The Dancer and the Masks by Bea Paige

Chapter 31

CHRISTY

The following evening Nala enters the room with a message from Jakub. “You’re to dine with The Masks,” she says, holding out a large box for me to take. I’m feeling emotionally exhausted, but that’s nothing in comparison to this intense need I have to escape. I have to at least try to get away. Time is running out.

“Is that so?” I say evenly, taking the box from her. I glance at Thirteen who’s brewing something for Five. She’s been quiet all afternoon. Barely talking to me.

“Yes. Cook has been fixing you all a feast. The kitchen smells delicious.”

“That’s good, I’m starving,” I say, trying to temper the sarcasm in my voice.

After my argument with Thirteen last night, the revelations in my mother’s letter, and my interaction with Leon, I’ve had to keep a lid on my thoughts and feelings no matter how difficult that’s been. An hour ago, Thirteen applied more of her healing ointment to my back after sewing me back up last night. She didn’t ask me then what happened between me and Leon and she hasn’t even tried to communicate. Despite her kindness, I can’t get over her betrayal. She has the power to help me and she won’t.

I don’t even know if she read my mother’s letter and frankly, I don’t care. In fact, I’m hoping that by reading it she will assume that I will stay here and follow my mother’s advice and not attempt to run. Either way, she doesn’t mention it and neither do I, and I certainly don’t want to bring up what happened with Leon. The flashbacks are bad enough.

I could’ve killed him. I would’ve.

In that moment, as I beat him with the broom handle, I’d become a monster. I wanted to hurt him. I needed to see him in pain. It was destructive, violent, fucked-up, and the kiss that followed… I don’t even know what that was. Stupidity? Lust? Empathy?

Now all I can cling on to is the hope of escape. I just have to keep my emotions and feelings in check until tomorrow night, then whilst the Numbers perform and The Masks entertain, I’ll make my escape or die trying.

“Come on then, open it!” Nala says excitedly, drawing me out of my thoughts.

“What is it?” I ask, not really caring what’s inside, but humouring her anyway.

Nala shrugs. “I’ve no idea. That’s why I want you to open it!”

“You didn’t take a peek on your way up here?”

“No way. I’m not about to upset Jakub any more than he already is,” Nala replies.

“Why is he upset?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at Thirteen who shakes her head.

Can I really believe that Thirteen wouldn’t share our conversation or the contents of the letter with them? It’s doubtful, but the look she gives me tells me that she hasn’t. She asked me to trust her, my mother asked the same of me, but I don’t even trust myself right now.

“I’ve no idea, but I’m sure you’ll cheer him up,” Nala says, and I can’t help but scowl at her exuberance. “You need to put that on and be ready in thirty minutes. I’m to escort you to the terrace gardens. It’s warm out. We don’t get too many evenings like this. I guess they want to make the most of it before autumn is over and winter sets in.”

“Fine. I’ll be ready in fifteen,” I say, taking the key from Thirteen and striding into the bathroom. It’s not as if I can say no. Look what happened the last time I did. Besides, I can’t afford any more punishments. Getting locked up in the dungeon with The Masks will completely ruin any plans of escape, so I have to play by the rules, for now.

“She could already be dead...”

The echo of Beast’s voice penetrates my thoughts as I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I’m very aware that this plan of mine could all be for nothing, that tomorrow night The Masks' patience with me could finally wear thin enough for them to let go of their restraint, that they will get their ultimate revenge and kill me. It could happen this evening at dinner, or next week sometime if my plan of escape fails. Fate is the only one who knows what’s going to happen, and right now she’s not allowing me to see my future. Well, screw her and her games. Tomorrow night, I’m taking matters into my own hands.

Twenty minutes later after I’ve showered and dressed, Nala is knocking on the bathroom door. “How’re you doing? Need any help?”

“I can dress myself,” I say, opening the bathroom door and stepping into the bedroom.

“Whoa!” Nala exclaims, her eyes popping wide. “You look really, really beautiful! That dress is stunning!”

She’s right, it truly is beautiful and in a different world where I wasn’t kidnapped and forced to eat with my enemies, I might’ve enjoyed dressing up like this for the man I loved. As it is, I’m wearing a chastity belt beneath this beautiful dress to prevent three men from taking my virginity without my consent.

