Handful by C.R. Grissom
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Kirsty
When we arrive back at the hospital, Dad joins us in the hallway outside Collin’s room. His Red Sox T-shirt has more wrinkles, his jeans sag a bit lower on his waist, and his face looks older, like he aged standing next to Collin’s hospital bed.
“Any change?” Mom asks.
Dad shakes his head. “Not yet. The pain meds keep him under.”
He stretches his arms above his head. He looks so tired. He’s someone else I’ll need to tell. Everest was first, even before Faith. Dad says, “I’m going home to shower and grab a bite to eat. I’ll come back after.”
Mom trails her hand down his face. “Why don’t you take a nap, too? I’ll call if there’s any change.”
He places his hand over hers on his cheek. “He’ll get through this, Lynne. I’m going to call the family with the update.”
Mom nods. “Send them our love.”
Dad blows out a breath. “They want to come to the house and bring food. They’ve held off because we asked, but they need to feel like they’re doing something for us. For Collin.”
She sighs. “They have—they’ve been praying, and I know it’s helped. You’re right, though. Tell David and Jen they can bring a casserole or whatever.”
“Yeah, and I’m going to ask David to mow the lawn before Mrs. Joseph from across the street starts leaving ‘Dear Neighbor’ nastygrams on our doorstep.”
Mom’s lips curve into a sneer. “Good idea. She’s so unpleasant. Tell Drew and Megan they can hold off making the five-hour drive here. Tell them we’ll let them know when they can make the trip.”
Dad nods.
“Sleep for a bit before you come back. Okay?” she asks softly.
He stares into the doorway of Collin’s room, his gaze bleak. “Yeah, okay. Call me if anything changes.”
“I will.” Mom presses a kiss to Dad’s forehead.
Their love for each other shines through no matter what they face in life. My heart squeezes when I realize that’s what I want, too. Durnin forever love.
Mom and I step into the room. Looking down at Collin’s bruised face makes my heart break all over again. I lean down to press a light kiss to his forehead. “Hey, kiddo. It’s me. You’re missing my visit and a chance to beat me at Super Mario.”
His eyelids flutter.
“Did you see that?” I whisper.
Mom leans over Collin’s hospital bed for a better look.
“Yo, Turd,” I say in a low voice. “We’re going to be late for your playdate. Gotta wake up, dude.”
“Kirsty?”
My sob is loud in his quiet room. Mom gasps at the same time.
“Hey. No going back to sleep. You’ll miss out,” I encourage. “Come on, Collin. You’re sleeping the day away.”
He opens his eyes. “It’s really you? Why?”
My tears plop on his blanket. “I had to see this for myself. You staying in bed for more than six hours.”
“Mom?” His voice sounds frail, so unlike his normal self.
“I’m right here.” She reaches for his hand.
“Dad?”
“He’ll be back in a minute.”
I press the button to alert the nurse.
Collin licks his lips, his eyes still only half open. “Thirsty.”
Hope spreads to my heart. “I’ll get you some water as soon as the nurse says it’s okay.”
Mom steps away to call Dad back before he drives away from the hospital.
The nurse bustles inside the room. Her blonde hair in a high ponytail, blue scrubs with dandelions screen-printed across the fabric, and gray Crocs on her feet worn with bright pink socks. “Well, well, well. Hey, Collin. You’ve been sleeping for some time. The doctor’s on his way. He can’t wait to meet you.”
The next thirty minutes are a blur. The doctor. The whirl of activity as different medicals evaluate him. Helping him sip water. He’s still groggy and mostly complacent, which probably means he’s too tired to balk at the prodding and questions.
Dad came back and I stepped out to give him the second spot next to Collin’s bed.
The walk down the hall gives me a little distance to process all the emotions. Well, not all. I’ll be unpacking this shit for weeks to come.
The need to call Everest becomes sharp, like a chant in my heart. If I follow through and keep the baby, I’ll want to finish the year out at Fortis then transfer home. Sometimes the thing you fear most doesn’t inspire the full-blown terror you were dead sure would happen. Definitely something worth agonizing over later.
Time to call Faith. I ride the elevator down to the first floor and step out into a harsh, mid-October wind. I wait for Faith to answer. I’m about to change our course, too. I’ll be the friend with a baby in college while she’ll be focused on her career.
“Kirsty, please tell me good news.” Her pale face is etched with anxiety.
“Collin woke up and spoke. The doctors are evaluating him now. They’ll have to run tests for just about everything.”
“Oh, God. He’s awake. That’s progress, right? Good progress?”
“Yes. Excellent actually.” I shudder. It doesn’t get any easier trying to form the words to tell Faith about the baby.
“What’s wrong? You know something you’re not telling me. Please. What is it?” She hiccups.
