At First Hate by K.A. Linde

Savannah

November 1, 2004

Ivowed to stop thinking about that kiss at Derek’s Halloween party. It was Monday morning, and I needed it to stop. Derek Ballentine was a Holy Cross boy. We might have had a connection in that moment and a series of incredible kisses, but again… Holy Cross boy. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that it’d meant anything to him.

Danielle met me in the school parking lot when I hopped out of Maddox’s truck. Jack was speed-typing on his phone, hardly paying attention until he saw Maddox. He pocketed his phone, and they started in on the show and future rehearsals and the running theme about the band name.

“Local Carnage is a cool name,” Maddox complained.

“It sounds violent,” Danielle piped up.

Jack slipped an arm around Danielle as his phone noisily pinged again. He glanced at it and then put it back. “We need something else. Something that fits our sound better.”

“Who’s texting you?” Danielle asked.

“Just my mom,” he said and then arched an eyebrow at Maddox. “Thoughts?”

I let them get ahead of me. Personally, I thought Local Carnage was the best of the ones they’d gone by before. This had to be the third or fourth name they’d picked. Next concert, it would be something else since Jack never seemed to be able to make up his mind.

I stepped inside, and immediately, a guy that I’d only vaguely seen before whistled at me. I jumped, turning around to see if maybe he was whistling at someone else.

“Looking good, Marley,” he said with a wink.

My cheeks flushed. What the hell was he talking about? I looked exactly the same as I always did—nondescript. I had on bootcut jeans with a white tank top, layered under a baby-blue T-shirt with a jean jacket over top and a backpack stuffed to the brim. My hair was in a ponytail, and I had on zero makeup. There was no reason for whistling.

I hurried away from the guy, tucking the book I was holding tight to my chest. I stopped at my locker, opening it with the combination and filling the space from my overstuffed backpack. I was only a sophomore, but I was already taking three AP classes, and my class load was intense on top of dance and cheer.

“So, Marley,” a guy said, leaning against the side of the locker next to mine. This one I did recognize. Brandt Johnston was a senior and on the baseball team. He was being recruited by Alabama. “You want to go out this weekend?”

I gawked at him and looked around as if I might know another Marley. As far as I knew, I was the only one in the school. “I… what?”

“I was thinking you could come over to my house.” He winked.

I blushed deeper. “Um…”

“Maybe eight o’clock.”

The bell rang. “I… I have to get to class.”

“I’ll find you later,” he said and then touched my arm as he passed.

I was so flustered that I was nearly late to my homeroom, where I slid into a seat next to Leigh. She had a compact out and was powdering her face as our teacher wrote out our assignment for the period.

“Leigh something strange is happening. Brandt Johnston just asked me out in the hall.”

She snapped her compact closed. “What?”

“Yeah, and some guy whistled at me.” I gestured to my nerd outfit. “Me.”

Leigh frowned and then bit her overly glossed lips. “Well, I might have heard something about that in the hall.”

“About what?”

“So… it’s going around school that you slept with a senior Holy Cross guy this weekend.”

I gaped at her. “I what?”

“Yeah,” she said with a wince. “I tried to tell someone there was no way that it was you. It had to be someone else.”

“Of course it wasn’t me! I’ve never… I mean, I wouldn’t…”

“Mars, I know. But I guess some guys from the football team saw you coming downstairs with some guy who has a reputation for fucking everything that walks.”

I blinked at her as my stomach dropped out. “Derek?”

“Yes!” she said, pointing at me. “That’s the guy.”

“I was just looking for the bathroom!”

Leigh winced. “I’m sorry, Mars.”

“Did he tell people we slept together?”

Leigh shrugged. “I have no idea.”

“So, these guys whistling and asking me out… they think it’s because I’m easy?” I whispered in horror. “Oh my God, am I the new school slut?”

“I’m sure it will all blow over. Try not to worry about it. They’re stupid high school boys.”

“Ladies,” Ms. Matthews called. “Do you want to continue your conversation, or can the rest of us get started?”

“Sorry, Ms. Matthews,” we said in unison.

But my mind was not on the subject. Not that I really had to pay attention as she finished up homeroom and started our Honors English class. I was getting a hundred just by reading the books. Apparently, that was rocket science in my school of CliffsNotes.

I was out of it the rest of the day. I was asked out twice more. Brandt Johnston cornered me at my locker again. And a half-dozen other assholes made catcalls like I was working a fucking corner. All that time I’d been working so hard to be the smart girl had just gone out the window with one interaction with Derek Ballentine.

When we got back to the parking lot that afternoon, it was clear that Maddox had heard some bastardized version of what had happened. He looked pale. “Mars.”

