A Warrior’s Heart by Misty M. Beller
31
Brielle had never imagined being held by a man would make her feel so secure. So renewed.
The Lord had brought her through more hazards than she cared to remember, both these last few days and in the past. He was her Sustainer, the One who completed her. And now He’d sent this man to fill the place she’d not even known was void.
She drew one more deep breath of Evan, then pulled back. She managed a smile for him, and the way he was looking at her made her heart beat faster. The earnestness in his gaze showed his concern for her, but the love in his eyes was what really stirred her insides.
She slid her hands up the front of his coat and cradled his cheeks. Even though the weather was much warmer than yesterday’s blizzard, his cheeks still bore chilly pink circles, and his skin was cold to the touch. They would both be warm in a minute.
He met her kiss with the same fire he had before, yet with a tenderness that nearly stole the strength from her legs. His arms wrapped around her waist, seeming to know she might need extra support.
They still had much to talk about, but she’d seen the strength of this man’s character in all his actions for weeks now. If she had anything to say about it, she’d love to continue at his side for the rest of their days.
Far too soon, Evan eased back. But with one hand holding her close and the other brushing her jaw, he didn’t let her go far. Instead, he rested his forehead on hers, warming her face with their mingled breaths. Soothing her soul with his nearness.
“I love you, Brielle. You’ve taken root in my heart. I didn’t think it was possible that another person could be such a perfect match. Could make me so much better.” He pulled back a little, enough to study her. His gaze turned troubled. “There’s much I need to tell you.”
He glanced around, then led her to a fallen tree. She almost smiled at the fact that this was the exact place where they’d tussled that first day, after she shot him with the arrow.
But the swirl of emotions churning inside kept her from speaking. She’d wanted him to tell all, but now that he was about to, what if he shared something she didn’t want to hear?
He kicked snow off a log, then motioned for her to sit. After settling beside her, he took her hand in his, and the warmth of his touch seeped through their gloves. His gaze grew earnest. “You know some of this, but I’d better start at the beginning so I don’t miss anything.”
She prepared herself not to react to whatever he would say. But as he poured out the details of his life since coming to America, her heart ached for the troubled story.
He’d been seeking for so long, although maybe he didn’t realize what he was trying to find. She couldn’t help comparing his story to her own. He lost his family in Scotland and had been trying to re-create that belonging ever since. First in the army, then with his wife.
And then he’d given up.
She knew what it was to lose a parent—that heartrending pain. But she’d never lost her belonging, her family, her people. With everything in her, she wanted to pull Evan to her. To share her people with him. To give him the home and family he needed. But as he told of the mission where he was assigned to find pitchblende, a new thread of fear wove through her.
She leaned closer, worry and frustration twisting inside her. “Why didn’t you just tell us that was the reason you’d come?” So much could have been different between them. Her people would have been reasonable, surely. Maybe some of them had even seen the mineral he sought on nearby mountains.
Pain seemed to consume him. “I wanted to, but I’d promised my superiors I would keep the mission secret. They didn’t want the British to learn of it. But by the time I realized you seemed to share the same . . . attraction that consumes me . . .” His eyes softened into a look so full of love it made her throat burn. “I decided I had to tell you everything. If you and your people agreed, I would leave Laurent and hurry through the rest of my mission, hopefully finding pitchblende farther north. Then get the mineral back to the States, resign my commission, and come back to you here.”
Hearing his intentions to come back to her sent a warmth through her that raised gooseflesh on her arms. Yet the knot of dread only tightened in her belly. She pulled her hand back from his. “You said that was once your intention. What changed?”
Misery slipped over his features, coiling the knot in her belly tighter. “During the feast, I discovered what looked to be pitchblende in the walls of the assembly room.”
Her entire body gripped tight, and she couldn’t draw breath. She could only sit now, immobile as he continued to speak.
“You have no idea how much I struggled, Brielle. I knew I had to tell you everything. You already owned my heart, and I couldn’t keep this from you any longer. My struggle was whether I should find out for sure if what I saw was pitchblende or tell you first. I didn’t want to make things harder on you without knowing for sure.” His eyes pleaded with her to believe him, and the desperation in them could never have been feigned.
