Wed to the Alien Prince by C.V. Walter

Chapter 23

She'd said it. The part she hadn't wanted to admit even to herself. The laser treatments, as controversial as they were, had been recommended by a doctor. So had the surgery to fix her lip which had gotten bigger every year from the blood collecting in it until it had torn muscles in her face. Losing weight had been as much about following doctor's orders to take better care of herself as much as it had been about loving herself.

Everything she had done to manage her care, her condition and her health had been at the behest of someone else. If she'd done it because she wanted to it would have made her-

"Kaelin," Roger said, pulling her attention back to his face. "You are probably the least selfish person I have ever known. You've made a decision that is potentially dangerous to let us find out just how badly our systems have been corrupted. You're constantly worried about how your actions will impact others. You are not selfish."

"I'm only doing this because it might fix me," she said. "I'm glad it will help but I don't care. I want to care, I should care, but I just want to be able to see and hear and behave like a normal person."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Roger told her. "There's nothing wrong with wanting that and there's nothing wrong with using something that will benefit you."

"But there is," she protested. "It'll benefit me but what has it done to countless others? How many of your people has it hurt or prevented from existing and I'm keeping it because it fixes something that wasn't wrong to begin with."

"There's no way of knowing who and what it's hurt," Roger said. "Or even if it has. And while there's nothing wrong with you, the conditions it's fixing have had a negative impact on your life, and you're allowed to want to not deal with them anymore."

"But there are so many others who don't have the luxury of-"

"Kaelin," Roger interrupted and shook her a little. "You are allowed to have things that others with the same condition don't. You are allowed to make use of anything that will make it easier to deal with or get rid of anything that makes your life harder. There is nothing wrong with wanting to fix something that makes you unhappy. You having the bio-nanos that are going to fix your eyes, your ears, your balance, and your seizures if we're lucky does not make anybody else's life worse."

She could feel the tears pricking at the back of her eyes. "But-"

"And they don't stop anybody else from benefiting from what we learn," he said. "Yes, the knowledge that these may have been part of our diminished fertility is disturbing but that doesn't stop the fact that they're benefiting you currently. And we don't know what it's going to do and for how long. They can't and won't reverse the entirety of your condition, right?"

She shook her head. "Mintonar said he didn't think it was possible. But they're fixing things we didn't think could be fixed!"

"Secondary problems caused by the first issue which is the genetic disease, right?"

"Well, yes," she said. "Not everybody has the same issues."

"They're going about their primary function which is fixing damaged tissues. And, mostly, it appears they're fixing the tissues they need to get around the body, right?"

She nodded.

"Alright, so we know they're not malignant with what they're doing now and because we knew the extent of the damage they're fixing before, it will give Mintonar something to track when he's looking for what they're actually programmed to fix, right?"

"Right," she said, her voice small.

"Then," he said. "You are aiding my people in finding out just how extensive the damage was to our civilization. And you're doing it by letting it make your life better. You can argue all you want that it's not fair to others that it's making part of your life better but if you discontinue it now, you'll be putting future generations of my entire planet at risk."

"I don't think," she said.

"No, you don't," Roger said. "Or, about this, you think too much and care too much about what others think. Others who have no business making any demands on you. Choosing to be my ajoia is as much about biology as it is about how well we work together and how much work you're willing to do. Choosing to take care of yourself using the resources available is only about you and what you want and what you're willing to risk for whatever you can gain."

"But, there's," she started to protest and gave it up as a bad idea. He wasn't wrong. How many times had she counseled people to take care of themselves? Especially if they were in a position of authority, how important it was to make sure that they were healthy mentally and physically so they could take care of the people they were responsible for.

How many times had she used her weight loss as an example of being better for the people who counted on her? Getting the laser treatments as a show of treatments that could make things better for people with her condition? It wasn't a cure but it made their lives better even if it was for short periods of time.

She took a deep breath and nodded. "You're right. There's more to this than my neurosis but the decision to do anything with my body is mine. I made the decision and, if I'm honest with myself, I was sorta hoping that just letting them exist in me would let me take the next step to letting them fix the small things."

