The Portrait of a Scarred Duke by Patricia Haverton

Chapter 24

“You seem in good spirits today,” Guillan noted.

Seth was. He tucked his hands into his coat and gazed at the dreary, gray sky. The color was just a little less blue than Elinor’s striking eyes, and his face warmed when he thought of her.

“I’ve never seen that expression on your face before,” Guillan said.

Seth glanced at his friend. “Hm?”

Guillan chuckled. “That’s the look of a man in love,” he said, his tone heavy with faux scandal. “How could you do something so irreprehensible as that?”

“We can’t all be charming rakes like you,” Seth replied. “Some of us don’t have handsome faces to flaunt anymore.”

Guillan’s smile tightened, his expression becoming uneasy as his eyes flickered over Seth’s scars. “Don’t say such awful things.”

Seth sighed. They walked some distance in silence. Guillan had very graciously paid him another visit, assuming that Seth would want some company. The Season was quickly approaching, after all, which meant that London and the ton were quickly approaching. Guillan’s presence was a way for him to become familiar with high society again, a time to remember all the old faces and names.

I’m not ungrateful, but it seems as if a sea has grown between us.

“You need to stop worrying so much about me,” Seth said quietly. “I know you mean well, but you don’t need to keep trying to reassure me. If I feel comfortable making jokes after everything, that means I’m—I’m starting to become comfortable again.”

Guillan’s brow furrowed. He looked suddenly much older and less carefree than Seth remembered. Maybe he friend was maturing, too, and Seth just hadn’t noticed it.

“I’m glad you’re beginning to feel as though you belong here again,” Guillan said. “It’s quite clear that you haven’t felt that way in a very long time, and I’ve been so worried about you. I want you to be happy, and I want you to be safe.”

“You sound like my mother.”

“Is that something so horrible? That there are people who care for you and also wish to see you keep yourself out of harm’s way?”

“I suppose not,” Seth replied, “but you and my mother must remember that I can make my own decisions. I don’t need you both to treat me like a piece of expensive glass. I’m not going to break.”

Even if it has sometimes felt like that.

“I’m endeavoring to remember that,” Guillan replied. “It’s just that I can’t help but think about what happened to you.”

Of course he couldn’t. What had happened was written all across Seth’s face. “A naval accident is what happened, Guillan.”

Guillan sighed. “Knowing that one nearly lost a dear friend does make one feel rather different, you know. I’d have been inconsolable had anything happened to you. Anything more.”

Seth felt a swell of affection for his oldest and dearest childhood friend. “But nothing did, so you and my mother must stop behaving as though something did,” Seth said. “That will make me feel at home again. I dislike being pitied as much as I dislike the horror and disdain people sometimes look at me with.”

“I don’t recall you being quite so open with your feelings. You weren’t a particularly sentimental man before you left us.”

“Wasn’t I?”

“Not in the least. It’s strange that such a harsh mistress as the sea could somehow soften your disposition.” Guillan paused, and a sly grin crossed his face. “Or is it that you’ve found some comfort in a much kinder mistress?”

“There is no mistress.”

Guillan clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. His grin broadened. “Such cautious wording. You’ve not found a mistress, then. What have you found?”

“How do you know I’ve found anything at all?”

“I know you too well,” Guillan replied. “You’re different from what I remember, but not so different that I can no longer read you at all. I can tell from your expression that you’ve found something, but I cannot say what yet. Given time, I’m certain I could force the truth from you.”

Seth was tempted to invite Guillan to try, but his friend was nothing if not tenacious. Inevitably, he would learn the truth, so Seth might as well be a gentleman and save them both the effort.

“There is a young woman,” Seth confirmed.

Guillan’s expression brightened. “I knew it.”

“Yes. Nicely done.”

They walked a little further, coming to the edge of the gardens. More precisely, they’d come near the same place where Seth had kissed Elinor. His lips tingled with memory of the kiss, and his eyes darted towards the exact window where the studio was. Could Elinor be in that room right now, thinking of him and his touch on her? Seth’s breath caught.

“This isn’t a lady of the ton, though,” Guillan said slowly. “Is it? You’ve not invited any ladies to visit you, or else Her Grace would’ve mentioned them. And I can’t imagine you writing to a lady in the hopes of securing her affections before the Season begins. It’s someone who lives in your dukedom, isn’t it?”