She’d believed in her heart she could trust him, but knowing and actually doing were a world apart. Especially when he’d been so secretive. If he planned to destroy her peoples’ homes, how could she give her heart to him?
Evan let out a shaky breath. “I decided it was better not to worry you without knowing for certain. So, that night while Philip was sleeping, I sneaked down to the assembly room and cut samples of the rock from the wall.”
She jerked her gaze to his face. He’d deceived her?
Apology shone in his eyes, mixed with that pain from before. “It was wrong. I shouldn’t have sneaked. I wish I had told you first. I can’t tell you how many times that choice has haunted me. Especially since the next morning was when you went out in the blizzard to find Marcellus. The fear of losing you tore me apart, especially when I hadn’t told you how much I love you.”
Confusion churned inside her. Part of her wanted to jump to her feet, to step away from him until she knew for sure what he planned. But just as she’d trained herself not to react in front of the council, to wait and learn all the details before responding, she held herself still now.
“I hated that the last thing I’d done was an act that broke the trust you’d placed in me.” His voice cracked and the sheen in his eyes illuminated the red lacing them. “I’m sorry, Brielle. Can you forgive me? I won’t ever lie to you again, not for any reason. It’s so—” his voice cracked again, but he continued, even as his words wobbled—“important that you trust me.” He pressed his free hand to his chest as though it hurt as much as hers did.
Her own heart ached with the emotions swirling. Could she accept his apology? Had he really told everything now?
She stood and walked a few steps away to give herself space to think. If they were to move forward, they would both have to commit to full truth. They would have to focus on rebuilding trust.
She spun to face him, working for the right words. He slowly stood, watching her, looking as if he were trying to decide what she wanted from him.
She met his gaze. “What did you find about the rock in the assembly room?”
His face turned grim. “It is pitchblende.”
Her chest tightened. They were facing the worst, then. She lifted her chin and braced herself for him to continue his story. “What next? What happened after you found the mineral?”
“When I learned you were out in the blizzard, I did everything I could to be allowed to go look for you.”
Audrey had said he was worried, but she’d not heard details. In truth, there’d not been much time to talk between her return and learning of Gerald’s plot.
Evan nodded. “Audrey brought two men from the council for me to plead my case to. One was the taller man who’d come with your father the first time Gerald and I brawled.”
“Erik?” Erik was responsible for maintaining the lawbook, and he tended to follow rules and edicts to the letter. He would not be likely to change a command the council had issued.
“I guess. He wouldn’t be swayed.”
She bit back a smile. “He usually can’t be.”
Evan’s gaze grew earnest. “God showed me that my role in helping you was prayer. I spent the night interceding on your behalf. And Marcellus’s. Then for your father and uncle and the other men who went out.”
Again, his gaze shimmered, and the emotion in his words softened her fears a little. If he was focused on seeking God’s will, on obeying Him even when it was hard, maybe she could trust his actions.
“God answered those prayers.” Emotion caught in his voice. He eased out a long breath as he worked to gather himself.
Then a slight chuckle slipped out, and he shook his head as if he couldn’t believe how the story was about to turn. “I was determined to tell you everything as soon as you came to my cell. But when Leonard and I were on our way back to that room, we stopped for him to see his brother-in-law, who had just returned from looking for you. That was where I overheard Gerald’s plan.”
His shoulders sagged and his chin dipped, so he had to look at her through his upper lashes. “Again, I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid if I told you what I’d heard, you would try to handle Gerald yourself . . . without help.”
He straightened and leaned in with that same earnestness as before. “I’d sworn to myself I would be your protector, Brielle. You’re so strong and brave and capable. But everyone needs someone standing at their back, shoring up the vulnerable parts. I want to be that person for you. I want to support you and be there when you need me.”
The burn of tears stung her eyes, and it was all she could do to press the moisture back. How could he understand her better than she understood herself? The picture he painted called to her.
