Crash & Carnage by Emma Slate

Chapter 14

Boxer stilled,and then his chin dropped. “That was your choice.”

“You were asking personal questions. My walls went up.”

He laughed, but it didn’t sound like he was truly amused. “Walls? Nah. You erected a fucking fortress.”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “You had seen too much. I was embarrassed.”

He sipped from the bottle again and then patted the seat next to him. I came to the table, and he held out his hand to help me up.

“Christ, are you wearing leather pants?”

My skin warmed from his touch. “Yeah.”

“I’m a dead man.”

I laughed and with a shake of my head, I took the bottle of bourbon from him and drank. I wheezed and coughed.

He chuckled and took the bottle back. Boxer rested his elbows on his thighs and spread them apart so his knee grazed my pants. “You came here to talk. So, talk.”

“Why are you depressed?” I asked instead.

“Who says I’m depressed?”

“Those girls were crawling all over you, and you barely even noticed them.”

He climbed off the picnic table and turned to face me. Boxer held the bottle of liquor by the neck, and he let his hand fall to his side. He loomed over me, his face darkening with annoyance.

“You shouldn’t have bothered coming. It was a waste of time. If you’re not gonna be honest with me, then what the hell are you doing here?”

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry with nerves.

“Fuck this. I’m done.” Boxer turned and started to walk away. He was leaving, and I wasn’t doing anything to stop him.

“I miss you,” I blurted out.

He halted but didn’t turn to face me.

I’d hurt him, I realized.

“Boxer?”

“What?”

“Will you please turn around?”

He turned slowly.

I stepped down off the picnic table and walked toward him, my heart drumming in my ears. Instead of looking up and peering into his eyes, I moved closer—close enough to press my cheek to his chest.

I inhaled an apprehensive breath, smelling the woodsmoke of the fire on his clothes, the scent of cologne on his skin.

“You saw me. The real me,” I said quietly. “And I didn’t know how to handle it.”

He dropped the bottle of bourbon, which splashed on the grass, and then his arms were around me, rough. “God, woman.” Boxer grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled my head back so he could look into my eyes. “You just…”

“What?”

Instead of finishing his thought, his lips took mine in a hungry kiss. He tasted of bourbon and sin, of want and remorse. Boxer dragged me closer, so I was flush against him. Just as his tongue thrust into my mouth, I heard a chorus of cheers, whistles, and claps.

Boxer pulled back, shot me a wink, and then wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “You’re not cold?”

“A little.”

He released me, but only so he could take my hand. And then he was dragging me toward the clubhouse.

The cheers and whistles resounded again, but I was too focused on Boxer to pay attention.

He all but hauled me up the stairs to the second floor. We walked down the hallway, and he pushed opened a door before flipping on the light. It was a small bedroom with just enough space for a queen-sized bed flush against one wall and a narrow three-drawer dresser on the other.

“You don’t live here, do you? There’s not even a bathroom.”

“Bathroom is down the hall,” he explained, shutting the door. “And no, I don’t live here. It’s my clubhouse room, where I crash if I don’t want to ride my bike home. I used to have a room on the first floor, but I gave it to Rachel and Reap.”

“Why?”

“It’s bigger than the room they had at the clubhouse, and with Rach being knocked up, they’re gonna need more space for a crib and other shit.”

With a sigh, I leaned forward and rested my forehead against the warm column of his neck. “Why were you brooding out there?”

His hand worked its way up the back of my tank and walked his fingers up and down my spine before settling his palm at the small of my back. “I wasn’t happy with how things ended between us, Doc. I wasn’t sure what to do with that. And after five days on the road, I still didn’t have you out of my head.”

He pressed me closer. It wasn’t nearly close enough.

“I wanted you, Linden, even when I thought you didn’t want me back.”

I lifted my head to stare into his eyes. “I do want you, Boxer.”

He quirked a smile. “Yeah, darlin’, I know.”

“But it’s even more than that.”

“That’s why you showed up here tonight?”

“I lied to myself about why I came here.” I exhaled. “I told myself it was because I wanted to apologize. Clear the air.”

“I forgive you for using me like a sex toy,” he said. I shoved his shoulder, but then he captured my hand and brought it to his lips. “I’m glad you came.”

We stared at one another. His quicksilver eyes were beautiful, soft, when they looked at me.

“This is insane,” I whispered.

He nodded.

“We haven’t known each other that long.”