“Just don’t.” I held my hand up. “It didn’t happen. If I have to hear about it again, I’m going to be sick.”

“I didn’t think it happened! I didn’t think about it at all.” He grimaced.

“Ew, Maddox. Stop!” I threw my backpack in the bed of the truck and got into the passenger side as Maddox started the engine. “I need you to do something for me.”

“What?”

“I need you to take me to Derek’s house.”

Maddox looked at me as if I’d sprouted a second head. “Why would I do that? We have to be home on time, or Gran will freak.”

“Then, tell her I had a cheer meeting or something.”

“Lie?”

“You lie all the time! Just take me to his house, Maddox!”

“Fine. Fine,” he grumbled as he took the truck out of the parking lot. “For the record, this is a bad idea. What are you even going to say to this guy?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

I was running on adrenaline and anger. A potent combination on a good day, and today was not a good day. But I couldn’t do nothing. As much as Leigh had said it would blow over, it wasn’t going to blow over tomorrow or the next day. And I was going to sock someone in the nuts if they tried to proposition me again.

Maddox pulled over in front of Derek’s house. “Don’t be too long. I can only run interference with Gran for so long.”

“Yeah, okay.”

I hopped out of the truck and crossed to the front of his mansion, pulling open the intimidating wrought iron gate. The house was even more impressive in the daylight. Also somehow, it looked twice as big. And I looked like a sixteen-year-old sophomore. I pushed back my stray curls and then yelled internally at myself for trying to make myself look nice for him. It was his fault this had all started to begin with.

I rang the doorbell, and a minute later, a woman pulled the door open.

“Hi, honey!” she exclaimed in a straight Scarlett O’Hara Southern drawl. She was also stunning with platinum-blonde hair to her waist and immaculate makeup. She wore a pastel-pink minidress with a square cut, revealing ample cleavage, and four-inch wedges. Her legs were long and fake tan. She could have been a model.

I had no idea who she was. Maybe an older sister. Though they didn’t look anything alike.

“Hello.”

“You must be Derek’s date.”

“I…”

“Come in. Come in,” she said, ushering me inside. “I’m his stepmom, Kathy.”

Stepmom. Well, that explained why she looked twenty-five.

“Hi, I’m Marley.”

“Marley, darling, it’s so nice to meet you. Let me get Derek for you.”

I opened my mouth to object, but this was probably the easiest way to get his attention. Anyway, who had a date on a Monday night during the school year?

“Derek, your date is here!” Kathy called up the stairwell as her heels clomped on the hardwood.

Derek appeared at the top of the stairs in a variation on what he’d been wearing at the party—khakis and a pink striped button-up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. “I don’t have a date today.”

Kathy laughed. “Well, your little girlfriend is here, honey.”

Then Derek caught sight of me standing at the base of the stairs. He cocked his head to the side, and a smirk caught on his pouty lips. “Thanks, Kathy.”

“Anytime,” she said with a wink. “Go get ’em.” She turned to me, coming back down the stairs. “Marley, do you want a drink?.”

“Um, no, thank you.”

“Well, y’all let me know if you need anything.”

“Okay.”

Derek trotted down the stairs, adjusting the sleeve of his shirt before stopping in front of me. “Hey, Marley.”

“Hey,” I said, momentarily stupefied in his presence again. Seriously, how was he this hot?

“Didn’t expect to see you again after you ran out on Saturday.”

I cleared my head. I wasn’t here to look at how pretty he was. That didn’t matter. What mattered was the shit that had happened at school.

“Yeah, well, apparently, I didn’t run away fast enough.”

His brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“The entire school thinks we slept together!”

“Oh,” he said smoothly. He shrugged one shoulder. “So?”

“News flash: we didn’t sleep together.”

“I know that. You know that. Why else does it matter?”

“Because I’m getting hit on by a ton of guys at school. I’m getting leered at and catcalled, and some guy smacked my ass in the hallway.”

“Okay.” He nodded his head. “And it’s bad that guys at school want to ask you out?”

“Yes! They are only doing it because they think I’m easy!”

“I don’t think you’re easy.”

“You are missing the point!” I nearly shrieked at him. Then I took a deep breath and let it out. “I want this to stop. So, whoever you told that we slept together, I need you to tell them the truth. I need you to make it stop.”

He shrugged again, unperturbed. “I didn’t tell anyone we slept together.”

“Well, can you let people know that’s the case?”

He held his hands out in front of him, all casual and cool. “No one would believe me.”

“What? Why not?” I demanded.

He laughed softly and shot me a look of pure sexual appeal. “Why do you think?”

“Oh God, Derek, gross. You’re such a whore that no one would believe if you said we didn’t sleep together?”

“Hey, you should take it as a compliment.”