He inhaled a deep breath. “So, I turned to the only other man I could trust with your safety. Your father.” He eased out a breath, finally finished speaking. After all, she knew the rest.
Her mind spun as she thought through everything he’d said. She refocused on him as he studied her. He seemed to be waiting for her to speak.
She took a deep breath and worked to sort through her churning thoughts. “It hurt that you didn’t come to me first about Gerald. But I understand now why you didn’t. I need you to trust me, though. Just like I want to trust you.” She swallowed as she prepared for the next part. Was she really going to say this? She had to. For both of them.
“I love you, too, Evan. Even though saying that scares me. I want you to know you can tell me anything and not fear my reaction. I suppose that means the opposite has to be true, as well. Which is why I need to ask what you plan to do next.”
She held her breath as she waited.
Evan’s brow still furrowed, his expression a mixture of earnestness and tenderness. He took a step toward her, then stopped. “The selfish part of me still wants to do the same thing. Go find another mountain that contains pitchblende, then take some back and sign off on my mission, resign from the army, and return to you. If you’ll have me.”
Her breath caught at the words. Would she have him? Could she trust him? She pressed her eyes shut. Lord, is this right? Is this your will? The angst in her spirit eased, and a peace settled over her, almost like the Lord’s arms wrapping around her in a hug.
She breathed in the sweet scent of His presence, then opened her eyes. A haze clouded her vision, but in the midst of it stood the man whose presence made her heart leap.
He stood a few steps away, hands by his sides, fingers spread, as though open to her. The look on his face caught her breath. His expression so vulnerable, his eyes revealing hope . . . and love.
She took a step forward. Then another. When her feet brought her within arm’s reach, she stopped. “No more secrets?”
He shook his head. “No secrets. Ask me anything.”
A new swarm of emotions welled inside her. This time love overrode everything else. If they could both commit to truth and seek the Lord’s guidance for each step of their path, this love between them could grow into something wonderful.
She took the final step forward and he wrapped his arms around her, cradling her tight against him. She breathed in the rich scent of him. Breathed in the love surrounding her.
If only she could sit and soak in his love for hours, but they needed to make a plan. His country needed him. With her cheek still pressed to his shoulder, she asked a question that no longer scared her like before. “What would happen if you told your superiors about the pitchblende in our caves?”
His arms tensed and his voice grew tighter. “They would send miners and scientists. They’ll need a great deal of the mineral. My guess is they would destroy the comfortable homes you’ve developed. But when the war is won, I’ll request they send people back to help rebuild. I don’t know if they will or not, but I promised your father that no matter what, I would work as long as I had to in order to return Laurent to its former glory.”
His words sent a sliver of shock through her, and she straightened, pulling away far enough to look in his face. “My father? You spoke of this to him?”
Evan nodded, his eyes pleading for forgiveness. “I told him everything when I shared Gerald’s plan. I knew he wouldn’t believe me unless I gave all the details.”
Relief slid through her. Now she didn’t have to be the one to break the hard news.
“I also asked for his permission to speak to you of my love.”
Another shock rippled through her as she lifted her gaze back to his. The grin on his face was almost boyish and a little shy. She couldn’t help a smile herself. “You’re full of surprises.”
From the light dancing in his eyes, Papa’s response must have been encouraging. A surge of warmth for her father slid through her.
“Don’t you want to know what he said?”
She pressed her lips together to rein in her smile. “I hope he said to ask me yourself. God blessed me with a good mind and sound judgment, and He expects me to use them.”
A chuckle slipped out from the man she loved. “Those were almost exactly his words.”
She nodded. “My father’s a wise man.” She paused for effect before adding, “I expect the same from the man I marry.”
Evan’s gaze slid over her, his eyes darkening to a delicious look that warmed her blood. “I’ll do my very best, my lady warrior.”
Then he leaned close and captured her mouth with his. This man she’d never thought she’d find . . . this love she’d never dared hope for . . . both were better than she’d ever imagined possible.