Jerk It by Lani Lynn Vale

CHAPTER 15

Welcome to my loose interpretation of clean.

-Welcome sign hanging in Mavis’s house

MAVIS

Things went downhill fast.

Exactly like the doctor said they would.

One week he was walking around without oxygen.

The next, he had his bright green oxygen bottle trailing behind him everywhere he went.

It was now six weeks after that meeting with the doctor, and I knew one thing was for sure.

I was so in love with Alessio Murphy Romano that I couldn’t see straight.

And he was really, really pissing me off right now.

One, because he kept trying to leave my house, as well as me in general. And two, he had absolutely zero regard for his own damn life.

I was trying hard to keep him alive and as well as possible, and he was doing everything in his power to be a pain in the ass around every turn.

“You’re not going!” I yelled, throwing my hands up in defeat.

Murphy looked at me with narrowed eyes. “I want to go.”

I ground my teeth together, wishing he’d change his stinking mind, but knowing he wouldn’t.

“You’re not going to be able to hide the oxygen bottle,” I pointed out.

Something in which he’d tried and failed to do on multiple occasions now.

He continued to try to work, and he got to the point where he couldn’t interact with customers because he couldn’t go long without oxygen. Something in which he wanted his customers to not know seeing as he was a stubborn ass.

Murphy sighed. “I know.”

I tilted my head. “You’re ready for everybody to know?”

Murphy looked at his hands. The hands that were now fairly clean seeing as he was too exhausted to even work more than half a day.

Something he really wasn’t happy about.

Because he was bored.

He hated not working.

And today, I’d done what I should’ve done a week ago when he’d started going to half days at work.

I’d left Vlad with him.

Vlad who could now very much entertain himself.

Though, he absolutely adored having his best friend, Murphy, there to keep him entertained.

I would’ve thought that it would’ve upset me, seeing how in tune Murphy was with Vlad.

But it didn’t upset me.

In fact, it made me happy.

Because all any parent wanted was to see their children happy.

Though it galled to admit that I couldn’t give him that uninhibited happiness that Murphy could give him, it did make me happy to know that someone could.

“It’s time,” Murphy said softly.

I knew after the doctor’s appointment he had today that things were about to change.

Why?

Because, today, Dr. Battle had informed Murphy that he needed to start getting his affairs in order.

He’d seen the rate of decline in Murphy over the last six weeks just like I had, and things weren’t nearly as hopeful as they’d been when I’d first learned of what was going on with him.

I’d thought that we’d have time. That I could wait for the heart that I just knew would come his way one day.

Only, now I wasn’t nearly as optimistic.

I was, in fact, really, really upset.

Because I was now starting to see that I’d fallen for a man that had a death sentence hanging over his head. That one day, I’d wake up, and Murphy would no longer be here.

He wouldn’t be here to give me shit.

He wouldn’t be able to talk me through a problem.

He wouldn’t be here to make my kid smile.

He wouldn’t be here to put his hands on me.

He wouldn’t fucking be here.

And I would be…lost.

“What are you thinking about that has you so sad?”

I looked up into those beautiful eyes that I loved so much and said, “Are you going to be an organ donor?”

I don’t know why that particular thought had been hanging around in my head lately, but I couldn’t seem to dismiss it.

He frowned as he tugged the nasal cannula off of his face and dropped it to the bed.

I watched as he pulled a tight black t-shirt on over his bare upper body—an upper body that I still found insanely pleasing despite the seriousness of his illness—and then pause as he contemplated my question. “Actually, I didn’t really give it thought. I thought since I was dying of an illness that I couldn’t.”

“You can be dying of cancer and still donate your organs,” I told him, feeling my heart skip a beat.

He sat down on the bed, his breathing already labored and frowned. “Then, if I’m allowed, hell yes, I want to donate.”

That’s what I thought he’d say.

I didn’t like it.

The thought of him floating around out there in multiple people really made my heart ache.

But, though hypocritical, I couldn’t make myself stop the thoughts.

Him donating his organs meant that he was dead. And that wasn’t something that I could handle.

“What about your shop?” I asked. “What are you going to do with that?”

He pursed his lips as he reached for the oxygen he’d set aside, then fit it back into place.

“I hadn’t really thought about it, to be honest,” he admitted. “I mean…”

His eyes went distant. “I need to talk to the bakery guy next door and ask him if he can take over caring for the dogs.”