“Are you alone? I mean, are we private?”
“Yeah, Phoebe’s out with TJ.”
“I’m pregnant.”
Her face goes blank. “That’s not funny.”
My heart pinches. It won’t be the first time I receive this kind of response. “Don’t I know it.”
She recoils. “You’re not joking! Oh. My. God. Kirsty, how?”
“I assume the normal way: man, woman, bed or car.”
A woman on her way to the hospital entrance shoots me a dirty look over her shoulder.
I shoot her a finger wave and a bland smile.
“Kirsty, forget her and look at me. I’m sorry. I’m in shock. Please talk to me. Are you okay?”
I calm down because she’s not judging me. I can’t believe I’d jump to that assumption off the bat. This is Faith, and she’s my sister. “Oddly enough—” I blow out a breath, which helps with my anger “—I am. You’ll be happy to know Everest continues to amaze and inspire. He made me promise that we’ll figure this out together.”
She hiccups and holds up two fingers.
I know she’s holding her breath. I even out my own air supply. In for three seconds, out for three seconds.
“We’ll talk about Everest later. I need to know about you. You’re okay? Truly?”
“Yeah.” I roll my eyes. “The freak-out happened, but then I had a long and enlightening talk with Mom earlier today. I wasn’t a mistake.”
“Unplanned doesn’t mean the same thing,” she soothes.
“Granny Kay convinced me I’d fucked up Mom’s life. Getting pregnant with me, then dropping out to get married was my fault. She played this tune with me from the moment I could understand.” Inside voice. Inside voice. I remind myself there are too many people heading into the hospital for absolute privacy.
Shock registers across Faith’s face. “You never said.”
There’s a quick jab to my heart. “Yeah, well. I didn’t want to talk about being the reason Mom’s life imploded. Mom told me they didn’t have to get married, Faith. They planned me.”
Uttering those words relieves the hurt and the guilt I’ve felt all my life about being the catalyst for Mom’s departure from college.
Faith’s eyebrows nearly hit her hairline. “I am agog. Granny Kay is currently on my shit list,” she says in a pissy voice.
Talking about this with Faith helps me process the information. While it knocked me off my feet, there’s a ton of relief in the knowledge my existence didn’t force their marriage. “I’m not their first baby, either.”
“What?” Her mouth drops open. “Jesus. There’s so much to unpack.”
“I know. It’s sad. Mom actually had an unplanned pregnancy in college, but she miscarried. She told me she fell into a depression after worrying she’d never have kids. She was never interested in going to school but went to get away from Granny Kay and her meddling.”
“This came out once you found out you’re pregnant?”
“Yes. Mom was livid. About Granny Kay, not my pregnancy.” Remembering her anger on my behalf has an oddly calming effect on me. Granny Kay screwed us both.
“They’d planned to get married, but they needed to figure out how they’d pull it off while Dad finished school. Mom stayed enrolled to stay close to Dad. If Mom dropped out she’d have had to go home. They didn’t care about the order of events. Marriage and babies. They knew they’d be together and that was enough.”
“Wow. Okay, now tell me about you. What did Everest say to you when you told him? Have you made plans? Do you know what you want?” She hiccups.
And the fact she’s hiccupping makes things normal. She’s stressed on my behalf, which is what sisters do. “I’m fairly certain I’m going to keep it. Is this ideal? Fuck, no. The exact opposite.” I huff out a breath. “And dammit, I know exactly what it is to care for a baby.”
“Who knows better?” Faith agrees.
“I’m scared. Not gonna lie. I’m scared shitless.”
“Oh, Kirsty. We’ll figure it out,” she promises.
“That’s what Everest said, too.” He means it. Shocker. “He could teach a class on manning up. He made me promise not to make decisions without him. If I keep the baby, I’ll finish out this year at Fortis. What happens after remains to be determined.”
Faith wipes tears from her eyes. “I don’t want to say I’m sorry because it implies something bad happened. I love my baby brother Rhys. I know you’re scared, but you’re not alone. I’m going to be the best damn auntie to your baby. If you decide to have it,” she adds.
“Well, shit.” I wipe my own face. “Of course you will.”
“You’ve got so much going on. I wish I was there with you. I’d hug you so tight.”
I swipe my sleeve across my face again. “Stop making me leak. Look, I’ve got to go back inside and be there for Collin. I’ll call you later. Keep praying for Collin. We still don’t know what he’ll face.”
“I will. Take care of you. Don’t forget to eat or to hydrate,” she reminds me. “You’ll need to go to the doctor and start a vitamin regimen.”
I snort out a laugh. “Okay, Mom.”
“Nope, that’s your title.”
My heart stops. “Fuck me. You’re right.”