He nodded again.

“You’re a criminal.”

He shrugged.

“I’m a basket case.”

He nodded vigorously.

I sighed, brushing my lips against his hand. “I’m a good doctor, Boxer. But that’s all I’m good at.”

“That’s not all you’re good at,” he teased.

“There’s more to a relationship than sex.”

“Which is why I don’t do relationships. Too hard. Too complicated. Too much talking when people could be doing something else with their mouths…”

I raised my brows.

“But damn, you might be a crazy enough broad to keep me entertained. In and out of bed.” He grinned cheekily. “I haven’t fucked anyone since I fucked you.”

“Really?”

“You don’t believe me?”

“What about Trish and Tanya? If I hadn’t shown up, would you be in here with them right now? You know what, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.”

“You’re gonna be in my bed. And while you’re there, there won’t be any others. Okay?”

“Okay,” I said with a nod.

“The same goes for you,” he commanded. “I won’t fucking share you.”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” I assured him.

“Like hell I don’t,” he groused. “You’re gorgeous. I know you’ve got tons of guys sniffing after you.”

“The only one who I’ll allow to sniff me is you,” I said with a laugh, my insides doing cartwheels at the thought of being with him.

“My schedule changes all the time,” he stated. “I’m not a guy who punches a time.”

“I’m a surgeon who sometimes works forty-eight-hour shifts straight,” I pointed out. “Don’t expect me to be waiting at home for you in an apron with a pot roast in the oven.”

“Now that’s a damn fine fantasy,” he teased. “I’ve got to find a way to get you in nothing but an apron so I can fuck you from behind while you’re bent over the kitchen table.”

My eyes widened.

Boxer smirked. “You like that idea.”

“I might like that idea.”

“We’ll have to make that happen,” he said, his voice soft yet husky.

“Boxer?”

“Yeah, Doc?”

“Can we please stop talking now and get to the fun part?”

“Hell yeah,” he stated.

I stepped back, only far enough so that I could lift the tank top over my head and toss it aside. His eyes seemed to turn even more liquid as he stared at me.

We hadn’t gotten undressed the night we’d been together. Even though we’d slept together, tonight was the night we were going to be intimate.

He pushed away from the dresser and took a step toward me. He reached out to graze the curve of my breast.

I’d worn a demi cup black satin bra.

His fingers skimmed lightly across my flesh in an achingly slow manner. “I didn’t get to see much of you that night. Damn shame. You’re fucking gorgeous.”

My skin continued to heat under his penetrating stare and sensuous touch.

He was going slow. Too slow.

I reached around to unclasp my bra and then let it fall off my body. But I didn’t stop there. I bent over to get rid of my heavy, leather biker boots and then undid the leather pants so I could slither out of them.

My skin immediately cooled.

I stood before him in nothing but a black thong.

“You have too many clothes on,” I admonished with an arch of my brow.

His lips curved into a grin. “Demanding, are you?”

“Yes.”

He set his pistol on the nightstand, and then he slowly removed his leather cut to place it on the top of the dresser. Boxer lifted the hem of his T-shirt and then tossed it aside.

I couldn’t stop the gasp from escaping my lips when I saw his defined and utterly lickable abs. His muscular chest was covered in a light blond fuzz that I wanted to drag my fingers across. His arms were a sculptor’s dream.

Boxer went for his belt next and the button of his jeans.

My eyes tracked his every movement until he was standing in front of me wearing nothing but a pair of army green boxer briefs.

I reverently touched the Blue Angels tattoo that graced the left side of his rib cage. I continued to examine him, grasping one of his hands and tugging on it so he was forced to straighten his arm. I wanted to study the sleeve of ink winding up his appendage. Flames started along his forearm and moved toward his bicep, morphing into a lion with a flaming mane. It looked so real, almost like a photograph, and I was amazed at how intricate and colorful it was.

On his other arm was a crow resting on barbed wire, a dying rose clutched in its beak. I peered closer, noting a tear dripping from one eye. It was evocative and full of emotion.

He linked his fingers with mine and dragged me closer.

Boxer was done with slow.

So was I.

He plowed his fingers into my hair to pull me toward him. “This’ll change everything,” Boxer said. “You know that, right?”

I nodded, even though I had no idea what he was talking about. But it didn’t matter because we were here, now, because both of us had chosen to be with each other.