Seth was beginning to regret that he hadn’t chosen to deny his friend’s claims instead. Sometimes. Guillan was too observant for his own good.

“I’m trying to be as scandalous as you,” Seth said at last. “Am I succeeding?”

“Hardly,” Guillan drawled, “and you know that. I’m not fooled by your attempts at deflection, either. I was always a better rhetorician than you, if you recall.”

“I do.”

For a rather mischievous adolescent and later a rakish man, Guillan had taken his studies quite seriously.

“Who is she, then?” Guillan asked. “Anyone I’ve met?”

Seth let out a slow breath of air. “It’s probably pointless to think about. I know that I’m to marry a proper lady during the Season, so really, I shouldn’t be encouraging her affections or letting my own flourish.”

Guillan hummed. “And yet you are. In fact, you sound as if you’ve resolved to do precisely that. She must be quite an exceptional young woman.”

“She is, in so many ways,” Seth said. “I’d only just become accustomed to the idea, you know. Of marriage to a lady.”

“And now, you’re thinking that you might marry this woman instead?” Guillan asked, his tone thoughtful. “For love, I assume? Unless you’ve some wealthy heiress hidden somewhere on the estate or in the surrounding villages.”

“For love,” Seth said. “Yes.”

“Well, it isn’t as though you need to marry wealth.”

Seth pressed his lips into a thin line. It wasn’t necessary, but it was preferable. It would mean that should he not be the Duke his father was, the dukedom would continue to prosper. This was really about which he wanted. As he and Elinor had once discussed, any path taken meant giving something up. Could he trade the promise of a dowry and the security it might bring to follow his own heart?

“And I suppose if you’re going to marry someone, a love-match is as good of a reason as anything else.”

“Shouldn’t you be telling me how terrible of a choice this is?” Seth asked. “Or at least, asking who the woman is first?”

Guillan snorted. “It doesn’t matter what I say. You’ll probably weigh this decision very heavily. You’ll agonize over it, imagining everything that might go wrong or right. And when you’re done with that, you’ll make your choice. It will hardly matter what I say. It’ll be just like when Her Grace tried to convince you not to go to sea.”

“In hindsight, that wasn’t my best decision,” Seth admitted. “I loved the sea. I still do. But I shouldn’t have left my mother alone like I did.”

“Would you make that decision again if you were eighteen and adventurous again, knowing all that you do now?”

“Yes.”

Guillan rocked back on his heels, his black coat a stark contrast with the snow around them. They could’ve gone indoors, where it was warmer, but they remained in the garden instead. It was as if the both of them sensed instinctively that this conversation had no place behind walls and closed doors.

“You will always be my friend, no matter what choice you make,” Guillan said. “After the—the naval accident and your father’s death, I think you deserve a little brightness, a little joy in your life. If you love this woman, you should tell her.”

“I have.”

Guillan grinned. “Very good. Who is the fortunate lady, then, or shall I guess?”

“No need. It’s the artist who’s painting my portrait, Miss Elinor Thorebourne.”

Guillan whistled between his teeth. “Oh, I must meet her now.”

“You can’t tell anyone it’s her,” Seth said. “I shall deny it if you do.”

It seemed like a pointless condition to add. Seth trusted already that Guillan wouldn’t tell. For all that they’d changed, so many aspects of themselves seemed utterly unmovable. Guillan had always kept Seth’s secrets and always would.

“I would never ruin your chance to find happiness, unless it were detrimental to someone else. So what are your intentions with the young woman? Have you told your mother of this interest?”

Seth shook his head. “I suppose it’s something I’ll really need to speak to Elinor about. I know that she doesn’t wish to wed, and even if she returns my affections, that might not be enough to persuade her otherwise. I wouldn’t just be asking her to be my wife, I’d be asking her to be my Duchess.”

“You’re already thinking of marriage?” Guillan asked. “That’s quite soon, isn’t it?”

“It’s the eventual, logical end to love, isn’t it?” Seth asked. “My mother expects me to marry over the Season. That’s no less time than I’ve spent with Elinor, and I—I must make my decision soon. We must make our decision soon.”

“Indeed,” Guillan replied. “When do you intend to tell Her Grace?”