It sickens my stomach.

But what’s worse…? The fact that on different occasions I’ve succumbed to their twisted ways. I’ve come alive beneath their touch, even if it was under duress and fueled by the instinct to survive. I’ve kissed them back. My clit has throbbed in their presence, desperate for their attention. I’ve come, loudly, unapologetically.

And I’ve given up a piece of myself each time.

“Thank you,” I reply emotionlessly, running my palms over the floaty skirt that skims my ankles as I walk. The dress is a deep teal, with a scalloped neckline, low back, and straps that hang off my shoulder in a swathe of material. The bodice itself is made from layers of lace that’s intricately woven with tiny iridescent pearls.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Nala says, pulling out a jewelry box from the pocket in the front of her apron. “Jakub wanted to make sure you wore these too.”

Handing the necklace with the key to my chastity belt back to Thirteen, I take the box from Nala and open it. Nestled inside the blue silk-lined jewellery box is the necklace Twelve had stolen from Jakub’s room of curiosities. Resting on the side are the matching earrings. I look up at Nala in shock, and even Thirteen has moved closer to take a look. Her eyes widening with as much surprise as mine.

“He wants me to wear these?” I repeat.

“Yes,” Nala grins. “Put them on then.”

“No, I can’t,” I say, shaking my head. This is too personal. They belonged to his mother. Twelve stole the necklace, wearing it to get The Masks’ attention, and look what happened to her.

I can’t wear them. I won’t. They’re tainted in Twelve’s misery, her blood.

Nala’s face drops. “He thought you might say that. He said if you refuse then he’ll make sure Leon finishes what he started down in the dungeon with Konrad, and that this time he’ll be taking the key from Thirteen and joining in too.”

“But I—”

Thirteen reaches for the necklace, plucking it from the box and stepping behind me and fixing it in place before I can protest further. Then taking one of the earrings, she hands it to me.

“Looks like Thirteen thinks you should wear them too,” Nala comments.

Sighing, I take the earrings from Thirteen, putting them on. “There, happy now?” I ask, feeling as though I’m wearing a ball and chain, not a beautiful necklace with years of history embedded in it. The weight of it sits heavily on my chest. What does this even mean? Knowing Jakub, it’s just more mind games. More ways to get into my head and fuck me over. I don’t want to wear something personal to him. I don’t want to be blackmailed into attending a dinner with three men who’ve done nothing but constantly hurt me. I don’t want to be here. My eyes well with tears and I blink them away, hating myself for another moment of weakness. Thirteen notices and pulls me in for a hug, crushing me against her chest. When she finally lets me go, her eyes tell me everything she can’t say with words.

I’m sorry. For everything.

* * *

“Good evening, Nothing,”Jakub says, getting to his feet as I step out onto the sunlit terrace, the afternoon’s rays surprisingly warm on my skin. Leon and Konrad both rise too, watching me approach, the intensity of their gaze making my skin prickle with fear. I look down, unable to maintain eye contact, but not before noticing what masks they’re wearing.

Plain black masks.

The very same masks they wore the day they stopped being children and became the men they are today. Goosebumps scatter over my skin as I approach the table. Even Nala has lost her childish excitement and has become sombre as she takes up her position beside her grandfather, Renard, who is standing next to a trolley stacked with plates of food ready to be served. I’ve not seen him since the night I was stripped bare in the Grand Hall. He looks older. Tired. I can’t help but notice how Nala slides her hand into his and squeezes gently. What’s going on there?

“Take a seat, Zero,” Konrad says, pulling my attention away from the pair and back to him. I make the fatal mistake of looking up. He gives me a dazzling, welcoming smile, but his eyes tell a story of darkness and lust, blood and pain. I know what he’s thinking, wanting, craving…

Me, bleeding and cut, whipped and bruised so he can ease his conscience with whispered words of affection and care. It’s all lies.

Gritting my jaw, I snap my gaze away and take a seat, focusing on the pretty bunch of wildflowers that make up the low table centrepiece, their perfume reminding me of the open fields near my cottage back home.