His lips covered mine, and then I ceased to think at all. His tongue plunged into my mouth as Boxer urged me to the bed. The back of my knees hit the mattress, and then I flopped down. He quickly covered my body with his, propping himself up on his elbows. Boxer didn’t give me any time to think. His tongue was back in my mouth and the scent of him wrapped around me, enveloping me in a haze of need.

He dragged his lips from mine to pay homage to the tender skin below my ear and neck. His stubble rasped against me, and I gloried in the whisker burn. I wanted a reminder of him tomorrow, when the sun rose, and I had put myself back in a box. But when I was with Boxer and his hands were on my body and his tongue was on my skin, I was reduced to a woman with no name. A woman who wanted only pleasure, only to live in the moment. A woman who didn’t care about tomorrow.

“Were you sore?” he asked as his hand slid over a breast, rolling my nipple between his fingers.

I sucked in a breath of air as sparks of pleasure shot from my nipple to my core.

“Answer me,” he stated, his voice low. “Every time you moved, every time you walked, did you remember what it felt like to have me inside you?”

“Yes,” I hissed out as he pinched my nipple.

He lowered his head and captured the other with his lips. He sucked and drew it farther into his velvety hot mouth. A hearty zing between my legs made me arch and press into him.

“You were so fucking wet,” he said around the nipple in his mouth. “Tell me you’re wet now.”

He let go of my breast and skated his hand down my belly, his fingers gliding into my thong. He rested his finger on the seam of my body and didn’t move it for moment.

“Boxer,” I demanded.

“What, Linden? Tell me what you want.” He grazed the tip of his finger against my aching, swelling flesh.

I thrashed against him.

“You want this?” he asked, exerting more pressure. “No? What about this?” He slid his finger down and then slipped it into my body. Boxer curled his finger, grazing that hard-to-reach place that caused my back to bow and my eyes to roll into my head.

“Yeah, you like that,” he chuckled, his breath coasting over my skin. He undulated his finger, and then gently added another, teasing me to the edge only to pull back again and again until I finally snapped.

“Enough.”

“Enough what?” His gray eyes were bright. “Tell me what you want, Linden, and I’ll give it to you.”

“I want you inside me. Now.”

“Not as graphic as I’d like, but I’ll take it. We gotta work on your dirty talk, darlin’.”

Boxer slid out of my body. With sharp eyes watching me, he stuck his fingers in his mouth and licked them clean.

“Fuck,” he groaned. “I can’t wait to bury my face between your thighs and make you scream.”

My vision momentarily darkened as a hazy sensual picture formed in my mind. My hands in Boxer’s hair, his tongue relentlessly teasing me until I came.

He leaned over me to the bedside drawer. He yanked it open and extracted a condom. He was in too much of a hurry to bother shutting the drawer.

Boxer tossed the foil packet onto the bed next to me and then moved so he could strip out of his briefs. He took himself in hand and tugged on his engorged shaft a few times before letting it go.

My mouth watered at the sight of him. He was close enough to me that I reached out to gently cup his testicles. The heavy weight of them rested in my hand, and I gave them a little squeeze.

Words stuck in my throat. Every filthy dirty word about what I wanted to do to him came to my mind, but I was too shy to say them.

“I can’t wait to feel your hot wet tongue on my dick,” he growled.

“I can’t wait for that either,” I said, breathless.

He gently batted my hand away and grabbed the condom. Boxer ripped the foil with his teeth and then rolled it on.

I slinked my thong down my legs and tossed it aside. And in a fit of pure boldness, I spread my legs, wanting him to see all of me.

“The things I’m gonna do to your body,” he groaned. He grasped himself and then came toward me. The head of his member teased my swollen flesh, and then his crown slid into me.

He paused for just a moment and then thrust slowly but firmly to the hilt.

I gasped at the welcome invasion.

His hands were everywhere, stroking, playing. He lifted one of my legs and bent it back, so my knee nearly touched my chest and then somehow, he sank even deeper.

And then he began to move.

Every cell in my body came alive like they’d all been charged with electricity and were now spinning, buzzing free with frenetic energy.

My skin tingled and sweat coated my skin. Boxer let go of my leg, and I wrapped them both around him. I placed my hands on the curves of his backside, urging him faster, silently demanding more.

He fit me like no other. Every movement pushed me closer until I was finally shoved over the cliff of pleasure. I clenched and bucked; a scream trapped in my throat.