Seth shook his head. “I haven’t decided yet. She didn’t initially like the idea of a female artist even painting me, but she…I think she’s changed her mind. Elinor made her laugh a couple weeks ago, and my mother’s laughter has been so rare since my father’s passing.”

Guillan’s expression softened. “I think she’ll let you marry whoever you love. She wants you to be close to her, but happy. Unless you resolve to run away to the sea again, I think Her Grace would do anything for you and accept anything from you.”

Seth nodded. He couldn’t return to the sea. He knew that and accepted it, and with the promise of Elinor’s love, it suddenly didn’t seem like such an unfathomable sacrifice. He dared to imagine himself married to Elinor, the two of them watching over Worthwood as its Duke and Duchess. It was such a beautiful, appealing image.

“I hope so,” Seth muttered.

At least, he knew that he could trust Elinor to be kind to his mother. There would be no conflict there, and Elinor’s care for her father proved that she was a compassionate woman, too.

“If you marry her before the Season begins, you’ll be able to introduce everyone to your new bride,” Guillan said, his eyes shining with mischief. “What a wonderful return that would be!”

“Everyone will gossip about us and say Elinor is ill-suited to be my Duchess. I can imagine well enough what will happen.”

And is it fair of me to ask that of her? To ask that she tolerate the ton’s selfishness and cruelty?

His heart ached. Seth liked to think that he might be remembering his old life as being worse than it was, but he couldn’t quite make himself believe that. There were so many different matters to consider when it came to marrying Elinor, and he should’ve considered them all before telling her that he was deeply, madly in love with her.

But he hadn’t. She’d just looked so beautiful standing there, surrounded by winter, that his heart had leaped into his throat, and he’d ached to touch her. Seth had felt as though every part of him was on fire, silently craving even her lightest touch.

“It could be worse,” Guillan said kindly. “Certainly, it could be worse. The ton might find it terribly scandalous at first, but eventually, they’ll become accustomed to the strangeness of it. They’ll find some new scandal to follow, and the two of you will no longer be a spectacle.”

Guillan was so reassuring sometimes. Seth smiled. This felt almost like being home, as if he’d returned to the past but also somehow wandered into an even better future with a better version of himself.

“I must ask her first,” Seth said. “I must be certain that she hasn’t changed her mind.”

Guillan’s lips twitched into a wry smile. “Why would she? If she’s a woman with any taste of all, I’m sure she’d agree.”

“You don’t understand how much I’d be asking her to sacrifice for me,” Seth said. “She’d pay a far greater price for our relationship than I would.”

And worse, Seth couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if she fell out of love with him or regretted her decision to do as he’d suggested and see their relationship, their love, reach its expected conclusion.

But if I don’t talk to her about these things, I’ll never know, and that will be much worse than receiving a rejection.

Guillan resumed walking, approaching the manor. Instinctively, Seth’s eyes darted to the window of Elinor’s makeshift studio. It was nearly nightfall, and he’d be expected to be a good host for his friend. His mother would expect him to be present for dinner, and Elinor would be with her father during the night. Seth’s conversation with her would have to wait until morning. He sighed, thinking of how very far away that sounded.

“Are you already thinking of abandoning my company for her?” Guillan asked, his tone amused. “How cruel.”

Once they’d entered, the waiting maid gathered their coats. “I was thinking of her,” Seth said quietly.

Seth’s friend smiled with something like triumph. “Of course you were.”

He and Elinor couldn’t be spoken of in the presence of others, where they might be overheard. Grimacing, Seth suddenly realized another obstacle which stood between he and Elinor having an earnest conversation with one another. He’d sit for her tomorrow at noon, as he always did, but they’d be accompanied by Letty. Seth wasn’t certain that he trusted her to keep their conversation a secret.

So either he had to take that risk or devise some manner in which he might find himself alone with Elinor. He must be careful. If he and Elinor were found alone together, it would become very difficult for them to hide their growing feelings for one another.

But I don’t even want to.

He longed to ran up the stairs and to her studio, to her room, to wherever she was. Seth forced down the lump that rose in his throat. He felt like a young man again, like a creature ruled only by his impulsive passions, and maybe the same reckless abandon which had led him to the sea would lead him to Elinor.