I felt sick to my stomach.

“Do you even know the ‘bakery guy’s’ name?” I teased, trying not to let on how hard this conversation was for me to have.

Vlad came crawling up to the bed and used Murphy’s pants leg to pull up on.

Murphy was momentarily distracted by my other guy, so I chose to go to the bathroom and compose myself.

Today when Guilia was here, she’d asked me to cover these things with Murphy. She’d tried to broach the questions herself, but she’d been too choked up to accomplish it.

After making sure that I wasn’t going to burst into tears, and that most of the knot in my stomach was sufficiently controlled, I made my way back out to the bedroom to see Vlad and Murphy sitting on the bed waiting for me.

“I’m telling my sister today,” I told him. “Before. Is that okay?”

I didn’t want to blindside her.

She knew that I had something going with Murphy, but she’d been so caught up in her own shit that she didn’t really have time to think about mine.

But I didn’t want to bombard her with the news of Murphy and me, and Murphy’s impending death, while out to eat with a bunch of people from the gym.

Which meant we needed to leave early so I could broach that subject with her beforehand.

Which also meant we’d need to head over to Taos’ house to do it.

“Sure,” Murphy stood up, taking my kid with him.

I immediately went to him and pulled Vlad into my arm.

A week ago, Murphy would’ve complained.

This week, he knew just as well as I did that he couldn’t carry Vlad any longer.

Vlad, always as non-understanding as possible, hollered his anger at being taken away from his best friend.

Murphy smiled at me tiredly, his eyes filled with sorrow.

Even as sick as he was, he hated that Vlad didn’t show me the same love as he got shown.

I crowded Murphy and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’m okay.”

He brought his big hand up and curled it around my jaw, running that big, callused thumb over my bottom lip before saying, “I need to go home today.”

I rolled my eyes and pulled away, hating the loss of his heat against my skin, but tired as hell of the same ol’ argument.

“You’re not leaving. Ever,” I ordered. “We have to stay at my house because yours is a death trap for Vlad. All those unfinished projects.” I paused. “You’re here for the duration.”

The duration meaning, upon his death.

Words that neither one of us said, but we were both thinking.

He shook his head sadly. “Baby, I have to go home.”

I was already shaking my head before he’d even finished his sentence. “Your mom agreed. She and I both think it’s best for you to be here. That old house of yours is too drafty. Plus, with her working now, one of us will always be able to get to my place, and you, better if you’re here and not there.”

That was kind of a stupid argument on our part. His place was about five minutes past mine. In the grand scheme of things, he really wasn’t all that much farther away. But five minutes, in my head, meant the difference between life and death. And his mother agreed.

“Come on,” he urged as he gestured for the door. “Let’s go.”

I didn’t want to go.

In fact, I was honestly kind of upset that I was having to share him for the evening.

It sucked bad enough to have to share Murphy’s time with his mother. I know, that was absolutely horrible for me to admit, but it still sucked, and I totally begrudged her the time.

Why?

Because she’d gotten more time with him than I had.

It was stupid and petty and I couldn’t stop myself from thinking it.

“Come on,” he repeated, catching my hand and giving me a small tug. “Let’s go, please.”

I reluctantly followed him out, listening as Vlad had a conversation with Murphy on the way outside.

The moment the front door was opened, I was practically slapped in the face with the cold.

I winced, thinking that I would rather stay in bed curled around Murphy with Vlad sleeping between us than go out.

But it was time.

We couldn’t keep hiding this.

Me, I couldn’t keep hiding how much I was in love with Murphy. And Murphy couldn’t hide that he was dying.

People at the gym loved Murphy. Hell, my sister loved Murphy.

People would want to know.

Vlad screamed at the cold, and I cursed and turned around, but Murphy stopped me. “I got his bag and his jacket.”

I sighed.

Sometimes, Murphy proved to be a better parent even though he wasn’t the actual parent.

I was such a loser.

“Thanks,” I sighed.

He winked at me as he opened the door to my already running van.

I hadn’t realized that he’d started it, but again, Murphy was two steps ahead of me.

Once we got Vlad in his car seat, and Murphy settled in the passenger seat with his oxygen mask and the bottle between his legs, we headed to Taos’ place.

“I’ve never actually been to his place,” Murphy admitted, breathing slightly labored.

I felt my heart pang hard before I said, “Why? I thought y’all were good friends?”

