Thoth by Alessa Thorn

12

Thoth wanted to punch the smile right off Hermes’s face.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he demanded. Of all the days, of all the moments…

“I see time hasn’t improved your manners,” Hermes replied. The shop’s bell rang again, and a woman with dark hair and blue eyes came in. Thoth tilted his head; there was something about her that seemed familiar.

“Selene, my love, I’d like you to meet Thoth,” Hermes introduced, his hand taking the woman’s. “Thoth, be nice. Selene is one of Hecate’s bloodline.”

“My lady,” Thoth bowed. “Can I ask what you are doing with his miscreant?”

“The miscreant is the love of my life, I’m sad to say,” Selene said with a soft smile.

“You poor dear. Don’t worry, I’m sure I can find a way to undo whatever spell he’s placed on you,” Thoth said sincerely.

Hermes rolled his eyes. “Not a spell, asshole. Selene and I have come to Egypt to check in, say hello, and ask who this lovely lady is?” Hermes fixed a starstruck Kema with a kind smile. “Has this evil sorcerer hurt you? Are you here against your will, miss?”

“Well, now that you mention it,” Kema began and held out her arm before Thoth could stop her. Hermes looked at the cartouche, both eyebrows rising.

“It’s none of your business, Trickster.” Thoth turned to Kema. “You knew who he was straight away, but you had to question me whether I was the god of magic?”

Hermes patted Thoth on the shoulder. “Don’t take it personally. I’m just more impressive than you.” Kema snickered, so Thoth focused on Selene.

“How is you grandmother? Still as beautiful and powerful as ever? I have always enjoyed her company immensely,” he said. Of all the Greeks, Hecate was the one he actually made time for.

“I can’t wait to tell Thanatos how fondly you remember her,” Hermes chimed in.

Selene ignored him. “Hecate is well, Thoth. She did tell me to send you her warm regards.”

“Are you visiting Egypt for pleasure, or is there some other reason you would want to inflict your beloved onto my people once more?” Thoth asked her.

“What would the title be for fourth-born?” Kema asked Hermes.

“Don’t encourage him,” Thoth begged under his breath.

“You’re just pouting because you were never invited to the parties.” Hermes leaned over and whispered to Kema, “No one wants a virgin at an orgy.”

“The reason why you’re here?” Thoth prompted, patience running out.

Hermes’s annoying grin faded. “We are here about Anubis, amongst other things.” His eyes drifted to Kema.

“You can trust me. I know all about Anubis,” she said.

“Is that so? How do you fit into all this?” Hermes asked.

Kema looked at Thoth with a loaded smile. “He thought I was a powerful sorceress, terrorizing Alexandria. When really, I stole one of his books and was unknowingly using the magic in it.”

Hermes threw his head back and roared with laugher. “I wish I could have seen that.”

“I never thought you were a powerful sorceress, merely an irritating one,” Thoth muttered. “Don’t you have work to be getting on with?”

Kema ignored him and walked to the shop door. “Let me shut this, and we can all sit down for some tea.”

“I never said he could stay—”

“Tea, please house!” Kema called over the top of him. She slid the bolt closed on the door and looped her arm around Selene’s. “Come on through. I have a million questions to ask you.”

“I’ve never been in a magical bookstore before,” Selene said, and the two women started chatting.

Thoth’s eyes narrowed. “I can’t believe you managed to convince Hecate not to kill you for diddling one of her daughters.”

“Hecate and I get along well these days.” Hermes saw the disbelief on his face and gave a low, tired sigh. “A lot has changed since our paths last crossed if you’ll let me tell you about it. Who’s the girl? Your apprentice?”

“Absolutely not,” Thoth snapped.

Hermes infuriating grin was back. “No, you know better than to take an apprentice you want to fuck.”

“Don’t be lewd. It isn’t like that.”

“How flustered you’re getting tells me that you want it to be.” Hermes patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, I get it. There is something about her though that I can’t put my finger on…”

“Keep that finger to yourself if you don’t want me to break it off,” Thoth snapped. He flinched, knowing he shouldn’t have reacted and given Hermes more fuel.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell her you like her so much. We had better see what mischief those two are getting into,” Hermes said, pushing Thoth gently towards the door. “It is good to see you again.”

“Don’t lie, Hermes.” Thoth led him through the house to the kitchen where Kema was chatting with Selene. She looked so natural, like visits from gods and demi-goddesses was something she had done her whole life.

She fits…Thoth shoved the thought away before it could finish.

The house had provided Kema with a large spread of tea and treats, as well as extra chairs.

“Who else is coming?” Thoth asked.

