Remembering You by Sandi Lynn

Chapter 8

Being home was strange. I didn’t remember my room, but I loved how it was decorated in black and pink. I guess those were my favorite colors. I really couldn’t tell you. Weeks went by, and still no recollection of my life. I was trying to make peace with the fact that I was starting my life over, because my old life had disappeared into a deep, black hole. I fell into a depression that left my mother and father worried about me. I asked my mom over and over again, to tell me about the accident, but she wouldn’t tell me, and I could tell she was hiding something.

“It was a terrible and unfortunate accident, and it wasn’t your fault. You need to stop dwelling on it and move on, Claire.”

She told me I had been driving and that I was alone. If only I could remember where I was going that night. I felt like a puzzle and there were a ton of pieces missing. I asked my mom if she had my old cell phone, but she said it had been smashed in the accident, so they got me a new one.

My mother finally made an appointment for me to see Dr. Blakely. She was a psychologist who specialized in amnesia victims. She was worried about me and the depression I had gone into and my refusal to leave the house. She didn’t understand what it was like to feel like a stranger in the only home I supposedly ever lived in. There was nothing about my life I could remember. I was a stranger in Claire Montgomery’s body.

“Claire Montgomery,” Dr. Blakely called into the waiting room.

I got up from my seat and followed her into her office. She asked me to please take a seat on the couch and make myself comfortable while she sat in the leather chair across from me. I was envious of her long, black straight hair. Her eyes were brown, and her skin was sun kissed like she had just gotten back from a tropical vacation.

“How are you, Claire?” she kindly asked.

I fumbled with my hands and looked down. “I’m okay, I guess.”

“Tell me what you remember about your life.”

I started twisting my hair around my finger. “I don’t remember anyone or anything.

“Hmm,” she said as she jotted something down on her pad of paper.

We sat and talked for the hour, and when the session was over, we scheduled another appointment. I liked Dr. Blakely. She was kind and easy to talk to. She recommended that I come see her at least twice a week and, when she felt I was ready, she was going to use hypnotherapy to see if it would trigger any memories. She prescribed an anti-depressant for me to help with the depression, but I didn’t take them. Since my mother was watching every move I made, I took a pill out of the bottle every morning and flushed it down the toilet so there was always one less when she counted them.

* * *

Four more weeks passed, and today was the day that Dr. Blakely was going to use hypnotherapy on me. She instructed me to lie down on the couch and completely relax. She put a warm blanket over me and told me to picture in my mind where I’d like to go. She talked in a low voice and asked me if I was where I wanted to be.

“Yes,” I answered.

“Good, Claire. Now I want you to go back to when you were five years old. What do you see?”

“I’m at my birthday party with my family and friends in our backyard. There were a lot of people there and I rode a pony and had a beautiful doll cake.”

“Claire, I want you to fast forward to when you were thirteen.”

“I’m with Ally and Rachel and we are at a park, rollerblading. Ouch, I fell and scraped my knee.” I started to cry.

“Claire, I want you to go forward and stop at the age of seventeen.”

All of a sudden, my mind started flashing through memories like a photo album; images of me and a boy dancing, holding hands, having fun, kissing, touching and being together. My body was overcome with happiness and I felt whole. Then suddenly, I was in a car and all I saw were headlights blinding my eyes.

“Sam!” I started screaming.

“Claire, I’m going to count to 5 and you are to wake up. 1.2.3.4.5. Snap.”

I awoke instantly and found myself covered in sweat. I looked at Dr. Blakely as I swallowed hard.

“Claire, who is Sam?”

I looked at her and then looked around the room. “I don’t know.”

She scribbled down something on her pad and the session was over. I walked out of her office feeling worse than I had in months. It seemed like all the progress I made vanished, just like my memories. I never went back after that day.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the name Sam. When I got home, I went right to the kitchen where Corinne was helping with dinner.

“How was your appointment, Claire?” she asked.

“Mom, did I know someone named Sam?”

She stopped stirring the sauce and froze for a moment. She turned around and looked at me.

“Samantha was one of your girlfriends.”

“Was she in the car with me?”

“Why are you asking this and how did you remember that name?”

“Dr. Blakely used hypnotherapy on me today and I screamed the name Sam.”

I could tell she was uncomfortable. She asked me to sit down at the table with her. She took a hold of my hands and gently squeezed them.

“Sam died in the accident.”

Tears started to fall from my eyes. “What?”

“We didn’t want to tell you because we didn’t want you to blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault, Claire. She was sitting in the passenger’s seat.”

I couldn’t control the tears as my mother reached over and hugged me. “It’s okay, sweetie. It’s time for you to move on from that horrible accident.”

“But my friend died!”

“It wasn’t your fault, and don’t you dare blame yourself.”

“What about her family? I have to talk to them!” I exclaimed.

“You can’t, Claire. After the accident, they moved away. This is why we didn’t want to tell you.”

I pretended to be okay, just so Corinne would stop talking. I couldn’t believe that someone died while I was driving. They said it wasn’t my fault, but I still felt like it was. I wanted something in remembrance of Sam, but there weren’t any pictures or anything around. I called Ally and Rachel and they confirmed Corinne’s story. They said they would try to dig up some pictures of her, but they never did. After a while and getting the feeling that I was being lied to, I gave up trying to talk to Corinne and Harry about the accident. I had a feeling there was way more than what they were telling me. In due time, I would make it my mission to find out what they were hiding.

* * *

Ispent my time learning things I didn’t know before the accident. I learned to play the piano and guitar fluently. My mother said I had a natural talent for music. I would sit at the piano and play for hours, drowning my sadness in the piano keys and creating my own sad melodies. I walked around the neighborhood, the park, and even the town, hoping the littlest sight would jog a memory. I went to the beach and walked along the shore. I set down a blanket and sat down with my knees to my chest. I stared out into the blue ocean water and watched the waves lap against the shore. I felt like I was drawn here, that I was supposed to be here. I couldn’t explain the feeling or why. All I knew was that I needed to be at the beach. I sat there on my blanket with the warm soft sand underneath me while the sun was getting ready to set. Suddenly, my head started to hurt, and as I clutched the sides with my hands, I had a flashback of a beach with me and someone sitting on a blanket. I was laughing. Instantly, bright lights were blinding me, and I heard the loud sound of a crash. My mind finally settled, and the images were gone. The only thing I was left with was a bad headache. I folded up the blanket and headed home. Dr. Blakely had prescribed me some medication in case my headaches got worse. I opened my medicine cabinet and pulled out the bottle. I fumbled with the white childproof cap and shook one pill into my hand. I took it with a glass of water and went to bed.