Half-breed’s Bargain by Samantha Wolfe
17
VAN
I walk out onto the same worse for wear patio I sat out on last night and pace back and forth across the cracked concrete. I’m angry, my nerves are jangled, and the cool night air does nothing to soothe me like I hoped it would. How dare Ameera come in here all these years later and throw that same old pointless argument in my face? I never understood this one contention between us, why she couldn’t accept that I’m in a position that allows me no latitude to break free. Móira owns me, and to defy her or act against her would mean I’m willing to die to do it. Call me a coward, but I’m not ready to give up on my life just yet, not when I still have a few things left to live for, like Mercer, Ethan, and even Harlow. The truth remains that she’ll always be a part of me going forward. I’ll never get her out of my head or my heart, and I’ll have to live with the agony of not being with her until my dying breath. But it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
“Van?” Harlow says behind me. I knew she was there already, knew she followed me out here. I always know where she’s at when she’s nearby, thanks to our soul bond.
I turn and give her a wan smile. I’m glad she’s out here and not Ameera.
“Are you okay?” she asks as she moves closer, her brow furrowed with worry.
I shrug and wipe my hands down my face. “Not really,” I tell her.
She gives me a mere ghost of her usual smirk. “I guess that was a dumb question, wasn’t it?”
I nod and then we just stare at each other for a long and tension fraught moment as our mutual attraction pulls at us, but neither of us move. I think she knows as much as I do that touching is a temptation best avoided if we want to keep the lust between us down to a manageable level.
“So,” she says. “You and Ameera, huh?”
I breathe out a deep sigh. “I used to think I was in love with her,” I say, then tilt my head toward her with a pointed look. “But now I know better.”
She gives me a genuine smile, the sincere warmth in her eyes hitting me right in the gut. “I didn’t think love was real, let alone a possibility for me, but I guess I know better now too.”
I smile at our implied declarations to each other. I won’t come out and say it anymore than she will. It seems insane to be feeling this way about her after only two days, but that’s how anam amháin works. Regardless of whether the two fae involved like it. If only life hadn’t conspired against me to keep me from embracing it. I’d be all in if I could, and the more I get to know her, the more painfully I’m aware of what I’m going to lose when we part ways.
My smile fades as I turn to face the trees, and Harlow comes up next to me to do the same. “Ameera and I were on and off again for years,” I say. It was almost a decade, but I don’t think Harlow needs to know that. She’s already jealous enough. “I was young and lonely, and Ameera was independent enough that my obligations to Móira rarely interfered with our time together. But when it did, she was less than understanding to state the obvious.” I shake my head. “Ameera seems to think that I can just brush off Móira’s hold on me without consequence. But from what I’ve learned, breaking a bargain with a fae snuffs out the innate fae magic that’s the very essence that keeps them alive. A fae can’t live without it.”
“But you’re not one hundred percent fae,” Harlow comments, inadvertently using the same argument Ameera used to throw at me.
“True,” I say. “But is that gamble worth my life?”
“But it’s a life that isn’t yours,” she says in a quieter voice, as if she fears she’ll upset me.
“I know,” I say. “But it’s better than no life at all.”
“Is it?” she asks with yet another argument of Ameera’s, but I’m not angry since she knows first hand what it’s like to not be in control of one’s own life.
I don’t answer her because I don’t have one. It’s not like I haven’t thought that before, and at one point I even considered taking my own life. When I turned forty and didn’t look a day over thirty like I still do now, I couldn’t bear the thought of spending the interminable years that spread out before me under Móira’s thumb. But I was too cowardly to do it, not to mention how hard it would have been to carry out my own death. Instead, I made the most of what little freedom I had. Over time and with a lot of work and persistence, I found enough success and wealth to find some measure of fulfillment in my life, even if I couldn’t call it happiness. I’ve been certain for so long that it’s all I can expect for myself and that it has to be enough. But now, as I glance at my beautiful Harlow and despair at what I can never have with her, I’m not so sure anymore. I think about my life ending and realize it doesn’t really hold the fear that it used to have for me. I can’t decide if that’s a good or a bad thing.
“What are we going to do about the ring?”
I sigh. “I honestly don’t know.”
“Do you really believe what she says about the ring?” she asks.
“I do,” I reply. “The old fae gods are no joke. Any object imbued with just a fraction of their power is extremely dangerous. And with one as powerful as the Morrígan, it’s even more so.”
“If she’s that powerful, why haven’t I heard of her?”
“Because the Tuatha Dé Danann haven’t been a part of our world in thousands and thousands of years.”
“The who?” she asks.
“The Tuatha Dé Danann. The ancient Celtic ancestors of the fae,” I reply. “They were a supernatural race that lived in what is now Ireland. When man came into power in this world, they retreated to the Otherworld, the realm of the gods they came from. Legend has it they left a few magical artifacts behind, though I’ve never heard of one in actual existence until now.”
“How do you know all this?” she asks, turning to look at me.
The smile I give her is as bitter as it is sad. “Móira made sure I was well versed in fae history, even though she made it abundantly clear that I would never be accepted as one of them, thanks to my diluted blood.”
