Tempted Hero by Ella Miles

Beckett

“You can talk?”Ri asks, flabbergasted.

I’m still on her shoulders, barely able to move, but I have my voice back. For now, I’m more than thankful that I can at least talk.

“I can. I can’t move much more than my lips at the moment, though.”

She sighs, and her body slumps a little in relief. I feel myself slipping off her back.

“Ri, um, I’m about to fall.”

“Oh, sorry.” She readjusts my weight, redistributing me on her shoulders.

“I just don’t want you to fall because of my dead weight. Although, that seems likely with how you’ve been running into trees. Is it your vision, or are you physically impaired?”

“Mainly vision. I have a massive headache, and the world seems to be spinning. Are your main symptoms paralysis?”

“Yes, I’m trapped in my body. I can’t move. For a while there, I couldn’t talk, and I could barely breathe. I’ve never felt so helpless. And then I saw you, and I couldn’t help. I wanted you to run, but I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t…” my voice cracks, and tears threaten my eyes.

“I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t even save myself,” I finally finish.

There’s a long pause between us as we each consider our next words. The last time we were together, it was clear we hated each other, but there is such a fine line between hate and love, between the lies and secrets that hurt and protect us.

I decide to speak first. “But you—you saved me. You risked your life when you could barely see to save me. You shouldn’t have saved me; I’m not worth it.”

“Maybe I wanted you to owe me a favor,” she teases. I can hear the emotion in her voice.

I don’t call her out on it. I know why she saved me. She cares, probably even loves me as I love her, but this isn’t the time or place to say it. We need to get somewhere safe; we need to find a way out of this nightmare of a game that I started. And if I want Ri, then I have to give up any chance of retribution, even if it means risking my own life in the process.

“We need to move. I have no idea which direction the house is in, but we can’t stay exposed to the rain or bullets or bombs. The drugs seem to be affecting everyone differently, so you have no idea how others will react if we run into anyone. And every one that still has full capacities just shoots at any movement they see,” she says.

“We need to find some sort of shelter. An abandoned building, a car, a cave, anything,” I agree.

“I’ll carry you as far as I can,” she says.

“You’re exhausted, Ri. I’d rather you—”

“No, I’m not putting you down. Not now. Not ever. If you want to protect me, you can help be my eyes and tell which direction to go, so I don’t keep running into trees.”

“You’re so stubborn.”

“I’m not going to leave you to die. You’ve saved me plenty of times, so it’s my turn to save you.”

“Fine. Go left; there are fewer trees for you to hit.”

I can see her grin out of the corner of my eye as she carries me. It makes me smile too.

She starts walking left, avoiding most of the trees. I just have no idea if we are going to find a place to take shelter.

Rain continues to pelts us, and I can feel her shiver beneath my body from the cold. Her muscles are straining to carry my weight. She’ll kill herself trying to carry me; she won’t put me down no matter what.

We have to find a safe place to hide soon. I can speak, but that’s about all I can do. I can’t walk. I can’t crawl. My muscles are still entirely paralyzed.

“Tree on your left,” I say, and she just barely misses it.

“I’m going to kill Vincent when this is all over. For everything he’s put me through, injecting me with a drug like this where I can’t fucking see and may have lasting headaches—I’m going to kill him.”

She’s right, and she should. But I know what she fears most about drugs is her memory being taken away again.

“Any time gaps in your memory?” I ask hesitantly, knowing it could cause her pain, but I need to know.

She doesn’t answer immediately, probably trying to assess her own memory. “No, I don’t think so. But it’s hard to tell sometimes until someone asks me something, and I have no recollection of it.”

“I’ll be here for you no matter what.”

Thunder roars in the distance ominously. I can’t keep letting her carry me much longer.

“There!” I say suddenly.

“What?”

“There’s a small cave, down and to your right.”

She follows my lead, and the second we enter the cave, she collapses. I try with everything in me to roll off her, but I can’t.

“Ri, are you okay? Talk to me. Am I crushing you?”

She laughs. “I’m fine. Just exhausted.”

“Roll me off you.”

“No, I like feeling your body against mine, and you’re keeping me warm.”