“Everyone is friendly up there,” Murphy admitted. “But it’s kind of like us doing something at the gym doesn’t really correlate with our outside-gym life. You know what I mean?”

“I do,” I confirmed. “There are a few ladies up there that I speak with only up there. I mean, we’re friends on social media, but that’s about all the interaction we have outside of the gym.”

“I have beers—or had before this got worse—” he pressed his hand against his heart. “With Taos, Madden and Jasper. Sometimes with Soren and Johan if they can manage to get the time off. But that’s only once in a blue moon. We’re already fuckin’ busy.”

That made a lot of sense, too.

Where Murphy was a mechanic, he was also practically working a second job to get his old house fixed up.

Then there was Jasper, who was an officer with Paris Police Department.

Taos owned half the gym with Madden. Taos was also a prolific horror novelist and a retired PPD detective. Whereas Madden still worked in the SWAT division for PPD.

Soren was an emergency room doctor, and Johan, Soren’s brother, was a child psychologist.

They were all really damn busy.

Murphy less so now that he just wasn’t physically capable of doing more.

The drive to my sister’s new place with Taos was quiet. Vlad, likely sensing the tenseness in the air, remained blissfully silent.

Murphy quietly hummed to the radio while his oxygen whirred in the overly quiet car.

When we arrived it was to find Taos on the front lawn with the hood of his car up, staring at it in confusion.

I felt a pang in my heart at knowing that soon, Murphy wouldn’t be here to fix it if things went wrong.

I closed my eyes after I put it in park and steeled my heart before getting out.

I got Vlad, much to Vlad’s dismay, and headed directly past Taos without saying a word to him.

But it didn’t matter. His eyes weren’t on me. They were on Murphy, slowly making his way to Taos with the oxygen bottle firmly in his hands.

I made it to the front door without breaking down, and then to the living room where I carefully sat Vlad on his behind in front of the already playing television.

Then went in search of my sister.

The moment I found her in front of the mirror putting mousse in her hair, I broke down, cried, and told her everything.

• • •

MURPHY

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Taos asked. “Is this why you aren’t coming to workout anymore?”

I carefully lifted the green oxygen bottle and rested it against the headers. “I’m dying.”

Taos rolled his eyes. “No, really. What did you do? Have something fall on you and you have a collapsed lung? Is this why my fiancée is going around whining because she can’t get ahold of her sister?”

I pressed my hand against my heart just before saying, “I’m sleeping with, and have fallen in love with Mavis.”

Taos blinked and barked out a laugh a half second later. “I thought you two hated each other’s guts?”

I grinned faintly. That grin all but disappeared off of my face as I said, “I didn’t want her to fall in love with me.”

Taos shifted so that his hip was leaning against his car, then he stared at me with confusion. “What?”

I sighed. “I’ve had cardiac problems since I was a child. Then, when I was seventeen, I suffered a heart attack from a dietary imbalance.”

Taos’ eyes widened.

“From then on, I had heart trauma that later turned into heart failure.” I paused. “I’m in stage four now. I’m on a donor list for a new one, but for the time being…I need this.”

Taos’ eyes went to the oxygen bottle I was patting, then back to my face. “Fuck.”

Fuck was right.

“I did some book research on getting on a donor list for a transplant. It’s not…” he hesitated.

“It’s not likely I’ll get one, correct,” he confirmed. “Most likely, I’ll die while still on it.”

Taos grumbled. “And you went and fell in love with her even though you were trying to make her hate you, so she’d stay away?”

I didn’t say anything to that, but the burn in my heart might as well have been enough.

I’d gone and done the unthinkable. I’d made her fall in love with me. And I was leaving her shortly.

I knew it. She knew it.

Everybody would soon know it.

“Dammit, man.” Taos paused. “I’m really fuckin sorry to hear that. Does everyone else know?”

I leaned against the truck feeling my breaths come faster and faster just from the simple exertion of holding myself in a standing position.

“I’m going to tell them tonight.” I shrugged.

The front door slammed, and I looked to it to see Fran coming out with Vlad on her hip.

She took one look at me, and I knew she knew.

“Where’s Mavis?” I asked quietly.

Fran cleared her throat. “She’s in the bathroom getting cleaned up.”

I closed my eyes and felt a wave of something fierce hit me.

“This is why I should’ve stayed away,” I admitted. “I wish I’d never come back.”