Home.

Refusing to let my thoughts wander to that dangerous place, I mentally prepare myself for what I know will be a difficult few hours. If The Masks have taught me anything, it’s not to expect the unexpected but to expect the fucked-up.

“Renard, Nala, serve up the starter then leave. We have things to discuss and can manage the rest on our own,” Jakub says tersely, his voice tight.

“Yes, Sir,” Renard responds, briefly looking at me. I can see the concern he has for me, and whilst I should probably feel more afraid because of it, all I can see is opportunity. Perhaps he’s the person who’ll help me get word to Kate? I put a pin in that thought, resolving to approach him later.

If I get a later, that is.

“You’re very thoughtful, Nought,” Leon says, emphasising his chosen name for me as he takes a sip of his drink, watching me over the rim of the glass.

“No more than usual, Leon,” I reply tersely, clasping my hands tightly in my lap as I remember how he’d cut me, spread my blood over his cock, came over my back, then called me Christy.

“And on form tonight, I see. Are you looking for more punishment?” He taps the table with his finger. “Or perhaps you’re the type who likes dishing it out, hmm?”

It’s warm, and the sun’s rays are pleasant on my skin, but it doesn’t stop the goosebumps rising at the memory of what I did to him. “No. I’m nothing like you.”

Leon smiles, winking. “Oh, I don’t know, it’s always the quiet ones you have to watch out for...”

We fall silent as Renard and Nala begin to serve the food, quietly moving around us. Renard fills each of our long-stemmed glasses with white wine, but his hands shake so much that the wine spills and Nala takes over for him. I see the look that passes between The Masks, but can’t seem to interpret it as Nala finishes pouring the wine then places a plate of oysters before each of us.

“You may leave,” Jakub says curtly, with a wave of his hand.

“Sir, Ma’am,” Renard says, dipping his head to me.

All three men stiffen at his respectful gesture, but Renard doesn’t apologise for it. He simply nods, places his hand on the centre of Nala’s back and walks away. She glances at me over her shoulder, a warm smile on her face.

I know she believes in The Masks.

She sees three handsome, mysterious men, dressed up in fine black suits sitting beside a woman wearing a pretty dress, and envisions a fairy tale, not the grim truth. She’s blind to the stitches on my back, the cuts, to the chastity belt digging into my skin, causing red welts from where it’s rubbed too hard. She refuses to notice the lingering darkness in their gaze. She doesn’t see the cage that surrounds me, or the way these men play with my life like I’m a toy, a puppet on a string. She doesn’t understand how twisted up I am by them.

“Nala is a fine maid. Renard has trained her well,” Jakub comments, noticing my attention on her. “Has she been fulfilling all her duties to your satisfaction?”

“My satisfaction?”

“Yes, who else's? She’s your maid, after all.”

“I’ve no need for a maid. I don’t want one.” I don’t want to be here.

“You don’t like the company?” Konrad asks, genuinely interested.

“It’s not that I don’t like the company. Nala is sweet, but she doesn’t understand the way of the world…” My voice trails off as I feel the weight of their stare. The truth is, she’s been a breath of fresh air, and I’ve needed her more than I care to admit. “She wishes for things that cannot come true.”

“What things?” Jakub asks, resting his elbows on the table and steepling his fingers beneath his chin.

“The things all girls who’ve yet to be damaged by life want… happily ever afters. She doesn’t understand that they don’t exist.”

Leon scoffs. “You think you’re so fucking insightful, don’t you? You’ve no idea what Nala has lived through. None.”

“Leon,” Konrad warns, fearing that he’s about to spill a truth they don’t wish me to hear. What they don’t realise is that I already know so much. Growing up here in this castle Nala’s been sheltered from the world. Her start in life isn’t one I’d wish on my worst enemy, but she’s not suffered the traumas that I have, that these men so clearly have at the hands of their father.

She’s been cared for, protected, loved, and whilst I’ve experienced those things too, I’ve also experienced unimaginable pain just like The Masks.

“Perhaps I don’t know everything she’s been through,” I reply. “But I recognise when a person has grown up without experiencing trauma. Or at least remembering it enough to be affected by it consciously.”