“You’re a pig,” I snapped. “And the entire thing is fucked up. You get to be this awesome guy for having slept with a lot of girls. Whereas I’m suddenly the town slut for being associated with you?”

“It’s not like I asked for that to happen to you,” he said, his voice turning sharp after I called him a whore.

“No, of course not. None of this is your fault. And you’re not going to do anything about it.”

“There is one solution,” he said with a grin that said I wasn’t going to like the suggestion at all.

But I wanted a solution. So, I sighed and asked, “What?”

“You could just go out with me. I didn’t get your number on Saturday.”

I blinked at him and then burst into laughter. “Oh dear God, no. You think I’d want to go out with you after this shit? Do your pickup lines actually work on people?”

“All the time,” he said, tilting his head at me in a way that I sometimes looked at my Calculus homework.

“It’s not going to work on me. You can’t sweet-talk your way out of this.”

“Look, it’s not my fault that some guys are hitting on you at school. What exactly do you want me to do? Show up to a school that I don’t go to and hold an assembly to let them know that you didn’t get laid?”

“No,” I grumbled.

“Right. There is no way that would happen anyway.”

I glared at him. He was right. This wasn’t going to fix it. He wouldn’t tell anyone because he had his precious reputation to uphold. And there was no way I was going to go out with him and let the rumors be true. He was dangerous in all the ways that made me forget the world. I had no intention of letting him dig in deeper under my skin.

“Whatever. This is still your fault,” I snapped at him.

He laughed. “I like you, Marley.”

“You don’t even know me,” I said as I headed for the door.

“Not yet,” he called as I yanked the door open.

“Not ever!”

His laughter followed me as I slammed the door shut. What an asshole! This was his fault. His damn reputation was ruining everything for me, and he didn’t even care. And worse, just being in his presence got under my skin. I could have very easily said yes when he asked me out. And I didn’t want that. Did I?

“Marley and Maddox Nelson!” Gran called as soon as we walked into the house. “Where were you?”

“Uh… cheer meeting,” I tried.

She shook her head. “I called the cheer coach, and she said practice was tomorrow. Try again.”

I sighed heavily and let my head hang. “It wasn’t Maddox. I asked him to drive me.”

“Oh?” She held her hand out. “Maddox, keys.”

“Oh man,” he grumbled, passing them to her.

“No rehearsal this week. Go do your homework.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Marley, sit.”

I sat. “Gran, it’s not what you think.”

“What do I think?” she drawled as she eased back into her favorite chair.

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

“I think you lied to me. Tell me the whole story. Start from the beginning.”

I didn’t know how she knew, but she did. She always did. So, I told her what had happened—the party, the kiss, the kids at school, going to see Derek. She listened without comment through all of it. Even the kiss.

When I was finished, she finally asked, “And do you like this boy?”

“No!”

She arched an eyebrow. “Don’t lie to me.”

I huffed. “I don’t know him.”

“Yet you kissed him.”

“I… yeah.”

“I see.”

“I mean, we did talk before it happened. I felt connected to him. Like he wasn’t going to be a bad guy. But obviously, he was.”

“I’m going to tell you the same thing that I told your mom at your age.”

I groaned. “I don’t want to hear about Mom.”

“Don’t speak ill of your mother, chickadee. She gave you life. She deserves your respect.”

“Even if she hasn’t earned it?” I grumbled under my breath.

“Yes,” she said confidently. “Now, I told your mom that every person is going through their own struggles. You can never know what someone else is dealing with or why they act the way they do.”

“But, Gran…”

She held a hand up. “But if you let them take advantage of you once, they’ll do it forever.”

I froze in surprise at the words she’d uttered. I had expected a Christian lecture about treating people the way you wanted to be treated.

“So, if this boy did you wrong and you showed him kindness, you gave him a way out. Then, you need to make sure he understands that he can’t hurt you again.”

I tilted my head. “I like the way you think, Gran.”

She laughed and patted my hand twice. “Your mom never quite learned that one, but I think you will. You have to assert yourself, or you’ll be walked over your whole life.”

“Thanks, Gran. For everything.”

“You’re welcome, sweetie.” She kissed the top of my head. “Oh, and you’re grounded for a week too.”

I groaned. “But my driver’s test is Saturday.”

“I guess you’ll need to spend all your extra time studying.”

“And the game Friday?”

“It’s an obligation. So, yes, but there and back, and I’ll be driving you.”

I huffed in frustration but nodded before she could tack on more time. “All right.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

She headed for the kitchen. “Get your brother, and I’ll grab Gramps out of the garden for dinner.”

I watched her go in frustration. The grounding sucked. But her words gave me a few ideas about what to do in regard to Derek.