Boxer thrusted a few more times before clasping me to him, moaning out his release.

I clung to him, long after the ripples of pleasure ceased. My eyes were closed, and I let myself drown in the scent of us as serenity enveloped my soul.

He lifted himself off me and pulled out, but I still didn’t open my eyes. I wanted to hold onto the moment and remember the feeling.

“Linden?”

I heard the concern in his voice and finally opened my eyes and smiled at him.

He stood next to the bed. Boxer had removed the condom and now loomed over me, looking like a naked, inked angel.

God, he was beautiful. Sleek rippling muscles, unconcerned about nudity, and confidence in every part of him.

I sat up. “I need to use the bathroom.”

He padded to the dresser and opened the middle drawer. He took out a white T-shirt and brought it to me.

“Thanks,” I said as I threw it over my head. I looked around, attempting to find my thong. It was hanging on the lampshade on the bedside table. Laughing, I reached for it and then quickly slid it on.

I went to the door of the bedroom and opened it slightly, peering out into the hallway. I listened for a moment and heard nothing—no sounds of couples in the heat of passion or the heavy thud of footsteps coming up the stairs.

I slipped into the hallway, closing the door behind me, and then I went to find the bathroom. It was a half bath, and it was far cleaner than I expected the bathroom in a clubhouse of bikers to be.

As I washed my hands, I looked in the mirror. My red lipstick was smeared across my mouth and my hair looked like a wildcat had raked its claws through it.

I smiled.

The woman in the mirror smiled back. It was hard to believe that was me. I pulled my hair into a ponytail, tying it with the elastic band around my wrist. There was only bar soap, but I used it to wash off my makeup.

I didn’t want to use the hand towel to dry my face, so I lifted the hem of the T-shirt I wore and dabbed my cheeks. It left a big wet spot at the belly. It didn’t matter. I didn’t plan on wearing his shirt long.

I stepped out into the hallway and halted. Zip, the Blue Angels vice president who I’d met at the hospital, was just coming up the stairs, a statuesque woman behind him.

Their hands were linked and when they both saw me, they stopped.

I was standing in the hallway in a thong and a white T-shirt that was thin enough to show my jutting nipples. At least the shirt covered my butt.

“Linden, right?” the woman asked.

I nodded.

She beamed. “Hi, I’m Joni. Colt’s sister.”

Zip wrapped an arm around her shoulder and hauled her into his side. “You should lead with Zip’s Old Lady.”

She pressed a hand to his chest and smiled up at him, but then quickly looked back to me. “We’re having a housewarming party this week. I’d love it if you came.”

“Oh,” I said, a smile spreading across my face. “Thank you so much. I’d love to. Crazy doctor schedule permitting.”

The door to Boxer’s room opened, and he stepped out into the hallway—completely naked. “Shit!” he muttered, rushing back into the room and slamming the door shut.

Joni began to laugh, but when Zip looked at her, she pretended to cough instead.

“How much did you see?” Zip demanded.

“I didn’t see a thing,” Joni assured him. “Aren’t we going to your room now?”

“Doc, good to see you.” Zip sent me a chin nod and then grasped Joni’s hand and pulled her down the hallway in the opposite direction of Boxer’s room.

Joni looked over her shoulder at me and mouthed wow.

I hastily covered my mouth so I wouldn’t laugh.

Their door closed, and I headed back to Boxer.

He was in bed, the covers pulled up to his waist, his tattooed arm nestled underneath his head. His eyes found me, and he grinned. “Well, that was fun.”

“The peep show or the other thing?”

“The other thing. Get over here.”

I went to him, stripping off the damp T-shirt as I went. He pulled the covers down, and I climbed in next to him. “I guess we’re not going back to the party?”

“Party’s over,” he stated. “I mean, for the most part. Everyone’s got a family. Gray and Darcy have to get home to their kids. Allison and Torque have a newborn, so they’re out. Rachel’s knocked up and needs rest, so Reap will take her home. Mia and Colt will get out of here too. Only the Idaho boys and the newly patched in Blue Angels will stay up late, and they’ll be getting into all sorts of trouble with the girls downstairs.”

“The Idaho boys are from Coeur d’Alene, right?” I asked, my eyes drifting closed as Boxer’s fingers moved lightly down my arm.

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“Freddy mentioned it. Is that where you were these last few days? Up in Coeur d’Alene?”

“Yep.”

“What were you doing there?”