Jakub shifts in his seat. “What has she told you?” His voice is even, level, but there’s no denying the caution in it. Shit.

“Don’t blame her. She was just trying to make me feel secure. Safe.” I laugh bitterly, shaking my head.

“What did she tell you?” Jakub insists.

“Nala told me you found her in the forest as a baby. She told me the three of you took care of her until Renard stepped in. She told me you were good once.”

Silence descends. Oppressive, heavy, weighted with ghosts of the past.

“We were foolish. Weak. We’re not good anymore,” Leon says, his voice frosty, clipped.

I can’t argue with him there. They are unapologetically bad, but it doesn’t stop me from trying to get inside their heads, just like they’ve got inside of mine.

“So you were weak because you sheltered a baby, foolish because you wanted to help Nala? That’s called empathy, kindness. Why is that so wrong?” I press. “What happened to you all?”

“We grew the fuck up,” Leon replies tightly. “We became men. We became strong.”

“Being an adult doesn’t mean you have to lose any of that. A real man isn’t afraid of kindness, empathy, love. Christ, he really fucked you up, didn’t he?”

“You’ve no idea what you’re talking about. The Collector made us,” Leon counters. “Kindness, love, empathy, it’s bullshit. It’s weakness.”

“No. It’s strength,” I insist.

Leon sneers at me, then grabs his glass of wine and takes a sip. Opposite us, Jakub watches our exchange in silence. He’s thoughtful, quiet, on edge. Konrad, however, is grinning from ear-to-ear.

“Christ! You two arguing makes me hard as fuck!” He laughs, shaking his head, like we’re all friends here and Leon isn’t looking at me like he wants to rip me limb from limb.

“Enough. Eat,” Jakub says, picking up an oyster and swallowing it.

“I know what I’d like to eat,” Konrad says in a low voice as he leans over and grabs the sliced lemon off my plate, squeezing it over the oysters in front of me. “I find the taste is so much better with a dash of lemon. They’re quite the aphrodisiac, just like the taste of you. What I would do to fuck your pussy with my tongue. I bet you taste sweet, Zero.”

“I wouldn’t know, you’d have to ask Jakub that,” I snap.

Konrad stiffens, Leon slams the glass he’s holding onto the table. Both of them glare at Jakub who leans back slowly in his seat.

“Count yourself lucky that I didn’t take her virginity too,” he says without preamble, then turns to face me, his gaze smouldering. “And yes, I can confirm Nothing tastes sweet.”

“Well fuck, Brother, anything else we should know about?” Konrad asks before picking up a lemon-drizzled oyster from my plate and holding it out to me.

Jakub doesn’t deign to answer him.

“What’s this all about?” I ask, looking between the three men and ignoring the proffered oyster. Frankly, I don’t trust it not to be poisoned. I don’t know why I’m here having a meal like we’re equals. I don’t know why Jakub wanted me to wear his mother’s jewellery and I certainly don’t know why I feel like this meal is about to change everything between us. My gut is telling me to be cautious, my back is prickling with knowing and my heart is racing.

“We’ve never had a chance to sit and talk. I thought it would be nice to do that,” Konrad explains, placing the oyster shell against his lips and tipping his head back to swallow it. I watch his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallows.

“You thought it would be nice? I’m not sure you understand the meaning of the word,” I counter, trying to keep a lid on my emotions.

“Careful, Nought, the night is still young,” Leon warns. “We’ve plenty of time to show you how nasty we can truly be. You’ve just scratched the surface.”

“Oh, of course!” I roll my eyes, feigning calm when I’m anything but. “I could end up tied to that cross again, drugged and naked so you can both get your kicks.”

“I didn’t see you complaining. In fact, I distinctly remember you coming so hard you passed out,” Leon counters, just like the bastard that he is.

“Screw you. I passed out from blood loss, from sheer fucking terror. I allowed myself a moment of weakness because, really, what alternative did I have, huh? Just because I came doesn’t mean I wanted to, you fucking arsehole!” I seethe, my chest heaving, my hand reaching for the blunt knife on the table. Even as I say the words, I’m internally cursing myself. I need to calm down.