Fran sucked in a breath at my words. “You would take away some of the happiest days I’ve ever seen Mavis experience because you’re upset that she’s going to be heart-broken?”

I didn’t know what to reply to that, so I just didn’t.

“Let me tell you something about my sister,” Fran came closer.

Of course, the little boy in her arms immediately leaned over for me, but I knew with me standing and holding him, my exertion level would go up, and it would tire me out quicker. And with a full night ahead of me, I needed to reserve my strength.

What little of it remained, that is.

“Can you keep him?” I asked Fran, lifting my hand to catch Vlad’s with my own.

He settled for the handholding despite wanting more.

He always did.

“Yes,” she whispered.

She sounded pissed, and I grinned. “You Pope women and your anger.” I shook my head.

“Us Pope women don’t leave when the going gets tough,” Fran snapped back.

I felt a piercing sensation in the vicinity of my heart, and I didn’t know whether it was real or imagined because of the blows I kept taking when it came to Mavis Pope.

“Do you honestly feel that I should’ve done this?” I asked honestly. “Because, the more I see her break down, the more I realize that I’m a stupid, selfish son of a bitch.”

Fran snorted. “You are if you want to deprive her of this. Do you honestly think that Mavis has ever chosen the easier road?” She hitched Vlad up higher on her hip, and Vlad’s hand slipped from mine. He reached forward and caught mine up again in response. I studied Vlad’s fingernails as Fran continued giving me a dressing down. “The day that you were kicked out of our property was the day that Mavis started to really hate our grandmother.”

I didn’t know what to say to that.

“She looked for you,” Fran continued. “But everywhere she looked, she could never find you. She paid private investigators to look for you. I finally convinced her to stop when she was entering school to become a nurse anesthetist. Do you know how many thousands and thousands of dollars that she lost because of that?”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Then you come back and treat her like utter shit.” Fran shook her head. “She’s been dealing with people treating her like shit since she was young. Do you know what it’s like to buck the system? Because Mavis does. She spent her entire youth trying to find better ways to spend the money that she was given in her trust fund. She fed homeless. She clothed orphans. She bought out Angel Trees every Christmas. Honest to God, she did everything she could to spend her money wisely. Then, when she actually needed it when she became pregnant with Vlad, my grandmother took it away from her. She wasn’t working at that time. She was going to school full-time. She hated working there because of me, so she’d quit. Then, a few weeks after finding out about Vlad, and my grandmother all but banishing her, she has to go eat crow and beg for her job back.”

The pain in my chest grew.

I rubbed my chest as a feeling of dread started to take root in my heart.

I didn’t think these pains were my imagination.

But I didn’t want this night to end so soon.

I wanted more time with Mavis.

“Then she found you. And even with you treating her like crap, I’ve never seen her so alive.” Fran paused. “The day that you delivered Vlad, she told me that she thought she was going to die on the side of the road. That she thought she was going to have that baby, and then die. And then I’d have to find her body when I finally came looking for her. But you showed up and saved the day,” she continued.

A sound like a wounded animal left my throat.

“Each day since you delivered Vlad, I’ve had a sister I didn’t realize that I was missing,” she pressed. “Don’t take this away from her. Even if you’re leaving her eventually, give her the choice to be whole for just a little while longer while you’re here.”

I cleared my throat, and the pains in my chest finally subsided.

I blew out a breath. “I can’t leave, even if I’d wanted to. I don’t have the strength or the courage to leave this Earth anymore without her by my side. I love her.”

Fran smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Then go get her so we can go eat. And we’ll tell our friends what’s going on, since I assume that’s what you’re doing tonight.”

My lips turned up into a half smile. “That’s what I’m doing.”

Fran nodded once, then caught Vlad’s hand. “You can make it up the stairs?”

I dropped my arm to the bottle of oxygen and nodded. “Not dead quite yet.”

With that parting comment, I headed into the house looking for the woman I didn’t know had become such a big part of my life.

A woman that I knew would be broken when I was gone.

I heard the sniffling before I arrived at the door to the bathroom.

I’d never been in Taos’ house before, but it was a simple design plan.

That, and the quiet crying coming from the woman that was slowly breaking what remained good in my heart helped lead the way.

I found her in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, with her face in her hands.

I moved forward until I was standing in front of her, and then caught a lock of hair between my two large fingers and twirled it around them.

She looked up with her swollen eyes and her heart-wrenching tears and stared at me.

“I don’t want you to cry,” I told her.