Southern Sunshine by Natasha Madison

Chapter 10

Hazel

"Tilt your head back," I tell my daughter as I grab a plastic cup and rinse the shampoo out of her hair.

"Momma," she says. “My eyes." I grab a clean, dry towel and dry the little drops of water running down the side of her face. “Thank you, Momma,” she says with a smile, and it knocks me on my ass because she has his smile. I never saw it before, or maybe I didn’t want to see it before, but the way she smirks and then smiles, she’s exactly like him. Seeing him again and then seeing some of the stuff she does, it’s like I forgot or ignored it. But now seeing him and knowing that he’s so close to her, it’s almost like they stick out more. It’s not just her smile either. It’s the way she puts her hands on her hips and cocks her head to one side just a bit.

"Five more minutes,” I say, and she turns around in a circle in the big tub. "We have a big day tomorrow,” I say. Sitting on the wooden stool by the tub, I watch her fill the cup with water and then throw it on her legs. “We are going to take care of those weeds out front.” She looks up at me. “Cut them down. Pops always loved his flowers in the front. It’s because Meemaw planted them.” I take a big inhale when I think of what I need to do in order to make it look a bit better. “We just need to go into the barn.”

Her eyes get big now. “Momma, the raccoons," she tells me. "They looked mad last time."

"It’s fine.” I’m not sure it’s fine, but they’re not going to stop me. I need the tools in the barn because without them, I’ll be cutting the weeds with the scissors. "Momma will bring out a big pot and a wooden spoon, and we’ll scare them all away." She looks at me like she isn’t sure, and it doesn’t help that I think she’s right.

She stands, saying, “Okay, I’m done." I hold out my hand for her as she climbs out of the old tub. She stands on the little square rug while I pick up the big dry towel on my lap and wrap it around her. Pulling her to me, I squish her to my chest, blowing kisses in her neck until the sound of her giggles fills the room. "Momma, that tickles,” she says, and I finally dry her off so she can slip on her nightgown. I start combing her hair to braid it. "Momma, can I have a cookie?"

"One cookie, some milk, and then bed,” I say, and she smirks at me, the same fucking smirk that Reed gave me when he was over. The smirk I forgot about until today.

"Okay," she sings, knowing I’ll give her two cookies.

We walk back downstairs to the soft light coming from the kitchen stove. She sits on the chair on her knees while she eats two cookies and then drinks her milk. "Let’s go brush your teeth,” I say, walking upstairs to finish her nightly routine. I’m trying to keep the same schedule for her.

After she brushes her teeth, she jumps into the bed and slips under the covers. “Prayers,” she says, and I sit on the bed beside her. She takes her arms out of the covers and folds her hands, closing her eyes. “Now I lay me down to sleep." Her soft voice fills the room. The same room that I used to say these exact prayers. "God bless Mommy and Pops." I smile at her. “And all my friends." I bend down and kiss her nose.

"Good night, sweet girl,” I say, and she turns. “Have colorful dreams."

Standing, I walk out of the room and pull the door closed just a touch. I clean up the bathroom before walking back downstairs and turning on the kettle. Walking over to the kitchen table, I open my laptop, getting all the papers ready to go over again.

I’ve been over it five times, and I still can’t figure out how the fuck I’m going to get out of this mess. The only thing that will help is if Billy buys the farm.

The sound of the kettle whistling fills the room. I pick up the kettle and pour out the hot water, and I’m suddenly brought back to six years ago.

I walked into the house after discovering I was pregnant. The television was on low, and Pops’ chair was empty. I walked into the kitchen, and there he stood, making his nightly tea. He looked over his shoulder, and the smile he had on his face quickly dropped when he saw my face. He put the kettle down and turned to look at me. He was wearing his jeans and flannel shirt with his suspenders that he always wore. “What in sam hill has you in that mood?”

My heart beat so fast I thought it would come out of my chest. My stomach was moving like a lost boat in the ocean during a storm. “I have to tell you something."

"Well, go on, then," he said, his voice tight as he waited to hear.

"I’m," I started to talk, and my voice trembled. “I’m," I started over again, and that time the tears stopped me from talking. His eyes remained on mine the whole time; his face pure white as he held the counter.