I need to play them at their own game, but by God, they make it hard.

Leon grins, and Konrad gives me a look that a parent might give to a child who has pleasantly surprised them with their tenacity. Neither seem in the slightest bit bothered that I’m holding a knife.

“Put it down, Nothing,” Jakub says, his voice firm.

I turn my attention to him, still clutching the knife, knowing that any one of them would be able to disarm me without difficulty, but feeling minutely safer for it. “You promised you’d keep them away,” I say, sounding heartbroken, feeling heartbroken. I know it was stupid of me to expect better of him, but the tiniest part of me thought that perhaps he would live up to his word.

I was stupid. So, so stupid.

“No, I didn’t. I said they wouldn’t touch you… I guess I lied.”

“You pig!” I launch myself at Jakub, knife held aloft, only to be pulled back by Konrad.

Jakub doesn’t flinch. He simply takes a sip of wine, his long fingers wrapping around the delicate glass as Konrad rips the knife from my hand, shoves me back into my seat and kisses the top of my head, his fingers lingering in my hair as he says; “You really are fucking beautiful when you’re angry.”

“Screw you!” I snarl.

“Now now, Zero, didn’t anyone tell you it’s rude to tease?” Konrad shakes his head, smiling still but his fingers tighten in my hair painfully. Yanking my head back, he lifts the knife to my throat and smirks as he runs the blunt edge against the column of my neck. My nostrils flare but I don’t move as he stares down at me, his black hair flopping forward over his mask. Pressing his mouth against my ear he says, “If you try to kill my brother again, I will take this knife and fuck your cunt with the handle before slitting your throat.” Letting me go with a shove, he smiles warmly again, morphing back into the softer version of the demon he clearly is. “Of course, I’ll make you come first.”

“Well, fuck!” Leon whistles. “I didn’t think you’d be able to do it, Nought.”

“Do what?” I ask, clasping my hands in my lap so none of them can see how badly they’re shaking.

“Get Konrad to reveal his true self.” He raises his glass and taps the edge of mine, saluting me with it before taking another swig.

Konrad draws in a deep breath, then blows it out slowly. “I tolerate many things, but threatening my brothers? It’s my biggest trigger.”

“I shouldn’t worry, Kon, all you need to do is tell Nought what she wants to hear and she’s putty in your hands. Right, Jakub? Promise to protect her from us and get her to give you a blowjob, is that how it really went down?”

“Fuck you!” I retort, gritting my jaw and turning my head away. I can’t believe I kissed Leon, that for a moment my need to soothe his pain had overridden everything that he’d done.

How foolish of me. Maybe Leon’s right, maybe kindness is weakness.

“My brothers and I share everything,” Jakub says randomly, interrupting the moment and taking a knife to the tension, slicing right through it. “That includes moments of pleasure, pain and everything in between. I indulged my desires when I shouldn’t have. I set this path in motion. I acted selfishly but now that my brothers have had their fill, we’re even,” he says, picking up a shell and plucking the oyster out with a fork, chewing on it. “Perhaps we can move on, yes?”

“Even? This isn’t tit-for-tat. No one gets to take from me to even up a score between you all,” I protest, still arguing despite the danger I’m in. “Getting even is what got us into this shit in the first place! Just let it go. Let. Me. Go, and this will all end. I’ll make sure of it. There'll be no repercussions. I swear to you.”

“Do you want to spell it out for her, or should I?” Leon asks with a grin that I want to slap off his face. When no one answers, he continues. “You don’t get a say in the decisions we make. You don’t get a say in what we do or don’t take. You’re our toy, our plaything, a form of revenge, that’s it. That’s all you are. You’re Nothing. Zero. Nought.”

The venom coming from his mouth has me flinching, but it doesn’t deter me from saying what I do next. Drawing in a deep breath, I pick up an oyster and tip it down my throat. After swiping the back of my hand over my mouth, I fix my gaze on Leon.

“Funny, because I’m pretty sure I became more than that when you kissed me like a drowning man in your gym, when you called me Christy in Konrad’s dungeon... Tell me why you have those tattoos, Leon. Is it to remind you of the little girl you saved that day, huh? Is it to remind you that you were good, that you weren’t always a fucking monster?”