“Club shit. I can’t talk about it,” he said evasively. “What happened that night? Before I came over?”

“Life shit. I can’t talk about it.”

“Ah, I see what you’re doing there. But club shit is not the same as life shit. Come on, Doc. No one escapes the life shit.”

I took a deep breath. “My mother paid the security guard at my condo building to feed her information about my life. Like, I was literally being spied on, and when I talked to her on the phone the night we were supposed to go out, she mentioned you.”

When he didn’t say anything, I met his gaze. “You’re not what she would call…suitable.”

“Damn right, I’m not suitable. Not for a broad like you.”

“Don’t talk about yourself that way,” I snapped. “That’s not even the point. The point is that she shouldn’t have known anything about my life except what I chose to share with her. And I share nothing with her for exactly this kind of reason. I talk about my job and the weather. I ask how my stepfather is doing. I make excuses about why I’m not flying home to Watch Hill for Christmas. Until now, we’ve both operated knowing this was how our relationship was always going to be. We lived within these parameters and mutually avoided discussing things on a deeper level. But now…”

“She changed it all by invading your privacy.” He sighed. “Damn.”

I nodded. “I just lost my cool. I was so angry, Boxer. It became its own living, breathing monster, and I wanted to smash and break things. The only reason I stopped was because I ran out of dishes.” I sent him a wobbly smile.

He didn’t smile back.

“And then you came over and I just—”

“Needed not to think.”

“Yeah.”

“Did it work?” he asked.

“It did.”

“Good.”

“Good?” I sighed. “How can you say that?”

“Yeah, good. You were hurting; I put a stop to it. I’m glad I could do that for you.”

“Is it that black and white, Boxer?”

“Yeah, Doc. It is. You needed to release your anger by using someone. I was there.” He smiled. “Do you see me complaining?”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t pretend there’s nothing more to you than a good time. Not now. Not while we’re doing this and pulling off the Band-Aid.”

“Can I give you a piece of advice?” he asked.

“Okay.”

“The next time you want to let out all that aggression and anger, you let me know and I’ll take you to the shooting range.”

I blinked.

A smile crept across his lips.

“The shooting range?” I repeated.

“Yeah, Doc. The shooting range. It’ll give you a feeling of control you’ve never experienced before. Trust me.”

I did trust him, I realized.

We fell silent for a moment and then I said, “Joni invited me to her housewarming.”

“Of course she did,” Boxer muttered.

“What? You don’t want me to go to the party?” I looked at him.

“Oh, I want you to go to the party, but you better be prepared for them to ask questions.”

“Questions? What kind of questions?”

He rolled me so that I was flat on my back. He quickly draped his muscled, inked body on top of mine and stared into my eyes. “For starters, how good I am in bed. Be generous with your praise. I’ve got a reputation to protect.”

I laughed and threw a leg over his hip, nestling myself against him. “If you want praise, you have to do something worthy of the praise.”

His hand slid to my hip and then wandered between our bodies. “I better get to work, then.”

* * *

I woke up on my belly, Boxer’s heavy leg strewn across mine. I lifted my head ever so slightly, looking for an alarm clock to tell me the time. I didn’t see one. Music no longer played outside. The party had gone on for hours without us while we’d been holed up in his room. Now, everything was quiet.

A hand stole across my back.

“You’re awake,” I whispered.

“So are you.” He scooted closer, dragging me against him. “Your breathing changed, and it woke me up.”

“You’re a light sleeper,” I said in surprise. “I would’ve expected you to be a hard sleeper.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Just seems like you’d crash hard.” I wriggled in his embrace, and he let me go. I rolled over onto my back. He placed his cheek on my chest, and I felt his warm breath on my naked skin. My fingers sank into his hair, and I stroked his head.

“So, are you ready for a weird coincidence?” I asked him.

“Go for it.”

“It seems your buddy who runs The Rex is also the owner of the condo building I live in.”

“No shit. Ramsey owns your building? How’d you find that out?”

“I called the management company wanting to speak to the owner so I could report Jerry. Ramsey was the one who called me back.”

“Small fucking world.”

“Right?” My fingers drifted lower to trace swirls on his back. “Ramsey was on the cover of a magazine. ‘Most Eligible Bachelors of Dallas.’ I read the article, Boxer.”

“Yeah. So?”

“So, I know you spend a lot of time in Dallas doing business—whatever that means.”