"Except the small things turned out to be bigger than you expected," Roger said with a small smile.

"A little," she said. "I thought, maybe, they might fix the stretch marks from gaining and losing weight. Maybe make the color on my cheeks less noticeable or the scar tissue on my lip fade until it was hard to see."

"Those are cosmetic," Roger said gently. "You knew they'd be the last thing they'd work on."

"I did," she said. "And they were things I thought people wouldn't notice right away."

"They won't notice if your seizures are less severe, either," he told her. "Or if your vision is better than it was. And those are things that you need to make your life better."

"I didn't say it made sense," she protested but her heart wasn't in it. "I just know what people would say if I did those things."

"And why does it matter what people say if you do things to make your life better?"

"Because I've built a lot of my professional life on my reputation and there's a lot of push from the people I'm trying to help against abandoning the community."

"How are you abandoning them?"

"I'd stop being one of them," she said. "That's abandonment as far as some of them are concerned."

"You wouldn't, though. You lived your entire life with the issues you're trying to help them with and the research Mintonar is doing with your help is going to help more of them in the future."

Kaelin shook her head. He didn't understand and how could he? Maybe, someday, she could show him the messages she'd gotten when it got out that she was getting laser treatments on her face to cauterize some of the surface capillaries to keep them from seeping. As far as some people were concerned, she wasn't just supposed to live and survive with her challenges, she was supposed to embrace them as what made her special and demand the world accommodate her. The world was less interested in making her life easier than she was in moving through it with fewer obstacles.

"It doesn't matter now," she said. "I'm staying with you and your people and whatever I'm able to help with will be as a test subject rather than a counselor and advocate. I'll have other duties, though, right? There are things I'll have to do as your wife and partner that won't involve anything about my life on Earth except that I'm human."

"I don't want you to stay with my people to hide from your problems," he said.

"I'm not hiding," she protested. "I might be following the path of least resistance but so what? Me staying here on the ship is the right thing to do for a whole host of reasons. If it keeps me from having to deal with jealous, hateful people who would rather see everybody who functions slightly differently defined by their challenges then I can't see that as anything but a win."

It was something she'd been thinking for years and it struck her as funny that she was going to have to leave the planet to get away from all the people who wanted to see her as nothing but her disability.

"Kaelin-" he started and she put her fingers across his lips.

"I'm not sorry," she told him. "I'm not sorry to be leaving them, to be staying with you and to be helping your people. I am sorry that I couldn't do more to stand up to the people who went out of their way to make seeking help harder."

He kissed her fingers then grabbed her wrist so he could kiss her palm and start working his way down her wrist. "You did a lot of good while you were working on Earth," he said. "I can't help but think that my people will only benefit from you turning your skills and drive to our needs. I wish there was more we could do to make it easier for you to do more for your own people."

She shivered and closed her eyes at the feelings rolling through her. Relief from finally saying what she wanted, desire from the recognition, a heart-melting love for him that she was certain was at least partially responsible for the need to pull him into the nearest bedroom and lose herself in his arms for another two days.

"Roger," she moaned.

He kissed her shoulder then her neck. His teeth nipped at her earlobe before he whispered. "Say my name."

"Serogero," she whispered and felt him shiver in her arms.

"Say it again," he said, and kissed her neck.

"Serogero," she moaned into his ear.

"I was planning to feed you," he told her.

"It can wait," she said.

He lifted her and pushed her against the closest wall, his lips claiming hers in a dance she'd never get tired of. After a lifetime of having to second guess every compliment, every flirtation, she savored the melting feeling that flowed through her when he held her close.

The long skirt of the dress fell away from her legs when she wrapped them around his waist and lost herself in his touch. She wanted this, needed to be with him, and everything in her told her that this was right.

His hands shifted under her ass and the bolt of desire that shot through her had her pulling back to gasp. "Bed. Now. Dinner can wait."

He tilted her against his chest and she buried her face against his neck, her lips moving over the muscles that flexed and moved there as he moved her down the corridor to his quarters.

The door opened and she hoped momentarily that they weren't surprising anybody who was working in the room. Then she was too distracted by the feel of his hands on her skin to do anything else but feel and move with him.