Konrad stiffens in his seat. “What the fuck is she talking about, Leon?”

“You don’t know anything,” he argues, baring his teeth at me and ignoring his brother.

“I know a scared man when I see one, he’s not so different from that teenage boy who rescued a little girl from a burning building. You can pretend all you want, but I see you. I see the angel buried deep inside your chest and the next time I hold up that mirror, you will too.”

Their silence is deafening.

The aftermath, explosive.

I don’t know who moves first, Leon, Konrad or Jakub.

Either way, the table gets turned over as Leon tries to reach for me, incoherent words pouring from strained lips. I stand, stumbling backwards, my chair falling over. Glasses and plates smash, and oysters and wildflowers go flying. Leon has murder in his eyes. Pain too.

So much pain.

It’s the pain which makes me pause and not turn around and run.

He’s hurting.

I should be glad about that, shouldn’t I? Yet… I’m not. It doesn’t feel good to see him in distress. It doesn’t.

Before he’s able to grip me around the throat, Konrad and Jakub wrestle him to the ground, pinning him to the floor beneath them both. Konrad straddles his chest, Jakub his legs.

“Bitch!” Leon snarls, bucking like a wild animal caught in a trap, willing to gnaw off his own leg than stay trapped. Despite the size and weight of both Konrad and Jakub, he seems to have inhuman strength as they both struggle to keep him contained. His rage is like a living, breathing entity. Like it has the power to reach out and throttle me to death. My throat dries out, my heart rate kicking into overdrive as I watch Leon unravel before my very eyes.

“Brother! No!” Konrad shouts, gripping his wrists and pinning them above his head.

“Get her the fuck out of here!” he roars, the veins in his neck pushing against his skin as he fights.

“Easy now,” Jakub adds, trying his best to calm his brother.

“I’m going to fucking kill her!” Leon shouts, but it comes out broken, as though deep down he doesn’t want to, like it hurts him to even say those words. “I’m going to take her throat in my hands and squeeze the fucking lies from it.”

“What she said doesn’t mean a damn thing,” Konrad says, lowering his voice, straining to keep him in place. “Just breathe, okay? Listen to my voice. It’s okay, Brother. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” I whisper, the guilt and sorrow building inside my chest taking form. “Nothing about this is okay.”

Leon thrashes, his mask falling away. His face is red, an angry vein pulses in his forehead, but it’s his eyes that unhinge me. They’re made startlingly bright by the tears that brim in them.

I should run. I don’t.

Jakub notices. “Back the fuck off!” he warns, locking eyes with me over his shoulder.

“I just—” One hand covers my mouth as a tear rolls from Leon’s eye. A fucking tear.

He’s crying.

We lock gazes and the shame I see in him upends me.

“FUUUCCKKKKK!” Leon roars. “GET HER AWAY FROM ME!”

My teeth chatter and my whole body begins to tremble, but for some unfathomable reason I can’t move. It’s like my feet are fixed to the stone, and my heart… It thrashes inside my chest, beating wildly for a man I should hate. That I do hate. Except right now, at his most dangerous, all I feel is a deep sense of sadness for everything he’s lost, and I know that if I don’t leave right now, this will be the end of me. This, right here, is my death. I will die at the hands of a man who is crying, raging, violent, because I made him feel.

Because I held up the mirror and made him see.

“Get. The. Fuck. Away,” Jakub says through gritted teeth.

“He’s hurting,” I reply, my hand reaching up to his mother’s necklace. “I want to help him.” I don’t know why at that moment, as I rest my fingertips against the cool metal, I decide to say those specific words, but I do. They feel both right and wholly wrong. He doesn’t deserve my empathy, but he gets it regardless.

I should be gleeful. I should be happy Leon’s in pain.

But I’m not.

Right at this moment I’m not.

Jakub winces as he stares at me. “Go! Now!”

“But—”

“If you want to help my brother, then get the fuck away from here. RIGHT NOW!” Konrad yells, his gaze cutting into my chest, ripping out my damn empathy, and smearing it all over the pretty dress I’m wearing, making me filthy with it. We lock gazes and I see the love he has for his brother as plain as day. “Please,” he adds through gritted teeth.