My education in all things fae also included being trained to fight by Móira’s bloodthirsty brother, the infamous fae assassin know as Scáth, the Lord of Darkness and Shadows. His methods were brutal and painful, and though highly effective, I hated his guts through every second. He was killed several years ago by one of his targets, and all I can say is good riddance. Móira wasn’t upset about it either and told me her brother got what he deserved for failing to defeat an enemy. But I don’t tell Harlow about any of it because I hate dredging up the memories of that god-awful experience.
“I really hate that fucking bitch,” Harlow says.
I snort out a small laugh, my mood improved by her vehement anger on my behalf. “You and me both, querida.”
Unable to stand the distance between us any longer, I reach out to take her hand and twine our fingers together. I focus on savoring the feel of her skin on mine as I attempt to rein in my aura and keep it from touching hers.
“I hope the two of you aren’t talking about me,” Ameera announces from behind us.
We both whirl and I tighten my hold on Harlow’s hand just in case she goes after the vampire. Mercer and Ethan appear and flank Ameera, both men giving me apologetic looks. But there’s no need. It’s not like they could’ve stopped Ameera from doing what she wants without one of them getting hurt.
“Hardly,” I say. Even with our history of contention, including her comments inside and my subsequent outburst, I don’t harbor any hard feelings for Ameera. I know she just wants me to be free of Móira and live my own life, even if it’s impossible.
“I thought I told you not to come out here,” Harlow says with a scowl.
I fight the tiny grin that pulls at the corners of my lips at her reaction. Apparently, she has enough hard feelings for the vampire for the both of us. I imagine she’s just as irritated by being sneaked up on as she is that Ameera followed us out here.
“Well, I’m not inclined to do what I’m told without a good reason for it, anymore than I expect you are, Walsh,” Ameera replies, her brow arched in defiance. “Unlike your boyfriend here,” she adds as she eyes our clasped hands.
Harlow lurches forward to go after Ameera, but I pull her back and put an arm around her waist to keep her next to me. I try to ignore how good it feels to hold her against me and the lust that threatens to rise because of it.
“Enough, Ameera,” I say. “I know you mean well, but baiting us isn’t helping.”
“Means well, my ass,” Harlow chimes in. “She’s acting like a holier than thou bitch over things she doesn’t understand.”
Harlow makes a good point. As far as I know, Ameera has never been in a position like Harlow was with Bravas, or like I still am with my mother. She’s always had her freedom and has never been a pawn to someone else's whims since her sire is one of the few honorable vampires I’ve heard of. How could she possibly understand?
Ameera sighs, her expression softening. “I just want more for you than spending your life as Móira’s plaything. I want you to be happy, Van.” She glances between Ethan and Mercer, then looks back to Harlow and me. “And it looks like you might’ve found a way to have that if you just banish your mother from your life.”
“You think I haven’t tried?” I ask, my voice hard and bitter.
“Not hard enough,” she says as she shakes her head. “It makes me wonder if maybe you’d rather stay a slave than be free.”
“Someone better rescind this bitch’s invitation before I haul her ass out of here myself,” Harlow says, her entire body thrumming with tension. I’m forced to tighten my hold on her as she pulls against it.
“We’re outside,” Ameera says with an impertinent smile. “There’s nothing to rescind out here, so give it your best shot, bitch.”
“Why you-” Harlow lurches forward and I restrain her.
“Easy,” I murmur. “There’s no need for this. She was just about to leave, anyway.” I level a baleful glare at Ameera. “Weren’t you, Ameera?”
“Fine,” Ameera says. “I suppose there’s no use in staying if you refuse to help me stop Lynch from using the ring to decimate the preternatural community. Not to mention the humans that will get caught in the crossfire.”
I grind my teeth together, fighting the urge to go after her myself now. I know Ameera means well, but I’ve had enough of her confrontational way of going about it. Especially when she has no understanding or sympathy for the powerless position that I’m in. She’s gotten a lot harder in the fifty years since I last saw her, less human, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s the way of immortals as the unending years roll past them to lose touch with the more mortal emotions of their youth. Lord knows, my mother doesn’t feel much past her own selfish whims. It makes me fear I’ll end up the same way in the future, thanks to my fae half.
“Go,” I snarl at her. “You’re no longer welcome here.”
Her hard expression falters at my words into what I swear looks like guilt and regret at my dismissal. Too little, too late.
“And I rescind your invitation into my home,” I add for good measure.
Not that I think Ameera would come into my house to hurt anyone, but to drive home the point that I won’t tolerate her behavior anymore. And maybe to irk her off as much as she’s done the same to me tonight. Irritation flickers across her eyes just as I’d hoped to see as her lips flatten into a hard line.
“I suppose I deserved that.” She glances at Ethan and Mercer, both tensed and ready to force the issue by escorting her back to her Porsche. “I’ll gladly go without a fight, but I’m not your enemy, Van,” she says as she looks back at me with the most sincere expression I’ve seen on her face tonight. “I just want to prevent an all out war, and the collateral damage that you know will follow. If you change your mind and decide to do the right thing, you know where to find me.”
Then she whirls and hurries away so fast that she almost seems to vanish into the darkness, there one moment and gone the next. It’s yet another sign that Ameera is indeed a master level vampire now if she can move with that kind of preternatural speed. Her parting words have their desired effect and I’m left with a wave of guilt washing over me, along with a deep gut-roiling sense of dread.