understand that?"

"What was so great about before she showed up? Hm?" Keats demands. The springs of his bed squeak, and I can just picture him sitting there, leaning back against the wall, glaring at Jude.

"Um, we weren't reminded of Lyssa every time we turned around, how about that? Or did you already forget about one of your best friends?" Jude demands.

"You know that I haven't, but can't Lyric remind you about the good parts of Lyssa?"

The good parts of Lyssa? She was all good. There wasn't a mean bone in her body. Just the idea that they think otherwise makes my blood run hot in my veins.

Jude's voice starts out as angry as I've ever heard him but quickly softens. "If I could forget Lyssa completely, I would, but I don't want to be that kind of person. I'll remember her, and what she did, but that doesn't mean I want to think about it every fucking day. Before Lyric showed up, I actually felt like I was starting to move on. Now, it's just a constant reminder, like walking on a broken ankle. Miriam is getting more and more pissed at me because she knows I'm not done dealing with all this shit about Lyssa. I don't even blame her. I'd be pissed if I was in her shoes, too. If we can just get Lyric to go away, things will go back to normal. I mean, can you imagine if the Regents want her to join? The shit we'd know about each other?"

The springs of Keats' bed sound again, and his voice is quiet when he responds. "I don't want her in the Regents either, but there's nothing we can do to stop them if they decide they want her. She's the last heir of the Sterling fortune. She'll probably even inherit Sterling Enterprises if her dad dies. It's pretty likely they are going to want to have that under their thumb. You've got to accept that she's going to be around, man. She's as stubborn as they come, I can tell, and if I had to guess, I'd say the harder we push her to quit the harder she's going to fight to hang on."

My breath catches at how Keats has already figured part of me out. Maybe it’s the challenging darkness that I see in him, the same he probably sees reflected back by me. Either way, he’s right. It’s something Sampson has used to get me to train harder, always saying my father would be disappointed if I couldn't do x, y, or z. I'd only realized in my later teens that Sampson was using my father's love as a lure for me to chase. My father would never love me. He was incapable of doing so.

The only person I think he's ever really given two shits about is Lyssa, which was why she’d always gotten whatever she wanted. She’d gotten friends, clothes, cars, boyfriends, and a social life, all because she was his shining star. She was his only real child. Melody and I hadn't been planned, and only my mother had given a shit about us once we were born. And after my mom died? I was given to Sampson, and Melody was sent off to boarding school. I'm fairly sure the only reason I wasn't allowed to go with Mel was because my father was worried I'd tell someone what had really happened.

"I have to try. I can't just let her crash through our lives like this," Jude says suddenly, and I realize that I'd gotten distracted by thoughts of my family.

How am I crashing through their lives? What have I done, other than try to befriend them? Admittedly, my goal behind befriending them isn’t exactly kosher, but they shouldn't have hurt Lyssa. I shut the laptop abruptly, unable to listen to them go on about how they don't want me around. I don't care so much about Jude, but if I'm honest with myself, it bothers me that Keats doesn't want me around either.

Why am I feeling this way? These guys killed my sister. I shouldn't give a shit about them.

I reach over the end of my mattress and pull Lyssa's diary free, angrily flipping to the last few entries.

Daddy's going to kill me. If he doesn't, Jude and the others will. If they find out I'm pregnant, they'll make me get rid of it, I just know it. I have no choice but to hide it until it's too late to do anything about it. I never thought I'd be a single parent, but I can't imagine Daddy will let me stay at home with his grandkid, not once he knows who the father is.

I told Jude the other big secret a few days ago, and he got sick. He said I was a liar and that I was making it all up for attention. He even said that if I wanted to break up, I didn't have to come up with a disgusting lie like that. Can you believe that? It's like he has no idea how much I care about him. This isn't what I want, but it's the only thing we can do. He even got the others to stop talking to me. Keats, Atlas, and Thayer are all acting like I don't exist. They are all ignoring my texts and calls. I've never felt more alone.

Apparently, it's bros before hoes and all of that bullshit.

If anyone had called me a ho before, the guys would have made them pay for it, but now that's all I am to them. How fucked up is that?

Tonight is the Ascendance Bay Green Initiative Gala. It's my only chance to talk to them before we start at Welhurst in a few weeks. After that, they'll have girls swarming all over them, I know it, and it'll be easier for them to look the other way and pretend I don't exist. I don't know if I can take that. Not on top of everything else.

I don't know if I can be a single parent with no support from my best friends, let alone if Daddy finds out the truth about everything.

Do you think Melody and Lyric would like being aunts? Lyric barely talks as it is, so I feel like I could tell her without risking too much. I'm still going to wait, though. Just a little longer, then I'll tell Lyric and Melody. I'll make them swear on Mom's grave that they won't tell anyone. Maybe if I have my sisters, I won't feel so alone.

I hope Daddy doesn't send Melody back to that boarding school. With her gone and me at Welhurst, that'll leave Lyric all alone in this place. I know she and Daddy don't get along, and I don't want to leave her like that, but it'll be easier to hide my pregnancy at school than staying at home. Plus, if I look chunkier when Daddy sees me on break, he'll probably think it's just the food I've been eating.

There are only a few things I know for sure. One is that no one can find out I'm pregnant yet. The second is that Jude will be furious if he does ever find out. I've only seen him angry a few times, but he can be scarier than Daddy when he's mad. The third is that I have too many secrets and not enough people to talk to without having the guys.

I feel like my heart is going to explode most of the time. I don't want to live like this, but I don't see any other choice, not without telling everyone everything. That would destroy at least three families in Ascendance Bay, though, and I'm not sure I can be responsible for that. Not if I have a baby to care for. I know if I tell people the truth, I'll have to pay the price for it, and I can't do that and raise a child. I have no choice but to keep my secrets if I want my baby to survive.