“Set and Ayla of course,” Hermes said, sitting next to Selene.

“You talked to Set?”

“No,” Hermes replied around a mouthful of cookie. “Set talked to Bellona about Anubis. She talked to Eris. Eris talked to Hades, and Hades talked to me. And here I am, ready to help.”

“Fuck, this is 30 BC all over again.” Thoth gripped the bridge of his nose and collapsed on a chair next to Kema. “Why did Hades think you would be of any use to us?”

“Ah, because he is Hermes. He is the god of lost things, and he’s awesome,” Kema said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Thoth glared at her.

Hermes grinned and lifted his fist for her to bump. “Thanks, Kema. I like you too.”

Thoth didn’t like the blush that spread across Kema’s cheeks. No good could come of those two getting along…

“In addition to his awesomeness, Hermes thinks he met Anubis in recent centuries,” Selene interrupted before Thoth incinerated him.

“What do you mean? Met him?”

Hermes looked bashful. “Well, it’s hard to be sure, but last time I was partying in Egypt, I swear I had a full conversation with Anubis in his jackal form. We had about seven beers behind a tavern…or was it a temple?”

“What year was this?” Thoth demanded.

Hermes shrugged. “Some time after the Romans.”

“Really helpful.”

Set and Ayla arrived with perfect timing. Thoth went inward as everyone introduced themselves, and they caught up on why Hermes had arrived in Egypt. Thoth had bigger things to think about.

If Anubis was in his jackal form, that could explain why his location spells hadn’t been working. But why his animal form? Thoth couldn’t remember him spending any significant time as a jackal in the past.

A warm hand took his under the table, and all of Thoth’s concentration scattered and focused on it. Kema was looking at him.

“Are you okay?” she whispered. All the other gods were talking loudly about Ayla’s doctor work, and Selene, a nurse, was fascinated to hear all about it.

“Yes. Just thinking,” Thoth said lamely. He ran his thumb over the skin on her wrist and gently let her hand go. He didn’t need her confusing and distracting him with her soft touch.

Thoth tuned back in when Hermes told them about Zeus cursing him for twenty years, and Pandora using him as her personal mad inventor. Selene had been the cure to that curse, and they had been inseparable since.

“You poor thing getting caught up in Zeus’s bullshit,” Thoth said sympathetically. “You know, we never would have tolerated a tyrant like that in Egypt.”

“Only because Set killed yours,” Hermes pointed out.

Set’s smile was particularly vicious. “Osiris had it coming.”

Hermes grinned, a sure sign that he still had a vicious streak under his handsome veneer. “So did Zeus. Hades is doing a much better job of it to be sure. He’s not trying to impregnate all of Greece for a start.”

“Speaking of which, back me up here, Hermes. Who do you think Kema’s bloodline belongs to?” Set asked. Thoth wanted to murder the big, dumb brute.

Kema choked on her tea. “Excuse me? I don’t have god blood! I don’t even have parents.”

Hermes was studying Kema, head tilting slowly this way and that. Thoth clenched his fists under the table.

“One way to find out for sure,” Hermes said. The air shimmered with the tang of strange magic, and the caduceus materialized in his hand.

“Oh my god, it’s so big,” Kema squeaked, staring at the shimmering golden staff.

"Yes, it is." Hermes chuckled, and Selene rolled her eyes. Thoth couldn’t bite his tongue any longer.

“Is the excitement because it’s gold? Because I can do everything Hermes can without a big gold stick to wave about to let people know I’m doing magic,” Thoth snapped.

“Don’t be bitter,” Hermes answered mildly, not looking up from Kema’s palm. “Hmm, that’s weird.”

“What is?” Kema asked.

Hermes frowned. “Can I have a drop of blood?”

“Absolutely not,” Thoth snarled.

“It’s my blood, not yours,” Kema replied and nodded to Hermes.

“Here,” Set said, producing a small dagger from about his person and offering it Hermes.

“Stop helping him,” Thoth hissed.

“I bet you she is one of Bast’s litter,” Set said, smile widening.

“I should have left you in the Duat.”

Kema laughed. “With these fabulous thick thighs, I’m betting on Taweret, fierce and powerful hippo goddess of—Shit!”

Thoth’s attention swiveled back to her as Hermes cut her index finger. Thoth wanted to leap across the table and stop him. He didn’t want to know whose bloodline Kema belonged to because if that god was still living, they would have a claim on her, and he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

Hermes studied the welling crimson droplet before kissing the blood off her fingertip. His expression shifted from thoughtful to confused to curious.

Finally, Hermes let out a surprised laugh and looked at Kema. “Well, what do you know, sweetheart? You’re one of mine.”