Love, Comment, Subscribe by Cathy Yardley

CHAPTER 20

Lily hadn’t been to Asad and his boyfriend’s house before—they hadn’t bought it when she was last among the Herd—and she felt a little self-conscious as Tobin’s truck pulled up to it. It was nicer than Tobin’s, if perhaps a bit smaller—charming, really, with all-native water-resistant landscaping that looked beautiful. Asad had always been into aesthetics, so it didn’t surprise her that the place looked like it could be showcased on a magazine cover. She followed Tobin, brandishing the bottle of wine that Asad’s boyfriend, Freddie, apparently favored, while Tobin toted the six-pack of beer that would be for Asad.

“Have you met Freddie before?” Tobin asked as they headed up the driveway and toward the front door.

“Big guy? Flame-red hair, bushy beard?”

“That’s the one. He looks like a ginger lumberjack,” Tobin said with a chuckle.

“I think I met him once, about . . . what, three years ago?” she mused. “At Melanie’s wedding.”

She frowned. Now that she thought about it, that might have been the last time she was in Ponto, not including this crazy collaboration. She used to visit a lot more, when her parents still lived here. She’d crash at their house and touch base with Emily, or Tam if she was in town—although Tam hadn’t been back for even longer than Lily had been. Lily thought about when the Herd had initially graduated from Ponto Beach High. Those first few years, they’d still stayed in contact. Still had their parties and get-togethers whenever there were school breaks or summer vacations. But as they started pursuing careers and moving forward, things had . . . shifted. Emily had dropped out of college and was wrestling with family problems; Tam had fallen off the map entirely. Her twin brother, Vinh, was some kind of big corporate muckety-muck, although his job itself seemed vague. Even Josh, who had never left Ponto, was rarely seen because he was busy becoming a big restaurant mogul. She could point to all that and justify her own reasons for staying away, but in reality, she’d actually missed the group. She’d just been too fixated to notice.

Thanks to her collab with Tobin, she noticed now.

“He’s a great guy,” Tobin enthused, and she realized he was still talking about Freddie. “You’d think he’d be this big tough linebacker, but he’s just super gentle and mellow. He’s like a big sheepdog to Asad’s Scottish terrier.”

She snickered. That was probably a really apt description, since Asad tended to be hyper.

Tobin rang the bell, then surprised Lily by just opening the door without waiting. “Hey, all!” he called. “The party has now started!”

A chorus of laughs and jeers met this announcement, and Tobin made a dramatic bow.

“That’s a bold assertion,” Asad said wryly, taking the beer.

“I meant Lily here, not myself, of course,” Tobin said with a wink. Lily felt momentarily self-conscious . . . which was stupid. She was friends with all these people. She’d known them for years. But with her new epiphany, plus the residue of guilt, she felt weirdly out of place—something she’d never felt with the Herd before. They were just there, always welcoming, never judgmental.

Why haven’t I kept in touch better?She’d fix that mistake, she thought, determined. In fact, she’d add it to her planner. In pen.

She thrust the wine bottle at Freddie, who smiled. “You shouldn’t have,” he rumbled.

She smiled back, feeling awkward as hell.

“Why don’t you go in, have a seat?” he said. “We’ve got some nibbles and things. Do you want anything to drink? We’ve got a full bar, but we’ve also got a selection of local beers and wine. I can open this to breathe, if you like.”

“Gin and tonic?” she asked hesitantly.

“Ooh! Ooh!” Asad gave her a hug. “We have this amazing artisanal gin; it will blow your mind. Let me go grab that for you.”

She hugged back before he disappeared in the kitchen. She’d always liked Asad. He had Tobin’s energy without the deliberate annoyance.

Tobin was joking with their friend Hayden in the dining room, where an incredible spread was laid out. She’d been expecting crackers and cheese and maybe, maybe, one of those crudité platters in the partitioned plastic trays that you could grab at the grocery store, if someone was feeling particularly grown-up or healthy. But this? “Holy hell,” she murmured.

“Now, those are deviled eggs with speck,” Freddie said, “and those are gougères with this amazing gruyere we found. And, of course, asparagus wrapped in bacon.”

“Because bacon,” Asad said with a grin, handing her a squat square glass with a sprig of mint. “Freddie’s a caterer.”

“You’re amazing,” she said, and meant it. “I can’t even tell you how many influencer parties I’ve been to in LA that haven’t had anything half as nice.”

Freddie looked quietly pleased. “I used to work up in LA,” he said, shaking his head. “Soul sucking.”

“Now he caters for all the rich folk around San Diego County,” Asad said, and affection and pride were positively beaming out of his expression.

“I like it better down here,” Freddie agreed. “It’s not as . . . crazy, you know?”

Lily nodded before she realized she was doing it.