“Don’t fish, Linden. If you want to ask a question, ask it.”

“Would you even tell me the truth?”

“Try it and see.”

I sighed. “Does the name Quinn O’Malley ring a bell?”

He sat up and stared at me. “Yeah, it rings a bell. What about her?”

“We met when I was doing my residency at Boston General.”

“No shit.”

“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “A few days ago, we were on the phone, and she told me all about her fiancé’s business relationship with Flynn Campbell. And Flynn’s relationship with Colt. Ramsey’s wrapped up in all that, too, isn’t he? That’s why you’re in Dallas a few times a week, right? Because you’re doing business with Ramsey that isn’t on the up and up?”

He ran a hand across his cheek and then scratched his chest. “Here’s the thing, Doc. All this shit you’re talking about is club business. And we don’t involve our women in club business. What did Quinn tell you about us?”

“Nothing,” I said. “She was vague.”

“Good.”

“Not good,” I replied. “Why don’t you tell the Old Ladies what goes on?”

“If they need to know anything, it’s broad strokes only.”

“You guys keep them completely in the dark?” I accused.

“It’s for their own protection.” He paused. “There’s a code among clubs. No women, no children get caught in the crossfire. Usually.”

“Crossfire? Usually?”

“Look darlin’, you’re into a whole can of worms here. Some bad shit happened about a year ago.” He sighed. “Fuck. This is already getting complicated. This, right here, is why I stick to broads who know how the club operates. They know what they’re getting into. They know the danger that surrounds us, and they don’t ask questions. Yeah, there are times when life is normal and not much happens around here, but then there are times that shit goes south. You just never know when that’s gonna be.”

I sighed but didn’t reply.

“What’s that sigh mean?”

“I’ve never thought of this stuff,” I admitted. “Maybe I should have dug a little deeper before coming here…”

“Why didn’t you?”

I glared. “Why didn’t I? I don’t know. Maybe I was too pissed off because you didn’t call me back, and I’d thought you’d ghosted me. Again.”

“I did ghost you,” he said without a hint of apology. “Again.”

“You bastard.”

“Woman, I was trying to get you out of my head. We’d barely started this thing, and I was already fucked up over it. I tried to keep my distance, but then you had to show up at the clubhouse wearing leather pants—”

“Do you wish I hadn’t come here?” I asked quietly. “Do you wish I’d just let things be and we’d gone separate ways?”

He reached out to cradle my cheek. “It might’ve been easier on both of us if you’d stayed away. But no, Doc. I’m glad you showed up. But this could really turn into something, yeah?”

I swallowed my fear and nodded.

“Things in my life are fine until they’re not. You’d be crazy to stay, even though I want you to. Every girl wants a bad boy, until they actually get one.”

“What about Mia? Or Joni? Or the other women who decided to be part of this world? They’re here. Why am I different?”

“Joni grew up in it. Her old man was club president. Her brother is the current president. She gets it.” He paused. “Mia was an outsider for sure. Knew nothing about club business or what it meant to be an Old Lady.”

“She looks pretty happy,” I said.

“She wasn’t always. She was involved in the shit that went down last year…” he trailed off.

“How bad was it, Boxer?”

“Bad. She was knee‐deep in it. You’re not knee‐deep in anything. You can still bounce.”

“Does it have to be all or nothing?”

“Yeah, Linden. That’s how we roll. You either fuck around with a Blue Angel and then move on with your life or you become his Old Lady. There’s no in between. We live a different kind of life. We don’t play by the same rules as the rest of society. We gotta know that our women have our backs, that they’re in this fucking rollercoaster for the long haul. Otherwise, they’re just party playthings. They know it, and we know it. No one gets hurt that way. I’m just trying to lay out for you what you’re really getting into.”

He exhaled. “This family is everything to me. I don’t want to bring some woman around who’s gonna disappear after people start getting attached. Stay or don’t, but you have to make a decision.”

“I didn’t expect to like you,” I admitted. “But Boxer, this is a lot to think about.”

“I know.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. “But I’m still pushing for it anyway because I’m wondering if you’ve got what it takes to be part of this life. My life.”

Did I?

I hadn’t been able to close the door on my unresolved feelings for Boxer. I hadn’t liked how I handled the situation at my condo. But choosing to stay meant choosing a man and a world that was completely foreign to me.

Peyton’s words came roaring back to me.

Was I really going to walk away from a man who made me feel alive?