With one firm nod of my head, I turn on my heel and walk away.

Like the confused, fucked-up woman I’ve become, I don’t use this as an opportunity to run. I simply walk back through the castle, past countless rooms, down several corridors and up two flights of stone steps until I reach Thirteen’s room. I’m on autopilot.

My mother’s letter. Leon’s pain. Konrad and Jakub’s love. My empathy. Fate’s fucking decree. It all pinwheels inside my head. Fucking me up.

“Thirteen, please, let me in,” I whisper, my forehead pressed against the wood.

After the third knock, she opens the door, takes one look at my face, and sits me down on the edge of the bed. Removing the jewellery carefully, she places them back in the box, then helps me out of the prettiest dress I’ve ever worn and hands me a loose, pale grey smock dress and a glass of water. I pull on the dress, and drink the water absently, feeling out of sorts. Strange. Unhinged from reality in a way. All I can feel is Leon’s pain, and Jakub’s and Konrad’s love.

It was deep, fierce. It was a… surprise.

All of it was so intense, so overwhelming that instead of using the moment to run, all I could do was return to this room.

All I could do was stay.

Picking up her pad and pencil, Thirteen writes something then hands it to me, tapping the pad so that I stop staring off into the distance and read the words settled on my lap.

You feel it, don’t you? You feel their brokenness and their need. Their love for one another.

I look at her and nod. “Yes, I felt it.”

She nods, writing more words.

That’s why I stay. That’s why you must stay. I cracked open the floodgates. That was my job.

“Because of my mother’s letter?”

Partly, she writes.

“And the other part?”

That’s not important. What’s important is that you see. Everything you’ve said about them is right. They are dark men. But there is hope for them now that you’re here. You have a job to do, Christy.

“And what exactly is my job?” I ask softly, already knowing but needing her to say it out loud.

You're the one who will push the gates wide open. You're the one who’s strong enough to withstand the flood, who’ll survive it. You’re the only one who can.

“But what if I don’t want to? What then?”

Then all of this was for nothing. Don’t you get it? Your mother was right. You can’t fight what’s written in the stars. You’re the only one who’ll love The Masks the way they need to be loved. You’re theirs. Understand?

With that, Thirteen gently presses a kiss against my cheek, then leaves me to my thoughts.

I lay back on the bed, my mind whirring, my lungs expanding and contracting as I try to gasp for air. Thirteen has echoed Fate’s decree, hammering the final nail in the coffin of my future with her words. I feel like I’m suffocating, drowning, sinking beneath an ocean of responsibility.

The weight of this truth sits heavy on my soul.

But how can I be responsible for such a monumental task? These men aren’t good, they’re not kind, thoughtful. They don’t care about me, not in a healthy way, not in any way.

They don’t want me, not for the right reasons anyway. They mean me harm.

They want to hurt, debase, degrade, use. They want my screams, my fear, my tears, my heartbreak, my submission. They want their revenge.

Leon wants to draw out the darkest parts of me with pain and fear. Konrad wants to break me then fix me up like some china doll he can smash to pieces then glue back together, over and over again… And Jakub, I’m not certain what he wants other than revenge for his father’s death.

What had Thirteen, Cyn, said?

You’re the one who’ll love them the way they need to be loved. You’re theirs. Understand?

How can I even contemplate such a task? How can I sit here and even give the idea a fraction of a thought? How can I give up myself like that?

“This is crazy,” I mumble, covering my face with my hands.

But it isn’t, not really.

It’s fate.

And I fucking hate it.

Thirteen never said The Masks would love me back, and that’s because she knows, like I do, that they’re incapable. The only love they have left is for each other. It’s a twisted, dark, complicated kind of love but it doesn’t extend past the three of them. I know that. I sense that.

How can I ever love them?

The truth is, I can’t.

I won’t sacrifice who I am, what I need to be happy, to save three men who don’t deserve to be saved.

Thirteen is wrong. My mother is wrong.

I’m not strong enough to do this.

I have to leave.

Tomorrow night, during the show, I will.