“So you’re back in Ponto, working with Tobin on a collab series?” Asad asked, taking a sip of his beer.

“Yes,” she said, glancing over at Tobin—who was apparently now wrestling with Hayden on the living room floor as people looked on and laughed. “It’s been . . . interesting.”

“I warned him that you’d probably kill him,” Asad said cheerfully, and Lily laughed. “And in that first video, I really thought you would.”

“He deserved it,” Freddie said, and Lily felt an immediate warmth at his support. She didn’t know him that well, but he seemed nice and obviously protective. “Asad, I would kill you if you did that to me!”

“No, you wouldn’t.” Asad kissed his cheek, then shook his head. “But I still wouldn’t test it, because that was just evil.”

“It got a lot of views and shares, and we both got subscribers from it,” Lily said with a little shrug. She noticed that Asad looked at her, head tilted with curiosity.

“Well, that’s the point, isn’t it?” he said, but there was something—not exactly judgy. Just . . . not quite agreeing? “Still, if Tobin suddenly disappears, you have to know you’re the first person we’re going to look at.”

“I’m amazed he’s made it this long,” another voice piped in, and Lily was surprised by a quick hug around her waist from behind. “Lily! I was hoping I’d see you here!”

She turned to see her friend Emily. She looked different—which wasn’t surprising, since the last time she’d seen her was also at the wedding. Emily’s burnished-gold hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, and she wasn’t wearing any makeup. Her gray eyes looked tired. Actually, her whole expression looked tired. But she also looked happy to see Lily, and that made Lily feel both happy and ashamed. When was the last time she’d really talked to Emily, face to face, not just texts or quickie emails? Or any of her high school friends, for that matter?

“Emily! How are you?” she asked.

Emily shrugged, and the expression definitely turned pained. “Eh. Same shit, different day,” she said, her voice so flat that it hurt to hear. “But I’m better now. I wasn’t sure if I’d see you until the reunion, if then!”

Lily was about to answer, but she heard a low crash, and Asad cursed, “Dammit, Tobin! And Hayden! What are you, twelve?”

Freddie and Asad both rushed to find out what was going on.

“I see that you’re doing really well,” Emily said, drinking what looked like a white russian. Maybe a B52. It was funny—nobody Lily knew ordered those drinks. Maybe it wasn’t an influencer thing? Not hip and trendy enough? “With the YouTube thing, I mean,” Emily clarified. “And Tobin.”

“I enjoy it,” Lily said. “And I’ve been working hard at it.”

“My brother tried to have a YouTube channel,” Emily said, her voice just a touch bitter. A hank of hair escaped from the ponytail, falling around her face, and she absently pushed it out of her eyes. It was all Lily could do not to fix her hair . . . maybe a cute fishtail braid, or something a little more elaborate. But Emily was always no fuss. “Needless to say, it didn’t work. But not before he bought a lot of equipment.”

Lily grimaced. Emily’s big brother, Greg, was a problem—always had been. He was three years older, so they’d only been in high school with him the one year, and Lily hadn’t seen his shenanigans firsthand, but she’d heard Emily’s horror stories often enough. Various run-ins with the law. Mild gambling. Lots of get-rich-quick schemes. He’d tried to pull a scam of some sort with a few friends, and it had cost the family thousands—money that her single mother simply did not have. It had cost Emily her college education as she’d dropped out to help her mother keep the house. So Emily had gone from Stanford to Ponto Community College, and to her credit, she didn’t seem to resent living back at home with her family.

At least not much.

“You have always worn the coolest clothes,” Emily said, and there was no hint of envy or cattiness. There was just warmth and support. “I wasn’t surprised at all that you made your channel a success.”

“Haven’t quite made it yet,” Lily demurred, but she gave Emily a hug. “I’ve missed you, and I’ve been a crap friend.”

“You’ve been busy,” Emily said with a sad smile and a little headshake.

“You know what? You should totally come up and visit me in LA,” she said, even as she realized she lived in an expensive one-bedroom with an uncomfortable couch. Well, they could always share a bed.

Emily’s smile was sad. “Um . . . I have kind of an unpredictable work schedule,” she said regretfully.

“Remind me again . . . what are you doing now?”

“I work customer service,” she said. “For a cell phone company.”

“Oh my God, that sounds like hell,” Lily said, then winced. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant that . . . customer service, especially for cell phones, probably means a lot of people yelling at you all day.”

“That’s okay, I knew what you meant. And yeah, it is hell,” Emily said with a laugh, and for a second, it was just like it was back in high school, when she and Emily were on the same wavelength, complaining about some shared annoyance, laughing at a common joke. Lily couldn’t help but smile, even as she felt a pang. “But hey, it’s a living. C’mon—Juanita and Melanie are here, and obviously Hayden, and I think Keith might be by later.”