I sigh. “Ri, please.”

She laughs and rolls me off her back with a thud. She pushes up on her elbows to get a better look at me.

She frowns. “I wish I could see you better.”

“I wish I could reach out and touch you.”

She gasps loudly and looks away suddenly, hiding the emotions on her face. When she turns back, she’s stone-faced.

“This doesn’t change anything. Just because I saved you doesn’t mean anything. I’m pissed at you, and you’re pissed at me. Neither of us wants to share our secrets. We aren’t on the same team.”

“Sure, whatever you say, Fighter.”

“Don’t call me that.”

I grin. “Why not?”

She looks at me intensely. “You know why not.”

I take a deep, painful breath. “Stop fighting it.”

“I can’t. I can’t risk getting hurt, especially by you.” She shivers.

I hate that I can’t warm her. “Dammit, how long until these drugs wear off?”

She shrugs. “My guess would be sometime tomorrow.”

I can’t sit here and watch her freeze all night while I do nothing.

“Take off my clothes. Then get naked.”

“What? Why?” she pants.

“We need to get these wet clothes off and warm up with our body heat.”

She blushes. I can see it even beneath the thick layers of mud stuck to her skin.

“You’re beautiful and strong and carried me half a mile to safety. Don’t you get bashful on me now, Fighter.”

She chuckles as she crawls over to me and begins to take off my boots. “I just didn’t think I’d ever be naked again with you after last time.”

She moves to the buttons on my jeans and then begins shimming my pants down my hips. I try to lift my legs to help, but I barely move a muscle. She removes my pants, my underwear, and my shirt like a skilled nurse taking care of me. Her gaze avoids all the areas she usually most enjoys. She’s matter of fact as she undresses me.

Then she stands and turns away from me as she removes her own clothes.

“Look away,” she says with her back to me.

I divert my eyes, and she launches herself at me, curling up next to my naked body, tucking herself under my arm, being as modest as she possibly can be.

“Fighter,” I breathe.

“Yes?”

“I can’t move. I sure as hell can’t fuck you. You can snuggle with me however you want to stay warm.”

“I know. I just…”

“What?”

She finally looks at me. She can’t see much at the moment because of the drugs, but she studies my face, and I know she can see plenty.

“Can I kiss you?” she asks, her voice so quiet I think I imagined it.

“Always.”

She presses her lips against mine. It’s the one part of my body I can control, the only part I can use to show her exactly how I feel.

The second our lips touch, I’m hers. Everything clicks into place in my brain as well as my heart. I see what I’ve been missing all this time, more clearly now than before.

Our tongues swirl around each other’s mouths, deepening the kiss as far as it can go. For a second, I’m glad all I can do is kiss her. If I could fuck her, I wouldn’t want to fall into old patterns of making it feel like a goodbye. The next time I fuck her, I want it to be the start of a lifetime of sex, not like the end.

This kiss feels like the start of something, both of us pouring our feelings into the kiss. For once, both of us share the exact same feeling.

I love you.

That’s what we say with the kisses over and over and over.

Each lap of our tongues.

Each moan in our throats.

Each tug of our lips.

All of it is telling the other how much we love them.

Uncontrollably, she ends our kiss with a yawn against my lips, and I can tell how exhausted she is. I want to tell her my feelings. I want to tell her everything. I want to ask her all my questions because I think for once she’d actually answer them. But right now, sleep is more important.

“Sleep, Fighter.”

She yawns again with a smile, and this time, she wraps herself fully around me, pulling my arm around her body. Soon, she’s asleep, and I enjoy watching her. My hand rests on her stomach, and for a long time, I focus on making my hand move. I plead with my hand to comfort her in some way, knowing that being able to move is the only thing I can do to protect her.

After what seems like hours, I’m finally able to move my thumb, then more of my fingers, and finally my entire hand. I rub up and down her smooth skin as she sleeps against my chest. Only then do I close my eyes and try to sleep.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

I had a plan. I thought I was in full control, knowing what I was doing. I’m no longer sure how to save us both, but I know whom I’ll choose to save if it comes to it.