He stood at six foot four and was built like an ox, but he was as soft as a teddy bear. “Hazel Bernadette." He said my full name, and I knew he was one second from snapping.

"I’m pregnant." The words left my mouth without a second thought. I watched his hand come up to his chest, and I thought he was having a heart attack.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph." He laughed. “I thought you were going to tell me you were dying." He grabbed his tea and walked over to the table and sat down. He looked at me and then at the empty chair beside him. That was my cue to get my ass in the chair. I pulled out the chair and was suddenly thankful to be sitting down while I was doing this. “Now …" He looked at me. “Start over."

I placed my hands on the table, and my eyes focused on my fingers instead of Pops because I wasn’t sure I could see the disappointment in his eyes. "I’m pregnant," I said softly, still in shock myself. How did this happen? I kept asking myself that over and over since I saw the two lines. We used protection both times.

"So whatcha going to do?" he asked, and I finally looked up at him. Nothing was in his eyes but love.

"I’m going to have the baby," I said, and he nodded.

"It ain’t going to be easy." He placed his hand on mine now. “But if anyone can do it." Tears filled his eyes now. "You can."

"I don’t know about that," I said. “I never expected this."

"No one does really." He grabbed his cup now and brought it to his mouth. “Even when you know it’s coming." He placed the cup back down. “What about the father?"

I shook my head. “He doesn’t know," I answered him honestly.

"Are you going to let him know?" The question lingered in the air.

"He left town," I said, and without saying Reed’s name, he knew. "So I don’t know."

"He’s got a big family," he said. “One of them might know how to get ahold of him."

"I’ll try," I told him and then looked at him. “Are you disappointed in me?"

He put his big hand back on mine and squeezed as tears filled his eyes. "Not in a million years. Couldn’t be more proud of you." He took his handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed his eyes. “In my whole life, you are the only thing I am most proud of." I got up and kissed his cheek. “Now go try to get ahold of that man of yours."

I stood there in front of him with tears rolling down my face. “What if he doesn’t want the baby?" Reed couldn’t wait to get the hell out of town, so the last thing he would want is a child.

"Then he’s a damn fool," he said as he got up. “And it’ll be his loss. We’ll figure it out."

I sit at the table now. “We’ll figure it out,” I say to the empty room. “We always do." I smile, ignoring the pain in my chest. He made sure I was always okay. He made sure we were always okay.

I’m going over the bills again when I hear the soft knock. The paper in my hand doesn’t move because I thought I might have been hearing things. I look over at the front door when I hear it again, and my hand slowly lowers to the table. I think about ignoring it for a second, but then the knocking starts again.

I walk softly to the door, and the knock sounds again. “Fucking hell.” I look upstairs and see that she is still asleep. I unlock the door and pull it open. I knew he would come back. I knew it, yet I was in denial.

"Hey, Hazel." He stands where his father stood this morning. "You busy?"

I step out and pull the door closed behind me. “What do you want, Reed?" In the dark of the outside, I can’t see his eyes.

"I thought, you know, we could catch up,” he says, and I fold my arms over my chest.

"Did you?" I ask, rolling my eyes. I really hope he can see how fucking annoyed I am that he’s here. The last thing I want to do is catch up with Reed Barnes. What he needs to do is be on his way and pretend he didn’t see me.

"What’s it been now?" He mirrors my stance and folds his arms over his chest. “Six years."

"I don’t know. I’m not keeping track." I shake my head. “If that’s all,” I say, turning and putting my hand on the door handle.

"So you’re a mom?” His words have me stopping in my tracks and ice goes through my veins. I close my eyes, and I’m happy that my back is to him so he can’t see how shaken I am. "Yeah, I was over at my grandparents’, and my grandfather said he met your little girl." My heart is beating so fast and so fucking hard I don’t think I can even handle turning around. "Sofia,” he says her name. “Said she looks just like her momma."

I turn now to face him, anger filling my whole body. He doesn’t get to do this. He does not get to come in here and claim her after not even bothering to answer me. She’s mine, and she will always be mine. "She does,” I say. “She looks just like me. So if that’s it, Reed, I have other things to do." I turn around this time, ready to go back into the house and hoping like hell he just lets it go.