There were so many people she hadn’t connected with in so long. She spent the next hour pleasantly hanging out, even with the ever-joking Tobin. They ate food and reminisced, as well as discussing movies coming out, or changes to Ponto Beach. They played a game of Cards Against Humanity, and Lily wrecked her makeup by laughing so hard she cried.

“So you never answered my email. Are you going to the reunion?” Emily asked.

Lily felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment. “I’m so sorry—I meant to get back to you, but I’ve just been slammed with . . .” She stopped herself from continuing the excuse. “When is it, again? I will absolutely be there.”

“It’s in two weeks,” Emily said. “I’m so glad you can make it! It should be hilarious. And it’ll be nice to see some of the people who moved, you know? Like Tam, if she manages to show up. I haven’t seen her in ages.” She frowned. “Her asshole boyfriend wouldn’t let her go to Melanie’s wedding, can you believe?”

“Let her?” Lily barked, eyes wide.

“Well, she came up with some excuse, but you could tell he was pressuring her,” Emily said, eyes rolling. “God, I hate that guy.”

“Speaking of Tam,” Lily said, glancing around. “Where’s Josh, anyway?”

Emily laughed. “I know, whenever I think Tam, I think Josh too,” Emily admitted. “He’s still relatively local—has a big house in Ponto, over by the bluffs—but he’s so busy with his businesses we hardly ever see him.”

Lily bit her lip. “And what about . . .”

“Vinh?” Emily, who was normally so warm and expansive, grew pinched and irritated. “I don’t talk to him anymore. Last I heard, he and Tam were both living in New York City—different places, obviously, since Tam lives with the jerk-wad boyfriend. I’m sure Vinh has some cushy, expensive apartment in Manhattan or something.”

Lily almost shivered at Emily’s frigid tone. She’d known that their breakup was bad. But it had been nine years ago. The fact that Emily was still this icy about it meant it had been even worse than she’d thought.

“Well, I think I can come down for the reunion,” Lily said quickly, changing the subject. Then she frowned. “I wonder if the popular girls are going to be there. You know—like Vanessa and Kylee. Although I don’t even know if they stayed in town?”

“Oh, they’re in town,” their friend Juanita said, shaking her head. “I own a coffee shop over on Main and Third, Uncommon Grounds. I see them in there all the time.”

“How long have you been open?”

“Four years this December,” Juanita said, beaming. “You should stop by. The coffee’s phenomenal, if I say so myself.”

“She’s right,” Emily agreed. “I would load it up in an IV if I could. Sometimes it’s all that gets me through the day.”

Lily smiled. “That sounds amazing. I’ll have to stop by next time I’m in town. Hey! Maybe we can have coffee together?” she asked Emily and Juanita. “Or maybe breakfast, even?”

“We can definitely do breakfast. I’ve got quiche, pastries, you name it,” Juanita assured her. “Maybe not on Freddie’s level—unless he’d start making me some damned food,” she called out, which was met with a burst of laughter. Obviously, it was a conversation they’d been having for a while.

“Juanita, sweetie, you know I can’t keep up with your demand,” Freddie called back, which caused even more chuckles.

“Him and every other man,” Juanita grumbled, then winked. “Well, let’s definitely make a plan. Emily? You in?”

Emily nodded, lifting her glass in salute. “If I’m not working, I’m in.”

They talked a little longer, but Lily couldn’t help the niggling thought. “So, you still see Kylee and Vanessa. Have they changed?” Lily asked, hoping she just sounded curious. “Or, you know, have they . . . I don’t know? Let themselves go?”

“Well, it’s not like they’re interacting with me much, other than to ask me for almond milk or stevia or something,” Juanita said with a wry smile. “But they’re all married to successful dudes, and they don’t seem to work, because like I said, they’re in there a lot.”

Huh. Lily felt a twinge of . . . anger? Not exactly. Irritation. And that tiny flame of desire for vengeance that she’d thought she’d long outgrown.

She thought about the PEACOCK launch party.

Had she really outgrown anything, though?

“I bet if you show up to the reunion, point out that you’re this super-successful beauty YouTuber, they would be totally green,” Emily said with an evil little chuckle. She’d been so pissed on Lily’s behalf after Lily’s disastrous attempt to eat with the popular kids, it helped Lily feel less bad about potentially abandoning the Herd in her quest for popularity.

“C’mon. It’s been ten years,” Lily said, but she couldn’t help it—there was an appeal to the idea. She switched subjects, but her mind kept toying with the image, as if she couldn’t leave it alone. Like a tongue rubbing the vacancy of a missing tooth.

After a few hours, it was getting close to one in the morning, to her shock. She’d had two of Asad’s excellent G and Ts, and now she was sleepy and happy . . .

And no closer to getting a video done with Tobin.

Dammit.This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. At all.